SB 107-21: Poop And Penises Act (Passed)

[WD]

POOP AND PENISES ACT

SECTION I. NAME.

This Act shall be called the Poop and Penises Act

SECTION II. FEDERAL FACILITIES MUST COMPLY WITH SOME REGIONAL RULES

a. 42 U.S.C. 9620(a) is hereby amended to require that each department, agency, and instrumentality of Atlasia shall be subject to, and comply with, at facilities that are or have been owned or operated by any such department, agency, or instrumentality, Regional or State substantive and procedural requirements regarding response relating to hazardous substances or pollutants or contaminants, including State hazardous waste requirements, in the same manner and to the same extent as any nongovernmental entity.

B, Atlasia hereby expressly waives any immunity otherwise applicable to Atlasia with respect to any Regional or State substantive or procedural requirement referred to in this act, including immunity from injunctive relief, civil penalties, criminal sanctions.

SECTION III. POOP

a. 42 U.S.C. 9601 is amended by adding the following new section at the end
thereof:

SECTION 312. EXCEPTION FOR MANURE

a. Upon the date of enactment of this section, manure shall not be included in the meaning of `hazardous substance' under section 101(14) of this Act or `pollutant or contaminant' under section 101(33) of this Act.

b. The enactment of this section shall not be construed to impose any liability or paperwork requirements under provisions of the Emergency Planning and Community Right-to-Know Act of 1986 for manure.

c. Nothing in this section shall affect the applicability of any other environmental
statute as it relates to the definition of manure, or the responsibilities or liabilities of any person regarding, the treatment, storage, or disposal of manure.

d. 100 Stat. 1655 is amended by adding the following at the end thereof:
The notification requirements under this subsection shall not apply to releases associated with manure (as defined in section 312 of the Comprehensive Environmental Response Compensation and Liability Act.
e. Definition - For the purposes of this section, the term `manure' mean:
     1. digestive emissions, feces, urine, urea and other excrement from livestock (as defined by 7 C.F.R. 205.2);
     2. any associated bedding, compost, raw materials or other materials commingled with such excrement from livestock (as defined by 7 C.F.R. 205.2);
     3. any process water associated with the items referred to in paragraph (1) or (2); and
     4. any byproducts, constituents, or substances contained in, originating from, or emissions relating to the items described in paragraph (1), (2), or (3).''.

SECTION IV: HORSE PENISES

a. The regulation making it a federal crime to import a foreign stallion from a region affected by Contagious Equine Metritis if you don't wash its fully-erect penis on five consecutive days and apply ointment to it after it's tested negative for the disease is hereby eliminated. 9 CFR §93.301(e)(3)(i)(A) shall be amended accordingly.

b. The regulation making it a federal crime to temporarily import a foreign horse for entertainment purposes and let its genitals get examined for a non-medical reason is hereby eliminated. 9 CFR §93.301(f)(5)(vii) shall be amended accordingly.

c. The regulation prohibiting foreign show horses that are temporarily in Atlasia for competitions from having sex is hereby eliminated. 9 CFR 93.301(f)(5)(vii) shall be amended accordingly.


SECTION V: TIME

a. Unless otherwise specified herein, this act shall take effect 120 days from the date of passage.

Sponsor: Ishan

The gentleman from Northern Ireland is recognized

[Mr. Reactionary]

Very briefly, to assist the honorable Senator from Northern Ireland who has kindly sponsored this important bill, I'd like to point out a few things. This bill was previously introduced a few years ago, but was then called the Super Duper Fund Act. This new title is a bit more descriptive and transparent.


Section II pertains to what is commonly known as the Superfund Act. Very briefly, under Superfund, if certain hazardous substances (aka harmful and persistent chemicals and such) are found in the ground, the hazardous substances are required to be cleaned up. Liability for cleanup starts with the actual polluters (if known or still around), then a convoluted order of present owners, past owners, waste generators, transporters, etc. It is strict liability so saying you didnt know and didnt do it yourself is not an excuse. If there is not enough money to pay for cleanup, a federal pot of money known as the "superfund" pays to clean up the rest.

So under the current federal law, the past or present owner of land contaminated by a hazardous substance has to contribute to the cleanup. The process, timeframes, and other aspects of the cleanup are left up to the States (or regions in our game) for the most part. EXCEPT, the federal government which is one of the biggest polluters under superfund from gasoline, to military ordinance, to general office building chemicals, is exempt from having to comply with State (aka regional) regs that are stricter than what the fed law requires. So the Regions can have stricter rules for private owners, it can have stricter rules for itself, but Uncle Sam gets to be excused from this. In other words, under current federal law the federal government does not have to clean up contaminated polluted land to the same degree as everyone else. I think the federal government should set a good example and help eliminate pollution instead of foisting its responsibilities on everyone else. The effect of this bill will be to have the federal government meet the stricter regional standards when cleaning up pollution.

Don't believe me? Check the law I reference above yourself:

https://www.law.cornell.edu/uscode/text/42/9620

Its a short section. You can read it.


Section III also deals with superfund. Specifically, it clarifies that animal poop aka manure is not a hazardous substance that imposes crazy expensive cleanup costs under Superfund. The whole goal of Superfund was to clean up like nuclear waste and gasoline and VOCs/POPs and heavy metals and stuff that poisons the dirt for hundreds or thousands of years. Poop is just poop. And no, we are not talking about fake chemical heavy fertilizer here. We are talking about poop. You can check the definition. The South, Fremont, and Lincoln all have lots of farmers and farmland. This bill will ensure they dont get bankrupted over poop. Especially when manure is a natural organic alternative to chemical fertilizers made by DuPont and Monsanto. We should be encouraging better decision making by our farmers, and we can do that by making sure they wont be ruined for using good old fashioned natural manure. This is good for farmers, good for the regions, and good for the environment.


Section IV repeals a few obscure and dumb regulations specifically about horsecox. I really dont know why the federal government thinks its smart or efficient to have horsecox police to investigate if your horse was erect when you bathed it, or the reason for why someone examined a show horse, or whether it was studded out to other horses between shows. This cleans up federal law by removing some dumb, unnecessary, bloated regulations.


So in conclusion, this super important bill:

1. Keeps the federal government from avoiding responsibility for cleaning up hazardous pollutants.

2. Exempts farmers who use organic manure from costly and unnecessary superfund liability for using such organic manure.

3. Repeals 3 dumb and unnecessary federal regulations pertaining to equine genitalia.

[President Punxsutawney Phil]

I'd like to join Mr. R in supporting this legislation. This bill would be a step forward for Atlasia.

[Schiff for Senate]

I cannot in good conscience vote for any bill with this name, well intentioned as it may be, so I'll just abstain (that and the fact that most of the bill's text just goes above my head, and I'd like it to stay that way).

[WD]

Opening a final vote in 24 hours.

[Attorney General, Senator-Elect, & Former PPT Dwarven Dragon]

Would urge a NAY based on the rather NSFW title. Honestly feels like a borderline TOS violation.

[Mr. Reactionary]

Would urge a NAY based on the rather NSFW title. Honestly feels like a borderline TOS violation.

How? Its not like we used a sexualized slang term. If the word penis offends you, you should support the fact that this bill removes 3 federal regs that include it. This bill ensures that there are fewer uses of the word penis in federal law. It also helps farmers and strengthens environmental protections. Its bad legislating to vote against a bill that does good, progressive things just because you dont like the title and vice versa. Imagine voting for the PATRIOT ACT just because it had a clever acronym. This bill should be judged on its obvious merits.

[Attorney General, Senator-Elect, & Former PPT Dwarven Dragon]

Would urge a NAY based on the rather NSFW title. Honestly feels like a borderline TOS violation.

How? Its not like we used a sexualized slang term. If the word penis offends you, you should support the fact that this bill removes 3 federal regs that include it. This bill ensures that there are fewer uses of the word penis in federal law. It also helps farmers and strengthens environmental protections. Its bad legislating to vote against a bill that does good, progressive things just because you dont like the title and vice versa. Imagine voting for the PATRIOT ACT just because it had a clever acronym. This bill should be judged on its obvious merits.

There should be no mention whatsoever of "*oo*" or "p***ses" in our laws

[Mr. Reactionary]

Would urge a NAY based on the rather NSFW title. Honestly feels like a borderline TOS violation.

How? Its not like we used a sexualized slang term. If the word penis offends you, you should support the fact that this bill removes 3 federal regs that include it. This bill ensures that there are fewer uses of the word penis in federal law. It also helps farmers and strengthens environmental protections. Its bad legislating to vote against a bill that does good, progressive things just because you dont like the title and vice versa. Imagine voting for the PATRIOT ACT just because it had a clever acronym. This bill should be judged on its obvious merits.

There should be no mention whatsoever of "*oo*" or "p***ses" in our laws

LMAO well OK then again support my bill that repeals 3 uses of p***ses in federal law that are already there

[Attorney General, Senator-Elect, & Former PPT Dwarven Dragon]

Would urge a NAY based on the rather NSFW title. Honestly feels like a borderline TOS violation.

How? Its not like we used a sexualized slang term. If the word penis offends you, you should support the fact that this bill removes 3 federal regs that include it. This bill ensures that there are fewer uses of the word penis in federal law. It also helps farmers and strengthens environmental protections. Its bad legislating to vote against a bill that does good, progressive things just because you dont like the title and vice versa. Imagine voting for the PATRIOT ACT just because it had a clever acronym. This bill should be judged on its obvious merits.

There should be no mention whatsoever of "*oo*" or "p***ses" in our laws

LMAO well OK then again support my bill that repeals 3 uses of p***ses in federal law that are already there

Censor out the uses of p***ses and *oo* in the title & in the bill itself and I will.

[Mr. Reactionary]

Would urge a NAY based on the rather NSFW title. Honestly feels like a borderline TOS violation.

How? Its not like we used a sexualized slang term. If the word penis offends you, you should support the fact that this bill removes 3 federal regs that include it. This bill ensures that there are fewer uses of the word penis in federal law. It also helps farmers and strengthens environmental protections. Its bad legislating to vote against a bill that does good, progressive things just because you dont like the title and vice versa. Imagine voting for the PATRIOT ACT just because it had a clever acronym. This bill should be judged on its obvious merits.

There should be no mention whatsoever of "*oo*" or "p***ses" in our laws

LMAO well OK then again support my bill that repeals 3 uses of p***ses in federal law that are already there

Censor out the uses of p***ses and *oo* in the title & in the bill itself and I will.

Im not a Senator yet. Whats wrong with poop? Thats a rated G word.

[Sestak]

If I am reading IV (b) correctly, Federalists want to legalize the importation of horses for participation in bestiality? Lmao.

Any guesses as to which Fed officeholder is the secret horsef**ker?

[WD]

Opening a final vote in 24 hours

[Mr. Reactionary]

If I am reading IV (b) correctly, Federalists want to legalize the importation of horses for participation in bestiality? Lmao.

Any guesses as to which Fed officeholder is the secret horsef**ker?

The intent was to allow for horsebreeders to enter into stud contracts with foreign show horses. There are a hilarious number of federal regs on horse penises and 1 is you have to have like separate entry papers for the exact same horse based on why the horse is entering the country. As part of this regulatory scheme there is a literal ban on examining the junk of a foreign show horse for a nonmedical reason so if it doesnt have separate entry papers for breeding its a crime for a breeder to see if its good for a stud contract or if its a gelding.

If any immoral bestiality would result the Regions can handle it. Such certainly wouldnt be lawful in the South under our laws and I believe maybe Lincoln has similarly banned it. So I guess your culprit would have to be a Fremonter.

[Pedocon Theory is not a theory]

Amendment:

POOP AND PENISES ACT

SECTION I. NAME.

This Act shall be called the Poop and Penises Act

SECTION II. FEDERAL FACILITIES MUST COMPLY WITH SOME REGIONAL RULES

a. 42 U.S.C. 9620(a)(3) is hereby stricken in its entirety.

B, Atlasia hereby expressly waives any immunity otherwise applicable to Atlasia with respect to any Regional or State substantive or procedural requirement referred to in this act, including immunity from injunctive relief, civil penalties, criminal sanctions.

SECTION III. POOP

a. 42 U.S.C. 9601 is amended by adding the following new section at the end
thereof:

SECTION 212,984. EXCEPTION FOR MANURE "MANURE"

a. Upon the date of enactment of this section, manure all media produced with the involvement of Alice O'Connor (a.k.a. Alisa Zinovyevna Rosenbaum, Ayn Rand), henceforth referred to as "manure", shall not be included in the meaning of `hazardous substance' under section 101(14) of this Act or `pollutant or contaminant' under section 101(33) of this Act.

b. The enactment of this section shall be construed to impose any great deal of liability or paperwork requirements under provisions of the Emergency Planning and Community Right-to-Know Act of 1986 for manure "manure".

c. Nothing in this section shall affect the applicability of any other environmental statute as it relates to the definition of manure "manure", or the responsibilities or liabilities of any person regarding, the treatment, storage, or disposal of manure "manure".

d. 100 Stat. 1655 is amended by adding the following at the end thereof:
The notification requirements under this subsection shall not apply to releases associated with manure "manure" (as defined in section 312 of the Comprehensive Environmental Response Compensation and Liability Act.
e. Definition - For the purposes of this section, the term manure "manure" mean:
     1. digestive emissions, feces, urine, urea and other excrement from livestock (as defined by 7 C.F.R. 205.2);
     2. any associated bedding, compost, raw materials or other materials commingled with such excrement from livestock (as defined by 7 C.F.R. 205.2);
     3. any process water associated with the items referred to in paragraph (1) or (2); and
     4. any textual, visual, auditory, or other media produced by, in collaboration with, with the involvement of, or utilizing any extraneous material associated with, Alice O'Connor (a.k.a. Alisa Zinovyevna Rosenbaum, Ayn Rand); and
     5. any byproducts, constituents, or substances contained in, originating from, or emissions relating to the items described in paragraph (1), (2), or (3) (1), (2), (3), or (4).''.

SECTION IV: HORSE PENISES

a. The regulation making it a federal crime to import a foreign stallion from a region affected by Contagious Equine Metritis if you don't wash its fully-erect penis on five consecutive days and apply ointment to it after it's tested negative for the disease is hereby eliminated. 9 CFR §93.301(e)(3)(i)(A) shall be amended accordingly.

b. The regulation making it a federal crime to temporarily import a foreign horse for entertainment purposes and let its genitals get examined for a non-medical reason is hereby eliminated. 9 CFR §93.301(f)(5)(vii) shall be amended accordingly.

c. The regulation prohibiting foreign show horses that are temporarily in Atlasia for competitions from having sex is hereby eliminated. 9 CFR 93.301(f)(5)(vii) shall be amended accordingly.

b. 9 CFR 93.301(f)(5)(vii) shall be amended as follows:

(vii) The horse may not be used for breeding purposes (including artificial insemination or semen collection), except in the case of and may not have any other sexual contact with other horses members of the Federalist Party of Atlasia. The horse may not undergo any genital examinations, except that a horse imported in accordance with paragraph (f)(2) of this section may undergo genital examinations for diagnosis or treatment of a medical condition with the prior approval of an APHIS representative. those performed by members of the Federalist Party of Atlasia.

SECTION V: TIME

a. Unless otherwise specified herein, this act shall take effect 12 1.20 days from the date of passage.

[WD]

24 hours to object

[West_Midlander]

Opening a final vote in 24 hours.

I thought a vote was supposed to open after 24 hrs?

I object to the amendment.

[WD]

Opening a final vote in 24 hours.

I thought a vote was supposed to open after 24 hrs?

I object to the amendment.

A vote will held after the amendment is considered.

[WD]

Objection being raised, a vote is now open on the amendment. Please vote Aye, Nay, or Abstain.

[West_Midlander]

Opening a final vote in 24 hours.

I thought a vote was supposed to open after 24 hrs?

I object to the amendment.

A vote will held after the amendment is considered.

The amendment was introduced after the vote was supposed to open.

[West_Midlander]

Nay

[Pedocon Theory is not a theory]

Aye on the amendment. This amendment greatly contributes to the utility of this bill, which would otherwise be questionable.

[WD]

Opening a final vote in 24 hours.

I thought a vote was supposed to open after 24 hrs?

I object to the amendment.

A vote will held after the amendment is considered.

The amendment was introduced after the vote was supposed to open.

I made another motion for a final vote in 24 hours this morning, as debate seems to be picking up here. Please disregard the previous one.

[West_Midlander]

Opening a final vote in 24 hours.

I thought a vote was supposed to open after 24 hrs?

I object to the amendment.

A vote will held after the amendment is considered.

The amendment was introduced after the vote was supposed to open.

I made another motion for a final vote in 24 hours this morning, as debate seems to be picking up here. Please disregard the previous one.

Wouldn't you have to withdraw your (implied) first motion for a final vote?

[WD]

Opening a final vote in 24 hours.

I thought a vote was supposed to open after 24 hrs?

I object to the amendment.

A vote will held after the amendment is considered.

The amendment was introduced after the vote was supposed to open.

I made another motion for a final vote in 24 hours this morning, as debate seems to be picking up here. Please disregard the previous one.

Wouldn't you have to withdraw your (implied) first motion for a final vote?

My mistake. Consider it withdrawn.