The Comedy Goldmine(ONLY FUNNY ATLAS POSTS ALLOWED, NO BRTD ALLOWED)

[MODU]

(To keep Andrew happy.) 

Don't blame me, blame MODU for bumping it

"B!tch set me up!"

Also, that wasn't me, Ebowed, it was Liberty.  *laughs*

[YRABNNRM]

No. You are an ass wipe light weight too. Let me guess. Your daddy paid for you to go to state college and little Gabu became a liberal  by sucking up all of Prof. Libs sh**t.

[MaC]

lol, I was thinking about that one Everett.

However, today's award goes to one (not really funny funny) but enjoyable nonetheless.

Horrible people. In many respects, moderates are even worse than far-leftists. I have a certain respect for leftists because of their commitment to heartfelt, if hallucinatory, positions. Moderates on the other hand are wishy-washy prudes. While on this board it is the social conservatives usually labelled 'prudes', I think the term applies equally well to moderates, who always feel that we should stay away from anything near extremism, or heaven forbid, an ideology.

[YRABNNRM]

A moderent democrate

[I spent the winter writing songs about getting better]

They are all fine with me, as I actually have no respect or concern for marrige anyway. Although, Couple E is my favorite

Excellent view of marrige there, Dr. Cynic!  My favorite, pornologically, would be couple A - I love the hetero porn with the big bamboo.  E would be fine, but there's nothing there to really stretch the actress, if you know what I mean. 

[YRABNNRM]

Maybe many of you have seen this wonderful site.. but if you haven't, it may make you feel better about your own appearance:
http://www.fatchicksinpartyhats.com/

[YRABNNRM]

Flyers, you know you're on shakey ground when you're agreeing with the misogynist dazzleman.

The exeedingly low pay prevailing for american workers today is caused by the owners, not by the female workers, Flyers.

This is precisely analogous to accusations made in the past against African or Irish americans, who supposedly undercut the wages of the white man.

opebo, yes you are right in part being that CEOs are making 500X what their average worker is which is much highed than the 20X in 1970, but you completely missed my point.  I have no problem with female workers making what men are, but it seems very ironic that at the same time they want their potential mate to make more than them.  This is not being anti-feminist, it's just saying I'm thinking a lot of these "equal rights" women fought for have its costs and being a working class male, I would know this and I will have to agree with dazzleman on this- sorry.  Since 1970, millions more people used BOTH incomes to buy a house and this in turn drastically increased prices of homes ergo requiring BOTH spouses to work. 

You have a great point there Flyers, but women since the dawn of time have primarily wanted men for money - status, support, power, etc.  I don't know if that is a genetic role, or if was simply imposed upon them due to their slave-status in society, but it is very awkward in this transitional period.  Presumably, if women make enough money they will have no use for men at all! 

If I were you I wouldn't waste another minute with American women - get out of the Bad Place!  I recommend Asia or Latin America.

Women still have a biological clock you know.  The thing is it doesn't tick as fast with them as it does for men.  I still have to read Maureen Dowd's book "Why Are Men Necessary?" to get a better perspective of this.  Women in their 20s I think are brainwashed by their yuppie parents to find a man with money, but for some reason their mother is there preaching sometimes militant feminism in their brains saying to their daughters that they should get educated and make money themselves, but demand even more from their men.  Example, I heard a nursing student told to look for a doctor and settle for nothing less.  You think I'm kidding?  A lot of this recent "prudism" you speak of is nothing more than a woman holding out for a well to do guy like T.O. and the Eagles.   They have it preprogrammed that their vagina is worth something and sadly so many men put it on such a pesdestal (40 Year Old Virgin) and it kills us.     

[YRABNNRM]

Eeewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww! that's absolutely disgusting!  Yuck, yuck yuck, yuck YUCK!

Come on, cheesejizz, we know you do it all the time.  You're a 14 year old boy!  I can't think of much else I did do at that age.

Of course if you really don't, you should report to the insane asylum immediately.

[Keystone Phil]

Eeewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww! that's absolutely disgusting!  Yuck, yuck yuck, yuck YUCK!

Come on, cheesejizz, we know you do it all the time.  You're a 14 year old boy!  I can't think of much else I did do at that age.

Of course if you really don't, you should report to the insane asylum immediately.

Cheesejizz...priceless.

[YRABNNRM]

Know what- I'm glad a lot of you young guys are so prudish.  I'll soon be in my 30s and will be banging your 20 something female friends and you'll all be saying "I'm waiting until marriage."  THANK YOU!

[Joe Republic]

Referring to Everett, who lives in California:

He lives in a nice country...

[YRABNNRM]

Only if they're at least decent looking. If they are they can get a license. Ugly ones have to keep their tops on.

[WMS]

I am in a poll making mood- How will what is currently called the USA be politically 100 years from now?

In 2050 the US will be declared the winner of our game of civilization on a points victory.  We will then have a massive, massive war to wipe the slate clean and start over.

If you know the reference Tredrick is making, this is very funny.

[Bacon King]

Yea, but I think we're going to have the Spaceship to Alpha Centauri built before then.

[ilikeverin]

Yea, but I think we're going to have the Spaceship to Alpha Centauri built before then.

No, France has the Eiffel Tower, so by then they will have won a culture victory.

[YRABNNRM]

It will probably be you, and I, and every other 'Wal Mart shopper' who foots the bill in the way of higher prices.

I avoid Wal-Mart if possible.

Me too. When my parents go I sit in the car. Just being in there gives me a headache.

Yes, it is a horrible place.  I avoid it except very late at night, not due to any concern for the Morlocks toiling within, but simply the place is a depressing sh**thole with a lot of fatties waddling or driving around in those to-fat-to-walk carts.  The crappy products, the fat poors, and the homogenized corporate-scale atmosphere all make a visit to WalMart the perfect vision of America and its sick culture and sad society.  No thanks.

[Speed of Sound]

Yea, but I think we're going to have the Spaceship to Alpha Centauri built before then.

No, France has the Eiffel Tower, so by then they will have won a culture victory.

Not necessarily, if China continues to grow at the rate it is, it can get a permanent alliance with Russia and win a domination victory.

[PBrunsel]

My parents were eaten by bears today.

[ATFFL]

Yea, but I think we're going to have the Spaceship to Alpha Centauri built before then.

No, France has the Eiffel Tower, so by then they will have won a culture victory.

Not necessarily, if China continues to grow at the rate it is, it can get a permanent alliance with Russia and win a domination victory.

France's culture reset with the occupation of its main cities in WWII.

China and Russia still lack sufficient land, I believe.

[opebo]

Men, strive to keep chats off of the Comedy Goldmine!

[I spent the winter writing songs about getting better]

I went a Prom as a youth..  I had no date but went with a weird male friend.  I ended up making out in the stairwell with some poor's date.  She smelled of Doritos but I felt like James Spader in a John Hughs movie.  Yes!

[YRABNNRM]

I think I gave my answer before.  If I had a gun to my head- Sharpton.  I wonder what the scenario would be with Oprah Winfrey vs. Bush.  I'd vote for her in a heartbeat.  Now about Sharpton.  If given the option of running around Citizens Bank Park with a sellout Phillies crowd around the bases 10 times with nothing but a leather thong instead of voting for Sharpton or Bush, I'd do that.  I'm sure people would find me "Dead Sexy." 

[MaC]

There's quite an obvious solution to global warming: destroy Earth.  You can't very well heat up that which does not exist.

[riceowl]

You should have really included English for "Miss" "Catholic"

[jokerman]

Option 2, obviously.  We don't need two economically libertarian parties defending the plutocratic interests of either Country Club Republicans or Limousine Liberals. 

Fascist.

What?!?!?!?

Fascist, noun: One who disagrees with Jfern.

-- Oxford English Dictionary