Sexless love or loveless sex?

[RI]

Define sex.

I will go with sexless love.

[RI]

Define sex.

Normally (but not limited to) genital stimulation until climax.

A pretty harsh fate, but nevertheless, I stand by my answer unabashedly.

There is no higher, more noble human endeavor than the pursuit of love. Love is selfless and altruistic; it thinks not of its own benefit, but for the benefit of others. Only through love can we find true, lasting fulfillment.

Sex may leave you with a momentary pleasure, but love goes on forever. Once you have loved, you can never go back. You are eternally changed for the better.

If you had the choice between having a continous stream of brief, fleeting moments of pleasure or a lifetime of perpetual fulfillment of the highest order, there simply is no contest.

[RI]

Love is something that people say they're in, so they can get laid. Then, they end up hurting eachother, because it was all based on lies to begin with.

Obviously, you are missing the crucial distinction between love and 'in love'. The infatuation of being 'in love' is not love. Love is not a feeling. Love is an action. Love is a verb. Love is a choice. Judging by this thread, far too few people realize this.

If you say you are in love for the sole purpose of having sex, then that is the opposite of love. That is using someone for your own selfish intentions. Love does not think of itself, but of others.

[RI]

     Loveless sex. I'd rather be lonely than driven insane.

Why would insanity be brought on any more so by a lack of sex than by a lack of love?

This just tells me where our values are these days. It is very sad.

[RI]

     Loveless sex. I'd rather be lonely than driven insane.

Amen, brother!

I'm surprised how many men on this Forum picked Option 1.  Why even deal with females without the sex?  I can name a few exceptions, but for the most part I can't deal with women.  There I said it.  They're caddy, will twist the slightest thing you say against you, sometimes a pain in the ass to deal with in the workplace (few exceptions, of course)... Oh boy, I'm gonna be labeled a mysoginist.

That is a terrible, horrible thing to say. You bet you're a misogynist. People with attitudes like yours give men an awful name.

[RI]

Ice Hockey, if all that you care about is sex, the best you'll ever do is to wander from one shallow, meaningless tryst to another. You will end up sad, empty, and alone. You will never know what it is like for another person to truly love you, and I can attest that there is nothing more wonderful in this world.

[RI]

I love it when libertarians find total emptiness fulfilling.

     Sorry for being able to find fulfillment outside of love.

Any fulfillment you find outside of love will never last.

[RI]

I love it when libertarians find total emptiness fulfilling.

     Sorry for being able to find fulfillment outside of love.

Any fulfillment you find outside of love will never last.

To be honest I haven't dated anyone in several years and no, it's really not much of a loss so far.

...

Dude, you're what? 19? Get real.

Additionally, dating does not necessarily equal love.

[RI]

I love it when libertarians find total emptiness fulfilling.

     Sorry for being able to find fulfillment outside of love.

Any fulfillment you find outside of love will never last.

     Don't get me wrong, I still want to try to find love. I just am suspicious that I can't find fulfillment in teaching kids physics.

I did not mean it that way. I apologize.

[RI]

     Loveless sex. I'd rather be lonely than driven insane.

Amen, brother!

I'm surprised how many men on this Forum picked Option 1.  Why even deal with females without the sex?  I can name a few exceptions, but for the most part I can't deal with women.  There I said it.  They're caddy, will twist the slightest thing you say against you, sometimes a pain in the ass to deal with in the workplace (few exceptions, of course)... Oh boy, I'm gonna be labeled a mysoginist.

LOL

Yes! My thoughts exactly. What kind of guy gets in a relationship or deals with women at all if not to eventually have sex with them? That's the driving force behind all relationships. If you aren't physically attracted to a person, then chances are you won't want to be in a relationship with them. Why would a guy want to pal around with girls otherwise, unless they are gay and enjoy shopping with them.

Any guy who denies this is simply lying to themselves and all of us. It might be sad, but it's the truth. Why else dothe hot girls have more friends than the ugly ones? Is it because all the hot girls have better personalities? I'd argue the hot ones have less personalities because they don't need them.

I weep for humanity if this truly is the case.

Seriously, your absolutes are both inaccurate and telling. The majorities of males (judging from this thread) may be shallow, immoral, selfish primates, but that does not mean we all are.

[RI]

I love it when libertarians find total emptiness fulfilling.

     Sorry for being able to find fulfillment outside of love.

Any fulfillment you find outside of love will never last.

     Don't get me wrong, I still want to try to find love. I just am suspicious that I can't find fulfillment in teaching kids physics.

I did not mean it that way. I apologize.

     It's alright. I do see how my first post in the topic could seem confrontational to Christians.

My objections do not come from religion. Most Christians would not include me in their circles, though I do consider myself one, albeit very liberally.

[RI]

I love it when libertarians find total emptiness fulfilling.

     Sorry for being able to find fulfillment outside of love.

Any fulfillment you find outside of love will never last.

     Don't get me wrong, I still want to try to find love. I just am suspicious that I can't find fulfillment in teaching kids physics.

I did not mean it that way. I apologize.

     It's alright. I do see how my first post in the topic could seem confrontational to Christians.

My objections do not come from religion. Most Christians would not include me in their circles, though I do consider myself one, albeit very liberally.

     People can be heavily influenced by ideas while rejecting them. When you live in a society as heavily Christian as the United States, it's easy to accept certain Christian ideas while not believing in the religion itself.

Touché.

[RI]

This thread is painfully predictable.

What does that tell you?

[RI]

Since it has been several years since I've had either love or sex, I would happily take either option at this point.

Somebody needs a hug.

FÜCK YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!! *smashes beer can on forehead*

I think a few people around here need to start realising that this whole 'macho' notion of masculinity is just a societal construct; the values that society associates with being a 'man' are by no means all the product of biology.

LOL

Exactly

Could not agree more.

[RI]

Sexless love

I'd rather have sex (after I'm married) but I'd much rather be with someone who loved me for the rest of my life than with someone who doesn't.

Rin-chan

[RI]

I am all-too-familiar with option one and it's nothing I enjoy.  But let me offer this to anyone thinking about marriage and "falling in love".

Falling in love -- that walking on air feeling -- is amazing and wonderful.  But it doesn't last, not even in the best of marriages.  Because it's the kind of love that is a feeling.

Screwing your brains out is amazing.  Especially in marriage.  But sometimes, due to medication or illness, it just doesn't happen.

So what do you really want out of love and life?  This is me being much too vulnerable or open in a public forum.

I had surgery some years ago that, for a brief recovery period, rendered me unable to -- errr --- clean myself after going to the bathroom.  What could this possibly have to do with love or marriage?  Well...someone had to do it.  My wife, who I grumble and complain about too much, showed me what REAL love is.  If you laugh or scoff -- you just don't get it.

When you're dating and you think you're in love...even if you're sexually active and you are loving every minute of it...ask yourself these questions --- 

"Is this someone who will take care of me in the most personal, embarrassing situations...and do so in such a way as to wash away any anxiety or guilt I feel about it?"

"Is this someone I can sit on a park bench and hold hands with after 60 years of marriage?"

"Does this person know that love is a behavior, not a feeling or an emotion?"

That's why I voted for sexless love.  I won't lie or whitewash it.  I wish we had the love and were screwing like minxes.  We're not ready to be set adrift on any ice floes just yet so maybe, when medical and physical circumstances change, we can resume the frenetic pace of shagging that once caused much loss of sleep and occasional backaches!

But if not, I think I am pretty okay with that.  Because someone loves me in the most sacrificial and amazing way.

(Though I confess, I wish she had bought soda and booze at the store this evening.  What the hell?)

I applaude you, JSojourner. You have a great, mature perspective on this.