The Confession Booth: Post something very personal about yourself

[memphis]

Those of you who have yet to touch a female. Is it becuase you don't like them or because they don't like you?  No need to answer that one in a post. Just know thyself. And seize the day. Nobody's getting any younger.

[memphis]

Some of the confusion over the F word may come from the fact that "Lets be friends" is female speak for "I have no sexual attraction to you whatsoever." It's not that girls won't date a friend ever. But girls are more willing to be friends with guys they don't find attractive, which can be confusing for guys. Most guys have little interest in paling around with unattractive girls just for the conversation.

[memphis]

That said, when there was debate concerning my gender and certain posters were assuming that I was female in anatomy, I received a handful of private messages from some of YOU who wanted to hook up with me. I will not name names, but one of the more brazen posters actually requested that I meet him in a hotel room and he promised me alcohol.

How old did you claim to be at the time? (Just asking out of interest and because of the strange "promised me alcohol" bit.)

At that time I was over 21 and I don't think I lied about that, but I don't remember exactly. His request wasn't illegal, just really really creepy.

Sometimes people are bad at the courtship thing. It goes both ways. No need to make yourself into a victim. I once had a coworker corner me and start rubbing her butt all over me. Take it as a compliment and move on. No need to get your panties all wadded. There are people with real problems out there.

[memphis]

There are people with real problems out there.

Yeah, like getting pressured into or victimized during sex, or having to interact with people who make it clear that they want to pressure or victimize.

Being hit on is not a problem. The lack thereof is a much more trying experience. What's so awful about saying No, thank you if you don't feel the same way?

[memphis]

Again, what is so terrible about saying No thank you, I'm not interested? If some of you have had some sort of sexual abuse in the past, that's terrible, but it's not the fault of every person who pays you a compliment. I once even had a guy try to come on to me. He wasn't my type but it wasn't the worst thing to ever happen to me either. It wasn't a statement of contempt or a trauma. I hope you guys can have some positive sexual experiences in the future, but with your attitudes, I don't see how.

[memphis]

I rather enjoy being lectured about sex by people who have zero experience with it. I feel like I'm at the Vatican.

[memphis]

I rather enjoy being lectured about sex by people who have zero experience with it. I feel like I'm at the Vatican.

I think it's safe to say that most of the people lecturing you have more experience than your average Atlas poster.

But, anyway, that's entirely besides the point.  You shouldn't actually need experience to be able to understand why and how sexual harassment against women is pervasive, and damaging, and very very wrong.  You just need to not be a clueless, privileged blockhead.

1. You may want to re-read the first few pages of this thread.
2. If you define any invitation for sex ever as harassment, you're going to die a virgin. Somebody has to initiate somewhere.
3. Enjoy your self-imposed loneliness. Glad it makes you feel superior.

[memphis]

I rather enjoy being lectured about sex by people who have zero experience with it. I feel like I'm at the Vatican.

Do you really think the people in Vatican have no idea about sex? Lulz.

Not with adults anyhow. Taking advantage of children is a different issue completely. Adult women have their own agency and sexual awareness, despite what all the asexual trans victimologists want so badly to believe.

[memphis]

Oh, so sexual harassment is acknowledging a woman's sexual autonomy. Brilliant stuff.

I am not a supporter of harassment. Persistent slimy behavior is inexcusable. However, a one time friendly advance is not harassment. It's being a functional human being. And women are more than capable of saying no if they are not interested. They are not the fragile little flowers other posters desperately want them to be. They are full members of humanity with all the power and decision making that goes along with that. And, of course, there are some scumbags who refuse to take no for an answer. That doesn't make all men sex criminals, much as others would like to believe. Fact of the matter is, most women without the scars of bad experiences want more than anything to be desired and pursued. That's why they blow so much money on make up and clothes. They want the men (or in some cases other women) to take notice. That's a key component of their self esteem.

[memphis]

Memphis, do you think if a woman goes outside dressed in a "slutty" outfit and gets raped that it is her fault for dressing that way?

I would not blame a victim of rape. Ever. At the same time, we all live in an imperfect world and need to be mindful of that fact. I wouldn't leave my front door wide open lest somebody loot my modest possessions. It wouldn't be my fault somebody stole my stuff, but it would have been wiser to be more conscious of the risks out there in the world.

[memphis]

It was, but he obviously fails to understand what precisely Tik actually had a problem with. Either that or he has a very, very, very broad definition of 'friendly advance'. I'm a mostly functional human being without ever making such 'friendly advances'--or even the more conventional, less obviously sleazy kind--and rather content as such.

I think this is spot on. I can understand what Memphis is saying, and on some ideas he isn't wrong completely, but it must be sensitively taken on an individual basis. He just is sympathizing with the wrong male action, saying that "Hey, complete stranger, come to my hotel and I'll get you drunk" is an awkward attempt at an innocent advance. It may be, but it doesn't come off that way whatsoever.

In fact, a couple posters said that if I were female they'd like to know me better. While perhaps embarrassing for them, I was flattered. I still don't think it encourages women to stick around, however, but that's just me.

By the way, if you do know so much more about women than us, you would know women dress up more to compete and impress other women or because they enjoy it or because of society's expectations.. not to turn you on 100% of the time.

Women can be quite competitive. This is certainly true. I definately wouldn't know a $500 purse from a cheap Target bag. But, at the same time, they are also seeking the attention of men who will pursue them. Plenty of women are content to be single, but they also want to know that they could be attached should they decide to go down that road. In contrast, this is pretty much every woman's worst nightmare:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lhFnOAwr96o

[memphis]

Are we back to actual confessions? Okay.

On the night I turned 18 I sent nude pics of myself to a 34 year old guy I met online and have never met IRL. I didn't realize how weird that sounds until after the fact. It's less creepy than it sounds if you know the backstory.

Sounds like a lot of online dating. Nothing weird in that as long as he was a willing recipient. Who hasn't played a friendly game of online Show me yours and I'll show you mine?

[memphis]

Assuming you want to see, you should insist he returns the favor. That was very rude of him!

[memphis]

I have this: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Femoral_Acetabular_Impingement It sucks