Should you accept ex-bullies apologies?

[(no subject)]

I asked this elsewhere but should you accept it when now adult former school bullies say they are sorry?

the hurt and pain they caused me doesn't just go away. Maybe they're sorry, maybe they regret it now, but it doesn't change what they did. I could easily have been another Phoebe Prince, another Amy "Dolly" Everett, and i don't think the now-adult ex-bullies understand that.

I'm a boy, that's why being sent a still of a "mother" and "daughter" from a bra catalog with the caption "you and Mum" hurt so much.

[Co-Chair Bagel23]

Yes, and get over it.

[Mr. Smith]

I asked this elsewhere but should you accept it when now adult former school bullies say they are sorry?

the hurt and pain they caused me doesn't just go away. Maybe they're sorry, maybe they regret it now, but it doesn't change what they did. I could easily have been another Phoebe Prince, another Amy "Dolly" Everett, and i don't think the now-adult ex-bullies understand that.

I'm a boy, that's why being sent a still of a "mother" and "daughter" from a bra catalog with the caption "you and Mum" hurt so much.

Yeah, you should. Unless they prove themselves to be otherwise.

The hurt won't be forgotten, but that doesn't mean you have to carry every last wrong they did to you every time you see them.

Life's just too short and grudges no matter how justifiable are simply too heavy.

[MASHED POTATOES. VOTE!]

Forgiving is not the same as forgetting.

[Coolface Sock #42069]

Look, you have to. If you don't, you are only hurting yourself. There is no joy in withheld forgiveness.

Do your best to let it go and enjoy the life ahead of you. Be happy this person apologized; many bullies do not.

[Crumpets]

If the apology is genuine, of course.

[Grassroots]

When I was in school, someone could punch you in the face and you would be playing Playstation 2 with each other four days later.

[🐒Gods of Prosperity🔱🐲💸]

What is the alternative?  Retaliation?  A time machine?

[Ban my account ffs!]

Forgiving is not the same as forgetting.

Indeed.  Forgiving is also for you.  You're hurting yourself when you constantly remind yourself how much it hurt and how angry you are at that person.

Forgive them anyway.. but especially if they see fit to apologize.  It means they also came a long way from their own inexcusable behavior.

[FEMA Camp Administrator]

Snowguy said it correctly. Forgiveness is one of the greatest acts you can do for yourself.

[Lechasseur]

If the apology is genuine, of course.

[HillGoose]

No, they can burn in hell.

If I accept their apology, that makes them think that what they did was okay, and they may do it to someone else.

So no, I hope they can't afford medical care and die homeless.

[Biden Stans Are Cringelords]

It's entirely up the person who was bullied whether to accept the apology or not, there is no right or wrong answer.

However, I would say you probably shouldn't. If the bully truly wants forgiveness, that means they feel guilty and want to feel like they have righted the wrongs they did to you, to get it off their conscious. You don't owe them forgiveness they don't deserve, and if they were nothing but a bully to you, what have they done to deserve said forgiveness? Let them live with it. The more it weighs heavy on their conscious, the less likely they are to do it to others. If bullying is in their nature, you've probably done others a favor.

[Oswald Acted Alone, You Kook]

Only if you can believe that the former bully really is sorry.

[HillGoose]

i don't understand why people want me to forgive them. when i was a child i learned that these bullies needed to be taught a lesson, which is why when anyone bullied me i would kick their ass. i once gave some guy in my class a concussion because he was mocking me.

the thing about these people is that they won't respect you if you don't make them fear you. and they'll do it to other people as well.

[Ban my account ffs!]

i don't understand why people want me to forgive them. when i was a child i learned that these bullies needed to be taught a lesson, which is why when anyone bullied me i would kick their ass. i once gave some guy in my class a concussion because he was mocking me.

the thing about these people is that they won't respect you if you don't make them fear you. and they'll do it to other people as well.

Methinks that you’re a bully.  In denial.

[bagelman]

This is a situation that purely depends on the circumstances. If a jerk who called be a dork and 4 eyes or whatever back in school encounters me at a social gathering, and while being a good person apologizes to me after remembering who I am - sure! Not the same if I get a "Hey, sorry for being rude to you" from a guy who ruthlessly tried to hurt me or something.

I don't understand how psychology works and I've never been the victim of bullying.

[Co-Chair Bagel23]

This is a situation that purely depends on the circumstances. If a jerk who called be a dork and 4 eyes or whatever back in school encounters me at a social gathering, and while being a good person apologizes to me after remembering who I am - sure! Not the same if I get a "Hey, sorry for being rude to you" from a guy who ruthlessly tried to hurt me or something.

I don't understand how psychology works and I've never been the victim of bullying.

Get over it.

[HillGoose]

This is a situation that purely depends on the circumstances. If a jerk who called be a dork and 4 eyes or whatever back in school encounters me at a social gathering, and while being a good person apologizes to me after remembering who I am - sure! Not the same if I get a "Hey, sorry for being rude to you" from a guy who ruthlessly tried to hurt me or something.

I don't understand how psychology works and I've never been the victim of bullying.

Get over it.

why do you sound like an angsty 15 year old?

[HillGoose]

i don't understand why people want me to forgive them. when i was a child i learned that these bullies needed to be taught a lesson, which is why when anyone bullied me i would kick their ass. i once gave some guy in my class a concussion because he was mocking me.

the thing about these people is that they won't respect you if you don't make them fear you. and they'll do it to other people as well.

Methinks that you’re a bully.  In denial.

no, i was bullied so i retaliated and made them fear me and nobody messed with me anymore

[FEMA Camp Administrator]

i don't understand why people want me to forgive them. when i was a child i learned that these bullies needed to be taught a lesson, which is why when anyone bullied me i would kick their ass. i once gave some guy in my class a concussion because he was mocking me.

the thing about these people is that they won't respect you if you don't make them fear you. and they'll do it to other people as well.

Methinks that you’re a bully.  In denial.

no, i was bullied so i retaliated and made them fear me and nobody messed with me anymore

This is like the origin story of a super villain.

[windjammer]

I never forgive anything

[HillGoose]

i don't understand why people want me to forgive them. when i was a child i learned that these bullies needed to be taught a lesson, which is why when anyone bullied me i would kick their ass. i once gave some guy in my class a concussion because he was mocking me.

the thing about these people is that they won't respect you if you don't make them fear you. and they'll do it to other people as well.

Methinks that you’re a bully.  In denial.

no, i was bullied so i retaliated and made them fear me and nobody messed with me anymore

This is like the origin story of a super villain.

[RINO Tom]

You shouldn't have a blanket "policy" for ex-bullies and should judge each encounter/bully/apology individually.

[thumb21]

Depends but generally yes.