The Comedy Goldmine(ONLY FUNNY ATLAS POSTS ALLOWED, NO BRTD ALLOWED)

[platypeanArchcow]

I've recently started a new job at a fresh fish and fish and chiop shop. I applied to about 30 places and the only one that'd hire me and give me reasonable hours was this one, because the only other job i've had of reasonable length was at a...fish and chip shop

This explains everything, I figured it couldn't be because of something else...

Think about this one.

Are you implying that Hugh is a fish with multiple lives?  This is the only alternate explanation I can offer.  Unless Australia is a potato.

[bullmoose88]

well to destroy the really subtle nature of my joke, the thread title of that whole thing is key...

[platypeanArchcow]

well to destroy the really subtle nature of my joke, the thread title of that whole thing is key...

OHHHH dammit I suck. *blinks at correlation not implying causation*

[I spent the winter writing songs about getting better]

Hillary Clinton's Republican challenger is getting personal and it's not pretty: He says the senator used to be ugly - and speculates she got "millions of dollars" in plastic surgery.

I didn't know that Dazzleman was running for Senate in New York...

[I spent the winter writing songs about getting better]

One day a father and his son and the son's best friend were fishing in the ocean. A bad storm popped out of no where and threw both the kids out of the boat. Both kids didn't know how to swim. Instead of saying his son the man saved his son's best friend.  Many years down the road the son's best friend went to the man and asked him why didn't he say his son and let him die. The man told him this.. " I knew my son was saved and if he died he would go to heaven, but I didn't know if you were saved or not and I didn't want you to die and go to Hell." Once the boy heard this he looked a little glazed for a minute, before slowly backing away and later calling the police.

I've edited the story slightly to suit the much more realistic consequences.

[I spent the winter writing songs about getting better]

This certainly isn't the funniest thing ever, but it did make me laugh:

3 tossups (MO, TN, VA)
5 leans (AZ, MD, MT, NZ, RI)

The New Zealand Senate seat is up this year?

[Max Power]

This certainly isn't the funniest thing ever, but it did make me laugh:

3 tossups (MO, TN, VA)
5 leans (AZ, MD, MT, NZ, RI)

The New Zealand Senate seat is up this year?

It made me laugh too.

[Undisguised Sockpuppet]

Doesn't getting shot hurt too?

probably it does, but probably not as much as being shaved, declawed, overdosed with cocaine, coated with vaseline, stuck in a freezer for about 60 seconds, then shoved into a one-inch piece of PVC pipe and having a lighter struck behind your ass.  So you scurry down the pipe only to end up dying in the rectum of some attention-starved freak after his cheeks slam shut behind you when the pipe is swiftly pulled from the anus.  What a horrible way to go.

anyway, I voted no.  Not that I've ever hunted.  Or clubbed.  Or even felched, for that matter.  It's just that I don't think that's the appropriate business of government.

"...that government of the gerbils, by the gerbils, for the gerbils, shall not perish from the earth..."
        --Abe Lincoln

Um, somehow I think that's a misquote.  Government exists for one aminal.  Namely, the most highly evolved one.  Those others can make laws once they evolve the ability to write them.

Read the description of gerbilling

[I spent the winter writing songs about getting better]

Both a good guys, but Dibble is closer to me ideologically.

You think a vicious, hatefilled, homophobic/closeted, intolerant theocrat is a 'good guy'?  What are you, a religious?

I'm not sure why really, but this made me laugh.

[Gabu]

Both a good guys, but Dibble is closer to me ideologically.

You think a vicious, hatefilled, homophobic/closeted, intolerant theocrat is a 'good guy'?  What are you, a religious?

I'm not sure why really, but this made me laugh.

I have a feeling it's because opebo said it.

[bullmoose88]

Both a good guys, but Dibble is closer to me ideologically.

You think a vicious, hatefilled, homophobic/closeted, intolerant theocrat is a 'good guy'?  What are you, a religious?

I'm not sure why really, but this made me laugh.

I have a feeling it's because opebo said it.

You're smarter than you look :-p

[I spent the winter writing songs about getting better]

Both a good guys, but Dibble is closer to me ideologically.

You think a vicious, hatefilled, homophobic/closeted, intolerant theocrat is a 'good guy'?  What are you, a religious?

I'm not sure why really, but this made me laugh.

I have a feeling it's because opebo said it.

To be fair, it's probably true, I tend to see things as more funny if there's a red Missouri next to it.

[MaC]

Both a good guys, but Dibble is closer to me ideologically.

You think a vicious, hatefilled, homophobic/closeted, intolerant theocrat is a 'good guy'?  What are you, a religious?

I'm not sure why really, but this made me laugh.

I have a feeling it's because opebo said it.

To be fair, it's probably true, I tend to see things as more funny if there's a red Missouri next to it.

You should think jamespol and RRB are a riot then

[MaC]

It's Opebo, why would you respond to him when he won't listen to anything you say? It's like talking to a wall.

People talk to their plants . . . some people talk to their cars . . . I talk to Opie. 

[WMS]

I think that has more to do with NJ being mostly suburban.

Thinking is not your forte. Try specializing in something else.

I can always rely on bullmoose.

[Michael Z]

In 1992, Clinton is caught having consensual gay sex with George H. W. Bush a week before election day, so Perot wins in a landslide.  Then both the Democrats and Republicans forget that there's a presidential election in 1996, so Perot wins again.  Stockdale then accidentally jumps off a bridge in 1997, so he's replaced by Pat Choate because Perot thought Pat had a funny name and thought that it would be cool to have him as VP for that reason so he could laugh like a little schoolgirl every time Pat was in the newspaper.

In the 2000 Democratic Primary, Howard Dean does his scream but then he follows it up by murdering every other candidate, so he gets nominated.  He then convinces Russ Feingold to be his VP because he'd murder him too if he didn't do it.  The fact that he murdered a bunch of Democrats gives him massive crossover appeal and he wins the presidential election by a wide margin.  At his inauguration, Newt Gingrich is reported to say "screw this" and disbands the Republican Party in despair.  Leftover Republicans join the Reform Party as an alternative.  They nominate Jesse Ventura in 2004 because he's all like "I'm cool" and then he picks McCain as his running mate in order to actually have someone competent to maybe pick up some slack if the fact that he's cool wasn't enough.  He wins against Howard Dean in a landslide because Howard Dean forgot to murder some more Democrats to regain his crossover appeal.

THE END

[Michael Z]

Fezzy is a lucky guy...Rin-Chan is one sexy gal!

it wouldn't be a true atlas thread without naso creeping it up.

[Gabu]

Apologies to Walter, but this made me laugh:

Oh no, only 24 points now. Healey has the BigMo, and will tie up this race by early 2008.

[Keystone Phil]

Its taken you this long to realize that?

What was that Max, your mother's bra was over the computer screen.

[Filuwaúrdjan]

Not really funny as such... but apparent evidence of someone seeking to become a sad self-parody...

Hollywood is mostly made up of Jews.

[KEmperor]

jfern is exactly the type of person we need more of to get our country back on the right track.

[WMS]

If Bob Casey Jr isn't the right kind of Democrat for Zell Miller, who the hell is?

John Breckenridge. Obviously.

[Rob]

KIDDIE PORN AUTHOR PULLS UPSET
DEMOCRATS ECSTATIC

Great headline!

[dazzleman]

I just came across this and it struck me as hilarious.  I've deleted the names.

You must be logged in to read this quote.

[Undisguised Sockpuppet]

jfern is exactly the type of person we need more of to get our country back on the right track.

Agree 100%. The types like JFraud only serve to hasten the day when the hard boys come out. The day when my views towards internal security/terrorism are lumped as "moderate".