Any tips for dating a shy girl?

[Starbucks Union Thug HokeyPuck]

Hey fellers.  Bringing a this girl I'm into out to the movies tomorrow night.  Cute thing, went out with her a couple times about a month ago.  Didn't seem like it was going anywhere so I went ahead and put my attention elsewhere.  But... she started texting/talking to me so I thought since she isn't the total bimbo I typically meet over here in Jersey it was worth another shot.  Thing is... she's much quieter and shy than any girl I've ever taken out.  I'm a bit more of the talkative type and I'm trying to get her to open up a little. 

Any thoughts? 

[Lief 🗽]

Um, if you're having trouble talking to her, going to the movies is a horrible idea. You're literally forced to sit there silently for two hours. Take her to do some activity where you naturally have to talk about the activity (like bowling or miniature golf or whatever); from there you can naturally expand it into a broader conversation.

[Grumpier Than Uncle Joe]

Pro tip - Stop at a drugstore before you pick her up for the your date.  The last thing we need is more NJ Devils fans.  K? Thx. 

[Starbucks Union Thug HokeyPuck]

Pro tip - Stop at a drugstore before you pick her up for the your date.  The last thing we need is more NJ Devils fans.  K? Thx. 

Quality advice, Gramps.  You're a charmer. 

Um, if you're having trouble talking to her, going to the movies is a horrible idea. You're literally forced to sit there silently for two hours. Take her to do some activity where you naturally have to talk about the activity (like bowling or miniature golf or whatever); from there you can naturally expand it into a broader conversation.

Zombie/horror movies is a mutual interest and she wanted to see it.  I wasn't going to say no.  We'll have other times in a more social atmosphere.  So, until then...

[angus]

I'm trying to get her to open up a little. 

so that's what the kids are calling it nowadays.

[John Dibble]

Well, one thing to determine - is she really shy, or just introverted? Many people confuse the two, not that they are mutually exclusive so she could be both. Introverts tend to be quiet, and speaking as one it's not necessarily a bad thing if the other person is talkative - the main thing you would want to do is not sound like an idiot and make sure the things you are talking about have substance. Quality of conversation is more important than quantity, so if you can't maintain both the former is where you need to lean, and giving her a bit of quiet time for her to process her thoughts is actually a not a bad thing.

Whatever the case may be, the fact that she's still interested in going out with you is a good sign, so largely just be yourself and she'll open up to you in time. Try not to overthink it.

I don't agree with Lief on the movie being a bad idea, provided it is one she wants to see and you're also going to take her to dinner afterwards - thoughts on the movie are a conversation topic.

[angus]

thoughts on the movie are a conversation topic.

...and excellent argument starters.  Movies are better saved for post-consummation entertainment.

I'd opt for a visit to a pet store.  Everybody loves pets.  If she's not the reptile type, you can take her around to the mammals and fishes.  Also, you may witness the hamsters coupling--they're not shy about that sort of thing--and that can help put everyone in the mood.

Dancing is good too--especially if you're sure you're not going to get laid on the first date since it makes for profuse sweating.  It gives you a chance to show her your buff, manly physique in a non-threatening way.  And, if it leads to heavy petting, you can always duck into the shower before getting too physical.  She'll appreciate your cleanliness. 

There are also spring festivals this time of year.  Perhaps a 5K fun run if she's the athletic type, followed by a nice picnic in the park.  Fall is better for that kind of stuff, though, with state fairs and local carnival rides.  Lots of opportunities for you to show off your bravery and genteel manners.

[Grumpier Than Uncle Joe]

Pro tip - Stop at a drugstore before you pick her up for the your date.  The last thing we need is more NJ Devils fans.  K? Thx. 

Quality advice, Gramps.  You're a charmer. 

I prefer practical charmer, old friend.    Oh, pro tip #2 - the one you've been toting around in your wallet since you last got laid need pitched out.  It is most certainly too old to use at this point. 

[John Dibble]

thoughts on the movie are a conversation topic.

...and excellent argument starters.

If their relationship will fall apart due to a disagreement about a movie, it's probably better to go ahead and get it over with.

[King]

(1) Go eat at place you won't think will be busy and can have a nice quiet atmosphere.

(2) Try to be funny to open her up.

(3) Get her drunk if she doesn't think you're very funny.

[Grumpier Than Uncle Joe]

(1) Go eat at place you won't think will be busy and can have a nice quiet atmosphere.

NO GARLIC...unless she eats it too.

[Хahar 🤔]

It's important to focus on perceived value. She may just be using an ASD, but instead of the typical advice to DHV you may have to DLV and neg yourself.

[angus]

thoughts on the movie are a conversation topic.

...and excellent argument starters.

If their relationship will fall apart due to a disagreement about a movie, it's probably better to go ahead and get it over with.

true, but I think he should save that fight till after he finally gets a chance to use that condom he's been carrying around in his wallet for several years. 

[Okay, maybe Mike Johnson is a competent parliamentarian.]

It's important to focus on perceived value. She may just be using an ASD, but instead of the typical advice to DHV you may have to DLV and neg yourself.

Is this some lingo I'm not hep to, or are you giving advice for some sort of audio-visual setup?

[Bacon King]

It's important to focus on perceived value. She may just be using an ASD, but instead of the typical advice to DHV you may have to DLV and neg yourself.

Is this some lingo I'm not hep to, or are you giving advice for some sort of audio-visual setup?

In chat last night we all had great fun learning how to talk like pickup artists

Regarding the OP though: when she's not talking much, just talk a bit more than you normally would, ask her questions and joke around with her to try to get her to open up. Consider playfully/jokingly mentioning her quietness and see if that leads to her talking about it or something. The movies is a horrible idea, yeah, and King is right about alcohol.

Good luck though. In my personal experience, the "quiet type" are often the most interesting people once you get to know them (and generally are by far the best sexual partners [though take that with a grain of salt, actually, because that's a huge generalization and you and I may very well prefer very different sorts of lovers]).

[angus]

King is right about alcohol.

King, of all people, knows how destructive alcohol can be for the male.  I'd avoid the alcohol altogether if I were Hockeydude.  Also, I'd avoid sparking up a J on the first date.  It puts some women off.  Also, it can have the same effect on you that whiskey can in that regard.

Consider reading her palm, especially if she's shy.  If you're already holding her hand as you walk it's an easy thing to bring it up slowly.  Make up good stuff, but nothing over the top.  Be ambiguous.  If she knows that you're blowing smoke, then it'll be funny and you'll both get a good laugh out of it.  If she's into it, grooving on your reading, then that's a great step in.  I've had it work for me both ways.  In any case, getting to know the palm of a girl's right hand is never a bad way to end a first date. 

Seriously, though, I'd avoid avoid drugs and alcohol on this first date.  Go for the home run, if you can get it.  Don't waste your time on all that stuff you can do with the boys on another night.

[Keystone Phil]

Advice: don't be shy. Some of us have that problem.

[King]

King, of all people, knows how destructive alcohol can be for the male.

My advice was to get her drunk.

[opebo]

Consider reading her palm, especially if she's shy.  If you're already holding her hand as you walk it's an easy thing to bring it up slowly.  Make up good stuff, but nothing over the top.  Be ambiguous.  If she knows that you're blowing smoke, then it'll be funny and you'll both get a good laugh out of it.  If she's into it, grooving on your reading, then that's a great step in.  I've had it work for me both ways.  In any case, getting to know the palm of a girl's right hand is never a bad way to end a first date.

Haha, this idea seems so quaintly 1970s.  Except that in the 70s you didn't have to bother with dating. 

[Grumpier Than Uncle Joe]

Consider reading her palm, especially if she's shy.  If you're already holding her hand as you walk it's an easy thing to bring it up slowly.  Make up good stuff, but nothing over the top.  Be ambiguous.  If she knows that you're blowing smoke, then it'll be funny and you'll both get a good laugh out of it.  If she's into it, grooving on your reading, then that's a great step in.  I've had it work for me both ways.  In any case, getting to know the palm of a girl's right hand is never a bad way to end a first date.

Haha, this idea seems so quaintly 1970s.  Except that in the 70s you didn't have to bother with dating. 

Yeah, angus being a man of the mid-late 80s threw me with this one.....clearly he's an old soul

[King]

Consider reading her palm, especially if she's shy.  If you're already holding her hand as you walk it's an easy thing to bring it up slowly.  Make up good stuff, but nothing over the top.  Be ambiguous.  If she knows that you're blowing smoke, then it'll be funny and you'll both get a good laugh out of it.  If she's into it, grooving on your reading, then that's a great step in.  I've had it work for me both ways.  In any case, getting to know the palm of a girl's right hand is never a bad way to end a first date.

Haha, this idea seems so quaintly 1970s.  Except that in the 70s you didn't have to bother with dating.  

I'm not sure how old Hockeydude is, but I don't know many people in their teens and early twenties who bother with "dates" - at least not until they're already in a well-established relationship.

They definitely bother with dates.  It's just not formally called a date.  You have to spend time getting to know each other somehow.  Spending high school lunch period with a girl I liked instead of us being with our friends was definitely a date, even if it wasn't called one.  Same for college.

Yeah, there was no going out to an expensive dinner or to the movies or anything like that until later, but that's boring grown up stuff anyway.

[opebo]

Consider reading her palm, especially if she's shy.  If you're already holding her hand as you walk it's an easy thing to bring it up slowly.  Make up good stuff, but nothing over the top.  Be ambiguous.  If she knows that you're blowing smoke, then it'll be funny and you'll both get a good laugh out of it.  If she's into it, grooving on your reading, then that's a great step in.  I've had it work for me both ways.  In any case, getting to know the palm of a girl's right hand is never a bad way to end a first date.

Haha, this idea seems so quaintly 1970s.  Except that in the 70s you didn't have to bother with dating. 

I'm not sure how old Hockeydude is, but I don't know many people in their teens and early twenties who bother with "dates" - at least not until they're already in a well-established relationship.

You young people - and even middle aged people like angus and I - have no idea how bad things are now.  My friends in their 60s always remark that we have no idea how easy it was to get laid in the 60s and 70s (and sans perservatif!)

[Ban my account ffs!]

Um, if you're having trouble talking to her, going to the movies is a horrible idea. You're literally forced to sit there silently for two hours. Take her to do some activity where you naturally have to talk about the activity (like bowling or miniature golf or whatever); from there you can naturally expand it into a broader conversation.

Excellent advice.  Do something different.  We have this little store here where you pick out a ceramics piece and then you paint it in the store.  Something like that would be memorable and it'd keep conversation going.

[angus]

and sans perservatif!

ah, yes.  or so I've heard.

The palm reading I actually learned in the mid-90s from a real player.  This guy was smooth.  I watched him at more than one party talk girls into going home with him.  He ended up becoming a wife beater.  Married a local talking head and at some point started knocking her around.  They divorced a few years after they married.  What a dumbass.  If you're going to marry somebody and rough her up, don't let it be someone who makes a living doing nightly television news.

The pet store act is definitely mid- to late-eighties.  I learned that when I was a freshman in college.  A girl from my calculus class asked me one day if I wanted to go to a pet store with her.  Out of the blue, and on the way out of class.  I thought it was a bizarre idea at first, but I definitely didn't think it was a bizarre idea by the end of that day.  That became my standard M.O. all the way through college.  By the time I was in grad school I had other ideas.  Fall carnivals are always good.  Sporting events can be interesting as well, if she's the athletic type.  Once in a while it might involve a movie, but I consistently found that the movies are better attended and better discussed once you get the necessities out of the way.  Then you can just relax and do movies and discuss them openly.  I consider a movie to be appropriate to the fourth or fifth month of a relationship, if at all.  I've had relationships that lasted months without any theater movies.

[Fmr. Pres. Duke]

(1) Go eat at place you won't think will be busy and can have a nice quiet atmosphere.

NO GARLIC...unless she eats it too.

Horrible advice