President Kerry and on...

[SPC]

Election Day

Exit polling shows the two candidates tied at 48%. Nevertheless, both candidates claim to have only written one speech for tonight, with each camp's internal polls privately validating their respective confidence. Republicans have a slight lead on the Generic Congressional ballot, 48%-47%, but major pollsters tend to agree that Republicans would need a larger advantage in order to wrest control of the House from the predominantly Democratic redistricting efforts of 2010. However, control of the Senate is expected to be hotly contested, with many Democratic incumbents facing difficult odds.

7:00 PM EST At this hour, Georgia, Indiana, Kentucky, and South Carolina can be called for Romney, while Vermont can be called for Booker. Virginia remains too close to call at this hour. Former Governors Sonny Perdue (R-GA) and Mark Sanford (R-SC) will easily prevail in open Senate races in their respective home states, while the re-election bids of Senators Hill (D-IN) and Mongiardo (D-KY) are too close to call.

7:30 PM EST Ohio and West Virginia can now be called for Romney. North Carolina remains too close to call. Pundits were surprised with how well Romney was able to close in Ohio, which many credit to a combination of Booker's perceived elitism and Romney's barrage of advertisements in the Midwestern states. Senator Joe Manchin (D-WV) will recapture his state's Gubernatorial mansion, while Senator Richard Burr (R-NC) easily wins re-election. Ohio's Senate race remains too close to call.

Romney 67
Booker 3

8:00 PM EST At this hour, Alabama, Mississippi, Oklahoma, and Tennessee can be called for Romney, while Delaware, DC, Illinois, Maryland, Massachusetts, and Rhode Island can be called for Booker. Connecticut, Florida, Maine, Missouri, New Hampshire, New Jersey, and Pennsylvania remain too close to call. Senate races in Florida, Missouri, and Pennsylvania remain too close to call.

8:07 PM EST We can now project that Senator Lee Fisher (D-OH) will win re-election over former state Auditor Mary Taylor (R-OH). The Taylor campaign expected greater coattails from Romney's win in Ohio, but preliminary totals show a surprising number of split tickets in southeastern Ohio.

8:22 PM EST We can now project that Booker will win his home state of New Jersey. Results in the state were closer than expected, perhaps a sign that some residents do not want their Governor to be promoted in the middle of his first term.

8:24 PM EST Both of Maine's congressional districts will go to Booker. Romney was expected to outperform the typical Republican in New England, and the quick call of Maine to the Booker camp is not a good sign for his performance in New Hampshire and Connecticut.

8:30 PM EST Arkansas can now be called for Romney. The Senate race is still too close to call.

8:35 PM EST We can now project that Senator Jack Wagner (D-PA) will win re-election over businessman Tom Smith, in a race that was much closer than expected from the outset. Smith's gaffes are believed to have compensated for Wagner's lackluster Senate record and campaign.

8:47 PM EST Florida can now be called for Booker. This is a good sign for the Booker campaign, as three of the past four Democratic nominees have unsuccessfully targeted Florida as a path to victory, and Booker's unprecedented victory with Hispanic voters in Florida is believed to have finally put Democrats over the top in the state.

Romney 106
Booker 101

9:00 PM EST At this hour we can now project Booker will win New York and Romney will win Kansas, Louisiana, Nebraska, Texas, and Wyoming. Arizona, Colorado, Michigan, Minnesota, New Mexico, South Dakota, and Wisconsin are too close to call at the moment. Secretary of State Chris Nelson (R-SD) will win retiring Senator Tom Daschle's seat in a cakewalk, while Senate races in Arizona, Colorado, Louisiana, and Wisconsin are too close to call.

9:09 PM EST Missouri can now be projected for Romney.

9:12 PM EST Senator Claire McCaskill (D-MO) is now projected to win re-election over outgoing Governor Kenny Hulshof (R-MO). The results are an interesting reversal of the 2008 gubernatorial election, which is being attributed to Hulshof's unpopular response to civil unrest in the Greater St. Louis area.

9:16 PM EST Senator Daniel Mongiardo (D-KY) will win reelection over former Secretary of State Trey Grayson (R-KY). The collapse of the McConnell machine in the wake of the Senator's 2014 primary defeat greatly weakened Grayson's campaign in the rematch of the hotly contested 2010 election.

9:33 PM EST Senator John Breaux (D-LA) will avoid a runoff in his re-election bid against Congressman Craig Romero (R-LA). Breaux's personal brand in the state helped him avoid Romero's attacks that the Senator is too close to Harry Reid.

9:36 PM EST Romney is now projected to win South Dakota.

Romney 179
Booker 130

[SPC]

10:00 PM EST Montana and Utah can now be called for Romney. Nevada and Iowa are too close to call, as is the race to replace retiring Senator Chuck Grassley (D-IA).

10:01 PM EST New Mexico can now be called for Booker.

10:04 PM EST Congresswoman Alex Sink (D-FL) will win Florida's Senate race over Congressman Connie Mack (D-FL). With two underwhelming candidates in the race, Booker's victory in the Presidential contest is believed to have given Sink the edge in the divisive contest.

10:09 PM EST Minnesota can now be called for Booker.

10:15 PM EST Pennsylvania can now be called for Booker. While Romney delivered an impressive performance in the western half of the state, Booker's margins in the Philadelphia area were too great to overcome.

10:18 PM EST Senator John Hickenlooper (D-CO) will win re-election over Weld County District Attorney Ken Buck (R-CO). Buck's gaffes proved sufficient to outweigh Hickenlooper's ties to unpopular gun control and environmental legislation.

10:19 PM EST Connecticut can now be called for Booker.

10:24 PM EST North Carolina is now projected to fall in the Booker column. Polls in the state had shown Romney ahead, but a combination of historic African-American turnout, an unpopular Republican state legislature, and high turnout in the Research Triangle gave Booker an unexpected upset.

10:25 PM EST Senator Baron Hill (D-IN) is now projected to win re-election over Congressman Marlin Stutzman (R-IN). Hill's centrist voting record and history of defying Senate Democrats on budget and judicial issues enabled him to deflect criticism from Stutzman that he was not conservative enough to represent Indiana.

10:38 PM EST Senator Bill Halter (D-AR) will be the first incumbent Senator ousted tonight. Freshman Congressman Tim Griffin (R-AR) was able to paint the liberal Senator as out of touch with Arkansas values, and Booker's poor performance in the state did not help his re-election efforts.

10:41 PM EST With the critical votes in Waukesha County counted, Wisconsin will go into the Romney column. Senator Feingold did not help the Democratic ticket much in his home state, and Governor Barrett's (D-WI) unpopularity only gave state Republicans additional ammunition.

10:49 PM EST In another big upset, Virginia can now be called for Booker. Recent Democratic successes in gubernatorial and Senate elections in the state gave Democrats hope that they could finally win the state, and Allen's scandals likely prove to be the impetus needed to do this. With California polls on the verge of closing, Romney must sweep the board with the remaining states in order to have a hope of winning tonight.

Booker 200
Romney 198

[Del Tachi]

Booker upset?

[Jerseyrules]

Really interesting map so far - the results are surprising at first glance but definitely realistic considering the candidates.

I wonder who I'd vote for?

[SPC]

11:00 PM EST California and Hawaii are now projected to go for Booker, while Idaho and North Dakota are projected to go for Romney. Washington and Oregon are too close to call at this hour. With the Pacific Northwest's exclusive reliance on mail-in ballots, it is expected to take a while before those states can be called.

11:14 PM EST Businesswoman Christine Jones (R-AZ) will oust Senator Napolitano (D-AZ). Jones's strategy of casting herself as an outsider her to prevail against Napolitano, who became increasingly unpopular due to her advocacy of gun control.

11:20 PM EST Romney is now projected to win Iowa. Booker's unpopular image in Iowa is believed to have harmed his general election efforts in the state.

11:27 PM EST The Republican bid for Senate control faces another obstacle as state Senator Jack Hatch (D-IA) is now projected to defeat businessman Marc Jacobs (R-IA) for the open seat in Iowa. Hatch evidently was able to distance himself enough from Senator Bruce Braley (D-IA) to prevail in spite of Romney's victory. Republicans must pick up two of the three outstanding Democratic seats in Nevada, North Dakota, and Wisconsin in order to reclaim the chamber.

11:30 PM EST Arizona can now be called for Romney. High Mormon turnout in the Southwest is thought to have helped Romney's candidacy.

11:46 PM EST Congressman Darrell Issa (R-CA) will easily prevail over Supervisor John Moorlach (R-CA) for California's Senate seat, in the lowest turnout statewide election in state history.

Booker 259
Romney 222

12:36 AM EST We can now project that Booker will win Colorado. The results contradict almost every poll taken before the election, which consistently showed Romney with a lead in mid-single digits. Pundits are still undecided as to what could have caused Booker's upset, but Romney's hostility toward the state's recent marijuana law is being suggested as a deciding factor. Romney must now win every uncalled state in order to claim victory.

12:48 AM EST In the race to replace Senator Feingold, Congressman John Gard (R-WI) will defeat Congressman Ron Kind (D-WI). Analysts attribute this to many of the same factors that helped Romney win the state.

1:00 AM EST Alaska can be called for Romney.

1:01 AM EST Balloons dropped in Newark and a fireworks display began in Boston, but only one of these celebratory gestures was intentional. Washington is now projected to go into the Booker column. Strong turnout in the eastern part of the state did not provide Romney with enough votes to overcome King County. As with Colorado, the legalization issue likely gave Booker the edge in this historically Democratic state.

1:03 AM EST Republicans received consolatory news from North Dakota, where Congressman Kevin Cramer (R-ND) will unseat Senator Heidi Heitkamp (D-ND), giving Republicans control of the Senate. Heitkamp's maverick record could not overcome the state's Democratic lean, and Cramer proved a competent candidate to perform the job. The only question remaining is whether Harry Reid will return to the chamber to serve as Minority Leader.

1:10 AM EST New Hampshire can now be projected to go for partial favorite son Romney. Still no word on when Romney will give his concession speech.

1:17 AM EST Romney will win another home state in Michigan. A surprisingly strong showing in the Detroit suburbs enabled him to carry a state Allen failed to capture both times.

1:20 AM EST As expected, Oregon will follow Washington into Booker's camp. Cameras remain standing by in Boston.

1:30 AM EST Romney began delivering a surprisingly gracious concession speech, thanking President-elect Booker for running a positive campaign and assuring his supporters that the nation rested in good hands.

1:39 AM EST Against all odds, Reid has won another term against former Lieutenant Governor Brian Krolicki (R-NV). Reid ran a vicious scorched Earth campaign against his opponent, attacking his ethical history and accusing him of racism and misogyny.

1:45 AM EST Booker began his acceptance speech, thanking Romney for the spirited campaign of the last year and promising to build an America that appeals to people across the political spectrum.

[Atlas Has Shrugged]

Well, I guess President Booker isn't too bad. Better than Mitt, but still rather "meh."

[Maxwell]

Interesting map. So is Nevada still out even by 1:45 AM?

[SPC]

Interesting map. So is Nevada still out even by 1:45 AM?

It was called for Romney shortly after Booker's victory speech, but most Americans had tuned out by then. Here are the final results:

President

Romney/Ryan 65,799,099 49.6% 251
Booker/Feingold 64,181,237 48.4% 287

U.S. Senate

Republicans 51 (+5)
Democrats 48 (-5)
Independent 1 (+/-)


U.S. House
Democrats 232 (-13)
Republicans 203 (+13)

[SPC]

Well, I guess President Booker isn't too bad. Better than Mitt, but still rather "meh."

I suspect that was the thinking of most swing voters.

Virginia & North Carolina in the election between Booker & Romney are important because where they go the country will go.

Booker upset?

Romney looks like he's blowing it.

Pretty prescient.

For some reason I could definitely see myself voting for Booker/Feingold.

Well, by 2016 Booker and Rand Paul will probably be married, so based on your signature I'm guessing any chance to get Rand in the White House works for you?

ahaha almost

But seriously - I despise Romney, and I think Booker is kind of centrist fiscally (probably for the similar bad reasons as Romney is 'conservative' fiscally, but still) and is great on social issues I care about, and Feingold is a hero for a good chunk of his votes. Ryan would help out a little bit for the Republican ticket, but still, he's not great either.

I was going to say you will probably like where this timeline is headed, but that would have spoilt the 2016 result.

[Atlas Has Shrugged]

I'll be interested in seeing the Booker cabinet. Hopefully better than Allen's government.

[Maxwell]

are you going to continue this timeline on, or will there be an epilogue of sorts (like what happens to President Allen and such).

also, lol, Senator Darrell Issa, I have a feeling he'll either a) move to the left heavily or b) not run for a second term.

[SPC]

are you going to continue this timeline on, or will there be an epilogue of sorts (like what happens to President Allen and such).

I will continue up to either 2020 or 2024 (depending on how Booker's term goes) followed by an epilogue. There will probably be fewer monthly updates though.

[SPC]

The Transition Period

Booker Cabinet

Secretary of State

Tulsi Gabbard

Secretary of Defense

Ron Wyden

Secretary of the Treasury

Jack Lew

Attorney General

Jerry Brown

Secretary of the Interior

Sally Jewell

Secretary of Agriculture

Heidi Heitkamp

Secretary of Commerce

Gary Locke

Secretary of Labor

Tom Barrett

Secretary of Health and Human Services

Robert Bennett

Secretary of Housing and Urban Development

Deval Patrick

Secretary of Transportation

Julian Castro

Secretary of Energy

Steven Chu

Secretary of Education

David Hespe

Secretary of Veteran's Affairs

Tammy Duckworth

Secretary of Homeland Security

Janet Napolitano

Booker's Cabinet choices were largely approved without considerable objection. The nomination of a two-term congresswoman with some experience on the Foreign Affairs committee raised some eyebrows, but Gabbard demonstrated herself to be sufficiently belligerent to overcome the objections of Senate Republicans. Wyden's nomination for Defense secretary faced more fervent opposition due to his history of balancing civil libertarian concerns with national security interests. While Majority Leader Alexander thwarted a filibuster attempt by members of his caucus, Wyden was ultimately confirmed in a 53-47 vote, with only Senators Shelby (R-AL), Cochran (R-MS), Sanford, and Steele crossing party lines.

With the retirement of Senator DeMint and the resignation of recently re-elected Senator Obama to head the Center of American Progress, both parties faced vacancies in their Senate leadership. Senator Patty Murray (D-WA) easily obtained the Whip position for the minority Democrats, while the race for the Republicans featured a number of contenders. Senator John Barrasso (R-WY) narrowly prevailed on the second ballot over Senator Cantor, with Senator Crist being eliminated early.

The inauguration itself did not occur without its share of controversy. Virginia state police, under orders from Governor McAuliffe, distracted Secret Service with strategically-placed prostitutes and issued an arrest warrant for the sitting President, a mere 11 days before his term expired. With Vice-President McCain in the hospital for heart problems, this left Speaker Pelosi serving as the acting President in the intervening period, and being in the position to ceremonially pass the role onto President-elect Booker. Commentators from both sides of the aisle condemned the invasion of the District of Columbia's sovereign jurisdiction and opined that the arrest undermined the dignity of the Oval Office. Governor McAuliffe argued that the measure was a necessary precaution to prevent Allen from evading justice.

[Jerseyrules]

What's the reason for Allen's arrest?  His secret service agents pocking up prostitutes?

[SPC]

What's the reason for Allen's arrest?  His secret service agents pocking up prostitutes?

As mentioned in the October update, Allen is now suspected of having received illegal contributions from Star Scientific.

[Atlas Has Shrugged]

I read the October update but I am confused as to how prostitutes played a role in the arrest.

[Negusa Nagast 🚀]

I read the October update but I am confused as to how prostitutes played a role in the arrest.

He's making a joke about the secret service prostitution scandal.

[SPC]

I read the October update but I am confused as to how prostitutes played a role in the arrest.

Governor McAuliffe at first thought it would be a good idea for the state police to arrest Allen for his suspected campaign finance violations. However, McAuliffe realized that it would be completely implausible for the state police to arrest the sitting President of the United States, with his 24/7 Secret Service protection. Thus, the state police hired the prostitutes as a deus ex machina to distract the Secret Service detail and arrest the President.

I read the October update but I am confused as to how prostitutes played a role in the arrest.

He's making a joke about the secret service prostitution scandal.

Sometimes I wonder how many jokes were missed due to the deadpan format.

[SPC]

2017 Q1: Going Rogue

The early weeks of President Booker's administration went fairly smoothly, with a minimum wage increase to $9.50/hour passing with bipartisan support. However, Booker encountered greater resistance when he decided to embark on more ambitious policy endeavors. Seeing the importance of education as a policy issue, Booker sought to craft a plan that would earn support from both sides of the aisle. The National Education Reform Act of 2017, introduced in the Senate by Majority Leader Alexander, would have placed the states on a strict sliding scale of standards to determine their eligibility for federal funding. However, congressional Democrats strongly objected to the increased eligibility for charter schools for federal grants. The National Education Association announced a one-week strike as a demonstration of their opposition to the legislation. Despite pleas from Booker and Secretary Hespe, Minority Leader Reid launched a filibuster to block the bill from reaching a vote. With congressional leaders of his own party acting uncooperatively, Booker was forced to negotiate personally with members of his own party to ensure passage of the bill. Ultimately, only seven Democrats voted for cloture, effectively killing the proposal.

Foreign affairs went more smoothly for the new administration. Secretary Gabbard successfully negotiated a lasting ceasefire between Armenia and Azerbaijan, vowing to serve as a more neutral arbiter in the dispute by recognizing the concerns of Armenian citizens of Nagorno-Karabakh. In Afghanistan, the American counteroffensive was able to successfully recapture southern regions that had fallen to Taliban control the previous year. However, former Secretary Lieberman alleged that it is disingenuous for the new administration to take credit for the victory, as much of the planning for the mission occurred in 2016. President Booker has worked with Secretary Wyden to craft a plan for complete American withdrawal from the country by August 2018, and emphasizing an increased role of the Afghan Army in maintaining their own internal security. This plan earned praise from President Abdullah, elected in 2014 in large part due to frustration over the continuing American presence in the country.

Surprisingly, Virginia courts were able to find twelve individuals who had no prior opinion of former President Allen. Few are optimistic about Allen's chances of acquittal, particularly after Allen's leading defense attorney opened the trial with a knock-knock joke. Coverage of the trial has been provided by virtually all of the cable news networks, with Nancy Grace for the first time in recorded history actually sympathizing with the defendant.

President Booker Approval Rating (CBS News)
Approve 57%
Disapprove 37%

[SPC]

April-October 2017: Candide

President Booker's first term began with many commentators (including this narrator) believing that the new President would become embroiled in fights over domestic policy, in which a growing rift between the centrist President and the more ideological wing of his own party, temporarily mended by political necessity during the 2016 general election campaign, would gradually become exposed as the administration was forced to compromise with Republicans, leading to humorous results. However, a creative rift stalled Booker's domestic agenda, leading to virtual inactivity in Washington. Additionally, Booker and many Congressional leaders felt that it would be boring and tedious to pursue such a policy path, as such a story would bear uncanny similarity to the previous administration. Some attempted to withdraw from the boring world of contemporary politics in favor of navel-gazing speculation about alternate history elevating a former gadfly presidential candidate to saintly status while casting a former President as a virtual super villain, but even this failed to relieve their thirst for intriguing political sophistry.

All this was to change within the President's first year, but it may be more helpful to the reader to provide further insight into the previous presidential campaign, as detailed by Mark Halperin's recent anthology of the latest presidential campaign. Halperin's sleuthing uncovered details regarding the backroom negotiations to end the heated Democratic primary campaign. Booker was forced to provide both then-Governor Brown and then-Senator Feingold with Cabinet-level consolation prizes, with Feingold obstinately holding out for the Vice-Presidency, presumably with the hope of becoming next in line for the top position. However, Booker's appointment of then-Congresswoman Gabbard as Secretary of State was interpreted by members of the Feingold camp as an attempt to sidestep the Vice-President's heir apparent status. Thus, Feingold often made gratuitous interjections to the press expressing his more dovish foreign policy sentiments, which embarrassed Booker into following the Vice-President's lead for the appearance of internal unity rather than taking the more assertive path on foreign policy that the President desired. This led many Republican leaders to act as Cassandras, alleging that Booker's disengagement with the world would result in disastrous consequences for the United States.

Meanwhile, the Islamic State was left in disarray following former President Allen's successful invasion of Iraq and Syria. Consequently, a splinter group was formed from the remnants of the Islamic State, which formulated a plan to take revenge on the United States, codenamed Operation Plot Device. Most of the original leadership of the Islamic State rejected the proposal, regarding it as so implausible as to doom any chance of success from the outset. However, reports of the media circus surrounding the indictment of the former President (in which Allen was ultimately acquitted due to copious evidence tampering by the prosecution) convinced several lead operatives that plausibility would not serve as a serious obstacle to success in this universe. Thus, many former fighters in Iraq and Syria covertly emigrated to the Mexican states of Sonora and Chihuahua over the following three years.

The next phase of the operation began in mid-2017, in the midst of bipartisan grandstanding over President Booker's nominee to replace Justice Souter on the Supreme Court, and a few pointless budget standoffs. Thousands of Islamist fighters, in alliance with Mexican drug cartels, seized large swaths of Arizona, New Mexico, and Utah against token opposition, with the national defense too occupied by internal squabbles to put up an effective resistance to the foreign fighters. Republican commentators such as Rush Limbaugh and Glenn Beck argued that Booker was deliberately abrogating his role as Commander-in-Chief, noting that Arizona and Utah were red states and thus politically advantageous to be overrun by Islamic militants. On the other hand, labor leaders expressed ambivalence over the situation, noting the Muslim extremists' proposal to reduce class sizes by 50%. Secretary Wyden crafted a plan to retake control of the Southwest from OSIRUS (Ordered State of Islam in the Rotten United States) through strategic airstrikes designed to support local militias, while warning that sending combat troops might create a quagmire on the ground. However, the tipping point for support for ground troops came during the televised execution of Governor Terry Goddard (D-AZ). Despite this, passage of a funding bill for the military operation was stalled by congressional bickering over changes to the rate of increase in federal spending on Social Security, and several members considering filing a lawsuit against the President for failing to obtain formal congressional authorization before embarking on the military venture.

The campaign proved nominally successful, with the Southwestern United States as well as northern Mexico liberated from the nefarious enemy. However, much of Salt Lake City, Phoenix, Tucson, and Albuquerque remain depopulated, which some leftist commentators have ascribed to the indiscriminate use of depleted uranium to remove the OSIRIS hold on urban population centers. Pundits have noted that this will likely boost the re-election campaign of Senator Flake (R-AZ) and pose a serious threat to Senator Udall's (D-NM) re-election.

[Atlas Has Shrugged]

Had me thinking a nuclear strike was next for a while .

[SPC]

Sometime in Mid-to-Late 2017: Pandemic

The six-month long OSIRIS presence in the American Southwest did not come without longer-term ramifications. Among the militants of predominantly Middle Eastern origin were a few volunteer fighters from Boko Haram, an Islamist group of similar ideology fighting a rebellion against the secular government of Nigeria. It is currently believed that one of these fighters brought the Ebola virus of African origin with him to Mexico and the United States, as evidenced by the depopulation of nearly half of the remaining population of Tuscon. In response to the crisis, President Booker sought advice from the international community, quickly settling on a suggestion by the UN ambassador from Madagascar to close all airports and shipyards. Republican leaders decried the alleged erosion of national sovereignty by the President, stating that he should have instead gone to Congress in order to seek approval for such a trivial half-measure. In order to combat the spread of Ebola in the meantime, President Booker has also assembled a special commission consisting of House Speaker Nancy Pelosi and Vice-President Russ Feingold to be sent to the epicenter of the hot zone and help contain the crisis by raising taxes in order to force noninfected residents to leave the state. While Secretary Bennett warned that such an action was not only unhelpful, but indeed diametrically opposed to the concept of a quarantine, President Booker threatened to place Bennett on the special commission as well, after which the HHS Secretary voiced no further objections to the plan.

Attention is increasingly being focused on the 2018 midterms, which many pundits expect the Republicans to perform well against the nominally-incumbent party. In spite of the President's numerous efforts to craft a centrist domestic policy agenda, Republicans have griped that Booker and congressional Democrats seemed myopically focused on unimportant issues such as education, OSIRIS, and the Ebola epidemic in order to distract the American public from middling economic numbers. However, Nobel laureate economist Paul Krugman has dismissed the Republicans' concerns about unemployment and inflation statistics, saying that the jobs and infrastructure that will need to be replaced after the Islamist invasion and Ebola epidemic will create a tremendous economic boom that will benefit the incumbent party just in time for the midterm elections.

[PPT Spiral]

Glad this is still going on!

[SPC]

Late 2017/Early 2018: Domestic Affairs

Despite getting off to a good start, relations between President Booker and the Republican-controlled Senate quickly soured as many Republicans perceived the President's bungled response to several domestic and foreign crises as an opportunity to gain complete control of the legislative branch in the upcoming elections. Republicans achieved landslide victories in the off-year elections, which consisted of state Senator Mike Doherty defeating interim Governor Barbara Buono in Booker's home state after Buono spat on her hand before shaking Doherty's during a debate, and residual outrage over the bungling over the Allen trial propelling Ed Gillespie to a 20-point win against Senator Mark Warner. Thus, Booker began to move further toward the left in an effort to consolidate his base, increasingly making issues such as national marijuana decriminalization and prison sentencing reform top issues. Republicans continued to criticize the President for focusing on wedge issues rather than the more pressing matters of a spreading Ebola epidemic and massive collateral damage from the campaign against OSIRIS. Leading Republican members of Congress have insinuated that there was a deliberate cover-up effort by senior members of the administration to attribute the invasion of Arizona to a group of locals upset over a video disparaging to Muslims uploaded to YouTube approximately two days after the invasion. Thus, Senator Darrell Issa led a scathing interrogation of Secretary Gabbard, querying whether she realized that the video theory was a complete fabrication when she posited it as an explanation for events in Arizona and Utah on Meet the Press last April.

Booker's campaign to improve his public image, consisting mostly of rescuing small animals and children from high places, fell on deaf ears, with attack ads in swing states accusing the Commander-in-Chief of caring more about cats and dogs than the average Joe. Nevertheless, Booker still had a plan to reassert control over the legislative agenda until the midterms in November. After a key 3 AM "policy discussion"/"manicure" in West Hollywood with Senator Charlie Crist, a moderate facing a primary challenge from losing 2016 candidate Connie Mack (R-FL), Crist agreed to caucus with the Senator Democrats, changing the composition of the chamber to a 50-50 partisan split. With Vice-President Feingold preoccupied with fighting/succumbing to Ebola, this left the tie-breaking vote to President Pro Tempore Pat Leahy (D-VT), giving Democrats control of the upper chamber. Some critics considered it constitutional dubious at best for a Senator to both have a vote and a second, tie-breaking vote, but newly-minted Majority Leader Harry Reid attempted to resolve this dispute by passing a resolution affirming the constitutional role of the President Pro Tempore to fill the Vice-President's legislative duties in the Vice-President's incapacity. This passed by a 50-50 vote, with Leahy casting the tie-breaking vote in favor of the resolution.

Head-to-Head Matchups (CNN)
Steele 56%
Booker 38%

Romney 59%
Booker 37%

Hemorrhagic Fever 40%
Booker 39%

[SPC]

Early-Mid 2018: Out of This World

People around the globe were shocked when preliminary news reports came in that, for the first time in human history, man has made contact with extraterrestrial life. At approximately 11:46 AM EST on March 2, 2018, an extraterrestrial (who bore an uncanny resemblance to former Secretary of State Joe Biden wearing a cheap Halloween costume) claiming to be from the planet Zeldar landed his flying saucer on the White House lawn, demanding in fluent English to speak to the President of this country, er, planet. The extraterrestrial, introducing himself to President Booker as Gobbledeegook, explained that he was the leader of a rebellion occurring on his home planet, where the evil dictator Uggabugga has indiscriminately slaughtered trillions of civilians in order to cement his totalitarian regime. In response to the meeting, President Booker has announced that he will take all precautions necessary to help the Zeldarian rebels in their quest for freedom, including military aid and a no-fly-zone around the planet Zeldar, to be enforced by drone strikes.

Many Republicans expressed outrage at the President's unilateral actions, claiming that it is irresponsible for the President to give military assistance to the Zeldarian rebels when we have not yet ascertained whether they have any ties to al-Qaeda or other extremist groups. Senator Scott Walker (R-WI) specifically questioned Secretary Wyden as to why the Department of Defense has purchased 10,000 copies of the 1980s game Galaga as part of the budget earmarked for the drone program, querying why Wyden would waste the taxpayers' money purchasing a game that has bootleg versions readily available on the internet for free. Congressman Steve King (R-IA) grilled Secretary Napolitano regarding both how DHS failed to stop illegal aliens from penetrating our atmospheric border and how she plans to deal with the potential of trillions of Zeldarian refugees flooding into the United States to deal drugs and abuse our welfare rolls.

Radio host Alex Jones claims that he has not been fooled by the President's obvious charade, as it is clear that the President has hidden the existence of Zeldar from the American public in order to further his New World Order agenda.

Despite the partisan objections, Congress managed to narrowly pass an appropriations bill with a rider granting the President authorization for the use of military force against Uggabugga's armed forces, with Vice-President Feingold, whose struggle with Ebola left him paralyzed with only the ability to blink once for aye and twice for nay, casting the tie-breaking vote of "aye aye."