Comedy Goldmine XI: The Atlas Forum Demilitarized Zone

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This thread is the one, true Comedy Goldmine. All others are anti-Goldmines sent by the Devil to confuse us. It's the second coming of the Great Schism!

Anyway...

sorry.  This is a very serious thread everyone.  Alcon needs to stop being biased.

that brings up a good point - how does one get to be moderator on this forum?  because if I lose my current job, I am  very interested in persuing a career in the custodial arts.

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Ahem, Superman is ineligible to be president, as he was born on Krypton.

Yeah, he's one of those damn illegal immigrants. We don't take kindly to their type around these parts.

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Needs more cuttlefish

And related stories. (See thread for details.)

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A conservative faction of the Republican National Committee is urging the GOP to take a harder line against both Democrats and wayward Republicans, drafting a resolution to rename the opposition the “Democrat Socialist Party” and moving to rebuke the three Republican senators who supported the stimulus package.

Aww right guys!  This move is sure to get fresh blood in our ranks so you guys can youthanize this party once and for all!

Teehee.

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Actually, though, a kid in my grade had sex with a horse and a dog...

This may very well be what's the matter with Kansas.

I think he's actually from Indiana, unfortunately for the brilliance of that comment.

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Ben shares a birthday with my ex-girlfriend and Mike Naso's Mom! Congrats! Happy Early Birthday! 

Phil,

You shouldn't have been dating your cyber best friend's mom in the first place.

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I have a lot of brands that I avoid when possible.. but it's not a boycott.

For instance:

I never buy Tyson products, instead preferring the more local Goldnplump.

Gold n plump?  Wtf are you buying exactly hmmm?

Big white breasts and meaty thighs... and if you're really unlucky, a drumstick.

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In the literal sense, possibly.  I'm not altogether that keen on hiking.

In the metaphorical sense, only if he pays for the plane ticket to Argentina.

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The last time I tried to flirt with a waitress, I asked her how many cubic inches the pizza was.  She gave me a blank stare, and I gave up trying to flirt with waitresses.

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Not very, I would wager. Though his approval ratings would be through the roof (the whole sympathy vote, you see, plus some of the "rally around the flag" phenomena), and assuming he was safely rescued, he could surely turn some of that into political capital.

Context.

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Young Republican conference, for the ass.

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Stupid move.

^^^^

agreed.  they should fund both the f22 and f35.  the 187 planned f22's should be increased to 400 and production sped up.

I'm all for this general type of stimulus, but surely you would have to admit that a more effective specific program would be to buy lots of General Motors and Chrysler cars and throw them in the ocean?

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More groan-worthy than hilarious, but no one should miss it:

knock knock

Context.

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Well since I doubt Ellen ever had such dark hair, I'm going to guess  it's Maddow that looked like a handsome dude already back then. She hasn't really changed that much either.



 

That's actually Rudy Giuliani

That one's great. It would go in "Best of the Goldmine", if we ever had one.

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How do you feel about a national bank?

This is only funny because of his screen name. He's still a tool.

You're the tool. I already outlined how helpful it would be economically.

No, I'm pretty sure you're the tool. BUT MEEKER IS WORSE.

First Lunar, now you?

damn I had the same thought, I didn't realize I was such a trend-setter

The hate of Meeker is latent in all living things.

And to think, we almost* made him King of Atlasia.

*This message endorsed by the Revolutionary Party of the Radical Left. Offer void in some states. Some restrictions may apply.