Comedy Goldmine VII: Straight-to-DVD Christmas Special

[Keystone Phil]

During my afternoon nap....I just had a dream regarding the election. What is strange is that...I woke up the day after the election...and had no recollection of election night. Keystone Phil was in my dream...I guess I was with him at rallies and events for the campaign.

Anyways....I remember two things.

States Obama had won:

Ohio
Florida (to which Phil responded "YEAH...can you believe THAT?"
Pennsylvania
Nevada
New Mexico
Iowa

and the electoral vote total was:
Obama: 349
McCain: 189

The map on TV looked something like this:

although I'm not sure about VA and MO...but the electoral count is correct in my dream with that map.

Keystone Phil tells me: "The polls were closed for like...one hour...and they began calling Bush/Cheney states for Obama."

Here's where the dream gets wacky. Keystone Phil and I walk into a room at an Obama/Biden event where the staffers are about to film a "WE WON" rubbing it-in ad and are all lined up in a circle. I laugh and a guy in an Obama/Biden shirt holding some type of blackberry or I-Phone or something gives me a light punch on my upper chest. I was angry and left the room yelling "that guy punched me!"

Finally, while outside the door, I saw Cindy McCain walk by, and I patted her on the back and said, "I'm sorry." Then I turned around and there was an older-Debbie Stabenow looking woman working at the table who it was implied in my dream was the Democratic VP candidate, and all I remember about her was that she was from Wisconsin and her husband's name was Todd.

Then I woke up and said, "THANK GOD IT WAS A DREAM!"

[King]

Mike Naso has posted some funny stuff, but this wasn't his best work.

I love that he has an election dream every single week.

[Filuwaúrdjan]

which do u like best?

lung cancer
liver cancer
pancreas cancer
stomach cancer

vote now!

[War on Want]

To think that Obama doesn't have black power as a goal of his is absurd.  To think that Jesse Jackson supports Obama for any reason other than being black is also absurd.  The poster isn't off base by much if at all

Hackery amuses me.

[DownWithTheLeft]

To think that Obama doesn't have black power as a goal of his is absurd.  To think that Jesse Jackson supports Obama for any reason other than being black is also absurd.  The poster isn't off base by much if at all

Hackery amuses me.

I usually get a kick out of emo kids too

[Хahar 🤔]

First option, only because the convention's name wasn't jacked from a French political party.

Not that nicking French political party names is a bad thing....

but I'd much rather attend Ron Paul's "French Section of the Workers' International" than his "Rally for the Republic".

[Reaganfan]

Mike Naso has posted some funny stuff, but this wasn't his best work.

I love that he has an election dream every single week.

Only two election night dreams. I had one a year or so ago where Rudy was conceding to Hillary...I woke up and remember saying to myself, "We REALLY need McCain." LOL

Keystone Phil and I were talking on the phone just a few hours before my nap, and one of the topics was Keystone Phil's trip to a McCain/Palin rally as well as us maybe meeting up to hang out on election night this fall. I also was mad about something "Nixon Now" had done...and he often holds an "I-Phone" or "Blackberry" or whatever...and I wonder if the hostility I got from a trendy young guy in that dream was a subconscious thing about being angry with "Nixon Now".

Then again...maybe I just shouldn't have eaten that Pasta for lunch before my nap....

[Fmr. Pres. Duke]

I have an iPhone.

[Filuwaúrdjan]

I honestly cannot believe this murderous criminal won.  Just shows how uneducated the populous is on a whole

There's a great irony in calling people 'uneducated' and then using the word 'populous' (an adjective) instead of 'populace'. Homonyms are fun!

[Kaine for Senate '18]

Here's another exclusive pic from a Santiago Underage Teen Sex Party:

[opebo]

I really do like him.  He's just an every day Joe.......and I do like that.

In this way, Joe Biden is like Marge Schott.  Who was also more relevant in 1988.

[Sensei]

LOL!

I'm not laughing at the idea of States being attacked. I just find James to be so ridiculous.

I'm LOL too!

I'm not laughing at the idea of States being attacked, but at James calling him a cow!  Fat he may be, but the man is all Bull.

[DownWithTheLeft]

Alright, this should finally put to rest rumors that Gporter isn't a joke poster:

*warning do not drink beverages while reading this*

What is your stance on genocide? Do you favor or oppose it?

if it were put as a bill and if I were to vote on it, then I would not vote.

I would put forth to the senate a resolution to a bill that included this. One that permited  genocide in certain situations and not in others. But, I would not vote on a bill that either permitted genocide in all situations or one that did not permit genocide in all situations. I think that we need a compromise between those two.

[Kaine for Senate '18]

Alright, this should finally put to rest rumors that Gporter isn't a joke poster:

*warning do not drink beverages while reading this*

What is your stance on genocide? Do you favor or oppose it?

if it were put as a bill and if I were to vote on it, then I would not vote.

I would put forth to the senate a resolution to a bill that included this. One that permited  genocide in certain situations and not in others. But, I would not vote on a bill that either permitted genocide in all situations or one that did not permit genocide in all situations. I think that we need a compromise between those two.

That may well be his funniest post ever.

[I spent the winter writing songs about getting better]

This is so true, but I still laughed:

Gallup doesn't release till 1 PM EST. You are looking at yesterday's numbers.

I really expect Obama to up by one today or tomorrow.

nobody cares

[Hash]

We seem to have more trolls, but that is to be expected.

Other than that, everything's as always.

Yeah I noticed we have more Republican posters too.

[opebo]

Things are always ugly on Wall Street. That's the whole point.

[Keystone Phil]

Concerning his favorite year in the the 90s...

Personal best - 1994 or 1995.  I can't say why cause I'm not sure about the statute of limitations.

[opebo]

RE Macain's statement that the economy's fundamentals are strong:

... Maybe what McCain means is that his wife is still loaded.

[Reaganfan]

Mostly right, though I use my left regularly for a few things.

[Reaganfan]

Mostly right, though I use my left regularly for a few things.

HAHAHHAAHAHA

Is it funny that I drink coffee while holding my mug with my left hand? Methinks your mind is in some sort of gutter if what I think you're thinking is what first came to your mind.

when I broke my right arm about five years back, my left hand was pressed into emergency duty on that front.  it was brutal.  it took like an hour every single time.

Wow, informative!

[I spent the winter writing songs about getting better]

You need to read this in context:

Also, this is not good for McCain. McCain should be up by more.

[Bacon King]

Generally, when waltermitty says something, believe the exact opposite is occurring.

[I spent the winter writing songs about getting better]

Generally, when waltermitty says something, believe the exact opposite is occurring.

That's not funny, that's simply the exact 100% truth.

[Grumpier Than Uncle Joe]

As I am mostly an ignorant regarding football, what is the "red zone"? Just curious.

Well, it has to do with jock itch, you see.