"Coming out" - sort of (AW, obviously)

[MASHED POTATOES. VOTE!]

I apologize for misleading title, and if this is offensive for anybody, but given how sensitive and secretive I've always been on this it feel this way.

I've never talked about this to anybody aside of my closest family members and my therapist. It's all because I feared, hell I still fear at this very moment, it'll estrange people from me, prejudice them toward me and being humiliated by this. The thing is, for years I've been struggling with depression and anxieties, reaching a breaking point in the late 2012, and still trying to "get back to normal". As pathetic as it may sound, being here and interacting with you helped me going on somehow. I'm taking meds, I'm seeing a therapist, I know there's still a long way in front of me, and I'm increasingly concerned whether I ever "get there".

At this point I just really wanted to get it off my chest.

[JA]

You have my sympathies, Kal. I've struggled with similar issues for about 10 years now and am on a low dosage of antidepressants as well. Depression, Generalized Anxiety, and Social Anxiety (which has always been my worst issue) are truly awful mental health issues to deal with on a daily basis. I've always found that forums and other forms of internet and text-based interactions are considerably easier to handle and, although far from as rewarding as IRL interaction, does help quite a lot.

[Grumpier Than Uncle Joe]

Kal, depression is a health issue like many other things. Get well and know there are many here who have been through this or are dealing with it now.

Just get well. We're all behind you.

[Torie]

One reason I like our forum, is being honest, and letting oneself feel vulnerable while doing it, is something most respect and admire around here. So what Grumps said my friend. None of us are perfect, we all have our issues, and dealing with it all is part of the life experience. My Dad wrote me a long note on my 21st birthday. He promised me that life can be attended with great sadness, challenges to mind or body, and so forth, and the challenge is to figure out how to carry on, and do what one needs to do, particularly for  those dependent upon you, as best one can.

And my Dad I am confident would admire you, come to think of it. You are doing the best you can.

[The world will shine with light in our nightmare]

I think Grumps said it best, and as a clinical depression sufferer I know exactly how you feel.  I don't share half the stuff that's happening in my personal life here, but the community here provides a good escape from it.  That's ultimately why I returned and joined AAD as well.

Take care of yourself, Kal.  You know where to reach me.

[#gravelgang #lessiglad]

Kal, depression is a health issue like many other things. Get well and know there are many here who have been through this or are dealing with it now.

Just get well. We're all behind you.

This. I don't know the people here all that well, but for what it counts, you've got a random stranger hoping for all the best.

[Co-Chair Bagel23]

Get well soon, I'll keep you in my thoughts.

[TDAS04]

I wish the best for you, Kal.  I have also experienced depression and generalized anxiety, but it's not so bad now.

You're one of Atlas's best, and your posts are fun to read.  Take care.

[Obama-Biden Democrat]

You have my sympathies, Kal. I've struggled with similar issues for about 10 years now and am on a low dosage of antidepressants as well. Depression, Generalized Anxiety, and Social Anxiety (which has always been my worst issue) are truly awful mental health issues to deal with on a daily basis. I've always found that forums and other forms of internet and text-based interactions are considerably easier to handle and, although far from as rewarding as IRL interaction, does help quite a lot.

Yea, I am the same way. I suffer from social anxiety as well, and I am totally different person on the net or texting versus real life communication. Outside of close friends and family I am shy and introverted, and anxious, but on the internet my 'true' self shines. I am much more 'normal' on the internet and my social anxiety is invisible.

[Enduro]

I'm going through the same thing, and I've been on the verge of suicide several times. Even going as far as picking the best way to go, and nearly doing it.
I'm here for you as best I can.

[Since I'm the mad scientist proclaimed by myself]

Atlas was (is?) a sort of coping mechanism for me. It was mostly a distraction from class and from life, and for the most part the times I've been most active and bitter when I've been the least engaged and/or happy with my real life. Atlas has given me a mirror into a lot of more "real" parts of me I that don't tend to show as much IRL for a variety of reasons, and overall I think it's helped me too.

Good luck Kal, we all wish you the best. Remember how far you've come, and know that life does get better.

[RINO Tom]

Sorry to hear that, Kal.

[MASHED POTATOES. VOTE!]

Your replies really means a lot to me. Don't know really what else to say here.

[_]

I haven't been around long and I've probably pissed you off with the sh**t the discord has done, but I really hope you get better, you're a great mod, poster, and person.  Good Luck Kal.

[Ban my account ffs!]

You're doing all the right things, though it is too bad you can't discuss this freely with family and friends.  This is something Americans seem to be much more comfortable with.

I hope you can overcome these things.  It takes a long time and you have to retrain yourself, but it can be done!

[America Needs R'hllor]

Get well soon, I'm glad you managed to get this off your chest. Doesn't matter whether it's a sexual orientation, an illness or anything else, telling people these things is always a huge relief.

[MASHED POTATOES. VOTE!]

You're doing all the right things, though it is too bad you can't discuss this freely with family and friends.  This is something Americans seem to be much more comfortable with.

Truth be told, even after making this thread I feel like I've been branded here forever. I don't want people to see me as "damaged"... you catch my drift I guess. I'm afraid of carrying such opinion around and the consequences.

[Sozialliberal]

I don't think any less of you because of your depression. Some of my favourite artists went through depression. Even in the relatively rare case that somebody labels you because of that, why does it matter? That person has their own faults, too. Don't take such comments too seriously.

[MASHED POTATOES. VOTE!]

Well, this thread and replies gave me opportunity to reevaluate some of my perspective. I'm grateful.

It should be noted, though, that my place is way behing the US or Western Europe in terms of openess about such things. It changed significantly in last years, but... well, I could talk a lot about this. You catch my drift I hope.

[Chancellor Tanterterg]

It sounds like you're doing all the right things and as someone who has struggled with depression, I assure you that you're not alone.  Like Grumps said, we're all behind you 100%!

[Mike Thick]

I feel, having dealt personally with some of the same issues in the past. Keep on truckin’ — we’ve all got your back!

[Attorney General, Senator-Elect, & Former PPT Dwarven Dragon]

Atlas was (is?) a sort of coping mechanism for me. It was mostly a distraction from class and from life, and for the most part the times I've been most active and bitter when I've been the least engaged and/or happy with my real life. Atlas has given me a mirror into a lot of more "real" parts of me I that don't tend to show as much IRL for a variety of reasons, and overall I think it's helped me too.

Good luck Kal, we all wish you the best. Remember how far you've come, and know that life does get better.

[Atlas Has Shrugged]

So....I was Baker Acted last night. My depression and anxiety took on a life of it's own in a way that I've never experienced. I spent sixteen hours in a psychiatric ward before being discharged early this morning. It was the worst experience of my life. The schizophrenic in the room next store screamed all night in agony that he was being raped, even though there was nobody present.

And yet somehow, this event has....revitalized me? I mean, I was beginning to snap. My signature and forum presence is a joke, but my real life behavior began to mirror my (exaggerated) Atlas insanity. Frankly, and I want to be clear that I am not blaming Badger, whose post was was hilarious, I think it was my anger at not being able to "one up" him that led to a dramatic snowballing of emotions that took me to every dark place I've ever been. And yet, I feel like a lightening bolt has hit me. I feel amazing today. I feel like God herself (I'll say it again - God is a woman. A big beautiful black woman) breathed life into my lungs.

Today, I pitched a business venture to a well connected friend and a meeting has been scheduled for tomorrow with potential investors tomorrow. I am permanently withdrawing from politics, where all of my friends aside from the God-fearing, decent AFP activists have basically abandoned me or sold out. I have a new life ahead of me today. And it feels 'fiya.

I'm not taking a break from this forum. I love this place. I love you all (including Badger, who again I insist is in no way responsible - his post was fire and brimstone and I seized on every word in awe) and I feel like I actually love life again for the first time in a long time. You guys are the cats pajamas. Keep on Atlas'ing everybody.

[fhtagn]

(I'll say it again - God is a woman. A big beautiful black woman)

This is one of the reasons why I enjoy your presence so much and consider you one of my favorites on here 

Glad you're feeling better, following through with things that will make you happy, and taking a break from things that don't.

You are a treasure, and nothing should make you feel any less

[IceSpear]

So....I was Baker Acted last night. My depression and anxiety took on a life of it's own in a way that I've never experienced. I spent sixteen hours in a psychiatric ward before being discharged early this morning. It was the worst experience of my life. The schizophrenic in the room next store screamed all night in agony that he was being raped, even though there was nobody present.

And yet somehow, this event has....revitalized me? I mean, I was beginning to snap. My signature and forum presence is a joke, but my real life behavior began to mirror my (exaggerated) Atlas insanity. Frankly, and I want to be clear that I am not blaming Badger, whose post was was hilarious, I think it was my anger at not being able to "one up" him that led to a dramatic snowballing of emotions that took me to every dark place I've ever been. And yet, I feel like a lightening bolt has hit me. I feel amazing today. I feel like God herself (I'll say it again - God is a woman. A big beautiful black woman) breathed life into my lungs.

Today, I pitched a business venture to a well connected friend and a meeting has been scheduled for tomorrow with potential investors tomorrow. I am permanently withdrawing from politics, where all of my friends aside from the God-fearing, decent AFP activists have basically abandoned me or sold out. I have a new life ahead of me today. And it feels 'fiya.

I'm not taking a break from this forum. I love this place. I love you all (including Badger, who again I insist is in no way responsible - his post was fire and brimstone and I seized on every word in awe) and I feel like I actually love life again for the first time in a long time. You guys are the cats pajamas. Keep on Atlas'ing everybody.

I'm pretty sure nuthouses exist solely to make regular life seem splendid by contrast, not to actually help. Glad you're feeling better though.