Comedy Goldmine V: A Tribute to Delayed Sequels with Over-the-Hill Actors

[I spent the winter writing songs about getting better]

GOD BLESS THOSE WHO HAVE TO ARE SERVING IN THE U.S. MILITARY. (This includes my friend John McCain.)

[Filuwaúrdjan]

Brilliant:

Favorite Jesse Helms moments--suggesting President Clinton better not come to North Carolina because he'd get shot, and whistling Dixie while on the Capitol elevator with Carol Moseley Braun.

RIP.

[Хahar 🤔]

An evil man has died.  I hope that God has more mercy on him than he showed to his fellow man.

notice how down is quiet when his fellow Republican blasts Helms.

Nah, I just didn't read the thread since then.  Its really dispicable, however, it still continues to prove my point.  All I did was acknowlege something Ted Kennedy did and everyone freaked out, but when people who did more than be born with a silver spoon in their mouth die they can bashed relentelessly to high heaven.  The forum has no class

You called Kennedy something he wasn't.  It was an accident that was Kennedy's fault and that he handled poor;y.  Helms on the other time was a lifelong racist, and his entire career was based off that racism.

Kennedy let an innocent women die, holds a position that allows innocent children to die, robs the rich with tax increases, and has other policies than are dispicable.  On top of that, he is an elitist snob.

So horrible...

[??????????]

Brilliant:

Favorite Jesse Helms moments--suggesting President Clinton better not come to North Carolina because he'd get shot, and whistling Dixie while on the Capitol elevator with Carol Moseley Braun.

RIP.

The Dixie part was hilarious! I've done that quite a few times myself...sadly though most Americans are to stupid to even know what Dixie sounds like.

[Robespierre's Jaw]

Garrison Porter is like the gift that keeps on giving, moreso than Senator Larry Craig of Idaho. Here's his latest gift to the Atlas Forum produced by a post from the Election What-If's board regarding Garrison Porter for President 2040. I feel sorry for you Americans....

Garrison Porter graduates colege in 2019, after an eight year long education at Harvard University. Porter graduates with a major in teaching and a minor in political science. Porter chooses to not get married immeaditly. Porter teaches american history at the middle and high school age level back in Knoxville, Tennessee,  from fall of 2019 until spring of 2024. Porter marries in 2022. In the 2026 mid term elections, Porter runs for a seat in the house and wins narrowly. Porter is reelected once and then runs for the senate. In the 2036 election, Porter runs for the republican nomination. Porter is defeated by incumbent President Johsua Cottrell, a former Michigan governor and a relativly unpopular incumbent President, in the republican primaries. However, the vote is close and it goes to the convention. There is no nominee on the first ballot and Porter looses on the second ballot. Joshua Cottrell goes on to loose the fall election to former ambassador to the UN and New Jersey senator, Angelina Brunometzger.

Brunometzger's term is one of bad times. North Korea attacks the US in the form of a nuclear attack in 2037. President Brunometzger promises ferce action against Korea. She sends troops to Korea and begins the American-Korean War. President Brunometzger is attacked by all parties in the congress and her approval ratings drop to record low levels. Brunometzger is also faced with an economy in a recession at home. The 2038 mid term elections show the congress taken over by the republicans for the first time since 2002. Brunometzger still has to deal with a record number of casualties as the American-Korean War continues with no end in sight. The economy continues to be in a recession.

In late 2039, President Brunometzger announces her candidacy for reelection. She is challenged by former governor of California Jessica A. Wallis. Wallis is defeated in the primaries and drops out after Super Tuesday. Brunometzger is renominated unamiously on the first ballot at the democratic national covention. Brunometzger decides to keep her vice president Bill Jackson on the ticket. Jackson is renominated by voice vote.

On the republican side, Garrison Porter announces his candidacy on January 1st 2040 for the GOP nomination. He faces again former President Joshua Cotrell and other minor candidates for the GOP nomination. After strong showings in the first few primaries and a sweep of the South Carolina primary and the Super Tuesday states, Porter locks the nomination up and his former opponents endorse him. Porter is nominated unamiously on the first ballot at the GOP convention. Porter chooses an old friend, a successful business man, and a well respected congressman Cody Brabston of Oregon as his running mate. Brabston is nominated by voice vote.

As the campaign heats up, the American-Korean War continues and the economy continues to be in a recession.

Discuss this campaign with maps.

[opebo]

Brilliant:

Favorite Jesse Helms moments--suggesting President Clinton better not come to North Carolina because he'd get shot, and whistling Dixie while on the Capitol elevator with Carol Moseley Braun.

RIP.

The Dixie part was hilarious! I've done that quite a few times myself...sadly though most Americans are to stupid to even know what Dixie sounds like.

If your fellow elevator-riders don't get your little joke due to ignorance of 'Dixie', you can always just scream n****r at them.  Not as subtle, but you'll be expressing your true self.

[SPC]

Yes. I disagree strongly with their settlement policy and have no idea why they would continue with it seeing as how it makes Israel less safe. I don't, however, disagree with the current occupation of the West Bank or the former occupation of Gaza considering that it is necessary for the security of the state at this point.

Would a Mexican occupation of the United States be necessary for the secuirty of Mexico?

No, it wouldn't.

[Хahar 🤔]

Sadly though most Americans are to stupid to even know what Dixie sounds like.

Not really stupidity. I'd never heard it until I watched the Ken Burns documentary.

[Albus Dumbledore]

Garrison Porter is like the gift that keeps on giving, moreso than Senator Larry Craig of Idaho. Here's his latest gift to the Atlas Forum produced by a post from the Election What-If's board regarding Garrison Porter for President 2040. I feel sorry for you Americans....

Garrison Porter graduates colege in 2019, after an eight year long education at Harvard University. Porter graduates with a major in teaching and a minor in political science. Porter chooses to not get married immeaditly. Porter teaches american history at the middle and high school age level back in Knoxville, Tennessee,  from fall of 2019 until spring of 2024. Porter marries in 2022. In the 2026 mid term elections, Porter runs for a seat in the house and wins narrowly. Porter is reelected once and then runs for the senate. In the 2036 election, Porter runs for the republican nomination. Porter is defeated by incumbent President Johsua Cottrell, a former Michigan governor and a relativly unpopular incumbent President, in the republican primaries. However, the vote is close and it goes to the convention. There is no nominee on the first ballot and Porter looses on the second ballot. Joshua Cottrell goes on to loose the fall election to former ambassador to the UN and New Jersey senator, Angelina Brunometzger.

Brunometzger's term is one of bad times. North Korea attacks the US in the form of a nuclear attack in 2037. President Brunometzger promises ferce action against Korea. She sends troops to Korea and begins the American-Korean War. President Brunometzger is attacked by all parties in the congress and her approval ratings drop to record low levels. Brunometzger is also faced with an economy in a recession at home. The 2038 mid term elections show the congress taken over by the republicans for the first time since 2002. Brunometzger still has to deal with a record number of casualties as the American-Korean War continues with no end in sight. The economy continues to be in a recession.

In late 2039, President Brunometzger announces her candidacy for reelection. She is challenged by former governor of California Jessica A. Wallis. Wallis is defeated in the primaries and drops out after Super Tuesday. Brunometzger is renominated unamiously on the first ballot at the democratic national covention. Brunometzger decides to keep her vice president Bill Jackson on the ticket. Jackson is renominated by voice vote.

On the republican side, Garrison Porter announces his candidacy on January 1st 2040 for the GOP nomination. He faces again former President Joshua Cotrell and other minor candidates for the GOP nomination. After strong showings in the first few primaries and a sweep of the South Carolina primary and the Super Tuesday states, Porter locks the nomination up and his former opponents endorse him. Porter is nominated unamiously on the first ballot at the GOP convention. Porter chooses an old friend, a successful business man, and a well respected congressman Cody Brabston of Oregon as his running mate. Brabston is nominated by voice vote.

As the campaign heats up, the American-Korean War continues and the economy continues to be in a recession.

Discuss this campaign with maps.

https://uselectionatlas.org/FORUM/index.php?topic=78634.0

That is the best thread ever.

[Hash]

More gporter gold in this old thread: https://uselectionatlas.org/FORUM/index.php?topic=54671.15

[DownWithTheLeft]

More gporter gold in this old thread: https://uselectionatlas.org/FORUM/index.php?topic=54671.15

The post that most jumps out in the thread is when Gporter asks "What would a map look like if I were to run for president?"

[Kaine for Senate '18]

Porter paints Constine as an uncaring, partisan, liberal hack. Who would force government to be big in people's lives and who cared about himself more than he would about the country. Porter dismisses the foreign successes and gets the voters to look at Constine on a personal level. Constine fires back with criticisms and character debates against Porter. Porter gains some sympathy vote from Constine attacking Porter's mental issues that he has had since birth and for the fact that Constine never had anything nice to say about Porter. While Porter would occasionally praise Constine for his foreign affair experience.

After a campaign that goes down to the wire, Porter narrowly prevails on election night. The deciding states are Minnesota, Virgina, Florida, and Missouri. Virgina goes to Constine along with Florida. Minnesota goes to Porter. And Porter prevails by 300 votes out of 2.2 million cast in the state of Missouri and therefore wins the presidency.

[Sensei]

Porter paints Constine as an uncaring, partisan, liberal hack. Who would force government to be big in people's lives and who cared about himself more than he would about the country. Porter dismisses the foreign successes and gets the voters to look at Constine on a personal level. Constine fires back with criticisms and character debates against Porter. Porter gains some sympathy vote from Constine attacking Porter's mental issues that he has had since birth and for the fact that Constine never had anything nice to say about Porter. While Porter would occasionally praise Constine for his foreign affair experience.

After a campaign that goes down to the wire, Porter narrowly prevails on election night. The deciding states are Minnesota, Virgina, Florida, and Missouri. Virgina goes to Constine along with Florida. Minnesota goes to Porter. And Porter prevails by 300 votes out of 2.2 million cast in the state of Missouri and therefore wins the presidency.

you're right. You get that close to beating gporter?

[I spent the winter writing songs about getting better]

The following are untrue:
He does not accept funds and donations from liberal PAC's or Washington lobbyist firms.  He doesn't stop them from doing their own thing, but he doesn't get involved in dirty attacks.
He has not belittled Sen. John McCain, but has praised his heroic and military service.
He does not support abortion. (WTF he supports abortion)
Why didn't he stick with his original name of Barry?  It would have helped squash the whole "Is he a Muslim" controversy.  As it is, he has a Jewish name (Barack) and an Islamic name (Hussein).

The following are too broad to have comment or cannot be proven way or the other:
He supports the freedom of religion.
He supports the Christian church.
He seems to be very willing to work with the Republicans in the Congress to get things accomplished.


This has to be a joke, James and TexasDumbass are rubbing off on you too much

I ask you never to insult her like that again.

[Sensei]

The following are untrue:
He does not accept funds and donations from liberal PAC's or Washington lobbyist firms.  He doesn't stop them from doing their own thing, but he doesn't get involved in dirty attacks.
He has not belittled Sen. John McCain, but has praised his heroic and military service.
He does not support abortion. (WTF he supports abortion)
Why didn't he stick with his original name of Barry?  It would have helped squash the whole "Is he a Muslim" controversy.  As it is, he has a Jewish name (Barack) and an Islamic name (Hussein).

The following are too broad to have comment or cannot be proven way or the other:
He supports the freedom of religion.
He supports the Christian church.
He seems to be very willing to work with the Republicans in the Congress to get things accomplished.


This has to be a joke, James and TexasDumbass are rubbing off on you too much

I ask you never to insult her like that again.

lol. I think BushOklahoma winded up fraternizing with the wrong people, and he doesn't realize what idiots they are. Hilarity ensues.

[minionofmidas]

Okay. No more gporter in here please.

[DownWithTheLeft]

Okay. No more gporter in here please.

That would be suicide for the goldmine

[minionofmidas]

No. The past two pages have been goldminicide.

[Albus Dumbledore]

No. You can never have too much gporter.

[YRABNNRM]

Perhaps there should be a "gporter's greatest hits" thread.

[Albus Dumbledore]

Why not get a mod to copy/paste his entire post/PM history into here?

[Ebowed]

Still not seeing how/why gporter is funny.  I don't bother reading his posts.  He's either a troll or just retarded, but as far as humor is concerned, ... nope.

And I agree with Lewis that it is unfortunate that this thread has been so polluted with this monotonous, poorly written garbage.

[minionofmidas]

Still not seeing how/why gporter is funny.  I don't bother reading his posts.  He's either a troll or just retarded, but as far as humor is concerned, ... nope.

Nah, he's beyond a doubt (slightly - not John Engle territory) retarded.
And frankly, finding him funny probably requires being only slightly more intelligent than he is.

[SPC]

Why not get a mod to copy/paste his entire post/PM history into here?

LOL

[Sam Spade]

Okay. No more gporter in here please.

^^^^^^^