The Comedy Goldmine(ONLY FUNNY ATLAS POSTS ALLOWED, NO BRTD ALLOWED)

[YRABNNRM]

I'm real.

Shut up

[Filuwaúrdjan]

Happy Sheila Jackson Lee Day everyone

That's the one holiday I can't even think of existing.

Do we get to remember her speeches in front of the House where she uses words that she doesn't know the meaning of?

For both the posts in the quote

[Alcon]

Do you young people 'date' anymore?  I'm talking about going to dinner, the movies, etc., as a pair.

[Sam Spade]

I could make a thread about what a fascist Jake is, but what's the point?

You use "fascist" as an insult more than Anna Nicole Smith uses old men for money.

[Jake]

the indianapolis colts.  they are going to go undefeated.

and if they do happen to lose, the noble peyton manning will take responsibility, rather than pass the blame.

my second pick is the minnesota vikings.  they are the best.  every preseason magazine told me so.

[Keystone Phil]

Scoonie is right when he says he's an electrifying speaker but he electrifies the wrong crowd. MoveOn voters are not exactly in step with most of the American electorate.

Gore is 100X the human being you will ever be.

[Max Power]

That's not what happened in 1984

Yeah, but that was 1984, so the entire country turned to the dark side in homage of George Orwell.  They got back into the swing of things in 1988 when they were like "we're going with the mothaf***in' NDP, and you can't do a thing about it".  Then in 1993, when the Liberals got a 177-seat majority, BC was like "NOPE SORRY BACK TO THE CONSERVATIVE PARTY FOR US LOL".  Then the Liberals lost a considerable amount of support in 2004, so naturally, the Liberals got more seats in BC in that election than they had ever gotten under Chrétien.

[YRABNNRM]

Careful...you might cause a flood and Mississippi doesn't need one of those!

[Ebowed]

option 1 when she listens to me and is nice to me
option 2 when she yells at me and gives me attitude

Your mother was horrible...I demand a refund.

[MODU]

Two for the price of one:

once alito gets up there gets ready girls and boys 'back-alley abortions here we come...then we have a rebellion...then civil war.' people are agaisnt abortion but they dont want abortion banned as the moment we have a case of a 15 year old dying because of the radical supreme court decision, the anger is going to be so intense as the people on this nutty bench cant be removed.

I think you need to go back to the Land of Dorothy.  Clearly, it's more agreeable to you than the real world.

[minionofmidas]

I'm real.

Shut up

Ah, the pleasures of multiple personality disorder...

[riceowl]

'Miss' 'Catholic,' in a slightly melodramatic response to dazzleman:

the day i listen to anything you have to say is the day that i have had my heart and soul taken away from me and planted with piles of garbage and backward thinking. its the 21st century republicans. get a grip, just because your against change try and tolerate other peoples desire to join the world and live in our time today not 1777.

!

[YRABNNRM]

yes but your party doesnt like 2005. you want it to be 1777 all over again. but it cant be like that any more. we have to move on.

It's 2006.

[Keystone Phil]

I've always wondered how jfern became so amazing at debating...

The Constitution supersedes Senate rules, and the argument is that the closure rule is unconstitutional.

Your mom is unconstitutional.

[Joe Republic]

I've always wondered how jfern became so amazing at debating...

The Constitution supersedes Senate rules, and the argument is that the closure rule is unconstitutional.

Your mom is unconstitutional.

What's scary is that jfern probably thought he was making a valid argument.

[riceowl]

I was thinking about posting that already...then phillip retorted with:

I'm sorry, was that supposed to be funny or something?

And while I very much thought it was, I didn't feel like intruding.

[MaC]

To the "Favorite Mexico state" thread

New Mexico

fuck you guys! I'm making a serious thread, and trying to post better, and you treat me like this!
This is what I get for trying to be constructive.
No one's bashing the India or Pakistan threads.

[Jake]

Republicans like Santorum don't believe in science. A science class taught by Rick Santorum would be quite easy, as the answer to every question would be "because God made it so".

[YRABNNRM]

I had a dream last night that I met WalterMitty, but it was so strange I'm not even going to go into the details.

Nothing sexual, just strange.

All dreams are sexual on some level....  (Isn't that a Freud theory?  I don't necessarily believe it; I'm just busting your boys.)

dazzleman, do you dream of busting boys?

[MODU]

The court is already controled by partisan Republican election stealers. We're merely trying to prevent lying activist right-wingers from controlling it.

[Sam Spade]

Whatever happened to the idea of Senators representing their state and constituents first, with partisanship mostly limited to choosing the committee chairships?

Bush polarized everything.

Yes, the GOP and Dems NEVER battled before that evil bastard Bush. It was all a happy lala land with lolipops and candy whistles and all sides got along on every issue.

[YRABNNRM]

permanent hard-on. 

When I was a kid, maybe 8 or 9, for about a year I lived in an apartment complex next to an old-folks home.  There was this really old guy on the first floor who always used to leave his curtain open.  Every time the nurse would come in and check on him and leave, he'd start masturbating furiously.  It was in the pre-pubescent phase, and I hadn't quite figured out the joy of self-abuse yet, but I was sure that this was the old guy I wanted to be.  Not the guy who couldn't get it up.  Whatever he was doing, it must have been preferable to asexuality.  Permanent hard-on for me, thanks.

paper or plastic?

[ilikeverin]

Utah goes Democratic.

There's more, but... that's all you need to know.

[YRABNNRM]

Dave, can you also do the same for "NixonNow" and "NixonNow"? Thanks.

Done

Can you also delete JFern and all references to him? Thx.

[Filuwaúrdjan]

My guess is of the demographics you named, a Jew or Hispanic would be easiest to win.  Unless he's one who wears it out on his sleeve:  "Hey my name's Schlomo Martinez, and my running mate Gonzalo Rabinowitz and I want to remove all border security between here and Mexico, let 'em take the jobs that you don't want anyway.  And then I want to use the money we save in that way to buy nukes to give to Israel."  Then you might have a problem getting elected.