Senate Legislation Introduction Thread (New)

[Pedocon Theory is not a theory]

AN ACT

to Outlaw Russia for Exactly Four-Hundred and Thirty-Seven Seconds

Section 1. Title

Thia Act may be cited as the Outlawing Russia Act.

Section 2.

(a) The Russian Federation, also known as Russia, shall be deemed illegal within the Republic of Atlasia for the period from 12:08:37 a.m. on June 4th, 2105, until exactly 12:15:54 a.m. on June 4th, 2105.

[Pedocon Theory is not a theory]

AN ACT

To alleviate the growing Atlasian housing crisis.

Be it enacted by the Senate of the Republic of Atlasia assembled,

Section 1. Title

This Act may be referred to as the Goleta HyperCube Act of 2022.


Section 2. Purpose

1. This Act will fund and facilitate the construction of a 1 km x 1 km x 1 km housing block within the city boundaries of Goleta, California;

2. The aforementioned housing block will be owned by the Federal Government of Atlasia, and used as auxiliary housing as needed;

3. All housing within the aforementioned housing block (hencefore to be referred to as the Goleta HyperCube) shall be provided free of charge to any in need;

4. A total of $420,069,000,000 will be allocated towards funding the construction, provision of services within, and maintenance of, or relating to the Goleta HyperCube, its residents, the city of Goleta, the residents of the city of Goleta, the environs of the Goleta HyperCube, and the society within which it resides.


Section 3. Implementation

1. The Goleta HyperCube shall be exempt from all federal, state, local, and tribal zoning regulations;

2. The Goleta HyperCube shall be constructed out of concrete having a compressive strength of no less than 80 megapascals (MPa), as tested in accordance with the ISO 1920-4:2020 standard;

3. The Goleta HyperCube shall not be furnished with windows before, during, or after construction. The creation of windows within the outer frame of the Goleta HyperCube, whether through construction, formation, apparation, transfiguration, or any other method, shall be deemed a Class C felony punishable by a fine of no less than $3,141,592 dollars, imprisonment for up to 5 years, or both;

4. The Goleta HyperCube shall be classified as a Windows-free zone. The use of the Windows operating system, forks or copies thereof, and Microsoft-branded products shall be prohibited within the Goleta HyperCube, and violations of this clause shall be deemed a Class C felony punishable by a fine of no less than $2,718,281 dollars, imprisonment for up to 5 years, or both;

5. 18 U.S.C. § 3571 (b)(3) shall be modified as follows:

• a. strike the number "500,000",
• b. replace with the number "50,000,000";

6. 18 U.S.C. § 892 (b)(2) shall be modified as follows:

• a. strike the number "45",
• b. replace with the number "44.98";

7. 23 U.S.C. § 158 (a)(1)(B) shall be modified as follows:

• a. strike the number "8",
• b. replace with the number "0";

8. 36 U.S. Code § 107 shall be modified as follows:

• a. strike every occurrence of "Columbus",
• b. replace with "Indigenous Peoples'"

9. A tax of 0.01 United States cents per million cubic feet of methane emitted shall be levied upon all sources of methane emissions within continental Atlasia;

10. This Act shall supersede any and all other legislation in matters of law.

11. This Act shall take effect immediately upon passage.


Section 4. Earmarks

Of the $420,069,000,000 allocated to this Act:

1. $2,000,000 shall be allocated towards the construction of a bust of Francine Joy Drescher, to be displayed prominently within a foyer;
2. $25,000,000 shall be allocated towards the purchase of Ukrainian flags to be distributed evenly throughout the building;
3. $1 will be allocated for the exclusive use of Lincoln residents, to be used at any location of the following stores:

• i. Daiso,
• ii. Dollar Tree,
• iii. Miniso,
• iv. Dollar General,
• v. Family Dollar,
• vi. 99 Cents Only;

4. $1,000,000,000 shall be allocated towards the purchase of Hostess-branded Twinkies, which will serve as the Designated Survival Food of the Goleta HyperCube;
5. $2,500,000,000 shall be allocated towards the construction and maintenance of a finished, painted, and air-conditioned concrete Twinkie for storage of the Goleta HyperCube's Designated Survival Food;
6. $1,000,000,000 shall be allocated towards the endowment fund of Brown University;
7. $50,000,000,000 shall be allocated towards the promotion of Tom Lehrer's cultural heritage and works;
8. $69,000,000 shall be allocated towards the provision of casual sex and beer to the students of the University of California, Santa Barbara at no cost;
9. $3.50 (Three dollars and fifty cents) shall be deposited into a newly-created West Midlander Fund for Sucking Eggs held by the federal government, to be invested in an egg-related stock chosen at random by one (1) fertile, egg-laying hen of the Rhode Island Red species through a method chosen by any board-certified practitioner of sports medicine;
10. $5,000,000,000 shall be allocated towards the broadcasting of Hans Zimmer's Interstellar Original Soundtrack throughout the premises of the Goleta HyperCube;
11. $8,008,580,085 shall be allocated towards the purchase of either 300 ml or 400 ml silicone breast implants for the residents of the state of New York, to be distributed at no charge;
12. $1,000,000 shall be allocated towards the endowment fund of the University of Oregon system;
13. $1,000,000 shall be allocated towards the endowment fund of Oregon State University;
14. $375,000,000 shall be allocated towards the construction of a new terminal at Eugene Municipal Airport;
15. $375,000,000 shall be allocated towards the construction of a new terminal at Portland International Airport;
16. $100,000,000 shall be allocated towards the renovation of Eugene–Springfield, Albany, Salem, Oregon City, and Portland Amtrak train stations;
17. $90,000,000 shall be allocated towards the study, promotion, and cultural awareness of the Cannabis spp. plant genus;
18. $1,250,000 shall be allocated for the Lane Transit District;
19. $500,000 shall be allocated for the Brown University Shuttle system to add new service around the campus and to downtown Providence;
20. An automatic tax credit of 0.01 United States cents per million cubic feet of methane emitted shall be granted to all sources of methane emissions within continental Atlasia;
21. $1,500,000 shall be allocated to Brown University Dining Services annually to replace existing dining halls with actual restaurants;
22. $690,420,666 shall be allocated to the City of Portland for the purposes of infrastructure construction, affordable housing construction, park maintenence, clean energy expansion, the placement of solar panels on every building possible, and public transit expansion;
23. $42,069,666 shall be allocated to the City of Beaverton for the purposes of infrastructure construction, affordable housing construction, park maintenence, clean energy expansion, and public transit expansion;
24. $100,000,000 shall be allocated for the erection of a 500-foot black penis and testicles to replace the Southern Capitol building, complete with a milk fountain (on the top) and minimal internal furnishings for the use of government officials;
25. $50,000,000 shall be allocated to subsidies for Five Guys Burgers and Fries, McDonalds and In-n-Out, to open 40 locations in the Morris County area. Additionally, In-n-Out shall open two locations in the Providence area (one on the Brown University campus) and one location in the Boston international airport;
26. In-n-Out shall be nationalized and purged of executives that fail to pass a homophobia test, developed by the School Board of San Francisco;
27. $3,500,000,000 shall be allocated for the construction of a metro system in the Eugene-Springfield Metropolitan area with two routes (A and B) 

The following stations will be on route A: Thurston, Fort Park,  Bluebelle Park, 42nd St, East Springfield, McKenzie-Williamette Center, Gateway, Sheldon, Cal Young, Santa Clara, Eugene Airport

The following stations will be on route B: Thurston, Fort Park,  Bluebelle Park, 42nd St, East Springfield, McKenzie-Williamette Center, Island Park, Glenwood, Autzen, University Station, Pearl St, Washington-Jefferson, Valley River Center;

28. $2,000,000,000 shall be allocated for the construction of the Eastern Line for the Pittsburgh light rail network. This adds a third line to the existing downtown and Southern branches. It will terminate at Bakery Square, roughly following the existing infrastructure of the Martin Luther King East Busway. It will include one or more stops in the Strip District, Lawrenceville, Bloomfield, Shadyside, and East Liberty;
29. $5,000,000,000 shall be allocated towards the endowment fund of the University of Southern California;
30. $100,000,000 shall be allocated for the construction of express lanes on the Garden State Parkway from I-280 to the New Jersey Turnpike;
31. $100,000,000 for the upgrading of Oregon SR 18 from Grand Ronde to Dayton, Oregon SR 99W from Dayton, around Newberg via the Newberg-Dundee Bypass, and a new freeway from the eastern terminus of the Newberg-Dunbee bypass to the I-5/I-205 interchange in Tualatin, passing along the south of Sherwood, to be designated as Interstate 84. Owners of private property along this corridor shall be compensated with free healthcare for themselves and the next 10 generations of their descendants. The Interstate 84 designation shall be extended from the I-5/I-205 interchange along Interstate 5 to the existing I-5/I-84 interchange. Additionally studies shall be conducted to determine the enviromental feasibility of extending Interstate 84 to Lincoln City;
32. $1,000,000,000 shall be allocated to the Oregon Coast for earthquake and tsunami-protection upgrades;
33. $1,200,000,000 shall be allocated for the construction of Boeing assembly facilities in the cities of Medford, Yakima, and Sacramento;
34. $50,000,000 shall be designated to extend I-495 to the current NJ-495/I-95 terminus in Secaucus. The portion of the roadway not currently existing shall be constructed above 34th Street via a 70 foot high elevated highway. No demolition of existing buildings shall be required;
35. $3,000,000 shall be designated for the study of the construction of a levitating HyperCube over Megler, Washington, complete with a space elevator in addition to emergency tsunami elevators for the Astoria and Long Beach areas;
36. $1,000,000 shall be allocated to the bank account of one Ms. April Daniels;
37. $1,200,000 shall be allocated for the construction of a monument to the Labor Party of Atlasia in Nyman;
38. $100,000,000 shall be allocated for the establishment of Appalachian education and cultural heritage centers and programs;
39. $1,000,000 shall be allocated for the construction of the Harry S. Truman Museum of Socialism and Revolutionary Thought;
40. $1,000,000 shall be allocated towards funding the Massachusetts Bay Transportation Authority;
41. $2,000,000 shall be allocated for the construction of the Victims of Capitalism monument in Nyman, DC;
42. $10,000,000,000 shall be allocated for the construction of a 500-m tall statue of Taylor Swift, located on top of the Goleta HyperCube;
43. $100,000,000 shall be allocated for for the replacement of all confederate statues and monuments in the South with statues of Thaddeus Stevens.
44. $10,000,000 shall be allocated for the demolition of the Ronald Reagan Presidential Library and its subsequent replacement with truckloads of Port-a-Potties, as provided for by the funds remaining after demolition;
45. $30,000,000 shall be designated towards a nationwide effort to educate the masses on the dangers of electing Ann Davison;
46. $10,000,000 shall be allocated for the construction of the SevenEleven Presidential Library;
47. $50,000,000 shall be designated for the construction of a monument to the foremost political leader in Atlasian history, Adam Griffin.

Section 5. Funding

1. The total expenditure of this Act is anticipated to be approximately four hundred and twenty billion, sixty-nine million (420,069,000,000) dollars;


Section 6. Severability

1. Any part, provision, representation or warranty of this Act which is prohibited or which is held to be void or unenforceable shall be ineffective to the extent of such prohibition or unenforceability without invalidating the remaining provisions hereof. Any part, provision, representation or warranty of this Act which is prohibited or unenforceable or is held to be void or unenforceable in any jurisdiction shall be ineffective, as to such jurisdiction, to the extent of such prohibition or unenforceability without invalidating the remaining provisions hereof, and any such prohibition or unenforceability in any jurisdiction as to any laws, regulations, or other legal document shall not invalidate or render unenforceable such provision in any other jurisdiction.

[Pedocon Theory is not a theory]

Abolishing Dumb Agencies Act

1. The U.S. Customs and Border Protection Agency is hereby abolished following the passing of this act.

This won’t be on the floor

Why is this legislation not being allowed on the floor?

Because it's stupid.

[Pedocon Theory is not a theory]

Abolishing Dumb Agencies Act

1. The U.S. Customs and Border Protection Agency is hereby abolished following the passing of this act.

This won’t be on the floor

Why is this legislation not being allowed on the floor?

Because it's stupid.

If stupid bills arent allowed on the floor, then unfortunately I guess we wont get to consider your moronic bill either. At least, if the PPT is fair.

You got a bill about horse cocks, when's the last time anyone listened to you about what to take seriously?

[Pedocon Theory is not a theory]

Abolishing Dumb Agencies Act

1. The U.S. Customs and Border Protection Agency is hereby abolished following the passing of this act.

This won’t be on the floor

Why is this legislation not being allowed on the floor?

Because it's stupid.

If stupid bills arent allowed on the floor, then unfortunately I guess we wont get to consider your moronic bill either. At least, if the PPT is fair.

You got a bill about horse cocks, when's the last time anyone listened to you about what to take seriously?

My horsecox bill was funnier and yet more serious and substantive than anything you've ever proposed. If you want to meme make sure u r being funny next time instead of just a crasshole.

Spark the Numbskull has five bills on the floor from LAST SESSION

[Pedocon Theory is not a theory]

Abolishing Dumb Agencies Act

1. The U.S. Customs and Border Protection Agency is hereby abolished following the passing of this act.

This won’t be on the floor

Why is this legislation not being allowed on the floor?

Because it's stupid.

If stupid bills arent allowed on the floor, then unfortunately I guess we wont get to consider your moronic bill either. At least, if the PPT is fair.

You got a bill about horse cocks, when's the last time anyone listened to you about what to take seriously?

My horsecox bill was funnier and yet more serious and substantive than anything you've ever proposed. If you want to meme make sure u r being funny next time instead of just a crasshole.

Spark the Numbskull has five bills on the floor from LAST SESSION

This is conduct unbecoming of a Senator.

Your mom is conduct unbecoming of a senator.

[Pedocon Theory is not a theory]

Nay

[Pedocon Theory is not a theory]

An Act
To End Democracy

Section 1. Title.

This Act may be referred to as the Ending Democracy Act.

Section 2. Implementation.

To be continued.

[Pedocon Theory is not a theory]

A Resolution Denouncing Atlas User jravnsbo

WHEREAS, the Senate of the Republic of Atlasia previously recognized and thanked forum member Jravnsbo for his service in the United States Armed Forces;

WHEREAS, the Senate of the Republic of Atlasia previously authorized and urged the President of the Republic of Atlasia to bestow the Atlasian Silver Star upon Jravnsbo;

WHEREAS, Atlas user jravnsbo has been charged with vehicular manslaughter and various other misdeeds;

WHEREAS, jravnsbo has bought great shame upon Atlasia by his actions;

RESOLVED, the Senate of the Republic of Atlasia hereby revokes any and all honors bestowed upon jravnsbo;

RESOLVED, the Senate of the Republic of Atlasia hereby denounces Atlas user jravnsbo.

[Pedocon Theory is not a theory]

aye

aye

Captain!

I can't hear you!!

[Pedocon Theory is not a theory]

aye

-snip-

aye

aye

I'm your little butterfly
Green, black and blue
Make the colours in the sky

[Pedocon Theory is not a theory]

Reintroducing the Victory of the People Act.

AN ACT
To facilitate the people’s revolution
And complete their victory over capital
Be it enacted by the Senate and the People of the Republic of Atlasia:
SECTION 1. Title.
1. The title of this act shall be the Victory of the People Act.
SECTION 2. Transition of power.
1. Immediately upon passage of this act, the Republic of Atlasia organized under the fifth constitution thereof shall cease to exist.
2. At the moment of its dissolution, it will be succeeded by a People’s Republic representing the farmers and the working people of the nation.
3. The annual meeting shall be the highest authority of the People’s Republic. One-half the deputies shall be appointed by the workers’ councils and various trade unions, and the other half by the regional councils.
4. As the People’s Republic is established in each region of the former federative republic, the people will organize themselves into farmers’ and workers’ councils according to their trade, alongside the existing unions, and will also constitute regional councils or monthly meetings to represent the common interests of all workers.
5. The annual meeting shall appoint the executive council to attend to the obligations of the government and exercise the authority of the People’s Republic in their absence.
6. The right to participate in democracy and government shall be limited to members of the Communist party and independent guests.
SECTION 3. Ownership of the means of production.
1. Ownership of all private corporations valued at over $100,000 shall transfer to a board of directors chosen by and from the workers employed by that corporation, and all the wealth generated by these corporations shall be shared equally among the workers according to their contribution in hours.
2. Henceforward corporate governors shall be bound by the same restrictions with regard to human rights as the state, including specifically the prohibition against making or enforcing any rule or regulation abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the workers to peaceably assemble and petition the management for a redress of grievances.
SECTION 4. Nationalization.
1. All railways are brought into public ownership immediately upon passage of this act and placed under the control of an Atlasian Railway Authority.
2. All steel manufacturers are brought into public ownership immediately upon passage of this act and placed under the control of an Atlasian Steel Authority.
3. All fuel and power companies shall be brought into public ownership effective upon passage of this act and placed under the control of an Atlasian Energy Authority.
4. All financial and lending institutions shall be brought into public ownership effective upon passage of this act and placed under the control of an Atlasian Monetary Authority.
5. All institutions of higher education shall be brought into public ownership effective upon passage of this act and placed under the control of an Atlasian University System.
6. Each of these authorities, and such others as may be established by the People’s Republic for major industries, shall be organized federatively with governing boards in each region composed of an equal number of directors appointed by the regional council and the workers’ councils and trade unions. These regional boards will answer to the federal authority of the People’s Republic, one-third the members of which will be appointed by the regional councils, one-third by the annual meeting, and one-third by the workers’ councils and trade unions.
SECTION 5. Rights.
1. We adopt the Declaration of the Rights of Man and Citizen without reservation, and add the right to organize, the right to food and shelter, the right to care in sickness and in old age, the right to employment, and the right to peace.
2. No worker shall suffer execution or life imprisonment without parole.
3. No worker shall be deprived of the fruits of their labor.
4. No worker shall be denied equal protection of the law on account of race, sex, gender, religion, or nation of origin.
SECTION 6. Emblems.
1. The flag of the People’s Republic shall be a red field with three gold stars in the upper canton to represent the three regions.
2. The anthem of the People’s Republic shall be the Internationale.
3. The motto of the People’s Republic shall be “workers of the world, unite!”
4. The seal of the People’s Republic shall be a crossed hammer and sickle with three stars to represent the three regions, with the words “People’s Republic of Atlasia” across the top, and the motto across the bottom.
SECTION 7. Peace and Freedom.
1. The people of each city and region will be allowed to go about their lives in peace, and no coercive force applied, where threat of violence is not first offered. If there be any who would still adhere to the old constitution, let them stand unmolested, as testament to the safety with which error of opinion may be tolerated while reason is left free to combat it. We ask no tribute which is not given freely, we enlist no conscript nor solicit begrudging loyalty. We trust to arms only for our own defense, and otherwise trust to fate and history to vindicate our cause and complete the victory of the people.