The Nyman Questioner (DFW BOMBSHELL)
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Author Topic: The Nyman Questioner (DFW BOMBSHELL)  (Read 7405 times)
Wells
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« on: August 08, 2017, 05:40:03 PM »
« edited: November 03, 2017, 05:35:04 PM by Governor Wells »

I think Atlasia needs a tabloid. PM me if you want to be a reporter. Our first story will be coming as soon as the person it's about gives us a comment.

Owner - Mike Wells
Editor-in-Chief - Mike Wells
Senior Reporter - Isaac Cummings
Gossip Columnist - Doof F. W. Liberty Lover
Chief Political Analyst - Isaac Cummings
Reporters - Ted Bessell, Mike Wells, Princess Emily El Brown-Smith
Intern - LLR
Former Reporters - Cora Xion

Haters - Whitney Winfield, N. C. Yankee

Shining Endorsements:




I will consider this all fake news until the Nyman Questioner reports otherwise, why would they lie to me?


Now that is truly brilliant satire!

I just binge read this thread. This is probably the greatest thing to ever happen to Atlasia.
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Wells
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« Reply #1 on: August 08, 2017, 05:53:36 PM »

Category: Serious News
SoFE Peebs Attempts To Memorize Constitution to Prevent More Errors

Reports out of Nyman suggest that Peebs has been inspired by a recent error to take measures which would ensure she will not make similar mistakes in the future. Our source tells us that she has locked herself in her office with only a pair of scissors, a copy of the Fourth Constitution of Atlasia, and Prime Minister of Fremont Harry Truman. A transcript of a recording, from a tape player placed very conspicuously just outside the not-at-all soundproof door of the office, can be read here:

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We reached out to Peebs for comment and were sent an email that said: Im busy avoiding windjammer atm, give you a real comment soon, dont publish without me.
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Unconditional Surrender Truman
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« Reply #2 on: August 08, 2017, 06:03:56 PM »

I love it.

Though in fairness to Peebs, nobody really understands what the FEA means, because it is a flaming pile of sh*t.
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Gender-Obsessed Communist
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« Reply #3 on: August 08, 2017, 06:05:33 PM »

That being said, is there any plan to make a replacement?
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Unconditional Surrender Truman
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« Reply #4 on: August 08, 2017, 06:09:20 PM »

That being said, is there any plan to make a replacement?
Considering the amount of time it took Congress to pass the Voting Rights Amendment, I presume this will be completed in time for the February 2027 elections.
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Southern Senator North Carolina Yankee
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« Reply #5 on: August 08, 2017, 06:14:14 PM »

That being said, is there any plan to make a replacement?
Considering the amount of time it took Congress to pass the Voting Rights Amendment, I presume this will be completed in time for the February 2027 elections.

Totally the Senate's fault by the way. Tongue
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« Reply #6 on: August 08, 2017, 06:22:40 PM »

That being said, is there any plan to make a replacement?
Considering the amount of time it took Congress to pass the Voting Rights Amendment, I presume this will be completed in time for the February 2027 elections.
Did it take that long to write, though? (although if it did, I suppose it would come in time for 8/36)
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Wells
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« Reply #7 on: August 08, 2017, 06:22:52 PM »

The Nyman Questioner has to announce our newest reporter: Cora*.

*Yes, our standards are that low.
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Wells
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« Reply #8 on: August 08, 2017, 07:04:53 PM »

Category: Real News
BREAKING: DFW'S DRUNKEN DISTEMPERAMENT

A very credible source has called us to tell us about recent happenings regarding our supposedly respected and impressive president. He has told us that while visiting Anaheim, D. F. W. Liberty Lover drank way too much, even for someone like him. What happened next is so startling that we can barely keep writing - D. F. W. became obnoxious and may have even harassed some people. At this point UFC fighter Cris Cyborg became extremely annoyed at D. F. W.'s actions and floored him. All of this resulted in D. F. W. spending one night in prison. We cannot say whether our venerable president was charged, but our source did have some choice words about the whole affair. "Nasty business," he said to us. "Explains a lot about his recent decisions."

We have now hired this source as our chief political analyst, whether he likes it or not.
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Terry the Fat Shark
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« Reply #9 on: August 08, 2017, 07:10:10 PM »

Fake News
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« Reply #10 on: August 08, 2017, 07:13:04 PM »

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IceAgeComing
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« Reply #11 on: August 08, 2017, 07:27:03 PM »

must be the concussion affecting the man's memory
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Terry the Fat Shark
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« Reply #12 on: August 08, 2017, 07:30:20 PM »

I can confirm that Mike wells is secretly Hillary Clinton, it would explain his love for wall street and his hating of visiting the states of Wisconsin and Michigan, time for a good ole fashioned riot to throw him out of office IMO
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« Reply #13 on: August 08, 2017, 07:31:32 PM »

I can confirm that Mike wells is secretly Hillary Clinton, it would explain his love for wall street and his hating of visiting the states of Wisconsin and Michigan, time for a good ole fashioned riot to throw him out of office IMO
Why don't we throw you both out of office? Wink
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Terry the Fat Shark
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« Reply #14 on: August 08, 2017, 07:32:24 PM »

I can confirm that Mike wells is secretly Hillary Clinton, it would explain his love for wall street and his hating of visiting the states of Wisconsin and Michigan, time for a good ole fashioned riot to throw him out of office IMO
Why don't we throw you both out of office? Wink
but I'm not the one facing a lawsuit tho
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Wells
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« Reply #15 on: August 08, 2017, 07:52:13 PM »

I can confirm that Mike wells is secretly Hillary Clinton, it would explain his love for wall street and his hating of visiting the states of Wisconsin and Michigan, time for a good ole fashioned riot to throw him out of office IMO

This post is confusing. Why would someone post something they know is false? It makes no sense.
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Atlasian AG Punxsutawney Phil
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« Reply #16 on: August 08, 2017, 08:17:55 PM »

Mike wells is hillary clinton? What an untruthful accusation.
Calling him someone who has 'love' for 'Wall Street' is also off mark. It is an accusation thrown out of thin air.
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fhtagn
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« Reply #17 on: August 08, 2017, 08:45:41 PM »

I can confirm that Mike wells is secretly Hillary Clinton, it would explain his love for wall street and his hating of visiting the states of Wisconsin and Michigan, time for a good ole fashioned riot to throw him out of office IMO

This post is confusing. Why would someone post something they know is false? It makes no sense.

He might still be drunk Wink
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Terry the Fat Shark
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« Reply #18 on: August 09, 2017, 12:05:28 AM »

I can confirm that Mike wells is secretly Hillary Clinton, it would explain his love for wall street and his hating of visiting the states of Wisconsin and Michigan, time for a good ole fashioned riot to throw him out of office IMO

This post is confusing. Why would someone post something they know is false? It makes no sense.
idk ask CNN, this is not fake news however.
If you reverse the image and then bang your head against your desk, you can clearly see Hillary is looking at Atlas on her phone at the Mike Wells profile, proving she is Mike Wells or is at least calling him up to talk good about Wall Street.
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Unconditional Surrender Truman
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« Reply #19 on: August 09, 2017, 12:45:24 PM »

I can confirm that Mike wells is secretly Hillary Clinton, it would explain his love for wall street and his hating of visiting the states of Wisconsin and Michigan, time for a good ole fashioned riot to throw him out of office IMO
Why don't we throw you both out of office? Wink
In that event, I will of course be willing to selflessly assume total control of the government as Interim President for Life.
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« Reply #20 on: August 09, 2017, 12:46:04 PM »

I can confirm that Mike wells is secretly Hillary Clinton, it would explain his love for wall street and his hating of visiting the states of Wisconsin and Michigan, time for a good ole fashioned riot to throw him out of office IMO
Why don't we throw you both out of office? Wink
In that event, I will of course be willing to selflessly assume total control of the government as Interim President for Life.
Dibs on VPeebs.
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fhtagn
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« Reply #21 on: August 09, 2017, 01:59:07 PM »

I can confirm that Mike wells is secretly Hillary Clinton, it would explain his love for wall street and his hating of visiting the states of Wisconsin and Michigan, time for a good ole fashioned riot to throw him out of office IMO
Why don't we throw you both out of office? Wink
In that event, I will of course be willing to selflessly assume total control of the government as Interim President for Life.

Peebs wasn't kidding when she said you were "Dirty" Harry.
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Coraxion
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« Reply #22 on: August 09, 2017, 02:31:59 PM »
« Edited: August 09, 2017, 02:33:55 PM by Cora »

Category: Editorial
Special Statement On The President's Recent Comments

What we are seeing is a very clearly exposed president desperately trying to clear his name by calling all negative stories about him "fake news". This is not only an attack on us, it is an attack on journalists everywhere. We encourage all Atlasians to stand with The Nyman Questioner using the #StandWithTNQ and remembering what the Bill of Rights, Section 2 says:

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Errr, that's what Peebs thinks it is at least, but close enough.

Since we published this article, other sources have come forward also confirming the accuracy of our story. We are disgusted and offended by D. F. W.'s sad attempts at brushing off this serious incident.

We are not surprised that D. F. W. called us fake news, not because this article is fake, but because this is not the first time D. F. W. has called a very real event "fake news". Just look at all these examples:


All those times, the incident in question was not, in fact, fake. This recent example of D. F. W. lashing out at the press is no exception.  Of course, once the highly respected SoFE Peebs pointed out that he was making an error in calling our article fake news, he decided to start a disgusting rumor about our own editor-in-chief Mike Wells.

We decided to brush the dust off our fact check department in order to see exactly what he got wrong. He first claimed that Mr. Wells has a "love of Wall Street" which is obnoxiously false, and that he also hates visiting the states of Wisconsin and Michigan, which is also simply untrue.

D. F. W. used two pieces of false information to then create an even falser assertion. Mike Wells is not Hillary Clinton, for the record, as can be attested by those who really know him. We thought of getting LLR, who follows Mr. Wells on Instagram, to testify, but we wanted to get this editorial out fast.

It seems as though D. F. W. has a nasty habit of calling things fake news while spreading untrue fantasies himself. This could make him a hypocrite, but we would rather not slander an esteemed public official in such a way.

Our next point in this editorial is that D. F. W. has incriminated himself beyond belief with his statements regarding these issues. After engaging in petty lies to get even, he then encouraged violent uprisings in a region already plagued by a large domestic terrorist group. We would like our readers to ask themselves: is this presidential? Is this the type of behavior we need from our elected officials?

This is so beyond the pale and much worse than anything we have ever done. We would like to take this time to remind our readers that no matter how you feel about D. F. W. a violent riot is never the answer and that at the end of the day he is still our president and was elected by the people and we must respect that.

We can however, be outraged by his actions, such as the action taken by him shortly after encouraging violence against regional executives, which was encouraging all the citizens of Atlasia to harm themselves to the point where they cannot see right. While this may be the only way for D. F. W. to still get people to like him, we are justly worried that this is the man who is in charge of our nuclear codes. Are these words and actions the words and actions of a man in his right mind, or anyone we can trust to uphold all of our institutions?

We would like to close this editorial with the statement that we have more dirt on D. F. W. but will not be releasing it, instead releasing this quote from a Nyman Insider: "President dfwlibertylover has," She said. "a hideous hermaphroditic character with neither the force and firmness of a man nor the gentleness and sensibility of a woman".
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Terry the Fat Shark
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« Reply #23 on: August 09, 2017, 03:40:36 PM »

All I heard was "fake news"
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Wells
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« Reply #24 on: August 09, 2017, 03:56:57 PM »

Category: Editorial
Special Statement On Impeachment

Since our explosive anti-D. F. W. editorial, some people have floated the idea of impeachment for D. F. W. They say that Given that President dfwlibertylover has attacked the freedom of the press by labelling many news stories he does not like as "fake news", Given that he assassinated the character of a highly respected elected official with lies of his own in the same breath as calling other news sources and stories fake, Given that he encouraged the citizens of a region already suffering bouts of violence to become even more violent and forcibly remove their democratically elected governor from office on the basis that his lies were true, Given that he encouraged citizens of Atlasia to harm themselves to the point where the brain damage is so extensive that their eyesight suffers, Given that all these instances are signs of a temperament not fit for the highest office in this great nation, Therefore, President dfwlibertylover shall hereby be impeached by the House of Representatives of Atlasia. I must say that is ridiculous. Under no circumstances will I support impeaching the President of the Atlasia over pretty much nothing. I mean, sure, all that seems bad and stuff, but I'm sure that it was just locker room talk. If the president can talk about second amendment people and still be. . .

Um, back to fake real life, what really matters is that while I understand why someone would take those articles of impeachment seriously: please don't. President D. F. W. Liberty Lover has threatened to sue us been a great president and I don't see why we should stop him over some silly little things like the articles of impeachment I posted above. Most of those are over exaggerated anyway. ". . . attacked freedom of the press. . . " I mean really? Uh I don't see that anywhere. Nope. Not in a single place. ". . . assassinated the character. . . " Hillary Clinton is another highly respected official among certain circles and I can't imagine why someone would take offense to being confused with her.

I've been told by my lawyers that I'm not being kind enough to D. F. W. (despite putting his name in caps like what's more respectful than that smh), so I'll say that all those articles of impeachment above are complete fabrications, even more than saying I'm Hillary Cli -





My lawyers would like me to tell you that President D. F. W. Liberty Lover did not, in fact ever go to jail, especially not for getting drunk and harassing people and being floored by UFC fighters. That is all.


(Also, if none of this convinced you, then at least keep D. F. W. in office, then we can at least keep him in there as a commentary on the sad state of politics right now. And no matter what my lawyers make me say, I still stand by the 5 yy5t gfbvv gdxyguh
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