The Comedy Goldmine

[Atlas Has Shrugged]

Case in point: Trotskyists, who remain far more smug than "libertarians" could ever hope to be. Not to mention annoying as hell.

There's only one language those people understand.

[Queen Mum Inks.LWC]

So just to be clear..... the opebo fangirls are the Nazis in this scenario?

[Paul Kemp]

LBJ (not obame because i disagree with drones. we need to avoid foreign tangledments)
george hw bush (best president ever + a true patriot)
Richard Nixon (he would be a gret president without watergate)
henry Kissinger
nelson rockefeller/olympia snow because im a liberal republican

[Mr. Morden]

Classic Bushie:

And no, Christie is not pro-choice.

I know Christie isn't exactly a staunch conservative, but I could have sworn i heard pro-choice.  I guess not.  I guess I need to read up more on my candidate of choice!

[Senator Spiral]

If this candidate really Wanna Be Startin' Something, he's going to have to make his opponent look particularly Bad.  I'd recommend against making the election into a choice between Black or White, as there's no way he'll Beat It with that strategy.  This could be quite a Thriller of a race.

[Enderman]

I got two... One from Atlasia's Federalist Main Thread....

You're free to challenge it (I think by suing me?) - you know I love a good court case.

And one from the Random Map thread...

2012:

(D) Barack Obama/Joe Biden: 335 (37.5%)

(I) Jon Huntsman/Erskine Bowels: 125 (34.7%)

(R) Rick Santorum/Michelle Bachmann: 78 (27.0%)

That is an absolutely beautiful typo.

[badgate]

This is dispicible.

More like unpronounceable.

[True Federalist (진정한 연방 주의자)]

Same thread, different post:

Hifly and JCL must be devestated.

If only these activist judges had been educated at Oxford.

[MASHED POTATOES. VOTE!]

Option three: not respond to stupid troll question scenarios.

I agree with BRTD, these troll questions are really annoying. Asking if Opebo's ban is worth getting rid of Sneakers O'Toole is as obnoxious and unfunny as comparing South Park against Opebo's history, or asking if a show in Fargo, ND, is better than a show in the suburbs, and so on.

[Lief 🗽]

I have a bad feeling he was a complete ass even over text message (since he didn't even bother calling her). God knows what he really said to her. I'm sure I would be mortified if I heard.

'as of 17:27 this date, our relationship has been terminated.  i am also de-friending you on fb.  i will re-add you later.  right now i am looking at a mid-march 2014 time frame.'

[Napoleon]

This much is clear: Bushie needs The Update as badly as we do. Just look at the shambles his life is in after he lost the steady hand of the Atlas forum. Come back to us, Bushie. Don't limit yourself on these posts. Let it flow like a good bottle of wine over a great meal.

Great idea using a wine analogy for someone from Oklahoma. He has surely had many great glasses of wine over many, many great meals.

[Flake]

This is again appropriate:



"There are 47 percent of the people who will vote to ban someone no matter what. All right, there are 47 percent who are with that, who are dependent upon fascism, who believe that they are victims, who believe the forum has a responsibility to sanitize their life experiences, who believe that they are entitled to sycophancy, to maps, to you-name-it. That that's an entitlement. And the internet should give it to them. And they will vote for this no matter what…These are people who pay no prostitutes."

[Paul Kemp]

You're definitely a "sick weirdo" (in the late, great opebo's words), Dave from Michigan. But keep regaling us with your tales of outrageous and unhealthy consumption please.

[Mordecai]

Went to bed last night after consuming 6 triple bacon cheeseburgers along with a milkshake laced with lead nitrate, and I couldn't help but lie in bed smiling like a 9 year old school girl after getting a pony, when realizing how enlightened 1/3 of this nation has become. I started laughing when I thought of Al Gore's face and some "scientists" who thought that the world's temperature was rising. After a groping of my Ayn Rand manikin, I rolled out of bed, and stepped outside, smelled that beautiful air. I felt enlightened, and rightfully so, I am full of myself. My worldview works.

Those progressive elitists who bitched to us about "destroying the planet" just because we allow corporations to save some money by dumping "toxic materials" into the river were on my mind and I began laughing my ass off. I then felt some water drip onto my hands, so I looked up, and I realized that it was a beautiful day not a cloud in sight, so I obviously began to think "this is odd." My bro Vinny came over, so I asked him if there was rain that I could not see. He replied "no" and began laughing, "dude, you're sweating." "Sweating?" I replied in my cool calm collected voice, "no, no, Vinny I can't be sweating, for the temperature is dropping by the day you see." Vinny looked at me with a puzzled look. "Dude, it's 107 degrees out here." So I angrily shouted at Vinny "don't f**k with me you liberal piece of sh**t!" "Dude, just go to the doctor," Vinny replied nervously. I replied, "yeah that's just what I'll do you hyperbolic asshat! A man of science will agree with me and my mind that the Lord gave to me, not you and your darwinian ape sh**t tossing mind!

I arrived at the doctor's office, Dr. Phosphide looked at me, smiled and began "Good Morning!" What can I do for you today?" "Hahahaha," I began laughing, my asshat leftie puss friend told me that I was sweating, what a toolbox!" "Well, it is 107 degrees outside." Dr. Phosphide replied. I began to scream and shake with rage "WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU! YOU'RE JUST ANOTHER LIBERAL ASSHOLE AREN'T YOU! I THOUGHT YOU WERE A MAN OF SCIENCE FOR CHRIST'S SAKE! SWEAT ISN'T EVEN A REAL THING IT'S ANOTHER HOAXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX!" I then proceeded to rip my shirt off, and began ripping out my chest hair, I also removed my pants, undergarment, and each and every fabric of non natural mater on my body. I then ran for my backpack that I had brought to the doctor's office with me, and grabbed my assault rifle.

I then entered my automobile, and buckled up in the birthday suit as all. On a side note, with hindsight I wouldn't recommend buckling up in the absence of clothing, a few times when I hit a bump the lower seat belt and my testicles had some, well, "moments." I snorted 3 of my Ron Paul portrait signature crack pellets, and then exited the vehicle. I then brushed my hair and read the sign in front of me Axe Anitperspirant. I ran in to the plant with my assault riffle "all in, balls out" if you will. I started screaming "This is a Holdup in protest of one of the greatest hoax's in the history of the universe: Deodorant! Get the f**k down!"

I was there for about 45 minutes before the SWAT team showed up. They were already referring to me on the local news as the "crack smoking nudist." I saw myself on the TV from a chopper shot they were showing, just as I was thinking "damn, I have a fantastic ass." A sniper attempted to take me out from the window but missed by about an inch. I realized I was doomed, I heard an explosion and saw tear gas, armed men busted through the door. "Drop your weapon, put your hands into the air!" An officer screamed at me, I was about to comply as they threatened open fire, and I knew I was outnumbered and defeated. Just as they were about to cuff and clothe me, the roof of the building came off and a light brighter than the sun shined down on us.

I saw a man with a beard, glowing. He shouted "I am The Lord Jesus Christ, and you shall let this man go!" Suddenly I saw the entire swat team, along with the hostages literally melt at the sight of The Lord. I then asked him "Lord, why did you save me?" "Because my son," Jesus replied, "Axe has had this coming for a long time, selling sh**tty deodorant at astronomical prices. They are tolls of Satan, and you have done my work. It is time for you to return home to the woman of your dreams. I then lay in bed that night pondering all that had happened that day, lying next to Ayn, I began to think "maybe I should visit Old Spice tomorrow......."

[MATTROSE94]

I think it's time you sat your parents down and said "Mom, Dad…..I've been hoping to delay this conversation as long as possible, but I think you deserve to know now.  You'll hear it from someone eventually, so better that it come from me.  (long pause)  There are other posters on the Atlas forum that you need to know about, and the first one is named 'opebo'."

[Mordecai]

I don't support either (conservative)

Your dream would seem to be--move to America, not have healthcare and get shot.

[SPC]

If you must know, the originally left-wingers in American politics were in fact the Tories or "Loyalists" of the colonial era, known mostly for their belief in a strong federal government, support of high taxes, and hatred for gun-toting hillbillies and anti-government "big business" types such as John Hancock and George Washington. They'd be the modern day Walter Mitty's and TNF's of the world. Their spiritual successors in America would be the Federalists, Whigs, and finally the Know Nothings who despised immigrants for their reactionary and papist views and had secret societies--the perfect example of typical liberal elitism. It would only be in the Bryan Era that #TrueLeftism had a resurgence on the Democratic ballot line.

[Bleach Blonde Bad Built Butch Bodies for Biden]

I don't know, I've won Illinois several times on the 2016 President Forever scenario, so Republicans should have a shot here.

[Hatman 🍁]

The irony is delicious

right wing democrats.

[TNF]

Puking up steak after he overfills his pouch of a stomach and the meat tenderizer mixed with water just didn't do the trick.

The things that gluttons go through to be skinny.

[H. Ross Peron]

Regardless of whether it's New York or New Jersey, that would seem to make Long Island a turd that's been squirted out.

[Ebowed]

Couldn't care less (39/f/tx, insane in the membrane)

[🐒Gods of Prosperity🔱🐲💸]

Likely D is actually my rap name. What a coincidence.

[traininthedistance]

Well it isn't actually a French term so such concerns are not terribly important. But are perhaps terribly characteristic of people who do, indeed, live in the arses of bags.

[🐒Gods of Prosperity🔱🐲💸]

Some great examples of kid logic in this thread:

1996. I remember asking my parents why Bush wasn't running again. I really liked Bush because he shared a last name with something around the house I was familiar with. I remember being asked what party I was by some older relative and saying Democrat because I thought they were cooler. For some reason, I associated the Republicans with a bunch of old people sitting in front of a TV with wooden paneling while smoking. No clue why. I had absolutely no idea what was going in the world.