I've never been, but from what I know about the place it seems like a sinister, eldritch hive of late-century uncontrollable neoliberal Sun Belt sprawl sucking the mosquito-ridden life out of the mushy, swampy earth and the oppressive humid air, battered by hurricanes, drenched in ugly Gulf Coast heat, and lacking in culture. The fact that lean (the drug) was invented there makes me think that it must be truly awful for its denizens to indulge in such a noxious, cloying, sticky mess in order to escape the pains of living there.
As someone who is in Houston as I write this, I have to say you're partially correct in your droll analysis (and rather literary at that—perhaps you should consider writing fiction?); the omnipresent exurban sprawl in all directions is both nauseating from a personal standpoint and godawful from the civil engineer's perspective. It contains all of the hideous qualities of an unchecked foray into nature's reserves without any of its beauties, and in my opinion cannot be compared to other American cities of its size, let alone any of the formidable metropolises of antiquity, when it comes to "grand design."
However, to lend credit where it is due, Houston also has a score of very old, well-preserved, and architecturally beautiful neighborhoods (Midtown and the Heights both come to mind), and the city boasts what I consider to be some of the finest weather in the South, which is tempered even more greatly the further one gets in proximity to the coast. Yes, many have described it as "muggy" and have spurned its humidity with great derision, but I nevertheless find it infinitely preferable to the multitude of cities perpetually suffering from the pangs of frostbite, unyielding rain, or overcast skies. The mosquito problem has been greatly exaggerated, and though south-east Texas does get hurricanes, plenty of other cities come with natural disasters of their own—the West Coast has earthquakes, wildfires, and volcanoes; Dallas and the Plains have tornadoes, and the Northeast has snowstorms and floods. The Gulf Coast's reputation is largely underrated; Galveston is one of the better coastal towns I have been to anywhere, and comes with a surprising amount of history.
As far as the culture argument is concerned—Houston is to a very large extent like a microcosm of America, with each distinct neighborhood or area of town having its own unique feel. Midtown/Montrose is home to the "hipsters," the queer community, with a lot of dive bars/nightlife and unique restaurants. Downtown is your usual nine-to-five business community, which is painfully boring but does carry a certain economic importance—and has a lot of nice skyscrapers to boot. River Oaks is your upscale "old money" residential area, and Uptown (which itself is about as large as downtown Denver or Pittsburg) is your bourgeois shopping district
par excellence, if you're into that kind of thing. And of course you have all your middle-to-lower class neighborhoods as well with their own distinct feel. As a whole, Houston is one of the largest, most diverse, most international, and most culturally interesting cities in America. It's no New York, but all the races, creeds, and subcultures of the world congregate here—for better or for worse. All in all, Houston is a major FF city in my book
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