Comedy Goldmine VI: Now with no Gporter and Calcium-Fortified for Bone Health

[I spent the winter writing songs about getting better]

This is pathetic.  It's Hezbollah, not Hizballah

Says the guy who referred to Kim Jong-il as "Il". And unlike that incident, Hizballah is a perfectly legitimate (if nonstandard) transliteration, thanks to the peculiarities of the Arabic language.

As I explained there, most Arabic words have no true English spellings. Thus they are usually simply spelled phonetically, which can result in many different spellings since many Arabic letters have no English equivalent. For example please note how many different spellings there are of the dictator of Libya's name.

[Хahar 🤔]

This is pathetic.  It's Hezbollah, not Hizballah

Says the guy who referred to Kim Jong-il as "Il". And unlike that incident, Hizballah is a perfectly legitimate (if nonstandard) transliteration, thanks to the peculiarities of the Arabic language.

As I explained there, most Arabic words have no true English spellings. Thus they are usually simply spelled phonetically, which can result in many different spellings since many Arabic letters have no English equivalent. For example please note how many different spellings there are of the dictator of Libya's name.

The practice of transliterating Arabic with "e" and "o" doesn't help. There needs to be a uniform standard like pinyin. Under my method, the name would be Mupammar Abu Minjar al-Qađđáfí. Clear and unambiguous.

[Keystone Phil]

Arguing over Arabic spelling = Least funny subject ever.

[War on Want]

Arguing over Arabic spelling = Least funny subject ever.

[Хahar 🤔]

Arguing over Arabic spelling = Least funny subject ever.

Not arguing, but agreeing.

Don't diss Arabic because it looks weird.

[dead0man]

Don't diss Arabic because it looks weird.

Correct.  There are much better reasons to diss it than that!

[Хahar 🤔]

Don't diss Arabic because it looks weird.

Correct.  There are much better reasons to diss it than that!

Well said.

[I spent the winter writing songs about getting better]

The only reason the debate began was because of an unintentionally funny comment: constine's ignorance about Arabic spelling, which was amusing for the same reason his comment about he UK was.

[I spent the winter writing songs about getting better]

Time for Obama to visit an IHOP in Zionsville, Indiana and complain about McCain not caring about Americans.

[YRABNNRM]

the Republican National Committee is sending tire gauges labeled "Barack Obama's Energy Plan" to Washington reporters.

LOL.  Clever, though, you gotta admit.  Maybe that explains the bump in McCain's polling.

I bought my first six-pack of CFL bulbs at Wal-Mart last week.  10 watts they were.  The garage had six one hundred-watt incandescent bulbs when we moved in, and I just couldn't stand the thought of it, and replaced them.  So I replaced six hundred watts with sixty.  It's slightly dimmer, and there's the slightest pause when you flick the switch--I'm told that the slight pause will became a long, frustrating one around mid-January, when it's minus twenty degrees Fahrenheit.  I'll cross that bridge when I come to it--but I like them so far.  I also bought my first lawn mower last week.  I'm 41 and I've never owned a lawn mower till last week.  It's electric.  Bought it on Amazon.com.  Free delivery.  I did a little calculation comparing the one I ended up buying to a comparably-priced combustion mower, assuming 7c per kW-hr and 4 dollar gas, and it turned out to be much, much cheaper to do the electric.  The 100-foot cord is a bit of a drag.  But it's orange, and so I managed not to run over it yet.  I'm sure I will at some point.  ZAP!  Won't need to do that twice.  And we're still recycling all my booze bottles and Coca-cola cans.  Also, I'm bringing a bag to the supermarket nowadays and minimizing the single-use plastic bags.  And of course I still cycle to work except when it rains or snows.  Most importantly, I'm down to two pulls, three squares per pull, in the toilet.  No kidding.  That's six squares per movement.  Can't beat Cheryl Crow yet, but I'm getting there. 

I think with a weird, three syllable last name, Obama sure could use a VP that doesn't ruin bumper stickers and general mentions of the ticket.  Like, Obama/Napolitano sounds like a type of pasta. 

I think Obama/Bayh, although it will be easy to rhyme with insults, sounds the best.

I'm genuinely interested in what y'all think since it's not something one person can know.  I know this is far down the list of qualities to pick a VP on, no need to remind me.

Here's my thoughts, feel free to include ones not on the list:
1. Obama/Bayh
2. Obama/Clinton
3. Obama/Kaine
4. Obama/Biden
5. Obama/Nunn
6. Obama/Schweitzer
7. Obama/Sebelius

1. McCain/Sanford
2. McCain/Cantor
3. McCain/Crist
4. McCain/Portman
5. McCain/Romney
6. McCain/Thune
7. McCain/Pawlenty

Funny.  I never thought of it.  Reaganbush, Clintongore, Nixonlodge.  They roll off the tongue.  But Mondaleferraro sounds like one of those dessert pizzas.  Like the one with karo syrup instead of marinara sauce.  And peaches instead of italian sausage.  But otherwise it's a pizza.  Mozarella cheese.  Round crust.  There's a place in Pittsburgh that used to sell just such a pizza. 

I guess Obamabayh is much more euphonic than the others on that list.  Obamanunn isn't bad either.  But Obamanunn and Obamabayh both sound more islamofascist than Obama does. In a Parthian Shots sort of way.   McCain is so cacophonic it's hard to find any elision.  McCainpawlenty is especially hard.  Getting from the N at the end of McCain to the P at the beginning of Pawlenty nearly requires a pause.   McCainalito isn't bad.  McCainalito even sounds a little bit like an endearing Spanish diminuitive.  Like Pablito or Miguelito.  It could play well with the Mexican/Dominican/Puertorican voters, I suppose.  "Orale, homes, gana mas con McCainalito.  ¡Vote para él!."  I'd go with McCainalito.  Have the commercial with McCain wearing a black sombrero and a big mustache while driving a '67 pontiac bonnevile tricked out,  top cut off, way low to the ground, with fuzzy dice hanging from the rear-view mirror and a chain-link steering wheel.  War's "Low Rider" blasting from the stereo.  Alito in the passenger seat, burning a fat joint and holding a longneck bottle of Tecate.  And, of course, a JesuCristo bumper sticker on one side of the chrome bumper and McCainalito on the other. 

[Joe Republic]

Don't diss Arabic because it looks weird.

Can we still diss Arabs because they look weird?

[Хahar 🤔]

Don't diss Arabic because it looks weird.

Can we still diss Arabs because they look weird?

Yeah, sure.

[Filuwaúrdjan]

Stop dissing Mike Naso. At least he doesn't have a face that screams "Tory in the 17th generation, no work ever done by any relative of mine for the past 200 years", as this guy does. (I suppose more flattering pictures of Putnam could be found. Whatever.)

[Sam Spade]

My ultimate political dream: Warner whipping Romney's ass.

And mines Paul Wellstone getting whipped by Barbara Milkulski. Take your pick.

[Filuwaúrdjan]

My ultimate political dream: Warner whipping Romney's ass.

And mines Paul Wellstone getting whipped by Barbara Milkulski. Take your pick.

I do wish that I hadn't been drinking tea when I was reading that...

[© tweed]

Hey, folks,

I just thought I would tell you that I now have a girlfriend!!  I'm 26 years old and finally have a girlfriend from Choctaw, Oklahoma.  She is 23 years old and a great Christian woman!!  We met each other at church back in late May.  I've been taking her home from church on Sunday mornings and Wednesday nights.  We are going on a double date with the couple that introduced us to each other on Friday, August 15 to a dinner and a movie most likely.

We just started our relationship this evening, Wednesday, August 6, 2008 at 8:15 pm CDT.  We're going to take this at the speed that our God leads us to take it.

I'm praying that this will turn into a death-do-you-part relationships within the bonds of holy matrimony.

[King]

It's typical of blacks to rape others. I believe this story.

[Eraserhead]

It's typical of blacks to rape others. I believe this story.

Given his history of posts, I'm not 100% sure that's a joke.

[Filuwaúrdjan]

On the New York Subway.

We came to a stop. The train sits there for about 20 seconds.

Assad goes "Lets get off here".

Assad gets off.

Doors close before Phil can follow him out.

Assad shouts "Noooooooo!!!"

Assad tries to pry the doors open.

Train moves off.

We think that the black woman he was swearing at has now raped him.

[Хahar 🤔]

Considering how tobacco kills more Americans every 3 days than Al Qaeda ever has, it's only logical.

I knew it - you were BRTD all along, weren't you Harry?

I thought people would realize it when I didn't even take the time to pick a different last name for my second account...

[Bacon King]

Oh my god, it's that guy! The one who had the cool-looking poster in his sig!

Seriously, what is wrong with you?

[I spent the winter writing songs about getting better]

Oh well J. J.  Win some, lose some.

I still think Hillary has a decent shot to get the nomination.  I don't understand why no one else gets it.

[YRABNNRM]

:::: banging head on desk  ::::

I know that by damaging your brain you might be able to understand BRTD's logic, but I advise against it.

[Јas]

America is in an infinite trend of exponential awesome.  To say otherwise is treason.

[Keystone Phil]

I don't know why America still provides foreign aid to New Jersey.