My (new) update thread. GUESS WHO HAS GIRL FEELINGS AGAIN

[Atlas Has Shrugged]

I have been in your boat to some degree, though my parents have supported me once I admitted that I have had these troubles (I was afraid of institutionalization). I have been praying for you, and I strongly urge that you talk to somebody. Somebody you deeply trust and know will support you. My pent up frustrations lead to outbursts of anger (which were sometimes manifested here on this forum) and on two occasions, violence.

My advice on the school counselor situation is a little mixed; I don’t know your mother, but I am sure she cares for you and simply is uninformed on the depth of your feelings. I would talk to a counselor, but be careful not to insinuate that your mom is outright denying you help or that she doesn’t care, because that could open up a can of worms not worth opening. You might want to ask a counselor to intervene on your behalf and explain the situation to her.

Psychiatric counseling has helped me greatly, but I am being weaned off it now by my shrink. He has recommended I take transcendental meditation courses. Everyone I know who has taken this has sworn by it; I might sign up for it in a couple weeks in fact. It might be something worth looking into that your mother might be more open too.

[This user has not been convicted of 34 felonies]

My advice on the school counselor situation is a little mixed; I don’t know your mother, but I am sure she cares for you and simply is uninformed on the depth of your feelings. I would talk to a counselor, but be careful not to insinuate that your mom is outright denying you help or that she doesn’t care, because that could open up a can of worms not worth opening. You might want to ask a counselor to intervene on your behalf and explain the situation to her.

1. She's informed of the depth of my feelings. She knows I've attempted to take my life.
2. I have talked to my counselors on maybe three different occasions, two of which my mom was called. This is what resulted in my mom telling me not to talk to the counselors about that stuff. My younger sister also told her counselor that she wanted to kill herself, and my mother was called. My sister was given the same speech by my mother and was told that she had no reason to be upset.
3. I haven't told that counselors that my mom doesn't care, because I know she does, she's just very stubborn and extremely ignorant.

Thank you everyone for your kind words, though. I do have friends I can go to, but after about 7 years of having to deal with my depression and suicidal thoughts, it's become a habit. I know how to get myself through the low points, but what I fear is a relapse. Be it an addiction or self-harming, that is my biggest fear.

[Bleach Blonde Bad Built Butch Bodies for Biden]

Well Carl, you recognize the consequences of substance addiction or self-harm, which I'm glad you're mature enough to understand.  Most kids your age aren't.  That said, there comes a point when you need to take things into your own hands if your parents aren't supporting you when they should.  From my experience, nothing I ever said to a school counselor would leave the room unless I invoked someone or myself being harmed.  Just tell your counselor what your mother thinks, and be completely honest.  Hopefully they will understand and take matters into their own hands.  If they simply leave you in your current predicament, they aren't doing their jobs.  And I'm sorry Carl, but stubbornness and ignorance is no excuse for your mother's inaction.

Find someone who you can trust and someone who can get you the help you need - be that a teacher, a counselor... heck, even a church leader is an option even though you're not religious.

[This user has not been convicted of 34 felonies]

I have about 2 or 3 close friends that I'm okay with confiding in. At this point, I'm just trying to ignore it when I do get severely depressed.

[Cassius]

I'm not an expert, but I hope this concise advice is of some use.

1. These people who are irritating you; ignore the bastards. Rising to their challenge will likely make things worse unless you have the ability to leave them in metaphorical pieces after doing so. If they continue to confrotn you, laugh it off. I have learned that the best way to deal with people like this is either to laugh along with the mockery or just to ignore it.
2. On the question of this girl, my advice, from my limited romantic experience, is to spend more time in her company, and get to know her better, before asking her out. I've known my (current and only) girlfriend since Year 8 (its now Year 13), and only asked her out earlier this year. Be nice, polite and above all interesting, and hopefully she'll date you.
3. The depression issue; I, fortunately, have never had to cope with the depression that you seem to be facing. My adivce would be to talk it over, with friends or  counsellors (I would suggest parents but that seems less on the cards right now). Also, whilst this may sound a little corny, try to think of positives. They don't have to be big positives, but at least try and find enjoyment from some of the things you do.

I hope this is of some help.

[This user has not been convicted of 34 felonies]

i'm seriously sick of getting like this

i just want to be with someone and not have everything get completely f--ked up and have someone get hurt

i want to feel okay like i used to

i wish i could stop being so goddamned dependent on people so i could finally get over this stupid depressive bullsh-t that's been dragging me down for years now

it's not even my fault this time and that makes it worse

i wish i could stop feeling

[Bleach Blonde Bad Built Butch Bodies for Biden]

Carl, please, don't do anything that you'll either regret or won't be able to take back.

[This user has not been convicted of 34 felonies]

Carl, please, don't do anything that you'll either regret or won't be able to take back.

i'm not gonna kill myself or anything

i just want to sleep for a really long time and wake up a new person in a new place

[This user has not been convicted of 34 felonies]

I feel silly looking back on my last few posts in this thread. I'm starting to feel (for the time being, at least) a little happier.

But I'm having girl feelings again.

For a girl who lives in...wait for it...

...

f--king North Carolina. I know. I have a problem. I need help. But all the hot babes that would totally date me live in other states. Wanna fight about it?

So what do?

Background: I haven't talked to the girl in a little while (maybe 3-4 months), but I've known her for a year and a half now. I've had feelings for her ever since and a mutual friend says she might also have feelings for me.

Wat.

[Lief 🗽]

How do you have so many friends living in different states?!

[This user has not been convicted of 34 felonies]

How do you have so many friends living in different states?!

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[FEMA Camp Administrator]

#SuburbanProblems

Really, dude. I won't pretend to have read the entire thread. Just clicking on this page and having seen the first few posts, it's cause to be worried. From the willfully ignorant outsider's perspective, there's little reason to take your life. If not being "with" someone is your greatest trouble of late--it seems you've had to deal with your mom's indifference to previous issues, which is why I'm including the phrase "of late"--then you should have little to worry about. There are vast millions across the United States that, on the romantic side, are doing and have done far worse than you. Some continue to lead entirely normal and un-depressed lives. I hope you can take this with the good intentions with which I'm posting it. Buck up, you've got--in theory--a good amount of life ahead of you.

[Fmr. Pres. Duke]

Just live your life without needing to date someone all the time. I haven't dated in years, and I'm doing just fine. You can't date someone you can't see physically. You can't date someone you just look at pictures of and can't spend time with. You're just playing emotional games with yourself. If you haven't talked to a girl in MONTHS, you're just asking to hurt yourself because I doubt she's thinking about you.

[tik 🪀✨]

Just run around doing whatever feels right, bumping into things and knocking them down, stammering and getting embarrassed. Sooner or later you get better at it.

Don't let anyone tell you an online relationship isn't worth pursuing. They certainly are, but it's a lot of work to transition to the real world. Just keep communicating. Relationships are built with common experiences and good communication. And you're only getting older so get out there and screw up.

[Antonio the Sixth]

#SuburbanProblems

Really, dude. I won't pretend to have read the entire thread. Just clicking on this page and having seen the first few posts, it's cause to be worried. From the willfully ignorant outsider's perspective, there's little reason to take your life. If not being "with" someone is your greatest trouble of late--it seems you've had to deal with your mom's indifference to previous issues, which is why I'm including the phrase "of late"--then you should have little to worry about. There are vast millions across the United States that, on the romantic side, are doing and have done far worse than you. Some continue to lead entirely normal and un-depressed lives. I hope you can take this with the good intentions with which I'm posting it. Buck up, you've got--in theory--a good amount of life ahead of you.

^^^^

I'm 20 and never have dated a girl. It doesn't have to make your life miserable. I think your priority should be getting psychological support.

That said, I also agree with what Tik said. If both your feelings are genuine, geographic distance shouldn't prevent you from having a relationship.

[This user has not been convicted of 34 felonies]

I'm working on breaking my people dependency--and I say dependency because that's what it feels like it is--but I'm afraid it could be something more than just a need to be in a relationship. It's a need to have friends, and have attention, and feel like I'm visible so I don't feel invisible. It could be something chemically wrong with me.

[Antonio the Sixth]

I'm working on breaking my people dependency--and I say dependency because that's what it feels like it is--but I'm afraid it could be something more than just a need to be in a relationship. It's a need to have friends, and have attention, and feel like I'm visible so I don't feel invisible. It could be something chemically wrong with me.

No, it's human. We all strive to be liked, loved, supported, understood, and to have the feeling we matter to someone. That's probably the only source of genuine happiness. And I've often had the exact same feelings (though it probably doesn't affect me that much), moments when I feel completely alone and unimportant.

I think you should start off with friendship. It's much easier to develop than romantic relationships, it avoids most of the drama, and it can lead to something very powerful if you get along well. I think the few real friends I have (maybe 5 or so) have helped me a lot in the past few years.

[This user has not been convicted of 34 felonies]

I'm working on breaking my people dependency--and I say dependency because that's what it feels like it is--but I'm afraid it could be something more than just a need to be in a relationship. It's a need to have friends, and have attention, and feel like I'm visible so I don't feel invisible. It could be something chemically wrong with me.

No, it's human. We all strive to be liked, loved, supported, understood, and to have the feeling we matter to someone. That's probably the only source of genuine happiness. And I've often had the exact same feelings (though it probably doesn't affect me that much), moments when I feel completely alone and unimportant.

I think you should start off with friendship. It's much easier to develop than romantic relationships, it avoids most of the drama, and it can lead to something very powerful if you get along well. I think the few real friends I have (maybe 5 or so) have helped me a lot in the past few years.

This is why I think I like long distance relationships though. Aside from the fact that girls around here don't like me, i think the barrier of distance helps the girl understand that i'm both an emotional trainwreck and somebody who can survive the threat of distance (fun fact: I have never cheated on a girl, but both of my past 2 girlfriends have cheated on me. fun.) so I do like those relationships. Plus this time I have only a year and a half till graduation, as opposed to 2 and a half years with my last girlfriend. I might start this off as more of a friends with benefits type thing and see where it goes from there.

[Antonio the Sixth]

Whatever works for both of you is fine, but I'd just advise you not to obsess too much with "getting a girlfriend" and instead open yourself to the possibility of getting along with every person you meet, and see how things develop (this is an attitude I should adopt more often myself, too).

[Grumpier Than Uncle Joe]

Isn't this like the blind leading the blind?

[This user has not been convicted of 34 felonies]

Whatever works for both of you is fine, but I'd just advise you not to obsess too much with "getting a girlfriend" and instead open yourself to the possibility of getting along with every person you meet, and see how things develop (this is an attitude I should adopt more often myself, too).

This is what I'm aiming for in the long run.

Isn't this like the blind leading the blind?

Not quite

[Antonio the Sixth]

Isn't this like the blind leading the blind?

Experience is certainly an important criterion in judging whether someone can be of good advice or not. So is said person's human decency. You might prevail by the former measure, but I modestly think I more than make up for the difference by the latter one.

[Fmr. Pres. Duke]

Isn't this like the blind leading the blind?

I've had my share of experiences. This poor boy needs all the help he can get, even if it comes from me.

[Grumpier Than Uncle Joe]

Isn't this like the blind leading the blind?

I've had my share of experiences. This poor boy needs all the help he can get, even if it comes from me.

Yeah but you have a track record.......that's what I meant.  You've been there and done all that.

[Fmr. Pres. Duke]

The problem is, this poor boy just throws darts at a board of girls and hopes one will work out. He likes a girl now that he hasn't spoken to in 4 months. How did that happen? It makes no sense. It's not normal to suddenly start having feelings for someone who you have no interaction with. He may be lusting after her but nothing more.