2016: Donald Trump vs. Lice

[beaver2.0]

Apparently, Lice now is viewed more favorably than Donald Trump in a national poll by PPP.  Let's say that Bernie Sanders dies in a freak water-skeeing accident in Lake Placid in June 2016.  Hillary Clinton is indicted by the FBI the DAY before the DNC.  The Democrats get all freaked out and have no idea who to turn to.  Some delegates say Nickelback, Joe Biden, or Huey Newton, but in the end, Lice is nominated.  Swarms of Lice descend upon Debbie Wasserman Schulzs hair as she hands that species of insect the nomination and their nomination speech consists of fifteen minutes of Wasserman Schulz furiously scratching her head.  No one is sure who Lice will appoint for its running mate, but when someone points out that the Democrats have just nominated a whole species it is decided that Lice will be nominated for both slots on the Democratic ticket.  Lice runs an aggressive campaign, spreading its surrogates into voters hair nationwide.  Lice condemns Hillary Clinton, saying that the Clinton Foundations committment to eradicating Lice and Mosquitos is part of the Wall Street cliques plot to commit genocide upon the insectoid race.

Who wins in this epic battle for America?

[President of the great nation of 🏳️‍⚧️]

Lice (D-CA) / Lice (D-NY) - 375/47.6%
Donald Trump (R-NY) / Governor Paul LePage (R-ME) - 156/38.7%
Senator Ben Sasse (NT-NE) / Fmr. Governor Mitt Romney (NT-MA) - 7/12.4%
Nickelback (NL-AB) / Nickelback (NL-NY) - 0/0.9%
Other / Other - 0/0.4%
Widely expected to be like 2008 minus Indiana, but upsets in Arizona and Georgia made it a lot more impressive.
When the Supreme Court rules that Lice, being a whole species, was ineligible to be President and Vice President, respectively, Speaker Paul Ryan reluctantly agrees to take the Presidency.

[Breton Racer]

Lice wins in unprecedented landslide.

Lice/Parasite- 63.7% (508 Electoral Votes)

Trump/Pence- 15.3%(5 Electoral Votes)

Johnson/Weld- 21% (25 Electoral Votes)