I no longer have a family.

[Calthrina950]

I haven't posted here until now, but I'll go ahead and say that I am very sorry to hear about what you've had to go through, and I hope that things pull through for you. I'm pretty certain that you are religious, but I'll also say this: May God embrace you in his arms. Moreover, I can relate to and fully sympathize with your experience, since when I was eleven years old, back in August 2009, I found my mother's cold, dead body in her bed, and had to call over the paramedics and her family. That was a gut-wrenching experience, and one that I will never forget for the remainder of my life. But I had people who pulled me through, and judging from the response here, know that you have the same.

[Calthrina950]

I haven't posted here until now, but I'll go ahead and say that I am very sorry to hear about what you've had to go through, and I hope that things pull through for you. I'm pretty certain that you are religious, but I'll also say this: May God embrace you in his arms. Moreover, I can relate to and fully sympathize with your experience, since when I was eleven years old, back in August 2009, I found my mother's cold, dead body in her bed, and had to call over the paramedics and her family. That was a gut-wrenching experience, and one that I will never forget for the remainder of my life. But I had people who pulled me through, and judging from the response here, know that you have the same.

The first time I found a parent dead (my father) was in 2013, after me and my mom had returned from what was supposed to be just a fun day at the beach. I was eighteen at the time and it still haunts me occasionally, but in a weird way I feel like it helped me handle my mother's unexpected passing a lot easier.

You know it's the natural, and really the ideal, for parents to predecease their kids, but those experiences still leave an emotional mark on you that just never goes away. So I sympathize; I can't even imagine what I'd do had I been in your shoes at such a young age.

Maybe I already said this here, but since my mom was my biggest advocate, I had a plan for years that after my mom had passed away, I would be joining her soon after so that I could be reunited with her and my dad. I would always think about how I would go about it, the fastest way, the least painful way. Because I just didn't see the point of continuing to live with all my psychological issues and not have either of the two most important people in my life to help me through it.

But seeing all the love and support I've gotten from people, both online and in person and from (physically) distant family members, I decided that I just can't do that. I don't want my last act on this earth to be hurting the scores of people who know and care about me. And I want to give life another chance now and help other people who've been through trauma.

If anything has taught me the value of life, it's been this last week and a half. It just isn't something you can take for granted.

Certainly understand, and I want to also say that I hope we can forgive each other for the harsh words that we exchanged on here before I took my hiatus. I want for that burden to be gone.