Kalwejt's Awesome Platform
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Author Topic: Kalwejt's Awesome Platform  (Read 1601 times)
MASHED POTATOES. VOTE!
Kalwejt
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« on: January 04, 2013, 07:47:52 AM »
I'm not asking for your damn votes. In fact I'm not going to vote for myself, which would be lame. However, I still present my extremely detailed platform.



Abortion

Bad.

Campaigns reform

Ban campaigning.

Crime

I'm sick and tired with sympathy for criminals. As John said some people are no good and must go away. As President I pledge to reinstate the capital punishment all across this great land. Death penalty shall be mandatory for crimes such as insulting John and the principles of Engleism, posting in yellow which causes eye to bleed and reversing colors for political parties, which is even worse.

Disaster relief

Build more shelters to protect the people from being violated by hurricanes from Nebraska.

Electoral reform

Ban Duke from ever running for Vice President.

Foreign policy

John didn't care about foreign policy.

Health

As President I'm going to call your attention to the evil of the habitual drinking of Coca-Cola, Pepsi-Cola, and such like mixtures, as I fully believe they are injurious. It would be better for our people if they had nice, respectable places where they could go and buy a good, pure glass of cold beer, than to drink such concoctions.

Inks question

John was a Christian and believed in forgiveness. Therefore I won't seek Inks to be executed. In fact I'm going to pardon him for all crimes he committed or might have committed. We realize now he was just a middle ranking government operative with no authority to order, much less carry out, John's assassination. I'll go for real criminals whomever they might be.

LGTB Issues

I firmly believe in equality. Gays and lesbians deserved the same right as straight and no discrimination shall be taken upon sexual preference basis. However I shall take a firm stand against guys and lesbins who ought to be banned.

Principles and values

Follow what John said.

Terrorism

Nuke Bakersfield, California.

Welfare

Abolish welfare system altogether. John believed in individualism and would never approve a handout. However he believed in charity, also while serving as the Perpetual Governor of Iowa. I pledge to establish Food and Words Giving Agency to coordinate these efforts for those in need.

Other issues

Other issues are not important.
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Sewer
SpaceCommunistMutant
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« Reply #1 on: January 04, 2013, 09:53:11 AM »
Endorsed.
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MASHED POTATOES. VOTE!
Kalwejt
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« Reply #2 on: January 05, 2013, 03:10:44 PM »

The People have spoken!
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MASHED POTATOES. VOTE!
Kalwejt
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« Reply #3 on: January 06, 2013, 01:25:00 PM »
Question for other candidates: where were you when our beloved guide, the Perpetual Governor John Engle of Iowa (Peace Be Upon Him) was murdered by a group of jealous cowards? Those who cheered the murderers of even more cowarly stood silent are morally disqualified from leading The People.
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tmthforu94
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E: -0.26, S: -4.52

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« Reply #4 on: January 06, 2013, 01:28:46 PM »
How will you improve the economy?
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Mad Deadly Worldwide Communist Gangster Computer God
Just Passion Through
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« Reply #5 on: January 06, 2013, 01:33:10 PM »

IIRC, John didn't say anything about the economy. Wink
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tmthforu94
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« Reply #6 on: January 06, 2013, 01:34:04 PM »
Quote from: Governor Scott on January 06, 2013, 01:33:10 PM

IIRC, John didn't say anything about the economy. Wink
You lie - Kalwejt should know the correct answer to this question.
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MASHED POTATOES. VOTE!
Kalwejt
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« Reply #7 on: January 06, 2013, 01:37:04 PM »
By giving Food and Words to those in need.
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tmthforu94
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« Reply #8 on: January 06, 2013, 01:42:19 PM »
Quote from: Biden 2016 on January 06, 2013, 01:37:04 PM
By giving Food and Words to those in need.
Endorsed.
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Simfan34
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« Reply #9 on: January 09, 2013, 06:25:14 PM »
What does your switch to the Alpha Jews Union for Dueling mean for your campaign? Are you abandoning the principles of John Engle's teaching?
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MASHED POTATOES. VOTE!
Kalwejt
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« Reply #10 on: January 09, 2013, 06:26:09 PM »
Quote from: Simfan34 on January 09, 2013, 06:25:14 PM
What does your switch to the Alpha Jews Union for Dueling mean for your campaign? Are you abandoning the principles of John Engle's teaching?


No.,
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Simfan34
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« Reply #11 on: January 09, 2013, 06:29:25 PM »
Quote from: Kalwejt on January 09, 2013, 06:26:09 PM
Quote from: Simfan34 on January 09, 2013, 06:25:14 PM
What does your switch to the Alpha Jews Union for Dueling mean for your campaign? Are you abandoning the principles of John Engle's teaching?


No.,

Then why have you deserted the John Engle Party?
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MASHED POTATOES. VOTE!
Kalwejt
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« Reply #12 on: January 09, 2013, 06:40:43 PM »
Quote from: Simfan34 on January 09, 2013, 06:29:25 PM
Quote from: Kalwejt on January 09, 2013, 06:26:09 PM
Quote from: Simfan34 on January 09, 2013, 06:25:14 PM
What does your switch to the Alpha Jews Union for Dueling mean for your campaign? Are you abandoning the principles of John Engle's teaching?


No.,

Then why have you deserted the John Engle Party?

Deserted? I merely took a leave of few hours. Stop smearing.
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Simfan34
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« Reply #13 on: January 09, 2013, 08:09:49 PM »
"leave of few hours"? You can't tell me this ipso facto.
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Niemeyerite
JulioMadrid
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« Reply #14 on: January 09, 2013, 08:13:57 PM »
What about gun control?
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MASHED POTATOES. VOTE!
Kalwejt
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« Reply #15 on: January 11, 2013, 05:56:32 AM »

Guns, just like guys, arnt good.
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minionofmidas
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« Reply #16 on: January 11, 2013, 09:21:00 AM »
I hate gun people. But I prey on them.
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MASHED POTATOES. VOTE!
Kalwejt
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« Reply #17 on: January 21, 2013, 04:54:01 PM »
I'm strongly pro-choice. When we're giving the People Food they have right to choose between white and black breads.
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MASHED POTATOES. VOTE!
Kalwejt
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« Reply #18 on: January 21, 2013, 04:58:58 PM »
When we're debating some minor stuff there's a larger danger looming at horizon. The Roman Pope has his bags packed and is ready to take over Cathcon is elected. He is planning to relocate Vatican to the Pensacola, Florida, and close all of the Protestant churches.
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Zanas
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« Reply #19 on: January 23, 2013, 05:36:28 AM »
Where do you stands on Bretzels ?

And are you actually Joe DiMaggio ?
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MASHED POTATOES. VOTE!
Kalwejt
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« Reply #20 on: January 23, 2013, 11:26:46 AM »

Support.

And are you actually Joe DiMaggio ?
[/quote]

I used to be, in the High School.
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Kitteh
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« Reply #21 on: January 23, 2013, 11:53:30 PM »
Where do you stand on investing in Eastern Poland?
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Zanas
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« Reply #22 on: January 24, 2013, 04:39:12 AM »
Where do you stand on invading Eastern Poland ?
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