The OC Society of Comedy and Biological Anthropology

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The old forum comedy thread has been going on for almost three years now, so we need a fresh start.

Can you tell me about the origins of my people?  I have mostly German and Swedish ancestry.

Thx!

It's called world wide web www

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Its DR KING week and Black history month, we should celebrate that instead, when talking about ancestry

Isn’t Black history month February? Are you on a custom calendar?

He might be using the Eastern Orthodox Calendar, which could be up to two weeks offset from the one we use?  The Eastern Orthodox Calendar would probably make more sense for Egypt, since olawakandi is descended from King Tut, and:

Egyptians came from Blacks as King Tut, had Black features

So if we're talking about Black History Month, we should be talking about Egyptian Black History Month, not the bastardized American version.  Therefore:

Its DR KING week

is obviously referring to Dr King Tut.  Little known Science Fact is that King Tut had a PhD in anthropology, and he used it to trace his ancestry to Lucy, female black mother, in South Africa.  Black history must start with her.

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Context

So what was it that resulted in him getting canned?

Maybe he either entered a relationship, left Texas, became a woman, or stopped having fun.  If any of those happened, his username would become a lie, and would be considered trolling.

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Butt judge is no longer relevant as Tender endorsed him

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Buttigieg is still being endorsed by Tender

But I thought Tender is endorsing Butt judge instead

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Presumably they are aware of your work with the Sanders campaign and nudging you toward focusing your energies there rather than on the mortification of General MacArthur.

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Separation between church and state, not wearing religion on your sleeve. The reverse trend of the Whigs and the Dixiectats
 The donkey was selected by Andrew Jackson due to Mary riding a donkey carrying Jesus. The Dixiecrats, wore religion on their sleeve and enslaved and discriminated against Blacks. But, now, the donkey means to take money from the rich and give to poor, Robin hood

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The year is 1988.

The country is experiencing mediocre economic performance.  There is a farming crisis in the Midwest.  The American President faces an increasing amount of inquiry and skepticism regarding his involvement in foreign conflicts.  A few men have risen. . . . . and fallen rather quickly in the race to complete the Democratic trifecta of pow-ah.  With Gary Hart and Joe Biden both out of the race and the people looking for a new top contender the field was wide open.  There was rumor that perhaps Jesse Jackson would make another bid for office, or maybe that someone like Massachusetts Governor Michael Dukakis would make a bid.  However, there was one man, one man with a vision, one man with a purpose, one man with the brains, the looks, the charisma, and the cybernetic network to make it happen.

CYBER BILL CLINTON
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mpMg1upld0w



Back in Time

Sometime in 1972

William Jefferson Clinton was just an ordinary man with grand ambitions.  With the brains of a genius and the charisma of a jock it seemed as if the world was his oyster.  He had a smart and beautiful woman.  He had all the friends a guy could ask for.  However it always felt like something was missing, as if mere educational and political success just wasn't enough.  Sure, he could teach law or he could run for Congress, maybe even be president, but what good was that if he didn't affect Change.

Bill was out taking a walk somewhere in the middle of nowhere Texas after a busy day of going door to door for George McGovern, Democrat for President.  There were some days where he hated campaigning for a lost cause, and today was one of those days.  He had just spent all day walking through some Dallas area suburb in the September heat, sweating like a dog, trying to sell people on the candidacy of George McGovern.  After getting tons of hostility, a lot of swearing, and even a few guns show at him Bill decided to call it a day and drove out to the middle of nowhere to go on a long walk.

Suddenly there was a loud boom ahead.



Bill: Whoa Holy Schnikes!  What was that!?

It looked like a damned tanker or oil drum or something had gone on.  Whatever it was, that crap was loud man!  It was like, man it was pretty loud like someone had shot a gun off right next to his ear!  Anyways, Bill approaches the site of the explosion, some I dunno 700 meters to his south, and notices a brownish crater with what looked like a spacecraft made out of steel or something.  Bill approaches the craft, with a small joint in his hand, when a door of some sort suddenly opens.  Bill decides to take a smoke break, taking a light (but not inhaling) to calm his nerves before what seemed to be almost certainly an extra-terrestrial visitor from another planet.

Suddenly, something started to move out of the craft and along the ground.  It was like some sort of like big robot spider looking thing.  With legs. The robot spider moved along the ground before looking up with a dart like object at Bill.  Suddenly Bill looks down and notices it staring at him, intently.

Bill: What?

The dart like object shoots out of the robot into Bill's neck.  He lets out a loud scream of agony.

Bill: AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH AHHHHHHHHH AHHHHHHHHHHHHH DAMN THAT HURTS1!!!!!!!!
A voice started speaking in his head.
Voice: William Jefferson Clinton.  I have moved through the Cosmos looking for you.  The master lords of time and space and knowledge have sent me through the ninth realm to search for the one true champion who will unite the Milky Way and Andromeda Galaxies in advance of the Legions of Skilar!  The Great Evil is on this planet, bidding it's time in human form, masquerading as a brave traditionalist trying to reclaim this planet from radical Freedom Fighters!  The universe is in peril!  You are our only hope Bill Clinton!  Please accept this ultimate gift, the gift of knowledge, the gift of pow-ah, the gift of the laser, the gift of CYBER.

In an instant Bill felt an indescribable almost infinite surge of power course through is body, move through his veins, and then surge through to his brain.  In an instant he had felt all the voices of the world, all of the thoughts of humanity, move up through to his cerebral cortex.  He now knew of all of the world's pain, suffering, and aspirations.  He felt them all crying out, in one unified voice, for a supreme champion of the People of Solaris, Pythaeon, Cerebrus, and Gaia to unite the various regions of Milky Way and Andromeda before the ultimate would be threat of Skilar, the Great Deceiver, the Turner of Worlds, the Eater of Time and Space!

Instantaneously Bill began to feel his body begin to change.  He felt his abs, torso, biceps, quadriceps, shoulder blades, brain, and even his you know whats begin to bulge and turn into pure metal cyber.  What was once human, what was once just a man, what was once just flesh and bone was being eaten away and replace by a superior and cybernetic mainframe of wires and impenetrable steel.  Not even the fiercest nuclear fires of the earth could soften this new exoskeleton that had emerged and devoured the previous living structure of the entity once known as William Jefferson Clinton.

What was once Bill Clinton was gone.  What was once a man on a bright career path towards regular politics was gone.  Mere achievement, the realm of mortals, was way beneath the new Bill Clinton, the Cyber Bill Clinton.  With the task now at hand and the goal now all apparent, Cyber Bill Clinton took a huge breath of fresh Texas air as the schematics popped up in his newly designed cybernetic brain.

He knew what he had to do.  Reaching into his brain he felt something click, he made a profound realization that he never had before.  All those years, trying to be the most popular guy in school, always running for student office, all of those girlfriends he had, it was all just a masquerade.  He never felt truly fulfilled.  He never felt like he lived his own life.  He was always following somebody else's script.  Just like the rest of Humanity.

Thus he owed it to himself and everybody else he knew to let them know the truth.  The truth that he had been hiding all along.

He was now Cyber Bill Clinton.  He was out to save the world.  And he was very madly and deeply in love with his fellow classmate and Yale grad student. . . . . . Robert Bernard Reich.



It was clear then what he needed to do:

1. Get into contact with Master Salamius the Wise to learn more about the Fifth Contagion.
2. Get the components necessary to upgrade his built in automatic plasma rifle in case he encounters any shapeshifters in this timeline.
3. Drop off his shirt at the dry cleaners.
4. Stop smoking weed.
5. End things amicably with Hillary.

What will happen next?  Will Bill get the Earth Defense Force prepared in time for the Fifth Contagion's arrival on Earth in the year of our lord 1996?  Will his new advanced cybernetic form benefit him in his pursuit of the highest office of the land?  Will he be able to live a happy life as a gay cybernetic lifeform?  Find out on the next installment of CYBER BILL CLINTON!

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Image Source: The Chaser

Pete and Chasten are so cute together.

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First he saturated the airwaves with TV ads, and I did not speak out -- because I don't watch TV

Then he paid off the Instagram influencers, and I did not speak out -- because I'm not a normie

Then he bought the memers, the sh**tposters, the neckbeards --

And then he came for me. And I did not speak out. Because he gave me $150.

(Yes, this post was #sponsored by @mikebloomberg)

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Alot of people put personal things on here and most people arent gonna meet you in real life. That's what facebook is for, when you see people face to face

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People dont always to the truth, I can say I am 18 and weigh 135 lbs

But that would mean you registered on the forum when you were 4 years old, which would be against the rules.

And also that he was a young genius.

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Some people lie about weight mostly, unless you see a picture, dateline also lie, too. People stretch the truth

Come to think of it, we’ve never seen a picture of you. How do we know that you really exist?

Maybe OC is actually Heinrich Müller, in hiding since May 1945? He famously didn't like to be photographed.

If so that's one great cover, Gruppenführer.

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Credit where it's due

Further evidence of Ukrainian interference in our sacred elections. When will Brian Stelter or Lawrence O’Donnell come across this and run a segment?

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Bernie Sanders idolizes Eugene Debs. He even has a portrait of him in his Senate office.

Debs ran for president several times as the Socialist candidate. But even in his best year, 1912, he barely cracked 6% of the vote! He had years to build up a national profile but didn’t even come close in a heavily divided race.

While admittedly not very many 2020 voters were alive during the 1912 election, surely there are some that heard stories of it from their parents or grandparents. Forget McGovern. They need to warn people about the danger of nominating a Debs-inspired candidate before it’s too late and Trump wins in a landslide.