Weekly Update - July 23rd
Sorry it took me so long to get this off the ground. In-game excuse is that I've been busy moving in and campaigning. Out-of-game excuses are that I've had a rough time IRL (the less-rough parts have been time- and energy-consuming) and I've been slow on this in particular because, well, with all my ideas of what to do with the "Weekly Update," I've been kind of conflicted on which path to take.
It will probably evolve from this as I determine the exact tone and style. But the idea is to get the AFE board active, and make the game more fun. If you're active and having fun in telling me how crap my "Weekly Update" is, well, I guess I've done my job.
Governor Leinad Moves In
NASHVILLE, TN - Upon his election to Governor, a post he held in the old South back when the capitol was in Memphis, Leinad reacquaints himself with a city he was briefly in last year as Delegate then Speaker. This is my in-person account of his time in the office. At his orders, and against my better judgement, this account is and will remain unbiased and accurate.
"It's great to be back here!" he said. "My first goal back in Nashville is to know the city, you know? Last time I was here I had someone drive me around, while I was just, you know, checking news on my phone." Leinad then mimed himself checking his phone, causing the car to almost drift off the road. "FUUUUUUUUUUn to drive yourself around, it is. It's fun!" Leinad then skipped a song on his playlist. He decided
Killer Cars by Radiohead was a bad omen. "Anyway, we're about to go to the best Italian restaurant in Nashville, or so I've heard. You like Italian, right?" I responded that, yes, I did, and he knew that because it was one of the job interview questions to be his Press Secretary. "Well now you see why! Okay, here we are." We parked outside of a hair salon, right next to a bank. There was no restaurants we could even see, especially not Italian ones. "Crap...I think I took a wrong turn. Hey Steve, you know where I went wrong?"
"Well, Leinad," says Steve Owen, Leinad's Chief of Staff, a Nashville resident who was busy reviewing applicants for the rest of Leinad's staff, thus not able to tell Leinad where the heck he was going. "It looks like you made the wrong turn at almost every available point, and are actually on the other side of town completely. A 'wrong turn' I'd understand. But I have no idea how you messed it up this bad."
"Hey, well, I never do things halfway now, do I?"
"The first thing you told me to do today was finish your half-eaten toast..."
"I...well..." Leinad went to his phone. "It looks like there's a Mexican place a block over. You two like Mexican?" We both said not really, no. "Racist. Executive order: we're having Mexican."
"So in the next scene, my character wrestles two alligators to the ground at a time!"
"Why are you telling me this now, Leinad?" asked Peebs outside of the Southern Capitol building. "It's like you're stalling or something. Can we go inside?"
"It's a beautiful day!" Leinad points to the dark gray clouds.
"Also why did you wait to get out of your car until I pulled in? That's a bit creepy, Leinad."
"Because I was eager to tell you about my movie concept!"
"I'm sorry, Leinad, but a movie where seemingly every living thing tries to kill you but you wrestle them all to the ground sounds like a bad idea."
Just then someone else arrived. "Is this a reporter for a major newspaper?"
"Yes, yes it is" said The Reporter.
"Well that's great. Oh, maybe we need a RUBBER BAND here!" he could've chosen a codeword he could fit in naturally, because it made Peebs and The Reporter very confused, while a sad-looking child walked in. "Hello small child, why are you sad?"
"Because I didn't get to eat yesterday, because the Southern Government was stunted."
"And why was that?"
"Because Peebs didn't certify results, because she's a big meanie.
"
"Oh my god Leinad..." said Peebs, who couldn't believe that Leinad hired a child actor and called a reporter to do this.
"Wow," said Leinad, still focused on the small child. "That sounds..." the next part was said by Leinad, the small child, and I will regretfully admit, myself, in unison:
"...DEEPLY DISTURBING!!!"
Leinad Gets Protested
Governor Leinad and his Chief-of-Staff Steve Owen watched
the recent protests in Nashville, over Leinad's often not socially conservative views.
"I'm pro-life, pro-gun, I'll let individual people have what views they want even if I disagree with them, what more do they want from me?" said Leinad. "Although some of those signs are clever. Others are just...obscene..."
"Oh, look, they're talking about you on the TV."
"Hey, it's the spokesperson for the Social Justice Warrior Party!"
"Liberal Justice Party."
"Close enough, unmute it!"
"it's just a really sad time for the region," said The Spokesperson. "Leinad is a horrible far-right extremist, he hates poors, he hates women, he hates gays, he hates minorities, and it's up to everyone who isn't a fascist to resist this horrible new Governor!"
Leinad said nothing. He simply went to his laptop and, on the speaker system he had set up, played
Stuck In The Middle With You by Stealers Wheel.
Leinad Helps Peebs Not Die
"Peebs, I just read
the news about you maybe getting assassinated or something!" said Leinad as he entered Peebs office.
"Yeah, it's a concern."
"I've developed a strategy to keep that from happening."
"Oh really? What is it?"
"Don't die!"
"Wow, that's brilliant!" Peebs was being sarcastic.
"Here are some tools you may need." Leinad showed Peebs a bunch of guns. "If you see someone try to kill you, shoot them."
Leinad then pretended to be an expert on guns. "This one is...long. And it shoots bullets, which are bad to be hit by and stuff. This one isn't as long. Oh, it has a trigger. That shoots the bullets. It also shoots bullets. This one doesn't shoot bullets, it shoots water. Use this to make someone like 'what the hell, why is Peebs using a water pistol?' to buy you time to shoot them."
Peebs looks at me as if I was the camera on The Office.
And Now For Something Completely Different...
Leinad has been watching soccer, as usual--this time the "crappy B-team Gold Cup"--and while his mind was wondering while getting ready for what he predicts will be a win for the Atlasia national team, and also thinking about the idea of a "Confederation" instead of the current system that has been proposed, Leinad asked me to include what his imagination thinks would be the national soccer teams of each region:
Southern National Team:
FW: Jozy Altidore*
AM: Clint Dempsey, Lee Nguyen, Kenny Saief**
DM: Kellyn Acosta, Dax McCarty
DF: Greg Garza, Matt Besler, Omar Gonzalez, Graham Zusi
GK: Bill Hamid
*
born in New Jersey but grew up in Florida--same for Bedoya who Leinad put in the Lincoln team**
grew up in Israel, but was born in Florida, so is just as eligible for the South as he is for the real national teamFremont National Team:
FW: Bobby Wood, Jordan Morris
MF: Kelyn Rowe, Sacha Kljestan, Christian Roldan, Paul Arriola
DF: Jorge Villafana, Steve Birnbaum, Chad Marshall, DeAndre Yedlin
GK: Nick Rimando
Lincoln National Team:
FW: Juan Agudelo
W: Christian Pulisic, Darlington Nagbe
MF: Michael Bradley, Wil Trapp, Alejandro Bedoya
DF: DaMarcus Beasley, Matt Miazga, Geoff Cameron, Eric Lichaj
GK: Tim Howard
Leinad also wanted me to add that he's "aware that Trapp and Birnbaum have played like [expletive] this year, but there weren't many other good options."
Phew, there we go. Ones in the future may not be as long, or as dialogue driven. We'll see.
