Labor NPC Campaigns thread

[Mike Thick]

PR: Ted Bessell to "Tour" CA for Labor Party

Photo by Harold Litwiler via Flickr, sourced from Creative Commons

VENTURA, CA - Congressman Ted Bessell kicked off a California-wide campaign tour today, appearing with NPC candidates as he seeks election to the Senate in August.

The longtime public servant, who served in both houses of Congress prior to a lengthy departure from the game, is a lifelong resident of Southern California. Here is an excerpt from remarks the Congressman delivered at the rally.

Hello, Ventura! Great to be here. Can’t beat this weather. Yeesh.

Now, this might sound corny, but we’re here today because we care. We care about what kind of city we want Ventura to be, the kind of place we want California to be. The kind of country we want to live in. Sure, Senate elections are important. But that change, that real change, it starts lower-down. It starts right here, in our own communities. That’s why even though strategic registration has become more and more common, in four years in this game, I’ve never once moved outside the great State of California.

Local issues matter. For example, look at what’s going on with farmworkers right now. These guys are a huge part of Ventura’s economy. They work in the fields all day, tirelessly, for low wages and no benefits. They produce half the strawberries in the entire country and they get nothing — they live in company dorms, sometimes eight to a room. Squalid conditions. And that’s why dozens of farmworkers, right here in our county, have been infected with COVID-19. They can’t socially distance. Their employers sure as hell aren’t giving them PPE. The County isn’t doing a thing. Right now, nobody is looking out for them.

I can promise you this: when Labor gets a majority here in the next elections, that is over. We’re going to put teeth on the regulations that are supposed to keep our workers safe. And we are going to make sure that, whether it’s COVID or pesticides or getting a fair shake on their wages, there’s someone speaking up for people who have been denied a voice for too damn long.

This isn’t just big talk. I wrote the Feed Frémonters Act to make sure that the produce farmworkers are farming got out of the fields, and into the hands of people who are going hungry. I got legislation passed here in Frémont to make housing affordable. The state legislators here do many of the same things. And that’s just the beginning — when we win here in California, we will keep fighting for you like we always have.

Again, always a pleasure. Thank you.

[Mike Thick]

"California's Gold"
To air in California

EXT. BEACH, EVENING -- Golden sunset over the Pacific. Scattered beachgoers watching it. Waves crash on the shore, as we cut to... EXT. YOSEMITE VALLEY -- Shot of Half Dome, covered in snow. The sunset continues. Sounds of the forest, owls hooting. EXT. DESERT -- The sunset continues. Heat haze over the desert floor, then another cut to... EXT. HILLS -- Bird's eye shot of hillsides of the Central Coast -- pan up to show sunset continuing over Big Sur. EXT. BEACH -- Thousands of dead birds washed up on the shore. INT. CAR, NIGHT -- Cell phone footage as a car drives along a highway through a wildfire. EXT. WILDFIRE, NIGHT -- Aerial shot of CZU Lightning Complex fires in Santa Cruz. Fire glows, just above suburbs with lights turned on. EXT. LOS ANGELES -- Heat haze over the L.A. Skyline. EXT. STREET -- Paramedics treat a heat stroke victim on the sidewalk. FADE TO BLACK EXT. STATE CAPITOL -- Uplifting piano music. INT. OVAL OFFICE -- PERICLES signs a bill. Some political figures, watching from behind the Resolute Desk, applaud. EXT. STREET -- Pericles talks with wildfire victims, surrounded by burned-out houses. EXT. BEACH -- The same sunset we saw before. TED BESSELL stands alone, smiling, looks into the camera.

NARRATOR: California -- The Golden State. The only place in Atlasia you can go surfing and skiing... NARRATOR (CONT'D. UNINTERRUPTED): ...in the same day. NARRATOR: Our Gold is our state's natural beauty... NARRATOR (CONT'D.): ...but that beauty is under attack. NEWS ANCHOR: Thousands of dead birds washed up on a Southern California Beach... is pollution to blame? NARRATOR: Climate change is ravaging California. Threatening everything we hold dear. CHILD (IN CAR, OFF-CAMERA): Mommy, I'm scared. NEWS ANCHOR: Record temperatures today in the Los Angeles Basin... paramedics overwhelmed... NARRATOR: Climate change is the greatest danger California has ever faced... NARRATOR (CONT'D.): ..but Labor is fighting back. NARRATOR: Labor's passed legislation to solve the problem. They're working hard to protect our oceans. To keep California safe from natural disasters. NARRATOR: And they won't stop fighting until Atlasia beats climate change once and for all. BESSELL: Vote Labor. Keep up the fight. NARRATOR (QUICKLY): Paid for by the Labor Party of Atlasia.

END

[Mike Thick]

"Grandstand"
To air in Alaska

EXT. PARK -- Rear shot of man speaking from a podium... ...begin PEDESTAL shot, moving camera up while keeping focus on man... ...continue moving up... we can start to see the edge of the park... ...it's gradually revealed that crowd is empty -- the man is speaking to nobody, screaming into the void. People walking dogs and such in the park might give him a glance but nobody stops.

MAN ON PODIUM: [Garbled yelling] NARRATOR: The Greens say they stand for something. But they aren't standing for anything -- they're grandstanding. NARRATOR: Green leaders led a pointless and failed strike, hurting our economy and your paychecks... for nothing. MAN ON PODIUM: ...it's fine, we were in different time zones... NARRATOR: While millions of workers struggle to pay bills, they rail against... circumcision. MAN ON PODIUM: [Muffled] ...less pleasurable... NARRATOR: And when they don't get what they want? They tell people to "die in a ditch." MAN ON PODIUM: ...die in a ditch! NARRATOR: So, when you cast your vote, ask this. If the Greens win, will they stand up for you, or  grandstand for themselves? [quickly] Paid for by the Labor Party of Atlasia

END

[Mike Thick]

San Francisco, CA
Drive-Up Rally near AT&T Park

Photo by Maxinux40k via Creative Commons

Hello, San Francisco! It's great to be here talking to all you lovely people. Great stuff. You know, I spent a couple years here in the 60's. Lived in a loft on the Haight. Six men, six women. Living free, loving free, growing our own, uh, food. Best time of my life, I'll tell ya. Wish I could go back.

I'm coming to you today because Labor needs your help. We won big last weekend, but we can't get complacent -- the race here is very, very tight. Couldn't be tighter. Seriously. We have momentum, but it's going to take every single vote to pull this thing off.

Labor has passed legislation to lower your rents. We've worked tirelessly to shut down the pandemic and get our lives back. And once MB and I take office, we're going to do even more. We can't wait. But I'll tell you something, I'll tell you this -- we can't do it all. We need partners in San Francisco who will work with us to get Atlasia, get San Fran, get it back on track. We need it.

Your local budget, your street repavements and homeless shelters and firefighters? That's on the ballot. Your clean air and water is on the ballot. Your rent is on the ballot. Vote like it. Tell your friends, your neighbors, family to vote like it.

Peace. Thanks.

[Mike Thick]

W

[Mike Thick]

Twister
To be aired nationwide

[INT. ROOM, DAY -- We see MAN 1 on all fours on a Twister board or canvas or whatever it's called. He is tall and lanky, maybe in his late 30's -- think Kramer from Seinfeld. MAN 2, pudgy and more on the George Costanza end of the Seinfeld spectrum, stands a few feet away holding the game "spinner" in his hand. Appropriately, he speaks in a slight New Yawk accent.]

MAN 2
Okay, hmm. Right hand, "attack Labor for their transportation plan."

[Close-up shot of the Twister board. MAN 1 slaps his hand down on a yellow dot reading just that.]

MAN 2
Now, left foot, "support expensive rail for the wealthy."

[MAN 1 puts his left foot on said dot, struggling a little to reach over. Cut to MAN 2 reading off the spinner.]

MAN 2
Right foot, "say Labor is 'hot air' with no positions."

[Offscreen we hear MAN 1 briefly grunt with strain. The pace is increasing. We hear the sounds of MAN 1 whirring his limbs to keep up.]

MAN 2
[Squinting] Left hand, don't say what your positions are on anything.

[WIDE SHOT of the pair that gradually pulls back. MAN 2's orders accelerate to a fever pitch -- "campaign in platitudes," "pull dirty tricks in the South," etc, all come in rapid succession and overlap with each other. We see MAN 1 contorting himself in ways that seem impossible to follow the instructions. The noise of both gradually fades out...]

NARRATOR
The Democratic Alliance are tying themselves in knots to smear everyone else. This election, don't get it twisted. Vote Labor.

[...as the scene gradually FADES to the Labor Logo. THE END.]

[Mike Thick]

WORK
To air nationwide

INT. FACTORY, MORNING - Wide shot of factory floor in full operation. Sun, low in sky, visible through window in rear. Cut to DANNY CELEBREZZE, polishing refrigerator doors as they come off the assembly line.

CELEBREZZE (V.O.)
I've worked at the factory for 20 years now. It's not much, but it's honest work. Puts food on the table.

INT. HOUSE, EVENING - CELEBREZZE sits down at the dinner table with his family.

CELEBREZZE (V.O.)
I just want my kids to have a better life than I did. Go to college if they want to. Not have to worry about helping us pay rent.

INT. HOUSE, EVENING - CELEBREZZE leans over his young daughter, seated at a desk and doing homework.

CELEBREZZE
So, if those are worth twice as much as these, how much do you have?

DAUGHTER
25.

CELEBREZZE
You are getting really smart, you know that?

CELEBREZZE (V.O.)
Sometimes I worry about what's going on in the world. I want the world to be clean for my daughter. These rich guys don't care if they mess the planet up for everyone else, they just want to rob it blind.

INT. HOUSE, EVENING - CELEBREZZE and his wife watch television, her head buried in his shoulder. An indiscernable political ad comes on. CELEBREZZE wrinkles his nose slightly.

CELEBREZZE (V.O.)
But I'm glad Labor is fighting for us in Washington. They want the economy to work for everyone, not just the guys up top. They reshaped the energy industry to make it work for us, the people.

INT. HOUSE, EVENING - CELEBREZZE sits at the kitchen table, filling out a ballot. Cut to close-up shot of him checking the box for the Labor candidate.

CELEBREZZE (V.O.)
I'm voting Labor because I want a better future. For me, for my kids. For everyone.

THE END.

[Mike Thick]

SANTA
To air nationwide

INT. MALL, AFTERNOON - SANTA CLAUS, a Mall Santa, sits on a throne at the top of a white "mountain." Children go up to meet SANTA via a staircase, and leave via a slide. Two elves, ELF 1 and ELF 2, flank him on either side. DANA, a young girl, sits on his lap.

SANTA CLAUS
Ho, ho, ho! What would you like for Christmas this year, little girl?

DANA
Santa, my mommy has to take the bus to work every day. She says it's slow and it smells bad and there are too many people. Can you make the bus better?

SANTA (thoughtfully)
Hmm... [PAUSE] How would she like... to take a train... to Chattanooga, Tennessee?

DANA
But Santa, mommy's work is only a few miles away!

SANTA
Sorry, kiddo! Under the DA's plan, she's out of luck -- local transportation will stay pretty much the way it is. But if she wants to take a trip somewhere a thousand miles away, great! It'll only cost 200 bucks. Each way.

DANA
That's not what I want at all!

SANTA
Life's a b****, kid. Anyways, get out of here. We got a line.

DANA (screaming)
NOOOO!!!

INT. MALL, AFTERNOON - ELF 1 and ELF 2 drag DANA to the slide; she holds onto the sides to keep from falling down. Cut to POV from DANA, as Santa puts his boot on her forehead to push her down the slide.

SANTA
Ho, ho, ho.

NARRATOR (V.O.)
Vote Labor. Don't settle for a lump of coal.

[Mike Thick]

"CELEBRITY"
TO AIR NATIONWIDE
(YOU CAN IGNORE THIS ONE, LUMINE)

EXT. BEACH - The theme from Chariots of Fire plays as we see an overhead shot of a man running along the shoreline, carrying an Olympic-style torch. We slowly zoom in and reveal: the man is BRAD PITT, shirtless, bulging muscles wet with ocean mist.

PITT

People in this country were struggling a few months ago. They still are. But Labor has been there to help.

PITT extends the torch out of frame, handing it to...

INT. MANSION - TRAVIS SCOTT takes the torch. He is sitting in his front room on some sort of bejeweled throne, surrounded by scantily clad women.

SCOTT

Labor has gotten you your stimulus payments. Expanded public transportation. Revived local economies.

SCOTT hands the torch to...

EXT. SUPREME COURT OF THE UNITED STATES - ADAM SANDLER takes the torch and starts sprinting down the stairs.

SANDLER

They brought our country back from the brink. Now we're off and running.

SANDLER eats sh**t on the stairs. As the torch goes out of frame...

INT. MOCK OVAL OFFICE - ...it is caught by BARACK OBAMA.

OBAMA

Osama Bin Laden is dead, and the Atlasian economy is alive.

OBAMA throws the torch like a football to...

EXT. FOOTBALL FIELD - ...OJ SIMPSON, running down the football field.

SIMPSON

Damn, Labor is KILLING it!

SIMPSON winks. He scores a touchdown, slams the torch down, it bounces out of frame to...

INT. JEOPARDY SET - ...ALEX TREBEK.

TREBEK

And, for your next clue... [reading off board] This is how you can keep the progress going for another term.

A contestant buzzes in. CUT to JESUS CHRIST, eager to answer.

JESUS CHRIST

[staring directly at camera] What is... vote Labor.

INT. POLLING STATION - Shot of all celebrities voting. JESUS helps an elderly woman to the polling booth. SIMPSON quibbles with a volunteer over his registration, leaning further over the table as he grows more irate. SCOTT sticks something up his nose and snorts.

TREBEK

[staring directly at camera] Go vote! And when you do, vote Labor.

SMASH CUT TO BLACK

[Mike Thick]

RENOWNED ELDER STATESMAN BESSELL CAMPAIGNS FOR LABOR IN SAN FRANCISCO

Glad to be here! Glad to be here. It's so great that we can finally see each other again, huh? Just awesome.

I'm here to talk about an issue that's near and dear to my heart: housing. Mayor Chu has been a national leader on the issue, lowering barriers to housing construction and getting rid of harmful restrictions on rentals. San Francisco is a better, more affordable place to live because of her efforts.

But the fight isn't over. The fact remains that most of San Francisco was exclusively house-zoned for decades -- and if there's one thing I know about houses, it's that they don't just up and disappear with the newest policy change. Cities can't rely on developments that take years to get approval -- people need help now.

The answer we're proposing: granny flats. If people can legally rent out the top floor of their house, we don't need big apartment complexes right away. We can increase the supply of housing quickly and efficiently, without knocking down a single building. If we win another term, Labor will expedite reviews for any homeowner that wants to rent out part of their house.

More than that -- to get new development, you need to talk to developers. I've been in the room, I know: Mayor Chu has been beating down the lines of Bay Area real estate companies to let them know that the city is back. She is personally responsible for lots of the new construction you might see walking around town, and if she's returned to office, she'll attract even more. More people. More small businesses. More life.

Under Labor, San Francisco has come a long way. With another term, we can go even further. Thank you.

Now, I'll turn it over to Mayor Chu. Thanks.