The Comedy Goldmine(ONLY FUNNY ATLAS POSTS ALLOWED, NO BRTD ALLOWED)

[Filuwaúrdjan]

I hope this puts to the rest the rumors from a few months ago that I was PBrunsel

People thought you were PBrunsel?

On behalf of everyone, I apologize to PBrunsel for such an insult.

[© tweed]

Pittsburgh? PITTSBURGH?


fine.


*does quick edit*

We made it Pittsburgh when salty was running to slap him in the face.  Now we're just stuck in a polluted cole mine.

[YRABNNRM]

Pittsburgh? PITTSBURGH?


fine.


*does quick edit*

We made it Pittsburgh when salty was running to slap him in the face.  Now we're just stuck in a polluted cole mine.

UHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

[Michael Z]

What is this about?

Phil has apparently become the crazy guy who shouts at cars downtown about End of Days.

That position is already filled by jmfcst, remember?

No, jmfsct is the crazy guy who shouts at cows in rural areas about the End of Times.  He's too scared to go downtown.

[Joe Republic]

[YRABNNRM]

I think my next milestone is 2500 and I have still never changed my opinions

...

[Best campaign so far]:

1. Tom Kean Jr. (R-NJ)
In a Democratic year (or so says the "experts") Kean has lead the last six polls and is gaining momentum in a blue state.  He has exposed numerous Menendez corruption scandals, tied him to Corzine, and has distanced himself from Bush quite well.

[Which major candidate would make the best Senator?]

Best:
Kean

Tom Kean Jr. is the first non-Doug Forrester statewide candidate since the 2002 debacle.  All these reason point to a Kean win in 06' and a NJ pickup in 2008.

I would like to prove to me that Tom Kean Jr is "dumber than a box of rocks", of course you will not be able to and my point will be proven

Yes, but Tom Kean Jr. is one of my favorite politicians in the country and the whole home town thing makes me support him

While working the Republican booth at my town's Labor Day fair, I got the chance to meet Tom Kean Jr.  I have met many politicians at this fair, and I noticed a lot of differences between him and other ones I have met:

1.) First, the man looks like he is about 21 years old
2.) He is very soft-spoken, Teddy Roosevelt-esque
3.) He isn't interetsed in getting up and making a huge speech, he just wanted to meet every voter he could and shake their hands
4.) The guy must get very hungry because the Republicans were selling burgers, and he bought three from me!!! (Not that that's important)

I don't see how anyone could object to this guy, maybe due to blind partisanship like Menendez more, but he is a good guy.  There are many other politicians I rather be friends with.

The Republicans win this seat because Tom Kean Jr. is a squeaky clean great candidate and Bob Menendez is corrupt party-boss scumbag.

.......

CHRIS CHRISTIE 2008!!!

If you pick dumbass (Tom Kean Jr.) again, I don't know what to say especially when better more intelligent candidates like Christie and John Murphy are avail

Chris Christie... has more experience than Tom Kean Jr. and more intelligence in his left pinky.

The election came down to the fact you had to choose between an intelligent but evil person, or a well-meaning yet moronic person.

The Dems are corrupt and have no aspiring candidates, but we ran that buffoon Kean, maybe Cristie will finally be the one.

But this is my new statement:
If Tom Kean Jr. is the 2008 nominee, he will be smashed

[Filuwaúrdjan]

Someone likes decapitations, eh?

[Keystone Phil]

Someone likes decapitations, eh?

Judging by the Hagel and Pataki expressions, eh, no.

[DownWithTheLeft]

A response to what Christmas deocrations you'll put up:

I'm putting a picture of Mohammed in my front window.

[Keystone Phil]

Wow, this loon took tax law and hated it, but did it because her husband told her to.  IIRC, she didn't even have an Accounting/Finance background either.  Wow.  Geez, if her husband told her to take it in the rear without K-Y, will she say "Well, I know it will hurt like hell and I might bleed, but if it will please my husband, the Lord will want me to do it."

His analysis of this scenario is amazing.

[Swing low, sweet chariot. Comin' for to carry me home.]

What is this about?

Phil has apparently become the crazy guy who shouts at cars downtown about End of Days.

That position is already filled by jmfcst, remember?

No, jmfsct is the crazy guy who shouts at cows in rural areas about the End of Times.  He's too scared to go downtown.

Too scared?! 

Now that is an idiotic comment considering I spent my first 22 years of life in a neighborhood (around Jones High School in Houston) that most people would be too scared even to drive through. 

But, if any of you are feeling brave, come to Houston and drop me a line. 

I’ll take you on a multi-hour walk through where I grew up.  After we tour the South Park area of town, we’ll take a 15 minute drive to the Austin High School area where we’ll take a stroll around Macario Garcia, Navigation, and 75th.

Then you’ll have enough firsthand knowledge so that you can come back to this forum and talk intelligently and respectfully about who is and who is not "scared".

[Keystone Phil]

What can I say? I was full of piss and vinegar...this song popped in my head...I put on my blazer...and danced like the 1940's.

Did people dance alone in the 1940's? Hmmm...

I did it purposely to make someone laugh. When I show these to family/friends, they piss themselves (in some cases, literally).

[Joe Republic]

What is this about?

Phil has apparently become the crazy guy who shouts at cars downtown about End of Days.

That position is already filled by jmfcst, remember?

No, jmfsct is the crazy guy who shouts at cows in rural areas about the End of Times.  He's too scared to go downtown.

Too scared?! 

Now that is an idiotic comment considering I spent my first 22 years of life in a neighborhood (around Jones High School in Houston) that most people would be too scared even to drive through. 

But, if any of you are feeling brave, come to Houston and drop me a line. 

I’ll take you on a multi-hour walk through where I grew up.  After we tour the South Park area of town, we’ll take a 15 minute drive to the Austin High School area where we’ll take a stroll around Macario Garcia, Navigation, and 75th.

Then you’ll have enough firsthand knowledge so that you can come back to this forum and talk intelligently and respectfully about who is and who is not "scared".

Oh for fuck's sake, stop taking everything and yourself so goddamn seriously.  If you were any kind of normal, you'd be able to take that post on the chin as a joke and just move on.

[Gabu]

Too scared?! 

Now that is an idiotic comment considering I spent my first 22 years of life in a neighborhood (around Jones High School in Houston) that most people would be too scared even to drive through. 

But, if any of you are feeling brave, come to Houston and drop me a line. 

I’ll take you on a multi-hour walk through where I grew up.  After we tour the South Park area of town, we’ll take a 15 minute drive to the Austin High School area where we’ll take a stroll around Macario Garcia, Navigation, and 75th.

Then you’ll have enough firsthand knowledge so that you can come back to this forum and talk intelligently and respectfully about who is and who is not "scared".

Sorry, you're still too scared.

Why?

Because saying so will make you post another three paragraphs to refute an unserious comment.

[I spent the winter writing songs about getting better]

EU: "Your elections aren't democratic enough."
Belarus: "Hmm... what kind of numbers were you expecting?"
EU: "Oh you know, realistic ones."
Belarus: "Oh.  Ok, well how about be make up some new ones?"
EU: "Uh... no.  No.  Y'see... no.  Ok, here's how it works.  People go to the polls...
Belarus: "... Da..."
EU: "... and they cast a vote for who they want to be president..."
Belarus: "... Da..."
EU: "... and then whoever has the most votes wins."
Belarus: "....."
EU: "Got it?"
Belarus: "No speak English."

[Sam Spade]

Too scared?! 

Now that is an idiotic comment considering I spent my first 22 years of life in a neighborhood (around Jones High School in Houston) that most people would be too scared even to drive through. 

But, if any of you are feeling brave, come to Houston and drop me a line. 

I’ll take you on a multi-hour walk through where I grew up.  After we tour the South Park area of town, we’ll take a 15 minute drive to the Austin High School area where we’ll take a stroll around Macario Garcia, Navigation, and 75th.

Then you’ll have enough firsthand knowledge so that you can come back to this forum and talk intelligently and respectfully about who is and who is not "scared".

My father went to high school at Austin (after middle school at Edison).  Of course, that whole area was much different back then (would have been mid-1950s or so), mainly working-class Polish/Czech and Greeks, with some Hispanics, of course, who came to dominate the area in the 1970s and 1980s.

My family still resides east of that area inside the loop (in one of the nice neighborhoods, Mexican River Oaks as we would call it), but the whole Austin High School area has really improved a whole lot over the last 5-7 years since Eastwood has made a comeback and started to attract white Heights people who don't want to pay those prices.  I actually like East End, the Hispanics who generally inhabit it, and have been in the general parts often.

On the other hand, the Jones High School area is rough, black, and classic Houston green ghetto and has been for quite a while.  Of course, if you resided in that area pre-1970 or resided south of Sims Bayou (I know the neighborhood, but forget the name, it's a nice area) there's no way you were in a real rough area.  But if not, you were in a classic Houston hood.  Still doesn't beat my experiences in 5th Ward, though. 

[Swing low, sweet chariot. Comin' for to carry me home.]

My family still resides east of that area inside the loop (in one of the nice neighborhoods, Mexican River Oaks as we would call it), but the whole Austin High School area has really improved a whole lot over the last 5-7 years since Eastwood has made a comeback and started to attract white Heights people who don't want to pay those prices.  I actually like East End, the Hispanics who generally inhabit it, and have been in the general parts often.

Eastwood (just east of i-45) is worlds away from Navigation and 75th (adjacent to the docks of the Houston Ship Channel).  The neighborhoods around the docks have been very dangerous for the past 50 years.

---

On the other hand, the Jones High School area is rough, black, and classic Houston green ghetto and has been for quite a while.  Of course, if you resided in that area pre-1970 or resided south of Sims Bayou (I know the neighborhood, but forget the name, it's a nice area) there's no way you were in a real rough area.  But if not, you were in a classic Houston hood. 

I lived north of Jones High School in the neighborhood sandwiched by Pershing and Doolittle on Forrestal.  I was born in 1967 and left home at the age of 22 in April 1990. So I missed the era when it was a clean middle class neighborhood.

---

Still doesn't beat my experiences in 5th Ward, though. 

Yeah, the area around Wheatly High School was tough, but I'd rather break-down in a Black ward any day of the week and twice on Sunday before I would want to be stranded in the Hispanic ghetto of Navigation and 75th where you will find many people standing on the street corners sniffing paint out of Coke cans while waiting to stab anyone that walked by.

That's why I offered the forum members a walk through around Jones, followed by a walk through Navigation.  They would go from being scared of the sights around Jones to actually experiencing real fear around Navigation and 75th.

I always found the people of the black wards rational.  Not so around Navigation where rational behavior is nowhere to be found.   

I have a good friend who is one of the helicopter pilots for the Houston Police.  I told him how my friends and I used to take pop-shots at the police and life-flight helicopters flying overhead.  He said they never fly below 1000 feet over the Navigation and 75th area for fear of being shot down.

[Swing low, sweet chariot. Comin' for to carry me home.]

Oh for fuck's sake, stop taking everything and yourself so goddamn seriously.  If you were any kind of normal, you'd be able to take that post on the chin as a joke and just move on.

Oh, not taking it too serious at all.  I would enjoy a stroll down memory lane, so the offer still stands.

[Gabu]

2008: The Republicans win the third election in a row against ultra-liberal Hillary Clinton.  The Blue Dogs claim that Hillary was too liberal, the anti-war crowd claims that she did not oppose the war vigorously and pandered too much.  The party splinters.  There is now the Blue Dog Party, the Red Dog Party, and the Republicans.

2012: Lou Dobbs, hero of the Blue Dog Party, is elected President in a landslide.  The Republicans are bitterly divided over what to do about this stunning loss.  One group claims they were not "compassionate" enough.  The other says that they failed to bring about the limited government and conservative ideals like those of Goldwater and Reagan that they were elected under.  The party splits into two parties, the Compassionate Party and the Poor-Hater party.

There are now four political parties.

2016: Lou Dobbs retires after only one term to spend time with his books.  Lost without his leadership, the Blue Dog Party loses in a stunning defeat to the Poor-Hater party, led by Aaron Russo, who is just as well-liked and respected as Dobbs was. 
The Blue Dog party, puzzled over their election loss, bitterly divides into two parties.  One group says they were too pro-government.  The Tiny Blue Dog Party (for small government) forms, as well as the Big Blue Dog Party (for big government intervention).

There are now (5) five political (5) parties

2020: The socialist Red Dog Party wins their first election after a bloody revolution against President Russo.  Their candidate for President is Bernie Sanders.
The Poor-Hater party splits into two groups.  One group keeps hating poor people.  Another group decides to hate the poor less.  This party becomes the Poor-Tolerator party.

There are now six political parties.

2024: Against the excesses of President Sanders, the Tiny Blue Dog Party, led by Wyatt Chesney, wins the Presidency.  He promises government intervention to solve the problems of America, but smaller.
Angered by their defeat, the Red Dog Party splits into two groups.  One group wants a communist regime to ensure their continued power.  They form the Blood Red Dog Party.

There are now seven political parties.

2028: The Big Blue Dog party WINS their first election.  They are led by Wyatt Chesney's evil twin Johnny who wants to kill his own brother.=r=  The Big Blue Dogs are authoritarian big government types who eat you and take your money.
The Little Blue Dog, astonished by their defeat, splits into two groups.  One wants a slighter bigger government intervention, one wants much less government intervention.  The Medium-Sized Dog Party and the Chihuhua Party form.

There are now eight political parties.

2032: With huge support from Hispanics, the Chihuhua party wins, and elect Bill Richardson President of the USA.   However, the Chihuhua party faces opposition from the Medium-Sized Dog Party and nearly everyone else, who claims that the party is a plot from Mexico to take over the United States' land in revenge for the Mexican War.  President Richardson is impeached and removed from office.  His vice president loses in a landslide to . . .

2036: The Poor-Hater party comes into office.  This is a realigning election, because no one cares about the poor anymore.  They face a nasty future................................................................................

unless, Lou Dobbs is rebuilt . . . AS A CYBORG .

RoboDObbs '40

I thought this was your typical "durr the parties splinter when they lose and America will be forever freed from the two-party stranglehold" post until I read further.

[Filuwaúrdjan]

Call me crazy but....

I have.  Repeatedly.

[I spent the winter writing songs about getting better]

before I click, what's on it?

It's not Porno, Mr. I must protect myself from Human sexuality until age 45.

Thank you Dr. Ruth

Well there you go, you finally know that I am an 85-year old Jewish dwarf lady who likes to say the word Penis.

[Keystone Phil]

opebo's response in the PBrunsel's return thread. I guess this is what he thought when everyone called him PB...

Welcome back, Peanut Butter.

...and for some reason, that cracks me up.

[Sam Spade]

Yeah, the area around Wheatly High School was tough, but I'd rather break-down in a Black ward any day of the week and twice on Sunday before I would want to be stranded in the Hispanic ghetto of Navigation and 75th where you will find many people standing on the street corners sniffing paint out of Coke cans while waiting to stab anyone that walked by.

That's why I offered the forum members a walk through around Jones, followed by a walk through Navigation.  They would go from being scared of the sights around Jones to actually experiencing real fear around Navigation and 75th.

I always found the people of the black wards rational.  Not so around Navigation where rational behavior is nowhere to be found.   

I have a good friend who is one of the helicopter pilots for the Houston Police.  I told him how my friends and I used to take pop-shots at the police and life-flight helicopters flying overhead.  He said they never fly below 1000 feet over the Navigation and 75th area for fear of being shot down.

Strangely enough, I always found the area around Navigation and 75th to be much easier to handle (maybe because I was there almost every day for a few months a couple of years ago) and because I grew up in the barrio, generally.  Whereas, the black areas made me nervous.

You are correct though, the further you go up 75th from Harrisburg generally, the worse it gets.

[Swing low, sweet chariot. Comin' for to carry me home.]

Strangely enough, I always found the area around Navigation and 75th to be much easier to handle (maybe because I was there almost every day for a few months a couple of years ago) and because I grew up in the barrio, generally.  Whereas, the black areas made me nervous.

Are you hispanic?  I lived in the black hood, but hung out around the  Austin area.  Most of my friends were hispanic, but for a white boy like me, I watched my back much more in the barrio than in my own hood.  I never really felt the need to watch my back around my hood...but maybe that is because, in contrast, I was usually up to no-good when I was in the barrio.  The barrio wasn't too friendly when I was being chased on foot by the police, but what neighborhood would be?   

[Sam Spade]

Strangely enough, I always found the area around Navigation and 75th to be much easier to handle (maybe because I was there almost every day for a few months a couple of years ago) and because I grew up in the barrio, generally.  Whereas, the black areas made me nervous.

Are you hispanic?  I lived in the black hood, but hung out around the Milby and Austin area.  Most of my friends were hispanic, but for a white boy like me, I watched my back much more in the barrio than in my own hood.  I never really felt the need to watch my back around my hood...but maybe that is because, in contrast, I was usually up to no-good when I was in the barrio.  The barrio wasn't too friendly when I was being chased on foot by the police, but what neighborhood would be?   And the barrio wasn't too friendly for white boys wearing Milby letter jackets...probably because we spanked Austin each and every year in football.  Yeah, I am a Buff! 

Nope.  What you're saying does make sense, though.

But like I said, my family has done business in the East Side barrio areas before and during they became such. (which is a long while ago)  I have a lot of old connections (political too) over there for this reason.

I went to a high school in another part of town, though, so it's not a full relationship, you know.