PRIVATE EYE ELECTION SPECIAL

[Filuwaúrdjan]

PRIVATE EYE[/size][/color]
Election SPECIAL[/size][/color]

Das Capitol

Rumours that Phillygate extends far beyond the crooked activities of former Senator Irishdem (D-PA) are refusing to go away with apparently credible sources telling the Eye that several voters are the creations of Republican and Democratic Party bosses.
The most plausible is that Boss Tweed (CoCo-NY) made up Secretary of State Gustaf (AFP-MN) and that Al Realpolitik (I-WV) was made up by StevenNick (R-WA), (surely shome mistake?, Ed.)

People wearing badges with eagles on them have been seen going round municiple cemetaries in the Deep South with clipboards.
Interestingly people wearing light blue badges have been seen doing the same thing in municiple cemetaries in Texas and people wearing yellow and red badges have been seen doing the same in South Carolina and New Mexico.
Inspecter Knacker of the Yard has told the Eye that it clearly has nothing to do with the hotly contested D4 Senate race.

Paul Foot's ghost is investigating a theory that the CIA have rigged every single Senate election. His report will be published after the elections.

Two senior Cabinet ministers have been seen on holiday together in Copenhagen, Denmark.
Meanwhile photo's of two Senators-a-bonking have been stolen from the Eye's Offices.
Probably by reporters from The Stun or News of the Screws.

A.Bung with help from P.Eeping-Tom, "Ike" and Paul Foot's ghost

Rotton Regions

Two leading politicians, both living in the Twin Cities suburbs, have been seen burning things.
In one case it was: "donkey and elephant pinatas as effegies of the Democratic and Republican parties" and in the other it was: "photo's of the late Senator Wellstone and Asian people".
And no, we don't know what the hell is going on either.

A.Bung (who's just been given a pay rise)

Johnballs!

"John leaving Florida to go PA (Richard Nixon Home State) to hold a Rally then he will go home & go to a Basketball Game "

"John is in Pittsburg PA for a Rally & we a lot of Camping Posters with PB/Keystone on them well that hurt john
Maybe but he is do good in the states here is john

Creers: Win with John
John: Thank you it is good to be in PA where our Fore Fathers made the World a Great Place to Live as you know i am running my Thrid Race to my Party's Nommie & that will happen if you send PB/Keystone Ticket Home & Put a New Face in there my Campgin  have a Great Outlook on what we will do. we will rasie Taxas on People Being Fat VP Keyston asked me if i Would rasie up.
Creers: bOO
John: Well i told him that is not Right for Peolpe to be Fat & don't Know what to do But Help is on the Way
We will carry this Great State of PA in Big Way
Thank you & God Bless the Atlas Forum "

"Breaking News
John is Ready to Annouced his 3rd Chance to be his Party's Nommie to upset PB
::
John: I am here to annouced that i am running for the High's Office in the Forum. If PB here this News It might Socke him well i am ready to run to Bring Light to the Froum
thank you
God Bless you & Let's Bring Victory & Light to the Froum "

"you wil Lose
John canot Be Beatan "

"do you mean
you go Boy
& will you be on my Team "

That's enough of that, Ed.

Copyright Private Eye Publications 2004. And shut up. We have a very good legal team

[Nym90]

Excellent!

I wonder who the two Senators are who have been "bonking".

[Filuwaúrdjan]

Excellent!

I wonder who the two Senators are who have been "bonking".

The Eye is unable to relase that information at the moment ;-)

[Filuwaúrdjan]

Bump... you all need to see the TRUTH...

[Gabu]

Ha, the Private Eye is the best thing ever.

More!

[Peter]

Two senior Cabinet ministers have been seen on holiday together in Copenhagen, Denmark.

I'm not bumping this specific quote up for any particular reason. Honestly.








No really, there's nothing going on.

[Filuwaúrdjan]

PRIVATE EYE is proud to bring you exclusive predictions, polls and analysis conducted two hours before the polls opened by Atlasia's leading pundits, Barry Subbuteo and Cheery Gook and it's leading Pollster, Jon Zoggy...[/i]

BARRY SUBBUTEO'S MUDDY FOOTBALL

Subbuteo: Er... well... my predictions are... I don't know. Hell anything could happen... And why the hell are you asking me anyway? I'm just a lecturer at a crummy University in Virginia for Godsake! LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!!!

THE CGOOK REPORT

Gook: Unlike that ignoramous Subbuteo...

Subbuteo: Hey!

Gook: I am going to make predictions and they will be correct. If they're not I will attack a full grown Grizzly armed with only a peashooter!

D1

Irishdem should be re-elected easily... look at all those new voters It is obvious that former Veep, Supersoulty will win in a landslide. I never doubted this. Y'know I think Bulldog will win this. I never doubted this.

D2

I think the North East is sick of being "Under Siege". The idea that some potato-munching hick from Aroostook County a person like Siege could get re-elected is frankly laughable.

D3

The idea that some coal-munching hick from West Virginia (Yes, you can say that, Ed.) can get elected outside his own sh**tty shoed insest ridden hellhole of a state (Better stop now, Al's lawyers have given us a writ... Ed.) is frankly laughable.

D4

Hermit seems in good health and will walk this race and serve many terms in the Senate

D5

StevenNick is loved by all and rumours of a close race are clearly the work of partisan spinners.
70% at the very least.

Regional Stuff

Y'know what? I don't give a sh**t about Regional elections. Neither does anyone else (look at how low the turnouts are).

EXCLUSIVE ZOGGY POLLS

Zoggy: As the greatest pollster ever to walk the earth...

Bread Cooker: Hah!

Zoggy: I can tell you all now that my polls will be accurate to within 0.0000001% of the actual results. If they're not, those results are clearly fraudulent

D1

Supersoulty: 51%
Bulldog: 51%
Undecided: 51%

D2

Siege: 87%
Badnarikin04: 88%
Undecided: 89%

D3

Al: 12%
Write In's: 13%
Undecided: 3%

D4

Hermit: 1%
WMS: 0.5%
Harry: 0.25%
Undecided: 0.1%

D5

StevenNick: 99%
Gabu: 99%
King: 99%
Undecided: 99%

(That's enough of that, Ed).

[Gabu]

D4

Hermit seems in good health and will walk this race and serve many terms in the Senate

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Er, I mean...

Excellent journalism work.

[7,052,770]

D4

Hermit seems in good health and will walk this race and serve many terms in the Senate

Well drat!