The Michael A. Naso Institute of Comedy

[Snowstalker Mk. II]

[Snowstalker Mk. II]

I couldn't think of anything to say about GHW Bush.  I think he probably glanced at his watch and yawned about four hours into the job of cutting down the tree.  This infuriated the tree's owner, who felt that Bush was aloof and out of touch, and the tree's owner replaced him with Clinton, who "did not have sex with that tree (as I understood the term to be defined)" as ernest pointed out.

Bush's son started to cut down the tree (after giving the oval knot-hole a thorough scrubbing), but about a quarter of the way through the tree-cutting job he mysteriously stopped and walked away.  He showed up the next day drunk and wearing a "tree-chopping accomplished" T-shirt.  The actual job of cutting down the tree, and cleaning up the mess, was left to someone else.

Obama might have finished the job, but after a few strokes he looked at the axe and said that it was acting stupidly.  The axe was offended but Obama, being a quick thinker, decided to have the axe over for a beer in the White House garden to make up for offending him.   The tree never got cut down, but Mr. Nobel called Obama and told him to come to Sweden right away so they can give him a special tree-chopping prize for his good work chopping down the tree. 

The tree still stands.

Ron Paul says he can finish cutting down that tree, but I'd be surprised if he could even pick up the axe.  Herman Cain says he can finish cutting down that tree, but refuses to start till the owner decides whether it's an apple tree or an orange tree.  Michelle Bachmann says she can cut down that tree, but wants us to build a double wall around the tree, in order to protect her, before she'll start.  Jon Huntsman says he'll cut down the tree, but he won't do it today because he's on strike to protest the fact that the tree wants to be cut down so early in the year.  Mitt Romney says he can cut down that tree, after all, he chopped a tree about 96% of the way down in Massachusetts one time, and it only cost about three times what he said it would cost to do it, and anyway you can't compare Massachusetts trees to this tree, so please let him have the job of cutting down this tree.  Rick Perry says he can cut down that tree, brother.  He says all he needs, brother, is some branches to start raking the, um, I mean, some rake to start--  er, I mean, hatchet--  yeah, a hatchet to cut the ah...  What were we going to cut again?   

Rick Santorum says we should never, ever cut down that tree.  If we cut down that tree, then what's next?  It will lead to telephone poles being cut down and schools being cut down and factories being cut down.  Before you know it young children will be walking around all night with axes trying to cut stuff down, and it will be the end of civilization as we know it. 

While all these folks are arguing, a distant cousin of Obama hijacks an airplane and flies it into the tree, which bursts into flame and burns down the entire forest.  Problem solved. 

[Snowstalker Mk. II]

Not sure I was listening all that well, but last week on talk radio they were saying Huntsman tried out for the football team republican nomination while he was in college the former governor of utah…he didn’t make the team win and was cut…but he kept showing up to practices debates acting as if he were still a member of the team and the coaches electorate had to repeatedly tell him to take a hike…supposedly went on for days if not weeks

still fits.

[Snowstalker Mk. II]

https://uselectionatlas.org/FORUM/index.php?topic=144214.0

[Snowstalker Mk. II]

Ah yes, I see he partook in that cherished tradition of American male conservative politicians -- sucking cock.

[Snowstalker Mk. II]

"people who take jobs away from us"

Like Bain Capital under Mitt?

European-style class warfare does not work in America.

I bet his record and image will really help him in these states.

@Mitt Romney: THE TOP TAX RATE THEN WAS 90% AHBEIREHILAALAGALBAREAGANRAISEDTAXES12TIMESAGLABLABGRARGALABRARG

The last time a presidential candidate tried making class warfare their central plank, the result was this:

Ah, I remember Comrade Mondale's speech at the 1984 DNC.

"Down with the demons of capitalism-fascism! The proletariat and the downtrodden must slice the head off the dragon-fascist Reagan! Long live the global Soviet Union!"

Sorry for the self-insert.

[Snowstalker Mk. II]

My mom was running a bath for me, and there was some hubbub on the news in the other room.  I asked her what it was, and she told me that President Bush had lost an election to a man named Clinton.  I asked her if this was good or bad, and she just shrugged and carried on running the bath.  That shaped a lot of my political outlook right there.

[Snowstalker Mk. II]

Have a great birthday, old man.  Maybe your buddies will chip in and get you a hooker this weekend.

[Snowstalker Mk. II]

I have to say, quite a few of the non-native speakers here can write English better than I can.

In fairness, you are an American.

[Snowstalker Mk. II]

Context:

SPITROAST!

[Snowstalker Mk. II]

Rick Santorum pulls down his pants, showering the others (and his own ass) with santorum. Mitt Romney, furious, reaches into Santorum's asshole and pulls out his intestines, inside out. As bile, partially digested food, and intestinal bacteria spray across the bar, Romney uses the intestines to swing Santorum around like a lasso and bludgeoning Newt. Eventually, the blunt trauma leads Santorum to die of internal bleeding. Newt now fights back. From the bar counter, he leaps down, pinning Mitt down with his weight. As a natural reflex, Romney empties his bowels, soiling his magic underwear. Newt, turning on "Eye of the Tiger" on the radio, rips Santorum's corpse open and proceeds to stab Mitt to death with Santorum's ribs. The talent agent sits in shock for several minutes, then asks the blood and santorum-covered Gingrich what that act was called. Newt smiles, and shouts,

"The Aristocrats!"

[Snowstalker Mk. II]

Rick Santorum pulls down his pants, showering the others (and his own ass) with santorum. Mitt Romney, furious, reaches into Santorum's asshole and pulls out his intestines, inside out. As bile, partially digested food, and intestinal bacteria spray across the bar, Romney uses the intestines to swing Santorum around like a lasso and bludgeoning Newt. Eventually, the blunt trauma leads Santorum to die of internal bleeding. Newt now fights back. From the bar counter, he leaps down, pinning Mitt down with his weight. As a natural reflex, Romney empties his bowels, soiling his magic underwear. Newt, turning on "Eye of the Tiger" on the radio, rips Santorum's corpse open and proceeds to stab Mitt to death with Santorum's ribs. The talent agent sits in shock for several minutes, then asks the blood and santorum-covered Gingrich what that act was called. Newt smiles, and shouts,

"The Aristocrats!"

Quoting yourself in the Institute: epic fail.

I know.

[Snowstalker Mk. II]

He's human?

[Snowstalker Mk. II]

He's obviously trolling at this point.

[Snowstalker Mk. II]

Picked up some Cubaveras at Macy's today


along with some Ralph Lauren Black cologne... you ain't seen it all till you've seen Clarence roll into a bar with wing men readyt o rock and roll... we may be old but that gives us one thing besides wrinkles- experience

Vegas baby- Party time

[Snowstalker Mk. II]

Obama has spent 4 years on vacation in Washington D.C.

With all of that time devoted to relaxation, he hasn't even had the time to instigate a socialist takeover of the federal government.

[Snowstalker Mk. II]

Context:

There's really no 'right' or 'wrong' cup size, Wong:

[Snowstalker Mk. II]

Hillary Rodham Clinton- Arkansas


If my Cialis worked as long as it was supposed too I woudl have a third leg right about now...

[Snowstalker Mk. II]

Since I'm not friends with Mike on the Facebooks, was it veiled racism as usual?

[Snowstalker Mk. II]

It was clearly an acute outbreak of cutie pox.

(yes, this is a pony reference)

[Snowstalker Mk. II]

Sorry Nathan- Southern schools tend to have better looking gals...I was in Jacksonville well before I moved to Florida in February 1965 I believe- was with a few sailors from Mayport and we were at this bar on the river- a few belles from Jacksonville U were down at the other end of the bar. We sent them some vodka cranberries and they came on over...this one little pothead from a town called Monticello FL (not pronounced MontiCHello I was told!) was on to me all night...let's just say I was drier then the Sahara the next morning- I had nothign left!!! And she still wanted more!!!!!

[Snowstalker Mk. II]

BRTD would masturbate to every page of every copy, then make a book fort out of the used books.

At least he wont have to buy nails.

[Snowstalker Mk. II]

It's dead.

[Snowstalker Mk. II]

Mark my word. One day, BRTD will post "should I take a crap?" poll, and would await our verdict.

[Snowstalker Mk. II]

RIP Mary Richardson Kennedy.

RIP Donna Summer.

RIP Ted Short.

RIP Maurice Sendak.

RIP Junior Seau.

RIP Jack Ashley.

RIP Dick Clark.

RIP Ahmed Ben Bella.

RIP Richard Descoings.

RIP Donald Payne.

RIP Davy Jones.

RIP Gary Carter.

RIP Angelo Dundee.

RIP Oscar Luigi Scalfaro.

RIP Kevin White.   

RIP Manuel Fraga Iribarne.

RIP Gatewood Galbraith.

RIP Johannes Heesters.

RIP Vaclav Havel.

RIP Christopher Hitchens.

RIP Sócrates.

RIP Fred Meijer.

RIP Basil D'Oliveira.

RIP Joe Frazier.

RIP Andy Rooney.

RIP Dan Wheldon.

RIP Dennis Ritchie.

RIP Al Rosellini.

RIP Fred Shuttleworth.

RIP Claude Kirk.

RIP LeRoy Schweitzer.

RIP Jack Layton.

RIP Mark Hatfield.

RIP Rudolf Brazda.

RIP Hugh Carey.

RIP Andrzej Lepper.

RIP Amy Winehouse.

RIP Betty Ford.

RIP Dick Williams.

RIP John Hospers.

RIP Lawrence Eagleburger.

RIP Garret FitzGerald.

RIP David Cairns.

RIP Seve Ballesteros.

RIP William Donald Schaefer.

RIP John Adler.

RIP Geraldine Ferraro.

RIP Warren Christopher.

RIP Daniel Bell.

RIP Sargent Shriver.

RIP Enzo Bearzot.

RIP Richard Holbrooke.

RIP Leslie Nielsen.

RIP David Nolan.

RIP Ted Sorensen.

RIP Nestor Kirchner.

RIP Paul.

RIP David Thompson.

RIP Les Gibbard.

RIP Dan Rostenkowski.

RIP Jimmy Reid.

RIP Tony Judt.

RIP Robert Byrd.

RIP Ronnie James Dio.

RIP Rudi Vis.

RIP Christopher Michael.

RIP Michael Foot.

RIP Claude Levi-Strauss.

RIP Norman Borlaug.

RIP Don Hewitt.

RIP Les Paul.