Anonymous Confessions of the Talk Atlas Elections Forum

[Never Made it to Graceland]

I like to LARP on Atlas as a rich, spoiled white kid, but in reality I'm a pretty middle-class Mexican guy. I can't go back on my persona now though; my whole shtick on this site is dependent upon it.

Wtf.

I know this was essentially Hamilton's Napoleon bit.

Hamilton?

[Morning in Atlas]

I like to LARP on Atlas as a rich, spoiled white kid, but in reality I'm a pretty middle-class Mexican guy. I can't go back on my persona now though; my whole shtick on this site is dependent upon it.

Wtf.

I know this was essentially Hamilton's Napoleon bit.

Hamilton?

Prolific sockmaster. Redeemed himself on AAD, to the shock of literally everyone but myself (who caught on).

[Meclazine for Israel]

Pretty sure that was meclazine who wanted to marry PQG.

No it was DTC making a meme proposal.

I didn't see the first thread, but the latter one was where the above happened. In his defense I think he was joking it just didn't land well.

PQG agreed to marry me if no one puts a ring on her finger within the next 10 years.

My girlfriend's current earning capacity is good, but in 10 years time, PQG's earning capacity as a senior epidemiologist working for President Donald Trump Jr will be astronomical.

Winning.

[Co-Chair Bagel23]

I am aroused by election maps, my favorite being Loudoun county precinct comparison maps to wack off to while I tell everybody I am busy analyzing data in the closet, which is not completely wrong if you think about it

[WD]

I am aroused by election maps, my favorite being Loudoun county precinct comparison maps to wack off to while I tell everybody I am busy analyzing data in the closet, which is not completely wrong if you think about it

Bro...

[Kuumo]

I am aroused by election maps, my favorite being Loudoun county precinct comparison maps to wack off to while I tell everybody I am busy analyzing data in the closet, which is not completely wrong if you think about it

I see that you've come out as electocartographosexual since this post:

I once had intimate relations with a precinct map of Elliot County, Kentucky

[Goldwater]

I am a Libertarian with neo-con level interventionist foreign-policy and military views.

Why would someone even feel the need to hide this kind of information?

[Never Made it to Graceland]

I am a Libertarian with neo-con level interventionist foreign-policy and military views.

Why would someone even feel the need to hide this kind of information?

I don't know why dead0man felt the need to hide that kind of information.

[Canis]

Did people stop submitting or did Joe Republic stop posting them?

[America Needs a 13-6 Progressive SCOTUS]

Did people stop submitting or did Joe Republic stop posting them?

Joe Republic stopped posting them.

[Atlas Has Shrugged]

MOAR!

[SevenEleven]

Give the man some time, jeez, it's like you're waiting on Joe republic for a DeKalb vote dump, find something to do lmao.

[Joe Republic]

I've had to sift through a flood of trollspam, eyeroll-worthy lies, and miscellaneous copypasta.  Here's a sample, but going forward I won't bother re-posting it.

My PP is hard right now.

I am in love with Jeff Bezos. I like to imagine him dipping his bald head in oil and rubbing it all over my body. Then while we lay in bed together, I smoke a cigarette while he orders his managers to fire striking workers over the phone. The thought of him offhandedly laying off thousands of people immediately after coitus arouses me to no end. Imagine the power it would take to destroy that many people's lives in an instant, literally on a whim. God, it makes me rock hard.

What the  did you just ing say about me, you little bitch? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills.

I am trained in gorilla warfare and I’m the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the  out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my ing words.

You think you can get away with saying that sh**t to me over the Internet? Think again, er. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re ing dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands.

Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little sh**t. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your ing tongue.

But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will sh**t fury all over you and you will drown in it.

You’re ing dead, kiddo.

[Joe Republic]

Back to some more interesting stuff...

I once masturbated in a school lesson. In hindsight I’m shocked that I got away with no-one noticing.

During my mid-teens I used to self-pollute by rubbing it against the bed while lying on my stomach. What a stupid thing.

In all honesty there are two groups of Jews that I've met in my life: Morally bankrupt Reform Jews and uptight religious Jews.

_{76% of confessions reporting}

[Joe Republic]

I'm one of the most notorious "transphobes" on Atlas and even I'm shocked about some of the anti-tranny views in these confessions. Where are all you people when it really matters?

I am not trans, but I have constant sexual fantasies about being a woman. The idea of being involuntarily transformed into a woman is a massive turn-on for me. I'm a straight man btw.

I am the Mexican guy from earlier. A little more info: My dad is very swarthy but my mom is white-passing; I'm somewhat in between. I live in a somewhat upscale suburban area but not in a great part of town. I don't really want to say more. Someone on Atlas once figured out my actual name in real life and that freaked me out so I shouldn't really share any other personal information.

_{82% of confessions reporting}

[Joe Republic]

I seriously think this country started to go downhill when we gave women the right to vote. Just look at the habits of men versus women: men spend their time online debating politics and philosophy on the Atlas, while women look at pictures of food, cats, and other women. I don't think most women are capable of or interested in thinking about politics, and the demographics of our site bear this out.

if I got one of my deepest desires fulfilled I'd be in some cave filled with tentacles rn

I'm a male stripper who uses that money to buy weed.

_{85% of confessions reporting}

[Joe Republic]

One of my best friends in high school is considered a rising star in my state's politics.

I used to play Runescape to the point of addiction while trying to hide the fact from everyone else. It lasted for 5 months and ended because a sibling caught me and forced me to let them change my password to something that I would not know.

I literally model my entire personality on Nicolas Cage's character in Wild at Heart.

_{88% of confessions reporting}

[Joe Republic]

Simping, stanning, and meme marriage proposals aside- PQG actually seems like someone I'd want to date in real life. Not because she's one of maybe two straight cisgender women between 18-29 on here- but rather because she wears scrubs, can speak multiple languages, pays attention to random facts about obscure US counties, and has the guts to post a picture of herself in her sig. Not that I think I'm her type, if the people I personally know who are like her are any indication.

Can King T'Chenka PLEASE stop using the words cringe, pog, and based? It's annoying as hell.

I have a massive crush on a poster from minnesota, I know what they look like and we have chatted before, but I am too afraid to tell them.

_{91% of confessions reporting}

[John Dule]

I literally model my entire personality on Nicolas Cage's character in Wild at Heart.

This has got to be Hillgoose.

[T'Chenka]

Can King T'Chenka PLEASE stop using the words cringe, pog, and based? It's annoying as hell.

Cringe - Absolutely not. =)

Based - I literally only use it on Discord, and no. =)

Pog - I don't use "pog" very often, maybe something like 15 times ever. Not a huge fan of it overall so I don't plan to use it frequently. It's really funny that somebody got triggered by this though. I know who.

[Bleach Blonde Bad Built Butch Bodies for Biden]

Joe stopped posting anonymous confessions, so I'll just post a public one:

I am inclined to dislike all Tom Cruise films, despite their overall quality, simply because they feature Tom Cruise. I believe that Rain Man is an excellent movie (although Dustin Hoffman undoubtedly carried the film), but I can't get myself to like it because that asshole plays a main character and I can't look past his insane religious ideology and how he's used them to hurt and abuse innocent people.

Yet, I can listen to a Burzum album without thinking about Nazism and appreciate the atmosphere of Varg's ambient works...

[Santander]

Joe stopped posting anonymous confessions, so I'll just post a public one:

I am inclined to dislike all Tom Cruise films, despite their overall quality, simply because they feature Tom Cruise. I believe that Rain Man is an excellent movie (although Dustin Hoffman undoubtedly carried the film), but I can't get myself to like it because that asshole plays a main character and I can't look past his insane religious ideology and how he's used them to hurt and abuse innocent people.

Yet, I can listen to a Burzum album without thinking about Nazism and appreciate the atmosphere of Varg's ambient works...

Do you feel the same way about John Travolta?

[Bleach Blonde Bad Built Butch Bodies for Biden]

Joe stopped posting anonymous confessions, so I'll just post a public one:

I am inclined to dislike all Tom Cruise films, despite their overall quality, simply because they feature Tom Cruise. I believe that Rain Man is an excellent movie (although Dustin Hoffman undoubtedly carried the film), but I can't get myself to like it because that asshole plays a main character and I can't look past his insane religious ideology and how he's used them to hurt and abuse innocent people.

Yet, I can listen to a Burzum album without thinking about Nazism and appreciate the atmosphere of Varg's ambient works...

Do you feel the same way about John Travolta?

John Travolta, to my knowledge, never personally attacked someone for using antidepressants or gave his wife cause to fear him or his cult abducting their child. He doesn't jump on furniture like a wild animal during interviews. He mostly keeps his weird views to himself* and doesn't go out of his way to promote a borderline criminal organization.

But, the fact that he does associate himself with it shows his judgment is... questionable.

_{*and no, having 'weird views' is not a bad thing in and of itself}

[ultraviolet]

This is one of the best threads I’ve seen here. Let’s get some more confessions Joe

[_.]

This is one of the best threads I’ve seen here. Let’s get some more confessions Joe