On the campaign trail with Michael Z...

[Filuwaúrdjan]

News Update: JohnFKennedy has just been installed as the Michael Z Campaign's new Head Of Advertising.

Gustaf will be responsible for ideas and concepts.

Of_Thisnation will take care of creating witty and inventive campaign slogans.

(Or at least there's a job offer if you guys want it. )

...and I'll take care of the votes.
I got 10,000 new votes from Ohio yesterday...
...and 20,000 have registered to vote in Centralia, PA...

[Gustaf]

I will be happy to help with advice and that sort of thing, but I have my responsibilities as SecState and forum moderator that I am afraid prevent me from working in a team in that fashion. Nonetheless, I was very flattered. And I will be happy to help out if you need anything.

[JohnFKennedy]

Michael, you got aim or msn?

[Michael Z]

Michael, you got aim or msn?

AIM causes my computer to stall bigtime... is it ok to just e-mail me? michael.z@dial.pipex.com

[JohnFKennedy]

ok, was just wondering, messenger services make it easier to communicate, how about icq? Any messenger services?

[Michael Z]

I've got ICQ. 107190018.

[JohnFKennedy]

I've got ICQ. 107190018.

ok, I don't use ICQ much but will try to use it more.

[Nation]

New ad from the "we're not associated with michael z INC."



<fades in>

Reaganfan was recently spotted at his latest rally. . .






Is THIS the kind of man you want as your senator? Vote Michael Z for Senate.

[Nation]

Vote Z!



I'll be gone from today thru Sunday evening. Don't stop campaigning, Michael. I suggest a strong speech with your positions on national security, or cookie security.

[Michael Z]

CNN: Mr. Z, what do you make of Republican criticism of some your campaign adverts? Some believe you go too far in your personal attacks on political opponents. In fact, some find the slogans "Vote Michael Z, You Have No Choice!" and "Reaganfan Will Eat Your Soul" to be rather, erm, questionable.

Michael Z: Well, let me say that I have not officially endorsed any of these campaign ads. I have always maintained that we should keep this a clean race, with no personal smears aimed at each other. However, if some of my supporters feel the need to express themselves in such a manner, well, who am I to restrict their freedom of speech? I can't help it if they want to put out these ads.

CNN: But you personally do not endorse these ads?

Michael Z: Well... let's say they're not endorsed by the AFDNCCFMZFSC.

CNN: Thank you, Mr. Z

Michael Z: My pleasure.

[Filuwaúrdjan]

[size=15]REAGANFAN EATS DEAD BABIES!--- REAGANFAN WANTS TO EAT YOUR BABIES!!!!--- REAGANFAN: BAD FOR BABIES... BAD FOR AMERICA[/size]
[size=10]VOTE MICHAEL Z[/size]

Paid for by Michael Z 4 Senate, an independent PAC... with no links to Michael Z for Senate. Oh... no...no...no...

[Michael Z]

*** MICHAEL Z CAMPAIGN SPEECH ***

Fairmont, West Virginia --- 16th April 2004.

(Edited extract.)

Michael Z: Ladies and gentlemen, distinguished guests. First of all, I would like to thank Al Realpolitik for his ceaseless campaigning in this fantastic state of West Virginia. Take a bow, Al.

(Al takes a bow. Claps and cheers.)

Michael Z: Now, my political opponents have been attempting to pander to people's fears by saying I'm weak on national security. However, ironically so far I'm the only one who has presented some policies on national security.

(Claps.)

Michael Z: And I'm fairly sure that tightening airline security, increasing police numbers and giving more direct state control to relieve government red tape in the fight against terror is hardly being soft on national security.

(Cheers.)

Michael Z: Ladies and gentlemen, what we, this district, need are progressive policies for a progressive age. And I am willing to give you that. Now who wants some cookies?

(Everyone storms the stage for free cookies. Michael Z is airlifted out by helicopter.)

[Michael Z]

Conan O'Brien: Mr. Z, don't you think this 'eating babies'-business has gone far enough?

Michael Z: I have no idea what you're talking about.

O'Brien: You know. Negative ads, direct personal attacks... some people are saying this is the most negative campaign in America's history!

Michael Z: Well, Conan, I guess it's unfortunate that my political opponents should go and describe me as weak on national security, running a TV ad with a mushroom cloud and saying this is what's gonna happen if you vote for Michael Z and so on...

O'Brien: I'm not talking about that! I'm talking about your campaign! Your adverts!

Michael Z: Oooooh, you mean Al's adverts. Not mine, Conan. Not mine.

O'Brien: They are linked to your campaign though.

Michael Z: I have repeatedly made it very clear that neither I nor the AFDNCCFMZFSC have officially endorsed these adverts.

O'Brien: Officially...

Michael Z: Yes.

O'Brien: And unofficially?

Michael Z: Conan, please. Can we talk about issues that matter to people? All I hear is negative ads this, negative ads that. Why can't we talk about something important? Why can't we talk about public services, or national security. Please?

O'Brien: We'll be right back after this.

[Reaganfan]

Seem to be rough to people on talk shows...

[Michael Z]

(Michael Z on a local Philadelphia radio phone-in show.)

Host: Good morning, Philadelphia! And here we have with us Democratic candidate for the Senate, Michael Z. How're you doing, Mr. Z?

Michael Z: I'm fine, thank you.

Host: OK, and we already have our first caller. Bob from Pine Hill, what's your question?

Bob from Pine Hill: Yes, hello there Mr. Z.

Michael Z: Hello, Bob.

Bob from Pine Hill: Now, I've been wondering about your stance on taxation. You don't seem to have made your policy clear on this. Are you gonna raise taxes, lower them...?

Michael Z: Well, Bob, that's an interesting question. Many people regards Democrats as 'tax-and-spend'-politicians, but that's a smear which has absolutely nothing to do with reality. I'm actually going to lower income tax for the middle classes, as it's precisely these people who suffer most under all kinds of stealth taxes. I will, however, raise taxes on tobacco, not just to raise revenue from cigarette sales but also to discourage people from smoking. Plus smokers are one of the last few groups of people we politicians can get away with picking on relentlessly. I hope this answers your question.

Host: OK, next caller. Jill from Havertown, what's on your mind?

Jill: Vin Diesel is on my mind right now. But I also have a question for Mr. Z.

Host: Go ahead.

Jill: Mr. Z, I'm about to enter college and I'm really quite worried about the amount of college fees I'll have to pay. What are you gonna do to support students like myself?

Michael Z: In a perfect world I would say that I'm going to abolish college fees and that nobody would have to pay for their education. Unfortunately the reality is quite different and does not allow for that to happen. I'll admit it's a bit of a hazy subject since college fees tend to be a federal government matter, but obviously I would ensure that students can get financial support from the District and/or State in the form of loans and grants. Best wishes for college, by the way.

Jill: Thanks.

Host: Righty-o, next caller. Mitch in Audubon, what's your question?

Mitch: Yo Z, Mitch here.

Michael Z: Hi there, Mitch. What would you like to ask me?

Mitch: Sanitation, dude. What are you gonna do about sanitation?

Michael Z: A lot. Does this answer your question?

Mitch: It does! Thanks, man!

Host: OK, and now for some music. Mr. Z, it's usually the case that our guests decide on the music we play. What's your song of choice?

Michael Z: I was thinking of rocking out to some Cradle Of Filth, but I have a feeling that might prove a bit extreme for your listeners, especially at 9 o'clock in the morning. So instead I decided on a song by Mercury Rev, called 'Goddess On A Highway'.

Host: Alright, Mercury Rev it is. Take it away, Mr. Z.

(Song starts playing. Dum dee dum dee...)