The Comedy Goldmine

[Morning in Atlas]

A quote that many people, especially males, should take notice. People will like you if you're nice, and that's that.

Right. And if they're women, they will promptly put nice guys like you in the 'friend zone'.    

Can't tell if serious or

[badgate]

I love how it looks like Friend Zone Fedora is wearing that My Little Pony thing as a large button

[SPC]

You must be logged in to read this quote.

What kind of landlord asks a member of the United States House of Representatives to supply character references from his fellow Representatives?

[Grumpier Than Uncle Joe]

I was at Target a week or so ago and two hot girls walked by. They didn't see me, of course...but an Army guy in uniform walked by. They both looked and said, "Mmm Military guys are hot". My heart sank. Literally. I felt the goose-bump chill that you get just before you cry. That's gone forever for me.

[Paul Kemp]

Why do you dislike black people?

I could care less about race. It's not the color of ones skin, but the content of their character. I agree with Dr. Martin Luther King.

[Pheurton Skeurto]

Context:

In the same way that Sheldon Whitehouse could be elected President yes.

[Flake]

Context:

This one's pretty rad:

[True Federalist (진정한 연방 주의자)]

That one was more comedy silver or bronze.  Still valuable, but not gold.

[Hatman 🍁]

Joe is losing his touch

[Sopranos Republican]

The best county in Mississippi.

Yeah, but that's like saying a meal was Bushie's healthiest of the year.

[minionofmidas]

For the record, Opebo, BRTD and Xahar were pretty close to making it. I'm pretty surprised they didn't (though positively so for the first 2 ).

The forum is mostly toadies nowadays.  Look at this poll - most of the top vote-getters are moderators!

Well, Al is a moderator in the same way that Fred Phelps is a Democrat, though.

[Joe Republic]

That one was more comedy silver or bronze.  Still valuable, but not gold.

It was low hanging fruit.  I was surprised that one of the resident stupids or newbies didn't get there first.

[Antonio the Sixth]

David Leip, are you listening?
Torie just sent you a PM
Your behavior must change
Or you'll grow estranged
From posting in this Atlas wonderland

Gone away is the barfbag
So they say, from the Mod Cave
But krazen can stay, he won't go away
BRTD cries that it's too Orwellian

In 2016 we can build a strawman
And pretend that it's Clintonian
We'll say, "How's she polling?"
They'll say "Well, man.
And Christie's numbers haven't bottomed out."

Later on in Off Topic
Walter's waxing philosophic.
He posts irrelevant polls
While opebo trolls
Browsing an Atlasian wonderland

[True Federalist (진정한 연방 주의자)]

Overall, it seems I have a pretty good chance to survive a nuclear war, though shopping possibilities might be seriously constrained afterwards...

[Pheurton Skeurto]

I'd rather watch whales fornicate than watch Sneakers O'Toole for 22 minutes.

That would be prodigious endurance on the part of whales if they can make it last that long (not counting the foreplay of course).

[Pheurton Skeurto]

How to de-wussify America:

1. Stop requiring seat belts and side airbags in cars. Put lead back into gasoline and paint.

2. More smoking and more drinking hard liquor.

3. Fewer cops. We need to settle our disputes like men - with the guns we carry with us everywhere should an opportunity for a duel present itself.

4. Women need to stop using birth control pills and instead birth all the babies she can - with no anesthesia. And her husband is allowed to smack her around every now and then as long as there's no blood.

5. Stop spending all this money on healthcare. Illnesses should be dealt with using the Old Ways - cutting off limbs with a hacksaw and using whiskey as an anesthetic and antiseptic.

[PJ]

WTF is this?

...the beginning.

[MASHED POTATOES. VOTE!]

WTF is this?

...the beginning.

This truly opened my eyes.

[Paul Kemp]

Well that was about as effective as a temporary ban on this forum.

[Paul Kemp]

Okay it's not me

[Oswald Acted Alone, You Kook]

Sneakers O'Toole (abnormal)

[politicus]

I don't dislike Inks, I just think he has a condition

[Pheurton Skeurto]

Context:

I watched the Rugrats episode about it, yes.

[Oakvale]

Anyone who wastes their time watching TV shows is an intellectual lightweight. Read a f**king book!

[Paul Kemp]

Firstly, we should make him take the Turing Test. Increasingly I suspect that he'd fail.