The Comedy Goldmine(ONLY FUNNY ATLAS POSTS ALLOWED, NO BRTD ALLOWED)

[Joe Republic]

See, I've never been in a situation where a woman's walked up to me and said, "Hey baby, I got some clam chowder, do you want a taste?" Because, I'm not a fan of clam chowder.

[Filuwaúrdjan]

Bono's reaction the the re-formation of the UAC:

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Begone, ye demon of the void. BEGONE!

THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELLS YOU! THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELLS YOU! THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELLS YOU!

[Michael Z]

IMO, probably the best response to 9/11 would have been to nuke the capitals of Syria, Iraq, Iran, Afghanistan, and Pakistan.  And invade and annex Saudi Arabia.

And set whatever ratio of Muslims killed vs the 3000 Americans killed on 9/11 (probably 10,000:1 if 30 million Muslims were killed by nukes) as the price to be paid for every American killed by a Muslim terrorist.

[Keystone Phil]

See, I've never been in a situation where a woman's walked up to me and said, "Hey baby, I got some clam chowder, do you want a taste?" Because, I'm not a fan of clam chowder.

He uses that one a lot in Teamspeak and I crack up everytime.

[Joe Republic]

Atkins would turn the nation into the food equivalent of Iran or North Korea.  We'd see:
1. All carbohydrates would require the same handling as plutonium.
2. If a bread truck is involved in a collision, the whole town would have to be evacuated, and the emergency responders would have to wear radiation suits to clean up the mess.
3. If the cops pull you over and find bread in your vehicle, you'll be led away in handcuffs.
4. All wheatfields, cornfields, apple orchards, and orange orchards would be bombed into oblivion.
5. Pop star Mandy Moore would be considered a terrorist for singing a song called "Candy".
6. Cops would pull you over for doing 300 in a 20 zone. (I'm referring to grams of carbohydrates in a day.)
7. Consuming cereal, toast, and orange juice for breakfast would replace bungee jumping as an extreme sport.
8. Giving candy to trick-or-treaters would be a felony.
9. "America's Most Wanted" would replace the terrorists, mass murderers, and other killers with the CEOs of the companies that manufacture cookies, crackers, snacks, fruit juice, candy, and other foods rich in carbohydrates.
10. In the Bond movie "Live and Let Die", the crazy Louisiana sheriff would have said, "You picked the wrong bread aisle to haul asss through, boy. Nobody cuts and runs on Sheriff J. W. Atkins!"
11. In the Bond movie "The Man With The Golden Gun", the crazy Louisiana sheriff would have shouted out, "Sheriff J. W. Atkins, Louisiana Diet PO-LICE!"

[Tender Branson]

On the question of the next military conflict:

Brazil and Argentina don't like eachother, but they're quite economically linked, so unlikely. Maybe everyone vs. Paraguay. Nobody likes Paraguay.

Reminds me of this boy in school. Nobody likes him, therefore we k**k his a** !!!!

[Platypus]

On the question of the next military conflict:

Brazil and Argentina don't like eachother, but they're quite economically linked, so unlikely. Maybe everyone vs. Paraguay. Nobody likes Paraguay.

Reminds me of this boy in school. Nobody likes him, therefore we k**k his a** !!!!

That's the first time in months i've been quoted here, and with one of my weaker efforts. Thank you Roli, this could be the start of something special. Maybe some kind of hero-worship cult thingie.

[○∙◄☻¥tπ[╪AV┼cVê└]

healey is going to win.

i know it looks bad now.  and i concede that patrick is ahead, but not nearly as much as this poll would indicate.

[WalterMitty]

healey is going to win.

i know it looks bad now.  and i concede that patrick is ahead, but not nearly as much as this poll would indicate.

that may be funny to you.

but you suggesting that angelides would be a good presidential candidate in 2012 or 16 was pretty damn humorous to me.

[Joe Republic]

jfern = pwned.



Oh, and while I'm here:

You're much hotter, Rin-Chan.

That's coming from a redheaded Italian Republican

Have you notified the people in the neighbourhood you moved to, as the law requires?

[YRABNNRM]

jfern = pwned.



Oh, and while I'm here:

You're much hotter, Rin-Chan.

That's coming from a redheaded Italian Republican

Have you notified the people in the neighbourhood you moved to, as the law requires?

You left out the best part....Naso's picture....

[YRABNNRM]

Last night or about a month ago, depending on your definition.

Uh, okay...

What about you? And I mean without Viagra.

Stop being so hard on him.

[MaC]

I find it amusing to be called 'ignorant' by a simpleton who swallows everything fed him by his betters.  Keep up the good work, Dibble, you're every owner's dream.

And I find it amusing to be called a simpleton by someone who rejects logic, reason, rational analysis, and even science when it's inconvenient to his viewpoints, so we're even. Have a nice day.

[Tender Branson]

And you aren't a real poster.

And you're an asshole, along with the fact that you are a fake communist.

[True Federalist (진정한 연방 주의자)]

Good lord. Counseling!? The guy likes to see naked women, that doesn't require counseling. It's a shame that America is this uptight about crap like this.

It's not that he was looking at naked women, so much as he was so obsessed with looking at naked women when he should have been doing his job.

Oh please, when else is one going to look at naked women?  There is a lot of free time at the typical upper-level job like being a judge - it isn't like entry level work where one actually has to work constantly.

It is absurd that people not be allowed to view porn at work.

[Platypus]

Fun fact...

Did you guys know that driving kills you as well?

Driving doesn't make your hair and clothes stink, or ruin your complexion.

My car does.

[YRABNNRM]

He made me discover Jesus, and also convinced me about the 'Holocaust = fake' thing.

[Michael Z]

Laura Bush/Lynne Cheney v Hillary Clinton/Tipper Gore

Discuss with maps...

HC 3 EV
LB 0 EV
Write in: NOTA/SOS 535 EV

[MODU]

America is not a fascist country, except for the certain parts of Kentucky where they talk about something called "New America."  Most of us just assume these people are in-bred, poorly educated hicks who were shaving in the 4th grade, but rumor has it they might be dangerous if provoked by bushes.

[Sam Spade]

America is not a fascist country, except for the certain parts of Kentucky where they talk about something called "New America."  Most of us just assume these people are in-bred, poorly educated hicks who were shaving in the 4th grade, but rumor has it they might be dangerous if provoked by bushes.

I spent a decent amount of time on that post; I hoped it would get noticed. 

[YRABNNRM]

What's so sad is that will probably end up happening. Naso 2028!

My appendix could run for Governor of Ohio and, without even campaigning, beat your father in the election.

Don't get personal, Phil.

[ATFFL]

The new Zogby poll puts Menendez up 5, IIRC. That said, it's a Zogby Interactive poll...

From NJ I see and a newbie,

Kean or Menendez?

The sheer bluntness of it gave me a chuckle.

[I spent the winter writing songs about getting better]

I think his senate career is over, but I could see him finding an important  niche.

Maybe Vice President of The Club For Growth?

I predict he will be elected Mayor of Penn Hills as the candidate of the Pennsylvania for Santorum Party.

[Alcon]

! DANGER !

I would like to thank those who are posting things because they are "ridiculous" or "so wrong" for stopping this.  I know these people (or, rather, the one person and their dozen or so deleted posts) will pay attention to the wrathful moderator this time and live a happy life without their home address and phone number posted to alt.fans.ricky-martin.orthodox-jewish-transvestites.

Thank you.

[Undisguised Sockpuppet]

! DANGER !

I would like to thank those who are posting things because they are "ridiculous" or "so wrong" for stopping this.  I know these people (or, rather, the one person and their dozen or so deleted posts) will pay attention to the wrathful moderator this time and live a happy life without their home address and phone number posted to alt.fans.ricky-martin.orthodox-jewish-transvestites.

Thank you.

Is that a real newsgroup? And if so WHY do you know about it?