What's your excuse for not being in a relationship?

[🦀🎂🦀🎂]

Asked this question a lot?

[DC Al Fine]

I'm getting married this summer so...

[Mr. Smith]

Because I literally just broke up 3 months ago from one, and I'm quite happily enjoying the benefits of being single.

I'll try to "get back in the game" when I feel like it,  and who knows the results of that. But for now, I'm enjoying a fat wallet, and not having another family's politics (internal and in GOP/Dems/ Greens/etc. terms)

[MASHED POTATOES. VOTE!]

I'm getting married this summer

My condolences

[Miles]

Because elections maps, sadly, aren't aphrodisiacs.

[politicus]

I'm getting married this summer

My condolences

To him or her?

[Atlas Has Shrugged]

obviously women don't share my love of fedoras and are intimidated by my intelligence guys

[Sprouts Farmers Market ✘]

Unattractive, uninteresting, unexciting; altogether undesirable.

[BaconBacon96]

I'm not actively pursuing one, or even desiring to get into one.

[Clarko95 📚💰📈]

Not looking, not very attractive, spend all my time at school + work, haven't met anyone particularly interesting, still in the closet, etc.

[rpryor03]

Unattractive, uninteresting, unexciting; altogether undesirable.

[Lambsbread]

Well, I'm ugly and a lot of girls think I'm gay.

[retromike22]

I want a guy with an equal share of being attractive, smart, and nice. This diagram is supposed to be a stereotype for all men, but it helps show what I'm looking for:



They need to be handsome so I can be attracted to them. Intelligent so I can be friends with them. And kind so I can fall in love with them and be loved by them.

But I can be very picky at times. I wouldn't date someone taller than me, or who lived far away, or had tattoos, or who did drugs. I wouldn't even date someone who didn't go to college. I just prefer someone with a conservative, introverted personality. Someone who I can take home to my family and they would be impressed. I don't want a feminine rainbow princess or a hairy chubby sleazeball, I want someone as averagely masculine as possible. You need to be able to do something athletic but you also need to be clean-shaven. Preppy guys, skinny guys, and Mormons are a plus

Basically, my problem is this:

[Grumpier Than Uncle Joe]

My wife would be pissed.

[Simfan34]

Unattractive, uninteresting, unexciting; altogether undesirable.

Not looking, not very attractive, spend all my time at school + work, haven't met anyone particularly interesting, still in the closet, etc.

You take selfies, obviously you don't believe that.

[Sprouts Farmers Market ✘]

Mm, but I certainly do entirely. I've posted 2 on this forum - one for the selfie thread to integrate myself into the community and one for a look alike thing. I have not posted a picture of myself anywhere else on the Internet where people might actually know me in over 2 years. And i only use Snapchat to see what people are up to.

 I'm not posting photos looking to hook up with people on this forum. (Sad that that needs to be clarified on this forum, haha) Just an introvert trying to be friendly.

[IceSpear]

Well, it seems to me that most gay guys just want to hook up. And gay guys are already a very small population to begin with. So in a choice between just sex and nothing, I'll take the former.

[Sol]

Not looking, not very attractive, spend all my time at school + work, haven't met anyone particularly interesting, still in the closet, etc.

Basically this.

Mm, but I certainly do entirely. I've posted 2 on this forum - one for the selfie thread to integrate myself into the community and one for a look alike thing. I have not posted a picture of myself anywhere else on the Internet where people might actually know me in over 2 years. And i only use Snapchat to see what people are up to.

 I'm not posting photos looking to hook up with people on this forum. Just an introvert trying to be friendly.

Ha! Not accusing you of anything- I definitely know where you're coming from. But cheer up! Neither of you deserve the sort of epithet you apply to yourself.

Me, not so much. As one poster once said, I am an obese black "guy" (if that!) who "can't even get laid". (Never mind that, religious beliefs in mind, I am quite ambivalent towards that last bit, but the larger picture is that I am a solitary figure.)

Don't feel bad about yourself! You are a catch.

[Simfan34]

How do you know that? On what do you base your assertion?

[Sol]

How do you know that? On what do you base your assertion?

You're are an intellectually interesting person. Anyone who writes posts like yours in this thread:

https://uselectionatlas.org/FORUM/index.php?topic=145772.0

Must be a pretty interesting person. Wouldn't a woman (or at least a cool one) want to have a significant other to talk about cool things with? And you are conversant on many other relevant subjects.

Not confident about your appearance? Firstly, I doubt that you are so unattractive as you say you are.
Secondly, being a cool person is its own aphrodisiac. I know who I find attractive IRL is heavily influenced by personality--douchiness is a turnoff, and smarts is a plus.

And you seem to be remonstrating yourself for some lack of masculinity. I'm not the first one to say this, but feeling the need to conform to some arbitrary religious standards is ridiculous. So what if you aren't a knight of old, or Haile Selassie? Neither are the macho dudes out there dating, and if push came to shove I'm sure he wouldn't respond courageously to a scenario where the courage stereotypically associated with traditional masculinity is warranted.

[Oakvale]

Jesus Sol lol

[Sol]

I appreciate your encouragement, Sol, but I doubt women find tedious and overwritten soliloquies on the nature of fascism to be the most invigourating pillow talk. Perhaps you would know better than I, but I'm rather skeptical it's what passes for "cool" these days, or, indeed, did at any point in time. I might know a lot of things but I'm a lacklustre conversationalist. Not to mention rather awkward and inept all around, socially speaking.

So, that aside, I'm also not attractive. No. Just no. I am not. And religious standards, I am afraid, are not "arbitrary". Who is "he", by the way? Janhoy?

EDIT: By "Janhoy" I mean Haile Selassie.

"He" was the previously referenced 'macho dudes'. In an earlier draft instead of 'macho dudes' I had the phrase 'a rugby player' and it made it thru the shift.

I'm honestly not too familiar with the Ethiopian Orthodox Church, but is there some sort of expectation of masculine conduct?

[Phony Moderate]

Asperger's, having an inner bitterness that makes me untrusting (and probably untrustworthy), being interested in what percentage of the vote Labour received in the 1955 general election, being out of the closet for merely a year.

[retromike22]

As one poster once said, I am an obese black "guy" (if that!) who "can't even get laid".

Simfan have you tried the Retromike Diet?

I tried to go on a diet a few months ago by eating only healthy food, and I just stayed at the same weight. So I changed my mind and ate very unhealthy food like KFC and ghetto burgers. Well I got food poisoning from that, but I also ended up losing more weight than from the healthy diet.

"The Retromike Diet: Flush your weight away!"

[Deus Naturae]

If you want to overcome social awkwardness all you need to do is start conversations with random people. I used to be pretty introverted (and still am at heart) but your social confidence will increase over time if you simply initiate interactions (no matter how small) with random people.

If there is honestly nothing interesting you can talk about that is a problem in itself. You seem to be well traveled...surely you have some exciting stories? I bet you've had some experiences in Ethiopia that people would find interesting. Or just join a club of some sort. That should give you something to talk about (plus meeting new people through the club will improve social confidence).

As far as appearance, females are far less selective in that regard than us men. Even if you aren't great looking there are girls who don't care that much and some may be intrigued by your "exoticness" (assuming you're clearly African rather than a native black...even better if you have an accent). If you're indistinguishable from a homegrown brotha....let's just say there are plenty of girls who are into that too. As for your physique you're the only one stopping you on that front. Just hit the gym and eat right (ideally fresh fruits and vegetables, plenty of meat, and eggs...no junk or grains).

Since you say you're a bad conversationalist, I highly recommend this book. You may feel silly reading a book about how to talk to girls if you put in the effort I guarantee you this guys advice will help.

Finally, you should be irrationally self-confident. Don't try to delude yourself about your faults (though that certainly isn't your problem), and don't necessarily be a douchebag, just don't apologize or feel the need to make excuses. Act like the African pride male you are. Better to be too confident than too timid. Being confident in yourself will make you much more attractive to women, which is a positive feedback loop since their positive reactions to your confidence will in turn make you more confident in interacting with them, etc.

I feel like I'm going overboard with this lol but seriously bro, your utter lack of confidence and sexual accomplishments pains me. You are in college...for most Western males college is a time of sexual conquest before a lifetime of sexual stagnation and starvation. Unless you plan on returning to your homeland and marrying an old-fashioned Ethiopian gal, you really need to make the most of the present.