Update for Everyone VII: Insert Something Philosophical Sounding Here

[True Federalist (진정한 연방 주의자)]

I took a good old-fashioned car-trip vacation with the family this past summer and we stopped at South of the Border, which is a delightfully cheesy place.  I wouldn't recommend you go out of your way to go there, but if you're passing through anyway, I'd recommend it.

[FEMA Camp Administrator]

Hit the links with RINO Tom this afternoon.  Beautiful day for it 😎

Jealous!

Hit us up next time you’re in Chicago Cath!

That’s the problem.

(Actually might visit around Christmas since a friend is living there)

[Don Vito Corleone]

I turn 17 in just over 7 hours, and I'm not very much looking forward to it. I have a sinking feeling I'm not making the most of my teen years, and I feel old. I can remember in 4th grade, we used to talk about teenagers as these mythical creatures who had long hair and listened to heavy metal and were always doing drugs and were just generally up to no good and getting into trouble, and now I'm almost half done a teenager!

[Co-Chair Bagel23]

I got scowled at multiple times by Deion Sanders Jr. a few days ago hehe.

[Atlas Has Shrugged]

One of my best friends was violently and savagely beaten by a friend of hers who came up from Tampa and she called me from Tallahassee to tell me about it. I’m really concerned and I’m seven hours away and helpless. I love her like a sister and literally want to castrate this guy with a tree clipper.

This incident was fueled by xanax ofc. I swear to God I’ve never once ever seen someone pop a xan and then just be chill. Everyone ALWAYS freaks out on it.

[HillGoose]

I turn 17 in just over 7 hours, and I'm not very much looking forward to it. I have a sinking feeling I'm not making the most of my teen years, and I feel old. I can remember in 4th grade, we used to talk about teenagers as these mythical creatures who had long hair and listened to heavy metal and were always doing drugs and were just generally up to no good and getting into trouble, and now I'm almost half done a teenager!

dude it is all good in the hood man just remember that Sam Walton didn't found Walmart until he was 43 also I can guarantee what you did with your teen years has been better than what I did with mine. You are a cool dude it will be good.

[Pheurton Skeurto]

I've officially accepted a position with Lancaster Newspapers as a freelance correspondent, which is neato and I'll be using my college degree that I paid ~$70,000 to get in order to make supplemental income!

[FEMA Camp Administrator]

I've officially accepted a position with Lancaster Newspapers as a freelance correspondent, which is neato and I'll be using my college degree that I paid ~$70,000 to get in order to make supplemental income!

Congratulations!

[President of the great nation of 🏳️‍⚧️]

Just voted for the first time. Apparently, I didn't even need to bring my ID until the primary in March (which makes sense, since I live in the 12th, where basically nobody's voting. Hell, I was the only voter in the gym while I was doing it!) While I couldn't vote for McCready, I did vote for Climbing Dan's opponent last year for City Council.

[Atlas Has Shrugged]

I've officially accepted a position with Lancaster Newspapers as a freelance correspondent, which is neato and I'll be using my college degree that I paid ~$70,000 to get in order to make supplemental income!

Fake news!

(Congrats though)

[Bleach Blonde Bad Built Butch Bodies for Biden]

I loathe posting "woe is me" posts as I occasionally do in this thread but here we go again.  Maybe people with similar experiences can empathize or at least give me some words of advice/encouragement.

So a lot of you know I attempted suicide in July.  What drove me to doing that (and it's not something I'm proud to disclose): my mother was in jail on frivolous charges for a month and a half and, given that she's my primary caretaker, as I am disabled, that was enough to push me over the edge.  Now she's back in my life and I'm grateful that she is, but here's what happened afterwards: I was assigned to a new psychiatrist who accepts Medicaid, as we owe a lot of money to my previous psychiatrist who does not accept Medicaid but was far more helpful to me.  He prescribed high-dose medications (which I need, as a DNA test I took recently indicated that my body is very resistant to antidepressants and anti-anxiety meds).

The new psychiatrist was terrible, and because of her reluctance to prescribe medications in higher dosages I suffered for the month and a half I was stuck with her.  I've since cut ties with her, told my old psychiatrist about what happened, and he kindly prescribed me my old medications which were somewhat stabilizing before the new psychiatrist took me off of them.

But emotionally, I am a mess.  None of the things that I used to enjoy in life spark joy for me anymore.  Not politics, not reading... I was studying music theory and practicing the keyboard just a few weeks ago but stopped because the depression is just too much for me to work through.  Suicide is on my mind constantly and right now the only reason I haven't gone through with another attempt is the knowledge that if I were to die, my mother would be completely devastated as my father has already passed and I am her only child, and I just can't be responsible for destroying another life in the process if I were to take my own.

But I truly want to die just so I can be at peace with the Lord.  Part of me wishes I had cancer or some other terminal illness just so that I could die without having the guilt of being responsible for my own death.  I feel like all the medications - even the stronger ones my older psychiatrist put me back on - are not going to help me; I am extremely drug-resistant and I don't feel like there's an antidote that will make things better.  My brain is f#cked up.  It is the reason I am unable to hold a job (though I have recently taken an online job as a freelance transcriptionist so that I can make some money from home).  I take no pride in being a sloth, but I've battled with mental illness all my life and it's impaired me in many ways.  But coping with these things has only gotten more difficult.

I am not sure what to expect.  If I continue taking these medications faithfully, will my mental status recover, after a month and a half of taking a child's dose of those meds, or will I slide even deeper into depression?

This isn't a "poor me" pity post.  Words of empathy are nice, prayers are appreciated, but I genuinely want answers and advice.  I post on Atlas these days (mostly on the fantasyland boards) as an escape from my real life problems, but if anything I've become more stressed and I'm not having fun here anymore.  I would take a break from the site, but I feel like that would just keep me in bed longer wallowing in self-pity with nothing else to do.

I don't know.  I'm just... lost.  The only thing that would make me happy at this point is the solace of a peaceful death.  But I know that can't happen without others getting hurt as well.  I can't be responsible for that.  I can't die with the knowledge that all the people I'd leave behind would be destroyed.

My only hope is that the medications I'm on do their job as I readjust to them, but the way I'm feeling now makes me think that will never happen.  It doesn't matter what doctors I see or what new pills they try me on.  I don't know if I'm just naturally cynical towards life or if my brain is just f#cked up, but I would give anything to walk in someone else's shoes for a day and actually experience real happiness.  I want to appreciate the life that God gave me, but for what ever reason I can't.

I want to live a life that has real meaning.  I wish I didn't have autism and I wish I wasn't so introverted.  I want to make friends in person, but my social anxiety and awkward quirks keep me from doing so.  I know that I'm destined to be a hermit.

Again, I'm not looking for pity here.  I just want advice, particularly from those who either have mental illness or know someone who's going through something similar.  Medication isn't helping me.  Therapy isn't helping me.  I feel like I'm completely out of options.

So that's my sob story.  Sorry if it sounded repetitive in some areas.  My mind is going in circles right now.

[I Can Now Die Happy]

I deserve a medal for this. Note that I also predict a Trump victory in 2020, contrary to other Atlas users who predicted a McCready win and a Trump loss in 2020.

[Lumine]

I loathe posting "woe is me" posts as I occasionally do in this thread but here we go again.  Maybe people with similar experiences can empathize or at least give me some words of advice/encouragement.

So a lot of you know I attempted suicide in July.  What drove me to doing that (and it's not something I'm proud to disclose): my mother was in jail on frivolous charges for a month and a half and, given that she's my primary caretaker, as I am disabled, that was enough to push me over the edge.  Now she's back in my life and I'm grateful that she is, but here's what happened afterwards: I was assigned to a new psychiatrist who accepts Medicaid, as we owe a lot of money to my previous psychiatrist who does not accept Medicaid but was far more helpful to me.  He prescribed high-dose medications (which I need, as a DNA test I took recently indicated that my body is very resistant to antidepressants and anti-anxiety meds).

The new psychiatrist was terrible, and because of her reluctance to prescribe medications in higher dosages I suffered for the month and a half I was stuck with her.  I've since cut ties with her, told my old psychiatrist about what happened, and he kindly prescribed me my old medications which were somewhat stabilizing before the new psychiatrist took me off of them.

But emotionally, I am a mess.  None of the things that I used to enjoy in life spark joy for me anymore.  Not politics, not reading... I was studying music theory and practicing the keyboard just a few weeks ago but stopped because the depression is just too much for me to work through.  Suicide is on my mind constantly and right now the only reason I haven't gone through with another attempt is the knowledge that if I were to die, my mother would be completely devastated as my father has already passed and I am her only child, and I just can't be responsible for destroying another life in the process if I were to take my own.

But I truly want to die just so I can be at peace with the Lord.  Part of me wishes I had cancer or some other terminal illness just so that I could die without having the guilt of being responsible for my own death.  I feel like all the medications - even the stronger ones my older psychiatrist put me back on - are not going to help me; I am extremely drug-resistant and I don't feel like there's an antidote that will make things better.  My brain is f#cked up.  It is the reason I am unable to hold a job (though I have recently taken an online job as a freelance transcriptionist so that I can make some money from home).  I take no pride in being a sloth, but I've battled with mental illness all my life and it's impaired me in many ways.  But coping with these things has only gotten more difficult.

I am not sure what to expect.  If I continue taking these medications faithfully, will my mental status recover, after a month and a half of taking a child's dose of those meds, or will I slide even deeper into depression?

This isn't a "poor me" pity post.  Words of empathy are nice, prayers are appreciated, but I genuinely want answers and advice.  I post on Atlas these days (mostly on the fantasyland boards) as an escape from my real life problems, but if anything I've become more stressed and I'm not having fun here anymore.  I would take a break from the site, but I feel like that would just keep me in bed longer wallowing in self-pity with nothing else to do.

I don't know.  I'm just... lost.  The only thing that would make me happy at this point is the solace of a peaceful death.  But I know that can't happen without others getting hurt as well.  I can't be responsible for that.  I can't die with the knowledge that all the people I'd leave behind would be destroyed.

My only hope is that the medications I'm on do their job as I readjust to them, but the way I'm feeling now makes me think that will never happen.  It doesn't matter what doctors I see or what new pills they try me on.  I don't know if I'm just naturally cynical towards life or if my brain is just f#cked up, but I would give anything to walk in someone else's shoes for a day and actually experience real happiness.  I want to appreciate the life that God gave me, but for what ever reason I can't.

I want to live a life that has real meaning.  I wish I didn't have autism and I wish I wasn't so introverted.  I want to make friends in person, but my social anxiety and awkward quirks keep me from doing so.  I know that I'm destined to be a hermit.

Again, I'm not looking for pity here.  I just want advice, particularly from those who either have mental illness or know someone who's going through something similar.  Medication isn't helping me.  Therapy isn't helping me.  I feel like I'm completely out of options.

So that's my sob story.  Sorry if it sounded repetitive in some areas.  My mind is going in circles right now.

Been reflecting a bit on what you wrote, Scott, and I would like to say that I really, really don’t think your experiences come across as “woe is me”. If anything, I think it’s a deeply honest way to put it, and I wish I knew what would be the most appropriate and responsible thing to say.

Personally I’ve been struggling with a deep, constant depression for the past five years (and before that suffered another two-year depression and struggled a lot in school), along with a lot of internal debate sparked by my marked lack of social skills, inability to fit in and the combined scene that I was losing a sense of identity as well as a lack of meaning in life. My current process became so exhausting that even though suicide was not an option since non-existence terrifies me, at the end of last year I just felt so tired of all that it started to become a serious alternative.

I’m very much not an optimist, because I’m deeply cynical about most things, and have serious trouble believing in religion, philosophies or even in people. For once though, I decided to give myself another chance before trying to give up, a made a very conscious decision to make a big effort – despite lacking any sort of energy - to have a less miserable year so long as it was within my power to make things easier for me. That meant trying to avoid stuff that made me feel even worse, be productive when I could, and trying to at least rethink why I acted like I did, or why I felt a certain way.

This is just a personal experience – not trying to be corny -, but weirdly enough, I have felt better for the first time in years. I still haven’t overcome the depression for good, but I just desperately want to feel better, and I try almost everything I can (and have the energy to) to be distracted or productive as a means to feel there’s some sense or meaning in my everyday life.

Personally, it helps to have small or workable goals to fulfill, the completion of which does make me feel better and which might be helpful in sparking some degree of interest in a given task or hobby (feedback also helps). I’m not sure if you’ve ever tried writing (to relax, to produce something, perhaps only to release), but it is something that I would recommend. I also realize it can be hard to find the means to take a break – in the sense of being in a different space or context – and I confess not knowing whether it is feasible (in terms of disability, forgive the ignorance), but it if was, I think that’s also worth a try. Being in the same space for too long, as least in my case, also has a negative impact on how I feel even if I generally don’t like going outside.

I’m terrible at giving advice and would hope others could offer something more helpful, but I did want to try to encourage you in the sense that, difficult as it may be (impossible as it may look), even in cynicism and exhaustion it is possible for find some sort of meaning or solace, and I think it can be worth the effort despite the difficulty in dealing with how one feels when depression is so strong and seemingly unyielding.

[TDAS04]

I sincerely hope things get better for you Scott.

I'm not completely sure of what advice to give.  I've had similar struggles, but I won't claim to have it as hard as you.  My situation has been fairly lucky recently, but I'm still frustrated that my anxiety keeps me from progressing as much as I'd like, such as in increasing my independence and obtaining decent employment, I mostly blame myself, (though I still haven't gotten the SSI benefits a judge ruled I'm entitled to receive ).  I need to continue trying; perseverance generally works, I'm hopeful it will eventually work for you, though I'm sorry if it seems like you keep trying and nothing gets done.  On one hand a positive attitude helps, on the other hand denying how bad you feel would be counterproductive.  It's complicated, but hopefully a right balance between can be found.  Continuing to have faith and trust in God is also good, as is seeking help from a pastor.

As for making friends, after a high school experience with virtually no social life, I was lucky that my college (which I attended for several years as a part-time student, followed by my enrollment in a three-year program for people with disabilities, now I'm finally done with school ) had caring faculty who helped me a lot in finding a few good friends.  I don't know what opportunities you'd have for anything like that.  Some may feel it's a desperate way to make friends, but it seems to have generally worked for me.  I've also improved my social skills to an extent that making friends more spontaneously is possible.

The most important thing I want to say is that if you have suicidal thoughts, seek help immediately!  Your life may be rough, but life is worth living.  Don't give up!

I don't always read this thread, so I wasn't completely aware with all you've been going through Scott, but I hope I can help.


This maybe a bad segue, but there was a tornado within a mile of my house last night, and it appears to have destroyed what was my favorite restaurant in town.

[Bleach Blonde Bad Built Butch Bodies for Biden]

Thanks for the kind words of encouragement, folks - both in this thread as well as in some PMs I've gotten over the last couple days.

I do have a list of goals I'd like to fulfill.  That's largely why I've turned to music: both in learning it as well as creating 'experimental' pieces, if you will (and I have written some songs in the past... maybe someday I'll post some here).  But those of who you've had/have depression know how you can have a passion for something that just vanishes one day, because it simply no longer sparks joy in your life.  And, I've also learned that getting invested in something like politics can be counterproductive to emotional healing, for reasons I don't think I need to get into here.

@TDAS04: I did have a small number of great friends in college (I even ended up falling in love with one of them... but that's a long story I'd best not get into here. ). I also had a caring faculty - which, I should add, is an advantage to IRL colleges that online schools don't provide.  Which is why I question whether my past plans of finding an online school as opposed to an IRL one is the best course of action for me.

But I am persevering even through my darkest moments in ways that work for me - prayer being one of them.  I don't plan on leaving this world much as I might want to sometimes.  Ultimately, it's just not worth all the pain and hardship I would inevitably leave behind for others to endure.

[HillGoose]

things have been rough bro

[Co-Chair Bagel23]

things have been rough bro

Stop drinking

[HillGoose]

things have been rough bro

Stop drinking

i've only actually drank once in the past month 😂😂😂 hard to find time when I'm doing 15-18 hour days 7 days a week lmao

[GM Team Member and Deputy PPT WB]

recently upped my antidepressant meds. Main reason is because it's been four years since we changed it, and i've gained like, 50 lbs since then.

Damn I need to work out more...

[TDAS04]

there was a tornado within a mile of my house last night, and it appears to have destroyed what was my favorite restaurant in town.

Turns out that restaurant will be fine, in spite of the massive damage to some nearby businesses.

[FEMA Camp Administrator]

13-hour workday. Loving that OT pay.

[Mr. Smith]

Just completed my first week with the school districts. 50 miles of cycling. 30 hours doing all sorts of things, my favorite being the read-alongs.

[YE]

Should I go to a Bernie rally on Sunday?

[RFK Jr.’s Brain Worm]

Should I go to a Bernie rally on Sunday?

If you’ve never been to one, sure. Otherwise they’re basically the same speech. Might be some good people-watching opportunities though.

[Gracile]

Should I go to a Bernie rally on Sunday?

Yes, you should go. Even if you don't support him, it seems like a nice way to stay politically involved. Plus, I think a lot of what he'll say will be right up your alley.

I intended to go to a Sanders rally when he came to Chicago earlier this year but ultimately couldn't make it. I regret that I didn't get to see him speak (but I'm speaking as a supporter of his, so it might be different for you as a Warren supporter).