The Comedy Goldmine

[Paul Kemp]

lolololololol

[Hatman 🍁]

I was going to cut this down to just the "Loving on kids is real and its not predatory" sentence, since that's the funniest one to me, but as I read through it... the whole thing is just way too funny to not include it all.

Not to mention I already quoted it

[King]

Thank you to all who drudge through Bushie's tl;dr boring CAD updates to find comedy gold statements like "nobody ever said you had to eat vegetables every day."

You are better men than I.

[Mad Deadly Worldwide Communist Gangster Computer God]

I am not morbidly obese, I am just obese.

Actually, you're an Obese American.

[Oldiesfreak1854]

You may have taken a Risk to Scrabble for a Monopoly on humor, but if you had a Clue you would know that Life shows that Operation is a Trivial Pursuit.

[DC Al Fine]

Haha.  The same Joe Walsh who failed to pay child support is counseling blacks on family values?

Lazy mick bastard can't hold down a job to pay for his 5 kids. Probably spent all his money down at the local watering hole... It's always the same with those people.

[Oswald Acted Alone, You Kook]

Apparently Grumps' anus plays Elvis music when he voids his bowels. What an impressive feat, I must say.

[LastVoter]

6:00-6:30 - Prepare to wake up
6:30-7:00 - Prepare to turn off snooze on alarm
7:00-7:30 - Prepare to brush teeth
7:30-8:00 - Prepare to get in shower
8:30-9:00 - Prepare to wake up, turn off alarm, brush teeth, and get in shower after previous routine was a dream
9:00-9:30 - Wake up, turn off alarm, brush teeth, and get in shower after previous routine was a dream
9:30-10:00 - Focus on Christmas

Scrambled eggs are super quick! Spray a pan with Pam. Heat for 2 minutes, add a little salt and they're done. No time? Wtf?

Again, my morning schedule is ABSOLUTELY LEGIT.  No one can argue it is not.

Orly? Let's take a look:



Lack of proper time management will do more to keep you in your current situation than any of the other awful characteristics exhibited in this and many other Updates.

[Oldiesfreak1854]

The world's uninhabited regions includes much of Antarctica, as well as Oldiesfreak's skull.

[True Federalist (진정한 연방 주의자)]

also it's weird that you folks call all dessert pudding

it's like calling breakfast "pancakes" or calling lunch "sandwich"

Or calling all sodas "Cokes"

Besides, they're soft drinks.

[Leftbehind]

With enthusiasm (D).

You ever met a war you didn't like, Ben?

[Hatman 🍁]

Asking what 'hbd' is:

"here be dragons"?

[Pheurton Skeurto]

About this Poll
PPP surveyed 750 aborted fetuses in Nevada on November 3rd and 4th. The margin of error for aborted fetuses is +/-3.6%. This poll was not paid for or authorized by any campaign, political organization, or Planned Parenthood facility. PPP surveys are conducted through automated ultrasound interviews.

[Snowstalker Mk. II]

A bit of an obvious retort to make, but:

The one who isn't guilty of mass murder.

Are you trying to tell us something about Mike we need to know?

[MASHED POTATOES. VOTE!]

Context:

everyone who voted against assad is a jew

[Swedish Rainbow Capitalist Cheese]

Needs contex.

If those children were Turkish they'd probably gain votes amirite?

[Grumpier Than Uncle Joe]

I'll definitely be ready to just pop the shirt off at any time.  Hope all the ladies are wearing a pad. 

[🐒Gods of Prosperity🔱🐲💸]

'After seven successive victories and the nuclear bombing of Yorkshire, Labour PM Dave McHitler proposes a tax on oxygen and breast milk. Will the nation re-elect Labour again?

Forum Votes

Labour 15
Conservative 12
Lib Dem 5.'

[Antonio the Sixth]

Well played, Lewis.

So sorry to hear that.

You're sorry to hear he's not dead?

[Mad Deadly Worldwide Communist Gangster Computer God]

This is just a political stunt to fire up impressionable libertarian kids in their college dorms.

[Maxwell]

Like all wars, the owning class sends the working class to battle.

[Pheurton Skeurto]

Context:

Skrillex - First of the Year

[Pheurton Skeurto]

Bill Clinton

Your father doesn't count.

[Antonio the Sixth]

Not sure about the second part.

[Paul Kemp]

Americans who do not care to use dirty language use BM.