Update for Everyone VII: Insert Something Philosophical Sounding Here

[PSOL]

Just got back from D.C., honestly one of the best experiences I’ve done vacationing.

[PSOL]

Going to help with the election process as EM on the sixth. Gonna put in my first early vote the coming week!

[PSOL]

My cat died on Saturday. Buried her today.  Knew her for 13 years, ever since she was a few months old & hanging around when I moved into my own place and I was able to take her in. She'd been dealing with chronic illness for the past couple years that was often a struggle to manage, so it wasn't completely unexpected something like this would happen at some point.  But it's so surreal, like I'm doubting that it really finally happened. I love her so much.   All my habits suddenly feel out of place and I need to make a change to be sane but I'm not sure what or where or how.

I'm so sorry for your loss, shua

[PSOL]

I’m currently fuming at the expensive book fees I’ll pay for this semester alone. $450 and only $70 saved after scouring for like a day. Worst part of it is that the school bundles obscure reading material together to avoid third party purchases.

All in all, my schooling for the new semester needs a $1000 up front excluding loans. I’m pretty depressed that in all that no deals got served my way. How do you other students feelin’ about the ritual tragedy of textbooks?

[PSOL]

This whole freshman orientation thing has been miserable daunting and lonely, if things don’t go well the next few months I might not be able to take it and just join the military or get a job or something, because this just seems undoable, kudos to all of you for being able to get degrees, it is an impressive accomplishment.

Oh also update on this. It is still miserably daunting and lonely, but I am a little more confident about doing it now but idk could be a bad thing to be gaining confidence too. Yet it’s weird since I am more chillaxed about it if you know what I mean by that. Like apparently midterms are a thing (never had them in highschool and never even  knew what they were until a couple days ago when I find out through others in my class that I am already half way through them or whatever and I never even knew or anything, I thought they were just normal tests) I guess I don’t pay much attention in class or read much online. Hell, I hardly even check my grades, maybe twice full self evaluation since middle of august. Idk, it’s just different and less urgency than highschool. Like I’m a simple guy with not much material want, so I know I have several paths open that I’d be fine with if I decide to drop out eventually, and it won’t be the end of the world. So idk, this is like one of the most “go with the flow” type living durations I have done in my life so far, and it feels weirdly liberating and comforting at the same time. So I’m aight for now I guess.

I would definitely prioritize your grades bagel, if you don’t keep up with them it’ll bite you.

Have you been active in any on-campus events and organizations? That would surely get you connected to folks and lessen the feeling of loneliness.

[PSOL]

This whole freshman orientation thing has been miserable daunting and lonely, if things don’t go well the next few months I might not be able to take it and just join the military or get a job or something, because this just seems undoable, kudos to all of you for being able to get degrees, it is an impressive accomplishment.

Oh also update on this. It is still miserably daunting and lonely, but I am a little more confident about doing it now but idk could be a bad thing to be gaining confidence too. Yet it’s weird since I am more chillaxed about it if you know what I mean by that. Like apparently midterms are a thing (never had them in highschool and never even  knew what they were until a couple days ago when I find out through others in my class that I am already half way through them or whatever and I never even knew or anything, I thought they were just normal tests) I guess I don’t pay much attention in class or read much online. Hell, I hardly even check my grades, maybe twice full self evaluation since middle of august. Idk, it’s just different and less urgency than highschool. Like I’m a simple guy with not much material want, so I know I have several paths open that I’d be fine with if I decide to drop out eventually, and it won’t be the end of the world. So idk, this is like one of the most “go with the flow” type living durations I have done in my life so far, and it feels weirdly liberating and comforting at the same time. So I’m aight for now I guess.

I would definitely prioritize your grades bagel, if you don’t keep up with them it’ll bite you.

Have you been active in any on-campus events and organizations? That would surely get you connected to folks and lessen the feeling of loneliness.

yeah ik it’s just so hard to care that much anymore. I joined young dems but they usually meet on thursdays when I don’t have class and I don’t feel like dragging my @$$ over there, since I live at home with my dad several miles away. And I just spend thursday larding around at home.

If nothing major is going on at home, and you have other spare free time, you probably should be active on campus mate. College is for finding connections and yourself while you get a degree, so seize the moment.

[PSOL]

This whole freshman orientation thing has been miserable daunting and lonely, if things don’t go well the next few months I might not be able to take it and just join the military or get a job or something, because this just seems undoable, kudos to all of you for being able to get degrees, it is an impressive accomplishment.

Oh also update on this. It is still miserably daunting and lonely, but I am a little more confident about doing it now but idk could be a bad thing to be gaining confidence too. Yet it’s weird since I am more chillaxed about it if you know what I mean by that. Like apparently midterms are a thing (never had them in highschool and never even  knew what they were until a couple days ago when I find out through others in my class that I am already half way through them or whatever and I never even knew or anything, I thought they were just normal tests) I guess I don’t pay much attention in class or read much online. Hell, I hardly even check my grades, maybe twice full self evaluation since middle of august. Idk, it’s just different and less urgency than highschool. Like I’m a simple guy with not much material want, so I know I have several paths open that I’d be fine with if I decide to drop out eventually, and it won’t be the end of the world. So idk, this is like one of the most “go with the flow” type living durations I have done in my life so far, and it feels weirdly liberating and comforting at the same time. So I’m aight for now I guess.

I would definitely prioritize your grades bagel, if you don’t keep up with them it’ll bite you.

Have you been active in any on-campus events and organizations? That would surely get you connected to folks and lessen the feeling of loneliness.

yeah ik it’s just so hard to care that much anymore. I joined young dems but they usually meet on thursdays when I don’t have class and I don’t feel like dragging my @$$ over there, since I live at home with my dad several miles away. And I just spend thursday larding around at home.

If nothing major is going on at home, and you have other spare free time, you probably should be active on campus mate. College is for finding connections and yourself while you get a degree, so seize the moment.

Also, my school (UTD) is very different. It is largely commuter so it is a ghost town oftentimes, and it is a pretty unsocial campus and the sports and greek scene (not much of a fan of either anyways) is almost nonexistent. I have quite a bit of free time, I dont have any classes on thursdays or weekends. And UTD is very much a “I’m just here for the degree” type school.

Even still, your in the prime of your life. Find something social to do outside of your campus, explore some new hobbies or something.

[PSOL]

I was diagnosed with BPD today.

If you don’t mind me asking, but are you looking into possible treatment for it, like medication?

[PSOL]

After months of trying, the wife is finally pregnant.

Today went well at the OB-GYN. Except I'm never having sex again, because we've apparently got three buns in the oven. Anyone got any name suggestions?

Yonatan, Isaiah, and Eli for male names

Esther, Leila, and Yasmin for female names.

[PSOL]

Follow up on my post from a few weeks ago (I think it was a few weeks ago? maybe it was a few days ago idk)

I had a lengthy phone conversation with a friend about some of the #strugglebus issues I've been dealing with.

She said she struggles to take bisexual people seriously (particularly bi men) and thinks I should "go full gay." She knows thats not how this works but still thought I "should consider it."


I know this person long enough to not be offended, to be honest. Just interesting to hear some unfiltered thoughts on this. Overall a very weird conversation.

She made a good point, though, by saying that that if i haven't fully accepted myself after 13 years of struggling (a majority of my 25 years alive) then I likely won't be able to do so in the short to medium term.

At this point I think its not the right time in my life to think about dating so I'm going to table the discussion - even if I am feeling very lonely. Maybe its just quarantine making me feel more lonely than usual.

The struggle bus continues to chug on.

Oh ing hell, here I go.

First off, I may not be the best person to give you this advice, given the differences between you and I. As an irreligious, closeted homosexual I differ greatly from an open, religious bisexual in terms of beliefs and experiences. However, what I can say is that we both clearly have the hang ups of our upbringing bar both of us from living how we actually want to live, this struggle bus that only causes pain with no stop in sight. We both are in stages of trying to accommodate this by living life restricted so as to make things easier on ourselves. And most importantly, we both are surrounded by idiots with no good advice apparently.

First off, while you don’t take offense, that dumb motherer you call a friend is giving out terrible advice. Like for real, it sounds blunt and dumb when you delay this interpreted scene back to this board. If there’s anything I have learned, what the heart wants is what the heart wants. That is, in less metaphorical terms, to live how one wishes to live, forgetting and overcoming the boundaries keeping us back. As you are a bisexual, your preferences and heart cannot be bounded by choosing a side; the restriction of either following the society’s customs you live under or your friends advice, that has to be done on your own. That starts by recognizing you are a bisexual man, and living how you wish to live by accepting that fact. The very root of your problem is the exact same as mine, in that it lies in your self-internalization from your surroundings causing you immense stress and hangups in living the life you want to live. The very truth of the matter is that if you don’t start ing loving your beautiful self, and letting those good vibes out in your surroundings the way in which you actually want, you ain’t gonna get better.

I feel your pain, you know what the feelings of loneliness is. You know what self-internalized pain in your mind feels like, barring you from leaving the struggle bus for the stop that starts your journey of living. You know the envy of seeing how everyone else is living outwardly happier lives while you are breaking down inside. I feel all of it, and it has pushed me to the gloom defeatism that I won’t live another ten years of this agony. Well guess ing what, the human body is stronger then the mind, it is in fact the mind that needs the right exercise to get in shape. You are so close, closer then me, in finding happiness the way you want to. Seize the opportunity the soonest you can once this hell of a pandemic is over.

I believe that you can do it, but that requires accepting and living that reflects who you really are and want to be as a person, free from the struggle bus that you yourself must break free of. It is a mental prison that only you can decide when to get off, sunrise.

[PSOL]

i have been exceptionally ill the last couple days. i got so bad last night that i thought if things kept getting worse i was probably gonna die. my fever got over 103 and i can't even remember it being that high ever.

i kept just trying to sleep it off but every time i feel asleep i pretty much stopped breathing and i guess my body just forced me to wake up when that happened lol.

i'm feeling better today though, just keeping nyquil in my system constantly.

Hope you're feeling better!  Do you think it is the coronavirus or something else?

No clue. Right now I'm going on day 8 of whatever this is and around Wednesday my symptoms changed from fever and cough/chest tightness being the main issues to a pounding headache and stomach pain being my main issues. I'm hoping I'll be better by Monday, for sure.

Dude, I urge you to contact your healthcare provider to see what’s up. You may be infected, in which I urge you to get an answer and then possible treatment as soon as possible.

[PSOL]

i have been exceptionally ill the last couple days. i got so bad last night that i thought if things kept getting worse i was probably gonna die. my fever got over 103 and i can't even remember it being that high ever.

i kept just trying to sleep it off but every time i feel asleep i pretty much stopped breathing and i guess my body just forced me to wake up when that happened lol.

i'm feeling better today though, just keeping nyquil in my system constantly.

Hope you're feeling better!  Do you think it is the coronavirus or something else?

No clue. Right now I'm going on day 8 of whatever this is and around Wednesday my symptoms changed from fever and cough/chest tightness being the main issues to a pounding headache and stomach pain being my main issues. I'm hoping I'll be better by Monday, for sure.

Dude, I urge you to contact your healthcare provider to see what’s up. You may be infected, in which I urge you to get an answer and then possible treatment as soon as possible.

I did the online google test thing that u r supposed to do before going to get tested and it just told me to stay home but not go get tested so that's what i've been doing. idk though maybe i should anyway?

Was that from your healthcare provider? Maybe you should give them a call or contact them directly?

[PSOL]

I hope you feel better Scott. Please don’t be afraid to ask out for help.

Anyway, I now just discovered that Ice Cube makes good music

[PSOL]

I'm glad you're feeling better Scott. I was being really worried about you.


Btw, I'm considering moving to the USA next year.

Where if I may ask?

[PSOL]

After years of retreat from the world, I’ve finally gotten some employment after time off. It won’t set me free, but it’s going to get me some mule-la to start going clubbing maybe.