The Kalwejt Foundation for the Promotion of Atlas Hilarity

[Politician]

[Unconditional Surrender Truman]

I'm not going to consent to this obvious attempt to divide the Atlasian Left and the Atlasian Center, and therefore I vote Present. ExtremeConservative needs to find better things to do with his time.

[Chancellor Tanterterg]

Dear Mr. Stone:

It's been rumored you are a lurker on Atlas. Whether you are or not, I sincerely hope that sometime in the future this missive finds you. I want to express my apology for a bon mote that, thanks to the guidance of certain moderators--God Bless Them--I realize now was completely and unquestionably inappropriate to this high-minded forum of sensitive individuals.

You see, a few weeks ago when your lurker status on Atlas was discussed, I saw a unique opportunity. I mean, among the small percentage, but still millions, of Americans who are familiar with you, most would love nothing more than to tell you exactly what they fell about your slovenly race bating, dragging down the democratic political system to a level of gamesmanship and, oh, lets not forget your penchant for a little light treason.

You are--and lets not quibble about this--going to prison in the foreseeable future. You've said yourself you're likely getting indicted by Mueller (if you haven't secretly been so already). If When that happens, the chances of you pulling a deal to avoid time in Club Fed, given your apparent and early deep dealings with the corroded black heart of the fellow traveler organization known as the Trump campaign, well, they don't look good, do they?

So here I am, one of perhaps a couple hundred active American posters on Atlas, with the unique opportunity so so many would like to exercise in telling you the unvarnished opinion millions hold of you. Who would I be, after all, to forgo an opportunity closed to so many?

So of course, I took it.

Now, one can discuss whether in 20/20 hindsight, typing: "Get bent!" was "appropriate" or not. Atlas is made up of individuals whom prize civility above all, and indeed, some posters will whinge on about it in countless threads to remind us of it, even if the pertinent discussion at the time is Brexit, tax policy, or the Federalist Papers (all for our own good, of course). Hindsight is 20/20, and even pushing the limits of Atlas's sacred civility was a bold step indeed.

Now, the next step of following up with: "I hope you die in prison of involuntarily injected ass syphilis", certainly would cause a number of monocles in the old Mod Cave to pop out. Some of them I fear severely chaffed their fingers with resultant pearl clutching at the shock.

Fortunately, our resident defenders of civility spring into action with unmatched alacrity!

Soon, this post was deleted as "inappropriate". Why I could not see that at the time and the weeping this would cause forum wide is shamefully inexplicable. I can only say that hindsight is 20/20 in seeing how uttering such a phrase, even to an unabashed traitor to the country who sold America out like a new $20 hooker sells her virtue, was ever so "inappropriate". Fortunately, the usual suspects among moderators saved the day again, and thereafter were dispatched throughout Atlas with blankets and hot cocoa for distraught survivors.

Inappropriate! How could I not see it? There are so SO many ways to divine harmful inappropriatalia throughout the phrase. Why there's "ass syphilis" for one. Drawing attention to the buttocks (especially in such crude plebeian terminology) is never pleasant. Nor is the existence of the host of insidious social diseases present in our world today. And to combine these two pleasantries into a single phrase! Inappropriaention run amok!

And then there was the proposed method of "transmission". Just because prison sodomy is rampant among those awaiting the rehabilitative effects of today's federal prison system, certainly does not mean it need be thrown in our collective faces! I say again: If prison sodomy must be, our face must not be involved in the process. This distasteful fact of the world is readily understandable to all on Atlas of clear heart and mind. 

And then there is the suggested "involuntary" nature of said ass syphilis being injected into your butt stream. Woe, how could I not see, that even a satirical hope of prison rape for even a loathsome traitor to his country would be permissible under the stern, but fair protections the moderators have created--based on the sacredly vague words laid down many many years before by the venerated Dave Liep himself-- wouldn't be withheld from the Atlas community for its own good? Of course the prohibition against wishing harm on another individual applies even to satirical suggestions for the most loathsome among us. Why, if this forum existed in the 30's and 40's even wishing death upon Adolf Hitler would have of course been prohibited (verboten one might even say, ha ha!). Why? For the principle of the matter, of course! Should we have wished such naughtiness on the Furher, unkempt minds would only be tempted to expand such naughty thoughts to Goebbels or Mussolini as well. And then where would be all be. In a fine pickle, that's where!

At the end of the day, though, it wasn't either the wishing of ass syphilis, or even the suggestion of prison rape that rendered this post patently "inappropriate". One can readily tell this obviousness by the moderator's complete deletion of the entire post, right down to the--clearly inappropriate for Atlas denizens in hindsight--invitation for you to "get bent".

The moderators' actions here have caused me to look long and hard at myself over this unfortunate incident. I confess to you now that, long and bitter were the tears I wept at the damage I caused upon those few Atlasians who read my screed, and harder still considering the wave of inappropriateness I nearly unleashed on this fair jewel. This civility-fortified Arcadia. This...Atlas.

Even now both my lips and fingers tremble as I type this regret infused missive. Truly, simply because you're going to be one of the most historically disgraced figures in American history, right up there with Tokyo Rose, Benedict Arnold, and (to mitigate it somewhat) half the Trump Administration, is no call whatsoever--no it is not!--to invite such a traitor to "get bent".

Mea cupla, culpa mea.

I can only hope you find in your heart, or whatever organ services in its stead, to forgive me for such outlandishly inappropriate posting. Even if you are, understandably, not ready to extend such compassion to me yet, I'm sure we are at least joined in thanking Providence that a handful of resilient moderators desiccated this unpleasantness early on, and by doing so saved countless members of the Atlas community unnecessary heartache and tears.

Your regretful servant,
Badger

GOD SAVE THE MODADMIN!

[Ban my account ffs!]

This might be my favorite one yet:

Electoral College of RAMS(St.Louis too) v COWBOYS v PATS fans

MI is Brady's home

I’d put MN in the patriots column cuz Brady spent his summers as a youth on a dairy farm in rural Todd county, MN and has uncles, aunts, and cousins in the area.

[RINO Tom]

I'm not going to consent to this obvious attempt to divide the Atlasian Left and the Atlasian Center, and therefore I vote Present. ExtremeConservative needs to find better things to do with his time.

Hahaha, thank you for posting this in here, as I was wise enough to not click on a "political bargain" thread started by ExtremeConservative.

[GM Team Member and Senator WB]

Is nobody seriously considering the possibility he might be telling the lieral truth, and there is an Asian person stuck inside him? Probably worth making absolutely for sure, if you ask me.

Reported for NSFW content.

[ON Progressive]

If Wulfric's house were to catch fire, he would probably blame the fire and the firefighters equally for the resulting damage.

[Joe Republic]

I've heard inside information that makes me not trust Buzzfeed (their fact checking before they're willing to publish something is extremely minimal) so I'm not going to get fired up about this until legit newspapers, CNN, or something start confirming it. But I wouldn't be the least bit surprised if this is true. And if it's true congress has a duty to impeach him.

What kind of "inside information" do you have access to? lol

Probably some Buzzfeed article: "25 times we totally didn't double-check our sources before going to print"

[💥💥 brandon bro (he/him/his)]

credit where credit is due

No need to kill baby Hitler. Just show him the new Gillette commercial and he will become a better man.

[DINGO Joe]

x KoopaDaQuick

I'm serious about this.

Oversized signature won't make us take you more seriously.

I know, but I wanted to pull a John Hancock and show how large my want for Greedo's return is.

I doubt King George will read this either.

[Joe Republic]

^ And yet some loser convinced a mod to delete it.  *shrug*

I am no fan of the Trump family or the current moderation policies, but even I thought including Barron Trump here was a bit over-the-top. He is legitimately the one genuinely innocent person in that whole dysfunctional sh**tpile. I pray to God Melania continues to keep him at arm's length from his father until they are out of the White House and she is free to leave him.

The Barron meme is the only one of those I thought was slightly objectionable, but I saved them all to my PC in case the humorless prudes win out again.

They did.   I see no sign of the images anywhere.

Say what you want about jmfcst... he was a hardcore fundamentalist as well, but at least he had a sense of humor (even when it came to his own religion).  Fuzzy Bear is the most thin-skinned Puritan I've ever seen.

[Xing]

Baker is the most popular Governor in America with 72 % approval rating so he could make this race toss-up if he runs.

[Technocracy Timmy]

The US only:
Alabama
Arizona
Arkansas
California
Connecticut
Delaware
Florida
Georgia
Illinois
Indiana (home state)
Kentucky
Louisiana
Maine
Maryland
Massachusetts
Michigan
Mississippi
Missouri
Nevada
New Hampshire
New York
Ohio
Oklahoma
Oregon
Pennsylvania
Tennessee
Texas
Virginia
Washington
West Virginia
District of Columbia

Countries.

[fhtagn]

My dear, your parasol is clearly not keeping the evening Rays off your delicate skin. Perhaps you should retire to The Big House for an evening lemon water , and listen to the slaves croon to the sunset with their banjos.

No use in conversing with you further. It really does scare me that you are a father. What kind of example are you setting for your kids by engaging in this charade? By mocking other posters for their viewpoints and for their beliefs. I've made plain my position on Philips and on this incident, and I've also made plain my objections to how other Atlas users have treated it. I've also called you out for your repeated pattern of abusive behavior.

Great point Calthrina. How does Badger explain to his children his behavior on US election atlas dot org at night? It’s tragic.

( in seriousness, I'm sitting here cuddled up with my son under a blanket recovery from Mutual colds and watching Bob's Burgers together. So yeah , I got this.)

Meanwhile, back at the Kentucky Colonels Plantation, Miss c a l t h r i n a oh, you have clearly developed a case of the vapors. Your womanly hysteria is getting ahold of you, my dear. Please have a good lie down on the Davenport while I call old Becky to Fan you.

Years from now you will fondly remember the quiet moments you spent with your son attacking people on-line.

[Badger]

My dear, your parasol is clearly not keeping the evening Rays off your delicate skin. Perhaps you should retire to The Big House for an evening lemon water , and listen to the slaves croon to the sunset with their banjos.

No use in conversing with you further. It really does scare me that you are a father. What kind of example are you setting for your kids by engaging in this charade? By mocking other posters for their viewpoints and for their beliefs. I've made plain my position on Philips and on this incident, and I've also made plain my objections to how other Atlas users have treated it. I've also called you out for your repeated pattern of abusive behavior.

Great point Calthrina. How does Badger explain to his children his behavior on US election atlas dot org at night? It’s tragic.

( in seriousness, I'm sitting here cuddled up with my son under a blanket recovery from Mutual colds and watching Bob's Burgers together. So yeah , I got this.)

Meanwhile, back at the Kentucky Colonels Plantation, Miss c a l t h r i n a oh, you have clearly developed a case of the vapors. Your womanly hysteria is getting ahold of you, my dear. Please have a good lie down on the Davenport while I call old Becky to Fan you.

Years from now you will fondly remember the quiet moments you spent with your son attacking people on-line.

Good Times. Good Times indeed.

I will also look back with fond amusement at having my parenting criticized by people unlikely to ever procreate.

[Sprouts Farmers Market ✘]

I never know no Godfather. I have my own family, Senator.

[Sprouts Farmers Market ✘]

I’m not a crustacean person; I don’t like eating invertebrates.

Think about it.  Shrimp, lobsters, crabs, etc. are pretty much just aquatic bugs.  I’m not eating something that looks like a giant scorpion.

100% this. I only eat vertebrates, and am very happy someone else understands.

How can someone so put off by invertebrates have the username Blairite?

[🐒Gods of Prosperity🔱🐲💸]

Doing the Lord's work.

Their name is misleading. There is no life that they are trying to protect.

Fetuses are alive you see.

Nah

How is a fetus not alive?

Cause its not do you call chicken eggs alive

Humans aren't birds.

Not to mention that chicken eggs are practically always unfertilized. This analogy would require that the anti-abortion movement is opposed to menstruation.

Not what im saying if you see some fertilized chicken eggs you dont call someone a animal abuser and murderer if they accidentally step on em right?
Fetuses have potential to become life but their clearly not alive no matter how much you want them to be sorry

[Atlas Has Shrugged]

Walter was a good congressman, and a good man. He was... he was one of us. He was a man who loved the House of Representatives, legislating, and as a surfer he explored the beaches of Eastern North Carolina, from Cape Lookout to Hatteras and up to Corolla. He retired -- he retired as so many young men of his generation, before his time. In your wisdom, Mr. President, you took him. As you took so many bright flowering young men, in Arizona, and Tennessee, and the Alabama Special Election. These young men gave their careers. And so did Walter. Walter who loved bowling. And so, Walter Beaman Jones, Jr., in accordance with what we think your dying wishes might well have been, we commit your final mortal remains to the bosom of the House Chamber.

Goodnight, sweet prince.

[Joe Republic]

Duluth has been turning itself around and on the up and up since about 1930 except that brief period between 1930 and the present where things just kinda went to sh**t or stagnated.

[DINGO Joe]

Stone's a cool dude. I hope our paths cross again.

He's might go to prison you know.

That's exactly what Sanchez meant.

[Politician]

[RINO Tom]

Context:

The last thing we need is more Beep Boops in politics.

Not sure if you’re aware since they currently sport the same avatar, but that’s not computer89.

I think Sparky might be running an even earlier operating system.

[NOVA Green]

Seems like this thread could - and should - be instrumental for intelligence services in knowing whom to watch closely...

Context: Discussion of conversation about recent events in Venezuela....

The concept that somehow "intelligence services" "Should could be monitoring an Atlas thread closely for whom to watch"

https://uselectionatlas.org/FORUM/index.php?topic=311978.msg6645011#msg6645011

Sounds like David B is going on an Atlas Witch Hunt....

[GeorgiaModerate]

I really dislike Kamala Harris, but this is unacceptable and disgusting.

What you insinuated was just as bad.

Jacob Wohl is a moron. News at 11:00.

And what is that which I insinuated?

He's not referring to you. I mentioned Kamala Harris's relationship with Willie Brown on another thread.

Well, I'm sure that can't be horrifyingly sexist at all. 

I'm guessing the many posters here actually giving credence to the elected CA AG and Senator having merely slept their way to the top is simple envy that Harris actually ever got someone to sleep with her.