The Comedy Goldmine(ONLY FUNNY ATLAS POSTS ALLOWED, NO BRTD ALLOWED)

[Platypus]

I right clicked on the image in his signature, got it off properties and posted it here. So, his link doesn't work

[Max Power]

Executive, as head dog catcher.

[??????????]

Teenager
Congratulations! You scored 39!

[I spent the winter writing songs about getting better]

As I understand it, this island is a primary desination for the female sex tourist seeking the Big Bamboo.

[ilikeverin]

I will have children someday

That depends, in part, on events beyond your control. Believe me. I would have said the same when I was your age.

Psh, if all else fails, I could always adopt.  Then my children could wow the world by saying they live in a single father household

A single father got sentenced to umpteen years in prison recently for having had sexual relations with his daughter for many, many years - including full sex since when she was 11 (she`s 20 now).

On an unrelated note, my mate Damir's firstborn was born today.

[PBrunsel]

As I understand it, this island is a primary desination for the female sex tourist seeking the Big Bamboo.

That you found that funny is a funniest post of the day.

[Max Power]

Time "Leftist"? LOL. Some people need to be taught a lesson about the distinctions between the Democratic part of the establishment and the Left.

Lewis,

You really need to learn that the central divide between liberal and conservatives in the united states is on cultural NOT economic matters.

On the one hand, liberals have recognized that socialism is the road to national poverty while conservatives have recognized that so many people in the united stated are addicted to the welfare state that  to remove what is clearly an economic drag on the country would result in a disaster (in a sense, the welfare state programs constitute methadone for the unproductive).  As such, there is little argument about economics in American politics these days (and a very narrow area of disagreement on policies where such matters emerge).

However, the central divide these days in primarily on cultural issues. 

1. liberals generally favor 'gay marriage' because it is a deliberate, intentional and malicious assault on the traditional family (a liberal bogeyman),

2. liberals generally favor disarming Americans because they recognize that so long as Americans are armed, liberals cannot impose a totalitarian state on them,

3. liberals generally are opposed to freedom of speech, and prefer to inflict poltical correctness on others,

4. liberals generally are hostile to organized religion because it they prefer to worship the almighty state,

5. liberals generally prefer to judge people on the color of their skin than the content of their character, which is why try (and too often suceed) in imposing quotas (sometimes mislabled goals and timetables),

6. liberals generally support abortion on demand (i.e. no limits),

I could give more examples, but these, where Time is clearly liberal, should suffice.

Now, there are also other areas of public policy where liberals and conservatives in the United States disagree, and where Time is clearly liberal.

7. liberals generally think the foreign policy of the United States should be dictated in the pont de neuf,

8. liberals generally are hostile to the armed forces.

9. liberals generally prefer to have unelected federal judges usurp the power of the elected reprsentatives of the people.

So, in conclusion, Time is clearly liberal!!!

Hahaha, does he actually believe a single word he said?

[Platypus]

Time "Leftist"? LOL. Some people need to be taught a lesson about the distinctions between the Democratic part of the establishment and the Left.

Lewis,

You really need to learn that the central divide between liberal and conservatives in the united states is on cultural NOT economic matters.

On the one hand, liberals have recognized that socialism is the road to national poverty while conservatives have recognized that so many people in the united stated are addicted to the welfare state that  to remove what is clearly an economic drag on the country would result in a disaster (in a sense, the welfare state programs constitute methadone for the unproductive).  As such, there is little argument about economics in American politics these days (and a very narrow area of disagreement on policies where such matters emerge).

However, the central divide these days in primarily on cultural issues. 

1. liberals generally favor 'gay marriage' because it is a deliberate, intentional and malicious assault on the traditional family (a liberal bogeyman),

2. liberals generally favor disarming Americans because they recognize that so long as Americans are armed, liberals cannot impose a totalitarian state on them,

3. liberals generally are opposed to freedom of speech, and prefer to inflict poltical correctness on others,

4. liberals generally are hostile to organized religion because it they prefer to worship the almighty state,

5. liberals generally prefer to judge people on the color of their skin than the content of their character, which is why try (and too often suceed) in imposing quotas (sometimes mislabled goals and timetables),

6. liberals generally support abortion on demand (i.e. no limits),

I could give more examples, but these, where Time is clearly liberal, should suffice.

Now, there are also other areas of public policy where liberals and conservatives in the United States disagree, and where Time is clearly liberal.

7. liberals generally think the foreign policy of the United States should be dictated in the pont de neuf,

8. liberals generally are hostile to the armed forces.

9. liberals generally prefer to have unelected federal judges usurp the power of the elected reprsentatives of the people.

So, in conclusion, Time is clearly liberal!!!

Hahaha, does he actually believe a single word he said?

Probably at least 90%; he's a nut. He's crazy in the coconut. He needs therapy.

[??????????]

He's absolutely correct Aussie.

[WMS]

(here we refer to San Francisco as 'The City')

Generally it's "the city by the bay"  And prior to one hundred years ago it was alternately "the paris of the West" or the "biggest city in the West"  But very early in the morning on April 18, 1906, an intense earthquake tore along the San Andreas fault and killed about 3000 San Franciscans.  Richter's scale had not yet been invented, but the estimates range from 7.7 to 8.3 magnitude.  The quake, and resulting gas fires destroyed most of 'The City' (about 20 by 20 blocks at the time) with an estimated 400 million dollars worth of damage.  Yes, today is the 100th anniversary of the earthquake that nearly destroyed the city that some have even called "Dog Cannes."  And a beautiful city it is.  As if in defiance of the gods, the good people of San Francisco would build the magnificent construction-worker orange Golden Gate Bridge upon the epicenter of the 1906 quake.  I've ridden my bicycle across the bridge, but I'm not sure that's allowed any more.  My wife doesn't care to drive in The City, but I rather enjoy it:  that delicate balance between clutch and accelerator, perched at a 45-degree angle on a hill awaiting the Green Light, only inches behind a big city bus and inches in front of a cable car, with little room for error.  Really separates the men from the boys.  (Not an easy thing to do in San Francisco.)  Sure, the corner of Haight and Ashbury Streets have become yuppified and gentrified.  I think there's a "Galactically great brownie store" which sells a seven dollar cup of coffee on one corner, a book store on another which does well with Hillary Clinton bios, an upscale clothing store that'll sell you a tie-died Tee made in an indonesian sweatshop, and a little curio shop on the fourth corner.  (it's usually closed, but priced way beyond the reach of most folks anyway), and you can watch the tourists and born-again "hippies" move their Suburban Assault Vehicles occassionally when it's street sweeping time.  But it's still a fun place to hang out, even all yuppified and gentrified.  Let's all have a cheer for the city in which dogs now outnumber children, and in which those dogs are treated better by the locals than the many homeless people of San Francisco.

On any given afternoon in San Francisco's Marina district, dogs fill the streets and parks, the outdoor cafés and shops. They keep appointments with their masseurs and acupuncturists; they sit for portraits and for readings with their astrologers. Over the objections of no less than the federal government, they romp unleashed through the delicate habitats of nearby Crissy Field. The Marina is dog country—no, dog Cannes—and no one here sees anything the least odd about it. San Francisco is home to 745,000 people and an estimated 110,000 dogs, packed into an insular fiefdom just seven miles (11 kilometers) long and seven wide. Not coincidentally, it also has the lowest ratio of children to adults of any major U.S. city: There is little doubt that dogs are helping fill a parental void—especially in the affluent Marina. "Those dogs are babied," says retired postal carrier Spence Burton, 58, who delivered mail in the Marina for 25 years. "Even tiny apartments have, like, two rottweilers. But they're not exactly guard dogs."
 
Not exactly. On a recent afternoon, Billy Franchey, 34, chauffeurs Gigi, a keeshond mix, and her "best friend" Ruby, an Australian dingo, to the neighborhood park in an electric cart for a bit of exercise. Afterward, in matching cowboy hats and sweaters, Gigi and Ruby may go to "yappy hour" at a Union Street boutique. "The Marina has a lot of young people who aren't married so, you know, you get a dog," says Franchey's girlfriend, Lisa Mobini, 29, a former NFL cheerleader. Her cell phone is loaded with pictures of Gigi dressed as a princess for Halloween and as an angel for Christmas. "Honestly, she has a better wardrobe than I do."
 
A few blocks away, astrologer Billie O'Neill pores over the star charts of Franklin, a fat Welsh corgi unwilling to share toys with his buddies in the park. "He was a warrior in all of his past lives," she says thoughtfully. "But this life is about learning partnership and cooperation." Perhaps it's too much to expect him to share, really: With an ascendant water sign, Franklin's chart indicates he is focused on "material security."
 
A black Porsche glides down Chestnut Street with Slick, a seven-year-old standard poodle, regally upright in the passenger seat. Owner Sandra Ingrish takes him along on errands—to the grocery store, the bookshop, the bank—and so Slick, elegant and entitled, is a neighborhood fixture beloved by camera-toting tourists. "There are so many dogs, it's really kind of amazing for a city this size. Dogs in New York never really looked that happy," says Ingrish, who moved to San Francisco from Manhattan. Says Ted Rheingold, founder of dogster.com: "Folks here do not feel it's abnormal to be in love with their dogs."

Quite a lot of good jokes in this one.

[??????????]

Sure.  Right wingers will demonize him though.

After all, Bush is no conservative.  The ideological bent of his Mao-inspired neoconservative advisors and highly agressive foriegn policy will be an inspiration from those who believe that political power flows from the barrel of a gun.  Like the kooks who still idolize Marx and Lenin, they will see him as a idealist who was willing to lay down American lives and wreck our economy on the hopes of garnering worldwide democracy and freedom for all.  All failures will, as always, be blamed on external circumstances and the petty minds which didn't share his vision which goes beyond a pax Americana into a Dios Americana  in which we are  not only the light but savior to the world.

Conservatives meanwhile will shrug, roll their eyes, and remind the neo-proto-maoists that too much time in the stim booth rots your brain; and remind them that the ideals of freedom and self-determination arise from within, and claim that his actions set  back the reform movements in Iran and elsewhere by several decades.

[Alcon]

He's absolutely correct Aussie.

Another good man who has seen through the liberal conspiracy to destroy families just because they are psychopaths!

[Storebought]

If that's the case they shouldn't be such horrendous prudes there.

Because obviously, the more educated one is, the more one wants to go to strip clubs.

Of course. I would like to see naked proofs, semi-perfect numbers, algorithms, power series expansions, and nonhomogeneous third-order ordinary differential equations with variable coefficients dance around in high-heels and give me free lapdances.

But that four-foot rule will stop you from finding rational zero, if you catch my drift.

Not to worry; non-deterministic polynomial time will doubtlessly save the day!

I JUST F**KING CAME

There's sarcasm, and then there's really, really, well-done sarcasm.

Bonus points to anyone who can identify what's going on in the stuff I posted.

That looks like the general solution to a linear 1st order differential equation

[© tweed]

He's absolutely correct Aussie.

No, he's not.

The only truth I can find in that are in 8-9, at least for myself.  I am generally hostile to the armed forces and I like judicial activism.

1-7 aren't true, at least in my case, and I don't really think they apply to many other people.  While I do want to disarm americans, it's not to impose totalitarianism, but rather to save lives.  And so on.

[WMS]

The joys of understatement...

BRTD, I think you may find the description of th emusic industry is not entirely inaccurate.

My favorite is Dark Dungeons.  In that one I learn that if you play D&D long enough, your friends will teach you real magic.

I've played for 20+ years now.  My friends have yet to teach me real magic.

My conclusion:  I have defective friends.

What's also hilariously wrong with that one is that every last one of the people playing are women, lol!

[MaC]

A funny exchange:

Why the hell would anyone want a record?

Hah, enjoy your Walmart lifestyle, you philistine.

I download all my music off the internet, fool.

[Alcon]

A funny exchange:

Why the hell would anyone want a record?

Hah, enjoy your Walmart lifestyle, you philistine.

I download all my music off the internet, fool.

Your Wal-Mart Lifestyle would be a great band name, too.

[True Federalist (진정한 연방 주의자)]

A funny exchange:

Why the hell would anyone want a record?

Hah, enjoy your Walmart lifestyle, you philistine.

I download all my music off the internet, fool.

Your Wal-Mart Lifestyle would be a great band name, too.

I can see it now, a punk rock band wearing nothing but blue vests and smiley face masks, and where required by local ordinance, blue shorts.

[Max Power]

I'm the realest nigga out there.

[Max Power]

I back up everything I say with facts and reasons of the greatest logic. Henceforth, please do the same jigga.

DON'T PUT WORDS IN MY MOUTH

[??????????]

maybe those folks in columbia should stick to producing cocaine.  im sure it produces a better buzz than coffee.

[MaC]

Do I want a fat, lazy, pedophile American teaching my kids incorrect English? No.

Fat!  I take offense at that.  I'm far less fat than the average American.

[YRABNNRM]

pRe-InVasiOn cuZ tehre WeRe MoEre StriP CluBZZzzzzz lAwL.......... hAwwWwwTttttTTT

Just for you BRTD.

[Alcon]

pRe-InVasiOn cuZ tehre WeRe MoEre StriP CluBZZzzzzz lAwL.......... hAwwWwwTttttTTT

Just for you BRTD.

The best part about that is that BRTD actually answered it with a straight face.

[Alcon]

To Opebo:

are you aroused by ladyboys?

Are you aroused by children?

Are you aroused by Muhammad Ali Jinnah?