Conservatives: if you had a child who came out as transgender, how would you react?

[Progressive Pessimist]

I'm not particularly conservative (I don't hate guns and don't really care for the Democratic party, and take police shootings on a case by case basis instead of knee jerk assuming the cop was wrong, so I must be conservative!), but I'll tell you what I did when this very thing happened to me.


I kept loving my child, and me and mom had a hard time changing pronouns.  If you call someone one thing for THEIR ENTIRE LIVES, it's hard to change right away.

Well, I think your kid is a little more forgiving of their parents. It's not like you're intentionally calling them the wrong pronoun.

[Ferguson97]

I would make absolutely sure it is not just a phase and not something that came about as a result of peer pressure, the Internet, etc.

Do you genuinely not see that these are just recycled anti-gay talking points from the 90s/00s?

[OSR stands with Israel]

I would make absolutely sure it is not just a phase and not something that came about as a result of peer pressure, the Internet, etc.

Do you genuinely not see that these are just recycled anti-gay talking points from the 90s/00s?

Well one difference is one requires medical transition while the other does not . So that does make the issue more complicated by far .


At the end of the day though I don’t think many of us know how we will react , and it’s very possible in this case it would be the mom not us who makes the decision as well

[dead0man]

I'm not particularly conservative (I don't hate guns and don't really care for the Democratic party, and take police shootings on a case by case basis instead of knee jerk assuming the cop was wrong, so I must be conservative!), but I'll tell you what I did when this very thing happened to me.


I kept loving my child, and me and mom had a hard time changing pronouns.  If you call someone one thing for THEIR ENTIRE LIVES, it's hard to change right away.

Well, I think your kid is a little more forgiving of their parents. It's not like you're intentionally calling them the wrong pronoun.

indeed

[Aurelius]

I consider myself a moderate on these issues, but many probably consider me a conservative on it.

Similar to what Del Tachi said, it would depend on the child's age, how long they indicate they have felt this way, etc. If my child were to express this as a young kid, I'd take a wait and see approach up until puberty, and I would not allow puberty blockers no matter what. Studies indicate that 60-80% of children who identify as the opposite gender before puberty desist at puberty. Studies also show that basically all children who take puberty blockers go on to transition, which is not surprising because puberty encompasses both physical and mental development, and this probably means mental development at puberty is responsible for most desistance. I also don't believe that a child can meaningfully consent to lifelong sterilization and, most likely, inability to ever experience sexual pleasure - the usual results of completely bypassing natural puberty.

Studies also show that for those who have had cross-gender identification since early childhood, and who still identify this way after the completion of puberty, desistance is very low later on and they are most likely to feel this way for the rest of their life. So if I had a child in that situation, I'd probably confidently assume that their transgender identification is here for the long term at that point. After going through natural puberty, I'd require my child to go through a year or two of high-quality exploratory therapy just to make absolutely certain that there's not something else going on (and I know enough detransitioners to know that this does happen). This would neither be affirmation or "conversion therapy", just an honest exploration of what is going on, and like Del Tachi said a strong focus on body positivity. Following that, I'd tentatively be open to cross-sex hormones starting at 17 or maybe even 16, after the child freezes sperm or eggs first and if I think they are emotionally mature enough. Otherwise I'd plan on having that start at 18.

All of the above concerns a child who began experiencing cross-gender identification early in life, before puberty. If my hypothetical child were to only begin identifying as transgender in adolescence, I would not be comfortable with any sort of transition before they reach the age of majority. In this case I'd be a little more skeptical and a little more suspicious of some other confounding factor, but still open to whatever conclusion is reached after a sufficiently long period of serious therapeutic exploration. In this case I would not be comfortable with any sort of transition, social or medical, during adolescence, but would help them prepare to make that decision upon adulthood and would try to support them in whichever decision they make.

I would make absolutely sure it is not just a phase and not something that came about as a result of peer pressure, the Internet, etc.

Do you genuinely not see that these are just recycled anti-gay talking points from the 90s/00s?

I know enough detransitioners, including IRL, to know that this is not true at all.

[🐒Gods of Prosperity🔱🐲💸]

I would make absolutely sure it is not just a phase and not something that came about as a result of peer pressure, the Internet, etc.

Do you genuinely not see that these are just recycled anti-gay talking points from the 90s/00s?

It's not intrinsically bigoted to believe that sexuality and gender identity can be fluid and socially constructed, just as it's not intrinsically tolerant and loving to believe the opposite.

The most hateful anti-gay bigots don't consider being gay a phase. They consider it a defining characteristic of who someone is. They just happen to believe it makes someone a freak worthy of death rather than something to be celebrated.

[Ferguson97]

I would make absolutely sure it is not just a phase and not something that came about as a result of peer pressure, the Internet, etc.

Do you genuinely not see that these are just recycled anti-gay talking points from the 90s/00s?

It's not intrinsically bigoted to believe that sexuality and gender identity can be fluid and socially constructed, just as it's not intrinsically tolerant and loving to believe the opposite.

The most hateful anti-gay bigots don't consider being gay a phase. They consider it a defining characteristic of who someone is. They just happen to believe it makes someone a freak worthy of death rather than something to be celebrated.

There are degrees of bigotry. Someone can be homophobic or believe homophobic things without being a Bible-thumping "kill the gays" Evangelical.

[The Undefeatable Debbie Stabenow]

PSA to those of you espousing an “I’ll disapprove of it but I’ll still love them” approach; you have no idea how much irreparable damage that will probably do to your relationship with your child. This isn’t something you can take an “agree to disagree” stance on and then just brush off, because they won’t see it that way. Shockingly, people don’t love to hear that there’s something fundamentally wrong with them, even if you throw in a “I still like you anyway!”

You might not want to hear it, but in most cases you have a choice between genuinely supporting their transition or losing touch with them. If you think that the former is so reprehensible that you would prefer the likelihood of the latter occurring, that’s on you. That truly is usually the reality of the situation.

[Ferguson97]

PSA to those of you espousing an “I’ll disapprove of it but I’ll still love them” approach; you have no idea how much irreparable damage that will probably do to your relationship with your child. This isn’t something you can take an “agree to disagree” stance on and then just brush off, because they won’t see it that way. Shockingly, people don’t love to hear that there’s something fundamentally wrong with them, even if you throw in a “I still like you anyway!”

You might not want to hear it, but in most cases you have a choice between genuinely supporting their transition or losing touch with them. If you think that the former is so reprehensible that you would prefer the likelihood of the latter occurring, that’s on you. That truly is usually the reality of the situation.

Yup. It's the same thing as the Christians who say "hate the sin, love the sinner" nonsense. When that "sin" is a fundamental aspect of who they are, it's not something you can agree to disagree on.

[OSR stands with Israel]

PSA to those of you espousing an “I’ll disapprove of it but I’ll still love them” approach; you have no idea how much irreparable damage that will probably do to your relationship with your child. This isn’t something you can take an “agree to disagree” stance on and then just brush off, because they won’t see it that way. Shockingly, people don’t love to hear that there’s something fundamentally wrong with them, even if you throw in a “I still like you anyway!”

You might not want to hear it, but in most cases you have a choice between genuinely supporting their transition or losing touch with them. If you think that the former is so reprehensible that you would prefer the likelihood of the latter occurring, that’s on you. That truly is usually the reality of the situation.

Yup. It's the same thing as the Christians who say "hate the sin, love the sinner" nonsense. When that "sin" is a fundamental aspect of who they are, it's not something you can agree to disagree on.

The idea of just accepting that an 8 year old is a different gender just cause they say they are is crazy and yes you can still love your child while not accepting that .

[🐒Gods of Prosperity🔱🐲💸]

PSA to those of you espousing an “I’ll disapprove of it but I’ll still love them” approach; you have no idea how much irreparable damage that will probably do to your relationship with your child. This isn’t something you can take an “agree to disagree” stance on and then just brush off, because they won’t see it that way. Shockingly, people don’t love to hear that there’s something fundamentally wrong with them, even if you throw in a “I still like you anyway!”

You might not want to hear it, but in most cases you have a choice between genuinely supporting their transition or losing touch with them. If you think that the former is so reprehensible that you would prefer the likelihood of the latter occurring, that’s on you. That truly is usually the reality of the situation.

This has a lot to do with the fact that these kids are constantly told by the larger trans rights culture that their parents hate them if they don't completely go along with it.   

[The Undefeatable Debbie Stabenow]

PSA to those of you espousing an “I’ll disapprove of it but I’ll still love them” approach; you have no idea how much irreparable damage that will probably do to your relationship with your child. This isn’t something you can take an “agree to disagree” stance on and then just brush off, because they won’t see it that way. Shockingly, people don’t love to hear that there’s something fundamentally wrong with them, even if you throw in a “I still like you anyway!”

You might not want to hear it, but in most cases you have a choice between genuinely supporting their transition or losing touch with them. If you think that the former is so reprehensible that you would prefer the likelihood of the latter occurring, that’s on you. That truly is usually the reality of the situation.

This has a lot to do with the fact that these kids are constantly told by the larger trans rights culture that their parents hate them if they don't completely go along with it.   

What I said still stands, though, regardless of whether you think the child is being rational or not. You either accept it or you likely irreparably alienate them, even if you don't like that that's what your two options are. Why a parent who genuinely cares about their child would want to die on that hill instead of just being supportive so that they can maintain their relationship is beyond me, but many people evidently feel that way. All I'm saying is that no one should delude themselves into thinking that they can oppose their child's transition and come out the other side with their relationship mostly unscathed, because that will not happen in the vast majority of cases.

[🐒Gods of Prosperity🔱🐲💸]

PSA to those of you espousing an “I’ll disapprove of it but I’ll still love them” approach; you have no idea how much irreparable damage that will probably do to your relationship with your child. This isn’t something you can take an “agree to disagree” stance on and then just brush off, because they won’t see it that way. Shockingly, people don’t love to hear that there’s something fundamentally wrong with them, even if you throw in a “I still like you anyway!”

You might not want to hear it, but in most cases you have a choice between genuinely supporting their transition or losing touch with them. If you think that the former is so reprehensible that you would prefer the likelihood of the latter occurring, that’s on you. That truly is usually the reality of the situation.

This has a lot to do with the fact that these kids are constantly told by the larger trans rights culture that their parents hate them if they don't completely go along with it.   

What I said still stands, though, regardless of whether you think the child is being rational or not. You either accept it or you likely irreparably alienate them, even if you don't like that that's what your two options are. Why a parent who genuinely cares about their child would want to die on that hill instead of just being supportive so that they can maintain their relationship is beyond me, but many people evidently feel that way. All I'm saying is that no one should delude themselves into thinking that they can oppose their child's transition and come out the other side with their relationship mostly unscathed, because that will not happen in the vast majority of cases.

That's something awful about having a family member join a cult. There's a good chance they'll disown you if you try at all to dissuade them.

[The Undefeatable Debbie Stabenow]

PSA to those of you espousing an “I’ll disapprove of it but I’ll still love them” approach; you have no idea how much irreparable damage that will probably do to your relationship with your child. This isn’t something you can take an “agree to disagree” stance on and then just brush off, because they won’t see it that way. Shockingly, people don’t love to hear that there’s something fundamentally wrong with them, even if you throw in a “I still like you anyway!”

You might not want to hear it, but in most cases you have a choice between genuinely supporting their transition or losing touch with them. If you think that the former is so reprehensible that you would prefer the likelihood of the latter occurring, that’s on you. That truly is usually the reality of the situation.

This has a lot to do with the fact that these kids are constantly told by the larger trans rights culture that their parents hate them if they don't completely go along with it.   

What I said still stands, though, regardless of whether you think the child is being rational or not. You either accept it or you likely irreparably alienate them, even if you don't like that that's what your two options are. Why a parent who genuinely cares about their child would want to die on that hill instead of just being supportive so that they can maintain their relationship is beyond me, but many people evidently feel that way. All I'm saying is that no one should delude themselves into thinking that they can oppose their child's transition and come out the other side with their relationship mostly unscathed, because that will not happen in the vast majority of cases.

That's something awful about having a family member join a cult. There's a good chance they'll disown you if you try at all to dissuade them.

That is in fact very awful. Good thing we're not talking about a cult here, though.

[Ferguson97]

PSA to those of you espousing an “I’ll disapprove of it but I’ll still love them” approach; you have no idea how much irreparable damage that will probably do to your relationship with your child. This isn’t something you can take an “agree to disagree” stance on and then just brush off, because they won’t see it that way. Shockingly, people don’t love to hear that there’s something fundamentally wrong with them, even if you throw in a “I still like you anyway!”

You might not want to hear it, but in most cases you have a choice between genuinely supporting their transition or losing touch with them. If you think that the former is so reprehensible that you would prefer the likelihood of the latter occurring, that’s on you. That truly is usually the reality of the situation.

This has a lot to do with the fact that these kids are constantly told by the larger trans rights culture that their parents hate them if they don't completely go along with it.  

This is correct. If you don't accept your trans kid, you don't really love them.

If you would refuse to accept a transgender child, you are unfit to be a parent.

[OSR stands with Israel]

PSA to those of you espousing an “I’ll disapprove of it but I’ll still love them” approach; you have no idea how much irreparable damage that will probably do to your relationship with your child. This isn’t something you can take an “agree to disagree” stance on and then just brush off, because they won’t see it that way. Shockingly, people don’t love to hear that there’s something fundamentally wrong with them, even if you throw in a “I still like you anyway!”

You might not want to hear it, but in most cases you have a choice between genuinely supporting their transition or losing touch with them. If you think that the former is so reprehensible that you would prefer the likelihood of the latter occurring, that’s on you. That truly is usually the reality of the situation.

This has a lot to do with the fact that these kids are constantly told by the larger trans rights culture that their parents hate them if they don't completely go along with it.  

This is correct. If you don't accept your trans kid, you don't really love them.

If you would refuse to accept a transgender child, you are unfit to be a parent.

A parent’s job sometimes is to tell their kid when they are wrong or believing stuff that isn’t true

[Goldwater]

PSA to those of you espousing an “I’ll disapprove of it but I’ll still love them” approach; you have no idea how much irreparable damage that will probably do to your relationship with your child. This isn’t something you can take an “agree to disagree” stance on and then just brush off, because they won’t see it that way. Shockingly, people don’t love to hear that there’s something fundamentally wrong with them, even if you throw in a “I still like you anyway!”

You might not want to hear it, but in most cases you have a choice between genuinely supporting their transition or losing touch with them. If you think that the former is so reprehensible that you would prefer the likelihood of the latter occurring, that’s on you. That truly is usually the reality of the situation.

This has a lot to do with the fact that these kids are constantly told by the larger trans rights culture that their parents hate them if they don't completely go along with it.   

What I said still stands, though, regardless of whether you think the child is being rational or not. You either accept it or you likely irreparably alienate them, even if you don't like that that's what your two options are. Why a parent who genuinely cares about their child would want to die on that hill instead of just being supportive so that they can maintain their relationship is beyond me, but many people evidently feel that way. All I'm saying is that no one should delude themselves into thinking that they can oppose their child's transition and come out the other side with their relationship mostly unscathed, because that will not happen in the vast majority of cases.

That's something awful about having a family member join a cult. There's a good chance they'll disown you if you try at all to dissuade them.

JFC, being trans isn't joining a cult.

[_.]

Hahaha kids have such wild imaginations

[🐒Gods of Prosperity🔱🐲💸]

PSA to those of you espousing an “I’ll disapprove of it but I’ll still love them” approach; you have no idea how much irreparable damage that will probably do to your relationship with your child. This isn’t something you can take an “agree to disagree” stance on and then just brush off, because they won’t see it that way. Shockingly, people don’t love to hear that there’s something fundamentally wrong with them, even if you throw in a “I still like you anyway!”

You might not want to hear it, but in most cases you have a choice between genuinely supporting their transition or losing touch with them. If you think that the former is so reprehensible that you would prefer the likelihood of the latter occurring, that’s on you. That truly is usually the reality of the situation.

This has a lot to do with the fact that these kids are constantly told by the larger trans rights culture that their parents hate them if they don't completely go along with it.   

What I said still stands, though, regardless of whether you think the child is being rational or not. You either accept it or you likely irreparably alienate them, even if you don't like that that's what your two options are. Why a parent who genuinely cares about their child would want to die on that hill instead of just being supportive so that they can maintain their relationship is beyond me, but many people evidently feel that way. All I'm saying is that no one should delude themselves into thinking that they can oppose their child's transition and come out the other side with their relationship mostly unscathed, because that will not happen in the vast majority of cases.

That's something awful about having a family member join a cult. There's a good chance they'll disown you if you try at all to dissuade them.

That is in fact very awful. Good thing we're not talking about a cult here, though.

No, we're just talking about something with relevant similarities.

[Ferguson97]

A parent’s job sometimes is to tell their kid when they are wrong or believing stuff that isn’t true

Hahaha kids have such wild imaginations

No, we're just talking about something with relevant similarities.

"Why does everyone keep calling us transphobic bigots???"

[OSR stands with Israel]

A parent’s job sometimes is to tell their kid when they are wrong or believing stuff that isn’t true

Hahaha kids have such wild imaginations

No, we're just talking about something with relevant similarities.

"Why does everyone keep calling us transphobic bigots???"

I doubt most even on this forum would let alone everyone

[courts]

PSA to those of you espousing an “I’ll disapprove of it but I’ll still love them” approach; you have no idea how much irreparable damage that will probably do to your relationship with your child. This isn’t something you can take an “agree to disagree” stance on and then just brush off, because they won’t see it that way. Shockingly, people don’t love to hear that there’s something fundamentally wrong with them, even if you throw in a “I still like you anyway!”

You might not want to hear it, but in most cases you have a choice between genuinely supporting their transition or losing touch with them. If you think that the former is so reprehensible that you would prefer the likelihood of the latter occurring, that’s on you. That truly is usually the reality of the situation.

This has a lot to do with the fact that these kids are constantly told by the larger trans rights culture that their parents hate them if they don't completely go along with it.  

This is correct. If you don't accept your trans kid, you don't really love them.

If you would refuse to accept a transgender child, you are unfit to be a parent.

A parent’s job sometimes is to tell their kid when they are wrong or believing stuff that isn’t true

sometimes the roles are reversed

[Trans Rights Are Human Rights]

"Why does everyone keep calling us transphobic bigots???"

I doubt most even on this forum would let alone everyone

Just because everyone agrees with you doesn't mean you're right.

[Boobs]

This thread makes me glad to remember that most people on this blog aren’t going to have children.

There’s some sort of strange belief that being a parent means you somehow have absolute domain over your child and their life. But children are people, and they grow up, and they’ll live their own lives. Eventually your position of parent becomes obsolete to them, and it’s up to your children to decide whether they want to continue to have you be part of their life. They’ll remember how you treated them and reacted to them at their most vulnerable and honest moments, and how you continue to treat them beyond that. They’ll remember if you were there for them, and what you chose when it came down between your ideology and your (hopefully naturalistic, inborn unconditional) love for them. It’s easy to say you’re going to resist the transgender agenda or whatever when you’re just writing on a blog, but it’s another thing once you’ve held your child in your arms, helpless and tiny, feeling that deep parental bond. And that’s how you see your child for the rest of their lives - tiny and helpless, with only you there in the world for them. You would have to be quite a poor parent to actively attempt to sever that in favor of your own ideological beliefs.

[🐒Gods of Prosperity🔱🐲💸]

This thread makes me glad to remember that most people on this blog aren’t going to have children.

There’s some sort of strange belief that being a parent means you somehow have absolute domain over your child and their life. But children are people, and they grow up, and they’ll live their own lives. Eventually your position of parent becomes obsolete to them, and it’s up to your children to decide whether they want to continue to have you be part of their life. They’ll remember how you treated them and reacted to them at their most vulnerable and honest moments, and how you continue to treat them beyond that. They’ll remember if you were there for them, and what you chose when it came down between your ideology and your (hopefully naturalistic, inborn unconditional) love for them. It’s easy to say you’re going to resist the transgender agenda or whatever when you’re just writing on a blog, but it’s another thing once you’ve held your child in your arms, helpless and tiny, feeling that deep parental bond. And that’s how you see your child for the rest of their lives - tiny and helpless, with only you there in the world for them. You would have to be quite a poor parent to actively attempt to sever that in favor of your own ideological beliefs.

Beautifully expressed, but don't you see?   This is exactly why some parents want to protect their kids from being led down this road that they believe will harm them.