opeob in love (and a bad dream)

[opebo]

Yes, I am smitten - entirely inappropriately (no, not a student) and quite baselessly, and I've done and will do nothing about it.  But it is an interesting feeling - hadn't felt it at all in years and years. 

That, and I had a bad dream last night - it was the 1990s (or anyway had aspects of that time) and I was surrounded by 'hipster friends' (or perhaps I should say hipster 'friends'), and I got a very disturbing phone call (on my current mobile phone, so it couldn't have been the 1990s) from someone whose mere voice frightened me terribly - I had a sense he was 'me' (which is a funny self-aware way of thinking in a dream), and he made no sense at all and sounded very very ill.  So, he showed up with an unmemorable face and fell down flat on his back on the floor, apparently at his last breath.

Despite my fear I looked closely at his face and noticed his mouth was stuffed with chess pieces.  I pulled it open wide and got the impression he was entirely stuffed with them.  My 90s hipster friends gave me some more to stuff in his mouth, but that didn't help - if anything, it made things worse.

At this point I got the feeling he was very dangerous, if he reawakened, so I started running, with the real feeling that he was getting up behind me.. I ran down an endless flight of stairs, made of stone and free-standing, so that I could swing myself around each corner - I worked up such a speed that I only touched foot to stair once per flight, and the rest of the time my legs were spinning free. 

Finally I reached the ground floor and it was a sort of ultra-cheap shopping mall, in the Thai style but not with Thai people.  I had to practically swim in and climb over the crowds of people there, most of who were carrying huge parcels of goods, which I clambered over.  I felt him very near behind me, though I didn't see him.  Finally I got outside and got into an ancient 1970s Pontiac rather like one I had a couple of decades ago, and began to drive off, but just as he appeared in the back seat to do.. lord knows what.. I was awakened by my alarm.

I suppose the dreaded being was my own past or my own denouement or both.  Or guilt.. or the sad reality of a loveless life.

[minionofmidas]

Yes, I am smitten - entirely inappropriately (no, not a student) and quite baselessly, and I've done and will do nothing about it.  But it is an interesting feeling - hadn't felt it at all in years and years. 

This is a thread I never expected to see.

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While this is an absolutely beautiful sentence.

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When I have that kind of dream, it always turns into a dream of actual flight. Quite realistic; sometimes when I wake up I need a moment to realize I can't actually do that.

[Gustaf]

This is a rather surprising thread. The dream reminds me a bit of the film Lost Highway by David Lynch. Have you seen it?

And why wouldn't you act on the love?

[© tweed]

well done.  you used to play chess in your youth, correct, in the coffee shops?  and this inappropriate love -- it is likely the last chance you will ever have to evolve as a person, so please reconsider.

[patrick1]

Interesting read, thanks for that and good luck.

[CLARENCE 2015!]

opebo- every one wants some one to hold at the end of a long day. Best wishes and feel free to talk to me about it anytime...

[Eraserhead]

The mighty nihilist is finally broken.

[Simfan34]

This thread reminded me of the mortifying fact that opebo is, in fact, a teacher.

[© tweed]

The mighty nihilist is finally broken.

Bazarov's Odintsova (blended with a Lolita )

[Paul Kemp]

Didn't read due to misspelling in title.

[anvi]

Yes, I am smitten - entirely inappropriately and quite baselessly, and I've done and will do nothing about it. 

Well, in the past, I have been smitten for an outrageously long period of time, for the most part also baselessly.  But I tried my best to make it work, unsurprisingly, to no avail.  The fact that you will do nothing about it proves that you're a much wiser man than I am, opebo.  So be of good cheer.

[© tweed]

Yes, I am smitten - entirely inappropriately and quite baselessly, and I've done and will do nothing about it. 

Well, in the past, I have been smitten for an outrageously long period of time, for the most part also baselessly.  But I tried my best to make it work, unsurprisingly, to no avail.  The fact that you will do nothing about it proves that you're a much wiser man than I am, opebo.  So be of good cheer.

false, false, false, this is what is so wrong with this umbrella 'nihilism'... there is nothing quite like the pain felt when removed from that lost love, from that night with the black sky and the bad movie and the cold leather seat and the boots AND socks on the floor, and the pale white skin and the text messages... there is NOTHING like it!  never are we so vulnerable, but we are just a blink of an eye in any event, why avoid THIS type of pain?  fine, avoid those other types of pain, the hunger-pain, the material-pain, but do NOT avoid the love-pain, it is the sweetest pain there is.

[anvi]

Sorry, man, but I've got 20 years on you.  It's not nihilism or avoidance talking, it's experience.  Love is worth all the pain in heaven and on earth of it's well-placed and returned.  Opebo described his feeling as "baseless."  If that word means what it seems to mean, then he should, by all means, still search for real love, but save his love for something that has a basis. 

[Eraserhead]

Clearly we could use more info, gentleman. Hopefully opebo will elaborate a bit.

[I spent the winter writing songs about getting better]

Hmmmm this is interesting. Is it another teacher? Is it a hooker you've actually fallen for?

[opebo]

The mighty nihilist is finally broken.

Not at all.. really its just that I have many sides and facets, some latent, some to the fore on a daily basis.  This one has been largely latent, but it has never been entirely absent.

he was 'me' and he made no sense at all and sounded very very ill.

While this is an absolutely beautiful sentence.

Thanks Lewis.

Didn't read due to misspelling in title.

All miss-spelling is intentional, PK. 

This is a rather surprising thread. The dream reminds me a bit of the film Lost Highway by David Lynch. Have you seen it?

Sure have, good one.

And why wouldn't you act on the love?

Well I mean I did act in the sense of inviting her out for dinner, coffee, and drinks with a group of friends.. and giving her a lift to her hotel at the end of the night.. and we're still in touch via phone and those weirdo internet medias.. but you know.. she lives in another part of the country and is probably a lesbian, to be honest.  Its more that I just felt something that is the exciting thing.

well done.  you used to play chess in your youth, correct, in the coffee shops?  and this inappropriate love -- it is likely the last chance you will ever have to evolve as a person, so please reconsider.

Pshaw buddy, I'm only in my mid-forties.  People evolve all the time in old age - particularly those of us who never grew up.

opebo- every one wants some one to hold at the end of a long day. Best wishes and feel free to talk to me about it anytime...

Thanks buddy.  But this isn't about 'holding' - I get a lot of that in one form or another.. its more about the excitment of 'wow, she is exciting and stimulating on an intellectual/charm level even more than physical'.  (she's terribly thin, too much so even for me, which is saying something - I suspected her of being a vegetarian, but I think she ate some shrimp at dinner, though very, very little)

Hmmmm this is interesting. Is it another teacher? Is it a hooker you've actually fallen for?

No and no, though definitely an academic (and an artist).  Second question - I do occasionally 'fall for' those professional ladies in the only sense which is appropriate - in other words, I enjoy them fully if they're really 'my type'.  But that's not at all the same.  I would say that this young woman harkens back (unsurprisingly) to the kind of girls I date in my 20s and early 30s - very thin, very liberal, even verging on the feminist or 'alternative' (like hippy/environmentalist/activist type.  Perhaps I just miss my idle youth.

[Simfan34]

Is she a farang?

[Grumpier Than Uncle Joe]

I don't even know you anymore

[opebo]

Is she a farang?

No.  She's a farang-like sort of Thai.  (as in very well educated, obviously upper or upper-middle class, and rather.. non-traditional).

I don't even know you anymore

My friend, if I didn't have this side, I couldn't have the other, now could I?

Btw, gents, I just had a chat with the object of my impression - on facial book of all places - and I really can't say how it went precisely.. I really feel like one of those youths with their self-important insecurities, unsureness, and so forth. 

Anyway, it is great fun, of that I'm sure.

[Grumpier Than Uncle Joe]

Is she a farang?

No.  She's a farang-like sort of Thai.  (as in very well educated, obviously upper or upper-middle class, and rather.. non-traditional).

I don't even know you anymore

My friend, if I didn't have this side, I couldn't have the other, now could I?

Btw, gents, I just had a chat with the object of my impression - on facial book of all places - and I really can't say how it went precisely.. I really feel like one of those youths with their self-important insecurities, unsureness, and so forth. 

Anyway, it is great fun, of that I'm sure.

Ha ha, happy for ya bro, oh and when you put quotation marks around your name, no one can send you a private message....

[opebo]

Ha ha, happy for ya bro, oh and when you put quotation marks around your name, no one can send you a private message....

Thanks.  Thanks, didn't know that - fixed now.  I wonder how many messages I might've missed?

[Grumpier Than Uncle Joe]

Ha ha, happy for ya bro, oh and when you put quotation marks around your name, no one can send you a private message....

Thanks.  Thanks, didn't know that - fixed now.  I wonder how many messages I might've missed?

One from me but also you can't get any from the hierarchy here

[opebo]

I really feel like one of those youths with their self-important insecurities, unsureness, and so forth. 

This sounds oddly like my life.

Not odd at all - we're both precious old farts.

I doubt I could stand a regular relationship as it would mess with my schedule too much.  Just like you might find it unbearable if she disturbed your bow-tie drawer.

[Grumpier Than Uncle Joe]

At least the opeob update thread won't have him getting engaged in a month or picking up 10 different scam jobs.....

[Eraserhead]

At least the opeob update thread won't have him getting engaged in a month or picking up 10 different scam jobs.....

The thinking man's update thread.