My (new) update thread. GUESS WHO HAS GIRL FEELINGS AGAIN

[Antonio the Sixth]

Dear God, this thread is bad.

[Antonio the Sixth]

I know I shouldn't for my own good be posting in this thread, but... have you given some thought to whether your "getting with" this girl is a good idea? If your feelings for her aren't very deep (no offense, but you seem to have pretty rapid changes of mind on these or other issues) maybe you shouldn't attempt to start a relationship. You don't know how it would end up, and if she is so young (freshman means 14-15, right?) and "innocent", it might end up pretty badly for her. At least take some time to get to know her as a friend/acquaintance before.

[Antonio the Sixth]

I know I shouldn't for my own good be posting in this thread, but... have you given some thought to whether your "getting with" this girl is a good idea? If your feelings for her aren't very deep (no offense, but you seem to have pretty rapid changes of mind on these or other issues) maybe you shouldn't attempt to start a relationship. You don't know how it would end up, and if she is so young (freshman means 14-15, right?) and "innocent", it might end up pretty badly for her. At least take some time to get to know her as a friend/acquaintance before.

I've known her for a few months now, but I'm not looking to start a very serious relationship. I'm too worn out from my last two major relationships that I just really am not looking to go down that road. I consider her a very good friend. Matter of fact, I was suicidal on Saturday and went out to a playground where I considered taking my life and told her I was upset and she left her house, drove 15 minutes just to come visit me and make sure I was okay. No one has ever done that for me before.

...

This isn't hyperbole, is it?

...

OK, let's stop with the usual forum bullsh*t. Dude, you need to get help about that. Being a teen certainly sucks (I can attest it) but feeling suicidal is not just normal emo stuff. It's serious. Have a good talk with someone you trust, see a psychiatrist and if necessary take some medication. If you are suffering from clinical depression, you can't just wait and expect it to go away. Doing that, you have a good chance of ending up acting on your thoughts. This is more important than anything else you've been talking about in this thread so far.

[Antonio the Sixth]

3. As for being suicidal...sh-t has been really hard on me lately. A lot of friends have f--ked me over and pressure has been mounting over a lot of sh-t. It's a rather long story idk.

Again, please seek help. It's essential.

[Antonio the Sixth]

3. As for being suicidal...sh-t has been really hard on me lately. A lot of friends have f--ked me over and pressure has been mounting over a lot of sh-t. It's a rather long story idk.

Again, please seek help. It's essential.

My mom won't get me help. We don't have money and my mom doesn't want me on medications.

Well, I'm no fan of psychiatric medications anyway. They can be necessary, but only at last resort. If you can't see a psychiatrist (isn't that covered in insurance policies? God, American healthcare really sucks), at least try to make a good friend or find someone in your family who you know cares about you.

[Antonio the Sixth]

Jake, I am truly saddened to see that your mom hasn't stood for you as she should have. Even in my darkest hours, I realize I'm blessed to always have had a mother who gave me all their love, understanding and support every time I needed them. I can't even begin to imagine what my life would be like without her. Really sorry.

[Antonio the Sixth]

#SuburbanProblems

Really, dude. I won't pretend to have read the entire thread. Just clicking on this page and having seen the first few posts, it's cause to be worried. From the willfully ignorant outsider's perspective, there's little reason to take your life. If not being "with" someone is your greatest trouble of late--it seems you've had to deal with your mom's indifference to previous issues, which is why I'm including the phrase "of late"--then you should have little to worry about. There are vast millions across the United States that, on the romantic side, are doing and have done far worse than you. Some continue to lead entirely normal and un-depressed lives. I hope you can take this with the good intentions with which I'm posting it. Buck up, you've got--in theory--a good amount of life ahead of you.

^^^^

I'm 20 and never have dated a girl. It doesn't have to make your life miserable. I think your priority should be getting psychological support.

That said, I also agree with what Tik said. If both your feelings are genuine, geographic distance shouldn't prevent you from having a relationship.

[Antonio the Sixth]

I'm working on breaking my people dependency--and I say dependency because that's what it feels like it is--but I'm afraid it could be something more than just a need to be in a relationship. It's a need to have friends, and have attention, and feel like I'm visible so I don't feel invisible. It could be something chemically wrong with me.

No, it's human. We all strive to be liked, loved, supported, understood, and to have the feeling we matter to someone. That's probably the only source of genuine happiness. And I've often had the exact same feelings (though it probably doesn't affect me that much), moments when I feel completely alone and unimportant.

I think you should start off with friendship. It's much easier to develop than romantic relationships, it avoids most of the drama, and it can lead to something very powerful if you get along well. I think the few real friends I have (maybe 5 or so) have helped me a lot in the past few years.

[Antonio the Sixth]

Whatever works for both of you is fine, but I'd just advise you not to obsess too much with "getting a girlfriend" and instead open yourself to the possibility of getting along with every person you meet, and see how things develop (this is an attitude I should adopt more often myself, too).

[Antonio the Sixth]

Isn't this like the blind leading the blind?

Experience is certainly an important criterion in judging whether someone can be of good advice or not. So is said person's human decency. You might prevail by the former measure, but I modestly think I more than make up for the difference by the latter one.

[Antonio the Sixth]

"fwb"?

[Antonio the Sixth]

Yeah, I have to agree with everybody else... not a good idea.

[Antonio the Sixth]

Do what you want, but just two things:

1- Respect her own wishes/feelings
2- Keep looking around you and don't miss occasions to make good friends (of both genders) only because you're only focusing on sex and cuddles

[Antonio the Sixth]

I think you should start off with friendship. It's much easier to develop than romantic relationships

This is not true FWIW.

I guess it depends from people...