Comedy Goldmine XII: A reimagining with Edward James Olmos and Mary McDonnell

[The Mikado]

I'm normal too

Chris FTW!

By the way, how long 'til the wedding?

[Linus Van Pelt]

(all of these are from normal people, so they might not be accurate)

[Grumpier Than Uncle Joe]

I tell ladies they gotta swallow.  Consequences can be damning.

[I spent the winter writing songs about getting better]

Jim Webb just said, no Omamascare until Brown is seated. 

"Omamascare"?  Really?

You have to give the 2nd-graders a mark for originality there.

[Mechaman]

A Brown upset victory is looking more and more likely. Can't wait to see the polling from this weekend to see how much more in trouble Coakley is now.

Is this statement still funny guys?

[Sewer]

A Brown upset victory is looking more and more likely. Can't wait to see the polling from this weekend to see how much more in trouble Coakley is now.

Is this statement still funny guys?

yes, it was no upset

[Хahar 🤔]

A Brown upset victory is looking more and more likely. Can't wait to see the polling from this weekend to see how much more in trouble Coakley is now.

Is this statement still funny guys?

Yeah. A hack that gets lucky is still a hack.

[Marokai Backbeat]

That "someone else" could be Jesus Christ returning from the dead.

If so, that's rather impressive for Obama, since Jesus leads Ben Nelson by 93 points in his native Nebraska:

http://www.fivethirtyeight.com/2009/12/election-2012-ben-nelson-d-ne-trails.html

Given the multitude of pressing global issues that would face a resurrected Jesus Christ, I can certainly understand his top priority being a run for Senate in Nebraska.

[MASHED POTATOES. VOTE!]

A Brown upset victory is looking more and more likely. Can't wait to see the polling from this weekend to see how much more in trouble Coakley is now.

Is this statement still funny guys?

Um, it's not funny anymore

[MASHED POTATOES. VOTE!]

This is an epic win:

BIDEN'S DEATH IN 2011 GAVE MABUS THE OPPORTUNITY. THE BLOOD OF OBAMA SPILLED IN 2012, THE DIVINE SAVIOR, THE REINCARNATION OF JESUS CHRIST, WAS PREMATURELY DEAD BEFORE HE COULD TAKE ACTION. THE ANTICHRIST, VICE PRESIDENT RAY MABUS, TOOK OVER AND STARTED WWIII: THE TENTH CRUSADE. PRESIDENT MABUS WENT TO WAR WITH RUSSIA AND THE CALIPHATE. AT THAT MOMENT, BARACK OBAMA WAS REINCARNATED AND WENT TO WAR WITH MABUS. WHEN ALL WAS SAID AND DONE, THE DEVOUT CHRISTIANS WERE TELEPORTED BACK TO HEAVEN, WHEN ALL OTHER CREEDS SUFFERED AT THE HANDS OF WAR. THE WORLD HAD ENDED.




Seriously, go to a Nostradamus site. They are all like this, and in Caps.

[Joe Republic]

You have been president for one year and 40 minutes, and now for your present...

A Republican Senator from Massachusetts and the loss of your supermajority in the Senate.

Happy days to you in the year ahead!!

[© tweed]

You must be logged in to read this quote.

Excellent choice of words on the eve of the election to replace Ted Kennedy.

[Grumpier Than Uncle Joe]

Scott Brown is a Hard-Core Conservative.

WFT???

Lol.

[Psychic Octopus]

So I decided to create my own, but it will just focus on Senate races for now. I will probably do one more detailed later that will include House and Gubernatorial Results.

Brett Baer 
Good Evening it is now 5:00 P.M. here in Washington as we start our Decision 2010              election night coverage here on Fox News. I'm Brett Baer.

Kirsten Powers
And I'm Kirsten Powers.

Brett Baer
Throughout the night we will present results as well as analysis of the numerous races around the country that we strive to be fair and balanced.

Kirsten Powers
Now before we move onto our guests Frmr. Vice Presidential Nominee Geraldine Ferraro and Frmr. Speaker of the House Newt Gingrich, let's view the map of the Senatorial Races around the nation.  Currently the Senate's political composition is 57 Democrats, 2 Independents, and 41 Republicans after the upset victory of Scott Brown in Massachusetts in January.

I stopped reading right there.

Sorry Ben, but I found this funny when I rediscovered it.

[Filuwaúrdjan]

There used to be a poster here called Scoonie. In 2006 he was something of a Democratic Party hack and predicted the Democrats doing absurdly well pretty much across the board. Of course, he ended up with some of the most accurate predictions of the year.

[Mechaman]

Scott Brown is a Hard-Core Conservative.

WFT???

Lol.

I don't know what's funnier: Scott Brown a "Hard-Core Conservative" or Kalwejt's use of "WFT".

[Kaine for Senate '18]

So I decided to create my own, but it will just focus on Senate races for now. I will probably do one more detailed later that will include House and Gubernatorial Results.

Brett Baer 
Good Evening it is now 5:00 P.M. here in Washington as we start our Decision 2010              election night coverage here on Fox News. I'm Brett Baer.

Kirsten Powers
And I'm Kirsten Powers.

Brett Baer
Throughout the night we will present results as well as analysis of the numerous races around the country that we strive to be fair and balanced.

Kirsten Powers
Now before we move onto our guests Frmr. Vice Presidential Nominee Geraldine Ferraro and Frmr. Speaker of the House Newt Gingrich, let's view the map of the Senatorial Races around the nation.  Currently the Senate's political composition is 57 Democrats, 2 Independents, and 41 Republicans after the upset victory of Scott Brown in Massachusetts in January.

I stopped reading right there.

Sorry Ben, but I found this funny when I rediscovered it.

Yup, I got owned there

[RIP Robert H Bork]

All of the above.

You're not a moderate or a liberal. You're a George W. Bush-supporting neocon.

I'm a Scott Brown Republican.

So? Scott Brown is a George W. Bush-supporting neocon.

[RIP Robert H Bork]

All of the above.

You're not a moderate or a liberal. You're a George W. Bush-supporting neocon.

I'm a Scott Brown Republican.

So? Scott Brown is a George W. Bush-supporting neocon.

I don't get it.

I just thought it was funny how the discussion went....

Libertas: You're a George W. Bush-supporting neocon.
htmldon: I'm a Scott Brown Republican.
SpaceCommunistMutant: So? Scott Brown is a George W. Bush-supporting neocon.

[Хahar 🤔]

It's true, though.

[RIP Robert H Bork]

It's true, though.

Perhaps, but its truth or falsity has nothing to do with why I posted it here.

[jokerman]

Several minutes of guaranteed laughter:

The Prophesies were "rediscovered" in the 1500's.  Hmmm... interesting how, looking at the mottos, the ones prior to the 1500's are dead on accurate, whereas with the ones after then, you have to stretch the absolute limits of your imagination to get them to fit.  And the one for Benedict XIV can't even be bended to fit him at all.  "A rural animal"... he was from the second largest city in Italy at the time.  Where you look at this article http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Prophecy_of_the_Popes#cite_note-70 And see how hard people have tried to make the other ones work, then realize that his explanation is blank, that just goes to show how off it is.

Eitherway, they are both utter crap... and even if they were real, it is almost certain the "Peter the Roman" prediction was added after the original prophesies.

Jesus Christ has raised me from the dead!

I am in the process of attempting to respond to the first 1000 results in a google search for 'Peter the Roman', the final pontiff in the St. Malachy prophecies.  Total  results are over 3 million.  Yet, the prophecy given in 1139 A.D. was in virtual obscurity for over 400 years until the invention of the printing press.  In the computer age there has been a resurgence in the interest of the list of names.

As Jesus Christ spoke of not rejoicing over our ability to pray that our joy may be full, but that our names are written in heaven, and the fact that Jesus Christ has raised me from the dead to the office of 'Peter the Roman', I hold that the list of names in the St. Malachy prophecies are akin to, if not exactly, those very names written in heaven.

Even Nostradamus spoke of 'Peter the Roman' in Century VII, #24.

The use of 'the strong one' in the quatrain refers to Daniel 7:7.

Jesus Christ's resurrecting me is in His fulfillment of an agreement of contract law (Matthew 3:15) into which both He and I entered prior to my baptising Him.

Atlas comes up in the 201-300 page of results.

I am pleased to meet you.

Please feel free to respond.

The reality of the future is not totally revealed to us, it is written, "eye hath not seen, nor ear heard of the wonders God has in store for us."

As Christ had sent me to bear him witness, I now bear witness that HEAVEN IS GREAT!!!

[Joe Republic]

Don't worry, you don't actually have to read these.  Nobody ever does for the poster he's lampooning.

This is literally the fifth opinion poll on this poster that we've had.  And the second created by NiK.

Just sayin'...

Interesting point, but if you think about it, these five opinion polls only indicate that since 1900, no Presidential nominee has won between 57.1% (Truman 1948) and 66.5% of the electoral vote (Taft 1908). That is 29 elections, with major changes in the ethnic composition of the electorate, population shifts between the states. the presence or non-presence of women in the electorate, five states being added to the Union, and the electoral representation of the District of Columbia. Add war and peace, the business cycle, polling, and new technologies associated with campaigning, and the gap remains.

The gap of 49 electoral votes is huge; it's bigger than the number of electoral votes of any state except California. California hasn't been the winning margin in any Presidential election since at least 1900.

An explanation: campaigning politicians close to winning seem to play it safe even if they are behind. They do more advertising, make more campaign appearances, and push GOTV drives in states on the margin of victory. They don't dare risk losing any votes that they already have, as that could put the election out of reach. With a little luck and some shrewd electioneering a candidate slightly behind his opponent in early October might pull off a seeming miracle.  A candidate barely winning might simply play it safe. A candidate who thinks that he has 280 electoral votes lined up isn't going to take undue chances and try for 320 or 330 at the risk of losing such a state as Michigan.

On the other side, suppose that a candidate sees only about 220 electoral votes as a reasonable outcome with things staying as they are (the opponent would at the same time have about 320 electoral votes lined up). To have a chance to win that candidate must take huge risks to line up 50 electoral votes. Winning is hardly out of the question, but doing so implies taking risks that may pick up some states that look tempting while putting some other statewide victories at some risk. Because there's no particular reward for looking good while losing, the candidate takes some risks.  If they work out reasonably well, the candidate either wins barely or still loses by a smaller margin. But if the candidate takes some troublesome positions the effort might fail, and the gap widens. The most recent example of that is 2008, when John McCain bet everything on trying to win Minnesota and Pennsylvania. Polls generally showed Minnesota and Pennsylvania about 10% away from flipping while Obama was developing a lock on Colorado. McCain's efforts to win the 30 electoral votes of Minnesota and Pennsylvania, had they worked, might have solved all of his problems of winning an otherwise-close election.  Those quixotic efforts ultimately jeopardized his chances of winning some other states that he thought reasonably safe, and Obama ended up winning some states that few expected him to win.

Now what would happen if McCain had seemingly locked up 300 electoral votes (having cut into the Blue Firewall with Michigan and Wisconsin which seem to be going a little more out of reach every day) and the only state in which Obama thought accessible because polls said that it was 'only' 10% away from flipping was Texas? The Obama campaign would have made a quixotic effort to flip Texas and its 34 electoral votes to get just over 270 electoral votes. Such might risk Iowa, Pennsylvania, and New Hampshire, but if he wants to win, what else could he do?   

If a candidate sees himself in a hopeless situation  -- one in which the opponent has lined up 370 or so electoral votes early, the sure loser ordinarily has other plans -- like trying to consolidate power in the Senate or shoring up a Governorship. The loser most likely operates a civilized, if lackluster campaign as did Bob Dole in 1996, George H. W. Bush in 1992, or Walter Mondale in 1984.

Lunar, that post was so good, that I'm forced to revoke my kangaroo threats.  But I'm curious....how many of those electoral votes could a losing candidate have made up if he'd lived closer to a major air hub?

Although your kangaroo threats were interesting, all they really did was increase the chances of a solid Obama victory in 2012. 

And on the air hub stuff, think about it, Dick Cheney took a formal residence in Wyoming as a necessity for running for President (he was then living in Texas, and in accordance with the Constitution the President and Vice-President cannot have official (primary) residence in the same State.

Sarah Palin was a catastrophic blunder as a VP choice, and the least of her political weaknesses was being from a politically-small and isolated state -- unless you attribute her gaffes to jet lag. (She makes them without jet lag, so that isn't such a consideration).

Modern campaigns are now done by air, so being near a major air hub (O'Hare International Airport is about as big as there is) is a huge advantage for the President and his staff -- and the efficiency and co-ordination of staff are both essential to an effective campaign. Such may matter less for a VP candidate who doesn't have much control of the logistics of campaigning for anyone but himself.  The state now matters less than does proximity to an air hub; Obama could almost as easily have campaigned from Gary, Indiana as from Chicago -- but not from Champaign, Illinois. Gary is a post-industrial dump and Champaign is a nice college town, but one is 30 miles from O'Hare International Airport, and the other is about 150 miles away. Airline connections remain treacherous.

[Grumpier Than Uncle Joe]

On the thread "Favorite Gay Writer"

I've found Sam Spade's posts here to be fairly good reads.

[Хahar 🤔]

Zogby is to polls what Zog was to Albania: useless and ridiculous.