HB 29-30: Unidentified Primate Protection Act (Passed)

[Dr. MB]

A BILL
To protect our unseen animals.

Be it enacted by the Senate and House of Representatives of the Republic of Atlasia in Congress assembled,

Section I. Title

i. This bill may be known as the Unidentified Primate Protection Act.

Section II. Definition

i. "Bigfoot" may be defined as any previously unknown-to-science bipedal hominid or ape-like creature inhabiting the wild of Atlasia.
ii. This creature may be known by multiple names, including Sasquatch, Skunk Ape, and a variety of others in Native cultures.

Section III. Protective Measures
i. The Congress of Atlasia hereby recognizes Bigfoot's existence.
ii. Bigfoot is hereby placed on the Endangered Species List.
iii. It shall be prohibited to kill or seriously injure a Bigfoot unless provoked.
iv. Killing a Bigfoot may be punished with a fine not exceeding $30,000 and/or up to one year in prison.
v. Any person who has seen a Bigfoot in a national park, forest, or other protected area may report the sighting to the park's administration. The park shall put a notice up alerting visitors of the creature's presence.

Section IV. The Deep State Gets Squatched
i. No government funds may be directed toward civilian or military operations intended to hunt or exterminate Bigfoot.
ii. No government funds may be directed toward civilian or military operations intended to hunt or exterminate any group of people commonly described as "feral" or "wildmen" living on the fringes of society.
iii. All government files regarding the 1969 disappearance of Dennis Martin, including those relating to the involvement of the Green Berets in the search and rescue operation, must be declassified.
iv. All government files relating to helicopter operations after the 1980 eruption of Mount St. Helens, specifically those relating to the removal and subsequent burning of Sasquatch corpses, must be declassified.
v. All government files relating to capture of Sasquatch after the 1999 Battle Mountain Fire in Nevada must be declassified.

Section V. Effect
i. This bill shall go into effect immediately after signature by the President.

Sponsor: MB

[S019]

I urge the House to reject this, there is no evidence of Bigfoot and it is a waste of taxpayer dollars to deploy federal police to try and enforce Bigfoot hunting bans, when Bigfoot does not exist. I urge a NAY vote and ask the House to not throw money into an incinerator by passing this. I am not normally one to advocate for fiscal responsibility and I believe deficit spending is a good thing, especially in a recession, however there is no good reason to pass this.

[Dr. MB]

I urge the House to reject this, there is no evidence of Bigfoot and it is a waste of taxpayer dollars to deploy federal police to try and enforce Bigfoot hunting bans, when Bigfoot does not exist. I urge a NAY vote and ask the House to not throw money into an incinerator by passing this.

If Bigfoot hunting bans are enforced, wouldn’t that mean someone has shot a Bigfoot?

[S019]

I urge the House to reject this, there is no evidence of Bigfoot and it is a waste of taxpayer dollars to deploy federal police to try and enforce Bigfoot hunting bans, when Bigfoot does not exist. I urge a NAY vote and ask the House to not throw money into an incinerator by passing this.

If Bigfoot hunting bans are enforced, wouldn’t that mean someone has shot a Bigfoot?

My interpretation of this is you'd deploy police to Washington and Oregon forests, and have them just patrol the area, which of course is a massive waste of money for obvious reasons.

[Dr. MB]

I urge the House to reject this, there is no evidence of Bigfoot and it is a waste of taxpayer dollars to deploy federal police to try and enforce Bigfoot hunting bans, when Bigfoot does not exist. I urge a NAY vote and ask the House to not throw money into an incinerator by passing this.

If Bigfoot hunting bans are enforced, wouldn’t that mean someone has shot a Bigfoot?

My interpretation of this is you'd deploy police to Washington and Oregon forests, and have them just patrol the area, which of course is a massive waste of money for obvious reasons.

It would just fall under the general duties of the game warden. This doesn’t create a specific Bigfoot task force.

[S019]

I urge the House to reject this, there is no evidence of Bigfoot and it is a waste of taxpayer dollars to deploy federal police to try and enforce Bigfoot hunting bans, when Bigfoot does not exist. I urge a NAY vote and ask the House to not throw money into an incinerator by passing this.

If Bigfoot hunting bans are enforced, wouldn’t that mean someone has shot a Bigfoot?

My interpretation of this is you'd deploy police to Washington and Oregon forests, and have them just patrol the area, which of course is a massive waste of money for obvious reasons.

It would just fall under the general duties of the game warden. This doesn’t create a specific Bigfoot task force.

Still shouldn't they spend their time doing their job? Like enforcing bans against deer hunting, etc.

[Dr. MB]

I urge the House to reject this, there is no evidence of Bigfoot and it is a waste of taxpayer dollars to deploy federal police to try and enforce Bigfoot hunting bans, when Bigfoot does not exist. I urge a NAY vote and ask the House to not throw money into an incinerator by passing this.

If Bigfoot hunting bans are enforced, wouldn’t that mean someone has shot a Bigfoot?

My interpretation of this is you'd deploy police to Washington and Oregon forests, and have them just patrol the area, which of course is a massive waste of money for obvious reasons.

It would just fall under the general duties of the game warden. This doesn’t create a specific Bigfoot task force.

Still shouldn't they spend their time doing their job? Like enforcing bans against deer hunting, etc.

Unless a Bigfoot is shot and killed, this wouldn’t interfere with their job duties at all.

[S019]

I urge the House to reject this, there is no evidence of Bigfoot and it is a waste of taxpayer dollars to deploy federal police to try and enforce Bigfoot hunting bans, when Bigfoot does not exist. I urge a NAY vote and ask the House to not throw money into an incinerator by passing this.

If Bigfoot hunting bans are enforced, wouldn’t that mean someone has shot a Bigfoot?

My interpretation of this is you'd deploy police to Washington and Oregon forests, and have them just patrol the area, which of course is a massive waste of money for obvious reasons.

It would just fall under the general duties of the game warden. This doesn’t create a specific Bigfoot task force.

Still shouldn't they spend their time doing their job? Like enforcing bans against deer hunting, etc.

Unless a Bigfoot is shot and killed, this wouldn’t interfere with their job duties at all.

Then what is the point of passing this, Bigfoots don't exist? Also since you're putting it on the endangered species list, there would be more aggressive patrolling of that area in general, which implies more officers, this is a bad idea.

[Dr. MB]

I urge the House to reject this, there is no evidence of Bigfoot and it is a waste of taxpayer dollars to deploy federal police to try and enforce Bigfoot hunting bans, when Bigfoot does not exist. I urge a NAY vote and ask the House to not throw money into an incinerator by passing this.

If Bigfoot hunting bans are enforced, wouldn’t that mean someone has shot a Bigfoot?

My interpretation of this is you'd deploy police to Washington and Oregon forests, and have them just patrol the area, which of course is a massive waste of money for obvious reasons.

It would just fall under the general duties of the game warden. This doesn’t create a specific Bigfoot task force.

Still shouldn't they spend their time doing their job? Like enforcing bans against deer hunting, etc.

Unless a Bigfoot is shot and killed, this wouldn’t interfere with their job duties at all.

Then what is the point of passing this, Bigfoots don't exist? Also since you're putting it on the endangered species list, there would be more aggressive patrolling of that area in general, which implies more officers, this is a bad idea.

If Bigfoot did exist, wouldn’t you want to protect it? Bigfoot’s existence is neither proven nor unproven. It’s better to assume that Bigfoot is out there than to take risks and potentially cause this species to go extinct.

[S019]

I urge the House to reject this, there is no evidence of Bigfoot and it is a waste of taxpayer dollars to deploy federal police to try and enforce Bigfoot hunting bans, when Bigfoot does not exist. I urge a NAY vote and ask the House to not throw money into an incinerator by passing this.

If Bigfoot hunting bans are enforced, wouldn’t that mean someone has shot a Bigfoot?

My interpretation of this is you'd deploy police to Washington and Oregon forests, and have them just patrol the area, which of course is a massive waste of money for obvious reasons.

It would just fall under the general duties of the game warden. This doesn’t create a specific Bigfoot task force.

Still shouldn't they spend their time doing their job? Like enforcing bans against deer hunting, etc.

Unless a Bigfoot is shot and killed, this wouldn’t interfere with their job duties at all.

Then what is the point of passing this, Bigfoots don't exist? Also since you're putting it on the endangered species list, there would be more aggressive patrolling of that area in general, which implies more officers, this is a bad idea.

If Bigfoot did exist, wouldn’t you want to protect it? Bigfoot’s existence is neither proven nor unproven. It’s better to assume that Bigfoot is out there than to take risks and potentially cause this species to go extinct.

It doesn't exist period.

[Dr. MB]

I urge the House to reject this, there is no evidence of Bigfoot and it is a waste of taxpayer dollars to deploy federal police to try and enforce Bigfoot hunting bans, when Bigfoot does not exist. I urge a NAY vote and ask the House to not throw money into an incinerator by passing this.

If Bigfoot hunting bans are enforced, wouldn’t that mean someone has shot a Bigfoot?

My interpretation of this is you'd deploy police to Washington and Oregon forests, and have them just patrol the area, which of course is a massive waste of money for obvious reasons.

It would just fall under the general duties of the game warden. This doesn’t create a specific Bigfoot task force.

Still shouldn't they spend their time doing their job? Like enforcing bans against deer hunting, etc.

Unless a Bigfoot is shot and killed, this wouldn’t interfere with their job duties at all.

Then what is the point of passing this, Bigfoots don't exist? Also since you're putting it on the endangered species list, there would be more aggressive patrolling of that area in general, which implies more officers, this is a bad idea.

If Bigfoot did exist, wouldn’t you want to protect it? Bigfoot’s existence is neither proven nor unproven. It’s better to assume that Bigfoot is out there than to take risks and potentially cause this species to go extinct.

It doesn't exist period.

Why do you say that?

[S019]

I urge the House to reject this, there is no evidence of Bigfoot and it is a waste of taxpayer dollars to deploy federal police to try and enforce Bigfoot hunting bans, when Bigfoot does not exist. I urge a NAY vote and ask the House to not throw money into an incinerator by passing this.

If Bigfoot hunting bans are enforced, wouldn’t that mean someone has shot a Bigfoot?

My interpretation of this is you'd deploy police to Washington and Oregon forests, and have them just patrol the area, which of course is a massive waste of money for obvious reasons.

It would just fall under the general duties of the game warden. This doesn’t create a specific Bigfoot task force.

Still shouldn't they spend their time doing their job? Like enforcing bans against deer hunting, etc.

Unless a Bigfoot is shot and killed, this wouldn’t interfere with their job duties at all.

Then what is the point of passing this, Bigfoots don't exist? Also since you're putting it on the endangered species list, there would be more aggressive patrolling of that area in general, which implies more officers, this is a bad idea.

If Bigfoot did exist, wouldn’t you want to protect it? Bigfoot’s existence is neither proven nor unproven. It’s better to assume that Bigfoot is out there than to take risks and potentially cause this species to go extinct.

It doesn't exist period.

Why do you say that?

"The majority of mainstream scientists have historically discounted the existence of Bigfoot, considering it to be a myth created by a combination of folklore, misidentification, and hoax, rather than a living animal" (Wikipedia).

[Dr. MB]

I urge the House to reject this, there is no evidence of Bigfoot and it is a waste of taxpayer dollars to deploy federal police to try and enforce Bigfoot hunting bans, when Bigfoot does not exist. I urge a NAY vote and ask the House to not throw money into an incinerator by passing this.

If Bigfoot hunting bans are enforced, wouldn’t that mean someone has shot a Bigfoot?

My interpretation of this is you'd deploy police to Washington and Oregon forests, and have them just patrol the area, which of course is a massive waste of money for obvious reasons.

It would just fall under the general duties of the game warden. This doesn’t create a specific Bigfoot task force.

Still shouldn't they spend their time doing their job? Like enforcing bans against deer hunting, etc.

Unless a Bigfoot is shot and killed, this wouldn’t interfere with their job duties at all.

Then what is the point of passing this, Bigfoots don't exist? Also since you're putting it on the endangered species list, there would be more aggressive patrolling of that area in general, which implies more officers, this is a bad idea.

If Bigfoot did exist, wouldn’t you want to protect it? Bigfoot’s existence is neither proven nor unproven. It’s better to assume that Bigfoot is out there than to take risks and potentially cause this species to go extinct.

It doesn't exist period.

Why do you say that?

"The majority of mainstream scientists have historically discounted the existence of Bigfoot, considering it to be a myth created by a combination of folklore, misidentification, and hoax, rather than a living animal" (Wikipedia).

Have you ever heard of Dr. Jeff Meldrum?

[S019]

I urge the House to reject this, there is no evidence of Bigfoot and it is a waste of taxpayer dollars to deploy federal police to try and enforce Bigfoot hunting bans, when Bigfoot does not exist. I urge a NAY vote and ask the House to not throw money into an incinerator by passing this.

If Bigfoot hunting bans are enforced, wouldn’t that mean someone has shot a Bigfoot?

My interpretation of this is you'd deploy police to Washington and Oregon forests, and have them just patrol the area, which of course is a massive waste of money for obvious reasons.

It would just fall under the general duties of the game warden. This doesn’t create a specific Bigfoot task force.

Still shouldn't they spend their time doing their job? Like enforcing bans against deer hunting, etc.

Unless a Bigfoot is shot and killed, this wouldn’t interfere with their job duties at all.

Then what is the point of passing this, Bigfoots don't exist? Also since you're putting it on the endangered species list, there would be more aggressive patrolling of that area in general, which implies more officers, this is a bad idea.

If Bigfoot did exist, wouldn’t you want to protect it? Bigfoot’s existence is neither proven nor unproven. It’s better to assume that Bigfoot is out there than to take risks and potentially cause this species to go extinct.

It doesn't exist period.

Why do you say that?

"The majority of mainstream scientists have historically discounted the existence of Bigfoot, considering it to be a myth created by a combination of folklore, misidentification, and hoax, rather than a living animal" (Wikipedia).

Have you ever heard of Dr. Jeff Meldrum?

who? Also we should probably take this to another thread, it's become kind of a back and forth and might derail the thread.

[Dr. MB]

I urge the House to reject this, there is no evidence of Bigfoot and it is a waste of taxpayer dollars to deploy federal police to try and enforce Bigfoot hunting bans, when Bigfoot does not exist. I urge a NAY vote and ask the House to not throw money into an incinerator by passing this.

If Bigfoot hunting bans are enforced, wouldn’t that mean someone has shot a Bigfoot?

My interpretation of this is you'd deploy police to Washington and Oregon forests, and have them just patrol the area, which of course is a massive waste of money for obvious reasons.

It would just fall under the general duties of the game warden. This doesn’t create a specific Bigfoot task force.

Still shouldn't they spend their time doing their job? Like enforcing bans against deer hunting, etc.

Unless a Bigfoot is shot and killed, this wouldn’t interfere with their job duties at all.

Then what is the point of passing this, Bigfoots don't exist? Also since you're putting it on the endangered species list, there would be more aggressive patrolling of that area in general, which implies more officers, this is a bad idea.

If Bigfoot did exist, wouldn’t you want to protect it? Bigfoot’s existence is neither proven nor unproven. It’s better to assume that Bigfoot is out there than to take risks and potentially cause this species to go extinct.

It doesn't exist period.

Why do you say that?

"The majority of mainstream scientists have historically discounted the existence of Bigfoot, considering it to be a myth created by a combination of folklore, misidentification, and hoax, rather than a living animal" (Wikipedia).

Have you ever heard of Dr. Jeff Meldrum?

who? Also we should probably take this to another thread, it's become kind of a back and forth and might derail the thread.

He's an anthropologist and expert in primate foot morphology. In the '90s he went on a long research trip in northern California and had several strange occurrences and Sasquatch encounters during that time. After lots of research into Bigfoot footprint casts he eventually concluded that there is, in fact, an unidentified primate living in the North American wilderness.

[Talleyrand]

Can we get the Game Moderator's opinion on this?

[Peanut]

Can we get the Game Moderator's opinion on this?

Lol, seen. Will post a story on this in the next newspaper. Fun bill!

[OBD]

PROTECT BIGFOOT. STOP ANTI-FUN!

[P. Clodius Pulcher did nothing wrong]

The sacred secrecy of our sasquatch cousins must be protected by their government!

[Peanut]

A story has been posted on this!

[Dr. MB]

A story has been posted on this!

I'll quote the story here for convenience

PORT TOWNSEND, WASHINGTON - In 2021 alone, sightings of unidentified primates (commonly known as Bigfoot) have increased tenfold from previous years, prompting environmentalist organizations to ask the government for protection for the unknown creature.
Mr. Denver Riggleman, an attorney who regularly spends his free time searching for the creature in the dense Atlasian forest, claims that Bigfoot is "as real as I am Atlasian", and gradually, members of the scientific community have grown accepting of his position, once deemed fringe and unscientific.
Additionally, several voices raise concerns of the government's role in suppressing evidence of the craeature's existence, for which purpose Congressman MB has presented a bill in the Congress. Actions from state legislatures have also asked for more transparency in handling Bigfoot and other cryptids: recent efforts for historical transparency in Midwestern legislatures have confirmed the existence of the Lake Michigan serpent, for example, albeit it was killed early in the 20th century.

[Talleyrand]

I will support this bill.

[Harvey Updyke Jr🌹]

I urge the House to reject this, there is no evidence of Bigfoot and it is a waste of taxpayer dollars to deploy federal police to try and enforce Bigfoot hunting bans, when Bigfoot does not exist. I urge a NAY vote and ask the House to not throw money into an incinerator by passing this.

If Bigfoot hunting bans are enforced, wouldn’t that mean someone has shot a Bigfoot?

My interpretation of this is you'd deploy police to Washington and Oregon forests, and have them just patrol the area, which of course is a massive waste of money for obvious reasons.

It would just fall under the general duties of the game warden. This doesn’t create a specific Bigfoot task force.

Now, wait a minute.  Perhaps Bigfoot task force isn't such a bad idea?  If we're serious about protecting them? 

[Dr. MB]

Anything further to add? If not I'll motion for a final vote.

[Dr. MB]

A final vote has started. 72 hours.