The Kalwejt Foundation for the Promotion of Atlas Hilarity

[Badger]

Well, I laughed anyway.

Hey, wait a minute. Why are we all fixating on simple two roommate pairings? Why not a larger apartment with three, four, or even more roommates? Think of the comedy gold involved there!

I'll start:

Mister Reactionary
Myself
Olwankandi
Jimmie
Bronz

I'm offended that I wasn't invited to this.

Sorry, but honestly it was too "easy" a choice if that makes sense? I think you and I a single pairing of Roommates makes more comedy than you and I being mixed into a group of 4 or 5. Can't quite articulate why, but do you feel me?

[Badger]

look I know that you Ukrainians are going through a rough patch but have you considered how conservatives are being treated unfairly on an internet forum

[Badger]

Ravensborg.

I don't vote for people who consider me an HP.  

To be fair, he probably just doesn’t know who you are.

[Badger]

Arguably even deserves placement in the good posts gallery

The year? Far in the future or deep in the past. The Empress Virginiá has announced her intention to abdicate the throne and retire to her passion project - a beautiful mountain sanctuary for her favorite animals, puppies and seagulls. Her long reign - from when she had convinced her predecessor David I of the Dynasty Leip to give up the throne - has been marked as a period of peace between the factions of the domain of Tokkaellexia. But upon news of the Virginia's abdication, the empire has been thrown into chaos - each faction of the land believes it can claim the grand throne and administer the realm under its own dark iron agenda. Who will live? Who will die? Who will reign supreme? It is a game of Forums.

The Order of Saint Sekula by far outnumbers its rival factions in the sheer dedication of their knights to the cause - they are followers of their leader, the mad prophet Sir Oc, who roves the inner plains of Tokkaellexia, spreading his sermon to adoring crowds, who join his crusade. The Order of Saint Sekula believes in a future of unflinching devotion to the True Faith of Secularism.

The Lawyers Guild of the capital - a most clever organization skilled in the scribéd tongue of the realm, Pedantese, a difficult language flush with byzantine structure and incongruent legalistic terms. Operating openly as a business of the realm, their reputation for grey tricks and their rampant ambition precedes them. One is the Royek Badgerhead "Acid-tongue" - known as such for his fearsome verbal quarrels, but also for his occasionally incomprehensible speech. Another is C-va S-va, better known by his lawyerly name - "The Man of Much Reaction". But, flanked by his army of scholars of the legal craft, sits their leader : Toriec de 'Udsun, whose could be said to have written the book on Pedantese, seeks the grand throne of the Empress he had once advised.

The Barefoot Army, a ragtag regiment of the masses. They may look like poor peasants, but they live by a strict code of rules, spelled out by their leader, the charismatic, idiosyncratic, and ominously named The Red Death. Rule 1: Never march on the land of the unclean. Rule 2: Wear red. Rule 3: Embrace the religious icon, The Hipster Chris, son of the Great Emo, and his disciples, the brothers Krazeystine. Rule 4: Repeat the prayer often and loudly: Allibra Alldatim! Rule 5: Kiss the feet of the Red Death when he asks. A grim future for Tokkaellexia should the Barefoot Army be successful in extinguishing its enemies.

The Bank of Atlas is an incorporated entity, the preeminent financial institution in the land. It is administered by the flamboyant, idiosyncratic Bankmaster Santa Durr, whose business ventures take him carriage-setting across the world. People across the realm owe him favors. He and his equally flamboyant, fashionable girlfriend, Lady Spraut, promise a future of incomprehensible luxury should they emerge victorious in the game for the throne.

The Orangists, an academy of erudite scholars residing on the isles of Ingleand, known for donning orange robes. These serene scholars are known for their boundless intellect and calm demeanor - but by no means are they any pushovers. Their Provost, the One-with-Many-Words-of-Ancient-Tongues , commands the group, flanked by his compatriot, She-who-eats-pies-of-Crustaceans, and an alpine ally, the Youth-of-local-affairs. Perhaps they can secure the throne through their knowledge of ancient customs; do they hold the knowledge necessary to ensure stability?

The Zeroth International claims to be the voice of the working people of the realm. They shall unite the downtrodden - the oppressed - and inspire them into fervent revolution. Committed to some book of ideals, they are ready to radically reform Tokkaellexia into a worker's paradise. Vanguardism is, sadly, necessarily, but the leaders of this movement - the passionate Pi-Soul and his cynical right hand man,  Avram the Large - uphold this responsibility with a heavy heart.

The Maroonist Monks, a religious sect dressed in dark red capuchins, has thrown their lot into the fight for the soul and control of the realm. Their beliefs are uncommon, and not even in agreement, but this unconventional alliance - the Antonine Fraternité, the Nathanielique Monks, the Spezian Baptists, the Priestesses of the Flying Disco, and the Scottch presbyters (who dressed uniquely in bright green rather than maroon) - poses a thoughtful but strange message to the people of Tokkaellexia. But will their internal factions erase any hope of success for the throne?

The Imperial Library boasts the greatest repository of official records of the realm. Headed by the Head Librarian, Master Morden, the Library guards some of the most fundamental, deepest secrets of Tokkaellexia. Master Morden knows the realm all too well - will he be able to masterfully guide this knowledge into success on the field of geopolitics?

The Bureau of Bureaucracy is the administrative arm of the monarchy of Tokkaellexia. Its members have served the Empress Virginia well in administrating her realm during her reign. The Yellow Vizier, as he's known, vies for the power of the realm, albeit reluctantly. It is not for personal gain, but rather fear of who else may gain it. The Vizier, along with the High Magistrate, the meek Ado, present a vision of supreme stability at the very least, to carry through the Empress Emeritus's legacy and wishes.

The Blue Rabble are another peasant movement, one that has increased in size and volume lately. They claim that they are fundamentally oppressed by the Empress Emeritus. Although they are a disorganized movement, there are a few standout characters: a large grey Bear, trotted around like a circus exhibit. Another is a young tar heel, who claims to be so different, in belief and style, from the peasant horde that marches mindlessly. But the key leader of this movement is the Mechanical Republican, a mysterious automaton which spits out old-school plans for the realm. No one is quite sure how the Mechanical Republican operates, but they are enthralled by its messages nonetheless.

The Society of the After-dark is a shadowy organization, operating in opposition to rule of the Empress for years. Having sought refuge in a makeshift colony on terra nullis, the Society now sees an opportunity to strike. Have they gathered enough strength in the meanwhile to pose a credible challenge for the throne? Or will their hockey stick-wielding army, lead by the Inscrutable Dude, collapse on the field of battle?

[Badger]

Maybe an easy layup humor-wise, but I laughed. Credit where credit is due.

I find your lack of faith disturbing

[Badger]

Is it okay to give a serious answer to a bronze thread?

Stop underestimating me.

Personally, I laughed my ass off for 30 full seconds after reading this.

[Badger]

This more appropriately belongs in the Burn Unit thread, but I can't find it so I'll put it here.

It's always the usual Karens suspects who get mad about opposing views on this topic and complain to the manager mods. Not because of any real reason.  They just didn't like the opinion expressed.

You are aware of how many posts you have reported this month so far right?

[Badger]

What about January 6th.
An Insurrection that almost destroyed Democracy, and an attempt to retain control of the Presidency by a Traitor of The United States.

I didn't include attacks like school shootings or Jan 6. This thread is more bills or policies that resulted in long term damage to the US.

Ah yes, I recall when President Bush passed the 9/11 bill. That was the real tragedy.

[Badger]

Awesome too for here by Fulbert and Runeghost.

I really don’t get why McCarthy wanted this job so badly. Is there a more poisoned chalice then GOP House leader?

I mean, Gollum still coveted the Ring…

Look, I'm not a fan of the treacherous little weasel either, but there's no need to insult Gollum by comparing him to McCarthy.

[Badger]

This must be preserved:

FF.  We certainly don't agree on everything, but he stands his ground under fire.

Have you read his post slightly? Staining your grandmother fire is to put it mildly not a favorable trait when one is supporting genocide, genius.

I think this is the first time his app has mangled the text so much that I have absolutely no idea what he meant.

Me either. 

[Badger]

Can't find the one-liners in simple truths thread, so this will have to do. A very nice twofer.

maybe we don't need a speaker, like gondor we can just have a steward pro tempore and just pay respect to the past speakers who may return some day!

Only if the Steward sits in one of the teller chairs because to sit in the Speaker's chair would be presumptuous.

[Badger]

If only the word "usury" weren't so strongly associated with antisemitism

Way to cherry pick part of the quote to take it completely out of context in a typically dishonest way.

[Badger]

How did you spend YOUR Easter Vigil?

Faith in our elections SHOULD be undermined

Yikes, this is legitimate lunacy.

At what point does allowing Fuzzy to continue posting constitute abuse on the moderators' part? They sure don't care about the damage he does to others, but to himself? Goodness.

In fairness though, as tin foil hat crack pot level the conspiracies and other direct he regurgitates are, how does it harm anyone including himself?

[Badger]

Alito and Thomas genuinely deserve prison. I am tired of being told how intolerant I am

Simple truths thread that way.

Thomas, sure. But as much of a scummy unprincipled political hack Alito is, he's not a criminal worthy of prison to my knowledge.