Update Season VIII - "Lions and Tigers and Bears, Oh My!"

[Joe Biden 2020]

Today's menu will likely consist of cereal for breakfast and Spaghetti for dinner.

[Joe Biden 2020]

Hash, the diet consists of chicken, beans, lintels, rice, and fresh fruit like small bananas, kiwi, watermelon, etc.  I only found one hamburger place at the Nairobi airport on the way home.

[Joe Biden 2020]

Phil, I'm not that crazy!  Ketchup and spaghetti don't belong in the same meal!

[Joe Biden 2020]

As Walter mentioned, something is breaking... Literally...  On the way out the driveway this morning just a couple miles from the house, A rock decided to fall from what looked like an old abandoned building.  It's a little windy today, so the wind probably moved some of the branches of the tree to sweep the rock off the building and right onto the upper half of my windshield.  There is a great big crack in the glass that looks like a big spider from where the rock made impact.  I called my grandmother to get the name of the business she used to get her back windshield replaced after the recent hail storms.  I called them and they will replace the front windshield tomorrow at 11:00 am for $180.  Not bad at all, I think!

[Joe Biden 2020]

Outside our front door this morning was a little visitor - a puppy. She has hung around the porch all day so Mom got her a small bag of cheap dog food. She gave her quite a bit of food and the pup wolfed down every morsel of food. She is very adorable and very friendly, but one person is not happy - the cat. Even though the cat is indoors and the pup is outdoors, the cat had some words for the pup through the screen door. Poor little puppy just got cussed out and an old lady cat. We don't know who the puppy belongs to, and we don't know if she's riding the circuit going to a different porch tomorrow, but for the time she's with us, she will be called Blondie

[Joe Biden 2020]

i thought you got rid of the cat or dropped it off or something?  when you moved to utah?

That was my cat.  I'm talking about Mom's cat.

[Joe Biden 2020]

What happened to your cat? Have you had any crying spells since the last one?

My cat is with my aunt, a cat lover herself, so he is still in the family.  No crying spells.

[Joe Biden 2020]

After further investigation, our new visitor, Blondie, appears to have been dropped off and abandoned.  She is very skinny, ribs sticking out, and already had to pull one tick off her.  She seems like she could eat another bowl full of dog food.  We'll feed her again around 18:00 and see what she does with that.  If the pup sticks around, we may have found ourselves a new puppy.

[Joe Biden 2020]

Shoney's are still around? I remember seeing them off of the highway when I drove back and forth from college and home a few years ago. I've never been, but I imagine they're like most chains.

When you grow up knowing nothing else, I imagine you are used to food like that.

I used to love Shoney's.  They had excellent food.  I haven't eaten at one in at least 15 years.

I'll probably walk again, as soon as I can motivate myself.

[Joe Biden 2020]

I'll be doing a lot of walking while I'm Kenya.  Not to mention, all the walking I will do at the airports.

[Joe Biden 2020]

Coming this Fall, from the people that brought you The Update!, comes an exciting new weight loss solution: "The Walking Around in Airports and Eating A Fourth Sloppy Joe Exercise and Diet Plan!"

Filmed at McDonald's!

[Joe Biden 2020]

Hey guys and gals can we go back to this post for a minute?

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Like, how is somewhere that's "just a couple miles away from my house"still only "on the way out the driveway" Bushie how long exactly is your driveway jesus

Driveway is only about 100 feet, I was exaggerating on the "couple miles".

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How did a rock get up there, I mean rocks can't climb or fly or even move on their own

Also how do you know where the rock apparently came from, unless it was like really huge you wouldn't be able to see it until it hit your car
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I'm guessing it was a rock.  It was some kind of debris and a rock would only make sense considering the shape of the crack.

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Is it just me or is this like the worst explanation for anything ever?

How did a rock get on top of a building? Do Oklahoma buildings have roofs flat enough for rocks to just chill on top of them anyway? How does "a little bit of wind" cause tree branches to fling a rock like it's a golf club? Since when does Oklahoma have buildings tall enough (and road frontage small enough) to even make something like this possible according to physics?
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My area does have some flat roofs.  When I say "little" wind, it was blowing about 20 mph which is just a light breeze for Oklahoma.  20 mph is still strong enough to blow limbs around and swing debris in such a velocity that can crack windshields.  I'm not very good in physics, but the physics happened to come together to cause my windshield to crack

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No kids were throwing rocks and I didn't sit on it.  I'm not 100% sure how it happened,  because it happened so fast and I ducked as it hit.  All of the why is educated speculation.  The only thing definite is the what.

[Joe Biden 2020]

Okay here's my theory: there's a hobo that lives in the abandoned building a couple of miles down Bushie's driveway

he spends most of his free time having brief relaxations in sheds and throwing rocks at passersby

I think it's one of the same guys who had an orgy in Bushie's shed.  The infamous orgy that caused him to move back to OK.  He hates Bushie for taking away his favorite orgy location, and for Bushie moving back to OK, where he uses up all the Indian medicine that the hobo was relying on.  He now takes every opportunity to throw rocks at Bushie, and has even planted a rabid puppy on Bushie's porch, sent in to assassinate the family cat.

While Bushie's in Kenya, we should continue on with the Update with the midseason replacement series, which features Hobo Orgy Guy (HOG).

I like that theory!

[Joe Biden 2020]

Also isn't it dangerous to be ducking from the windshield while you are driving? How fast were you going? Also how can you duck if you are wearing a seatbelt, because required safety features in the US include that thing where if you lean forward too quickly in a car the seatbelt will lock up which can be annoying but also is a good thing if you are ever in a crash.

Bushie you were wearing your seatbelt right?

I highly doubt that Bushie wears his seatbelt at all.

On the contrary, I wear my seat belt at all times, even if just driving down the street.  One thing about me, I may be careless when it comes to my eating habits, but I always follow the law as best I can.  I try to keep at the Speed Limits every where I go.  That's hard to do and a lot of times, I accidentally go over, but if I find myself going over, I will ease myself back down to the speed limit.  I'd rather everyone pass me for going the speed limit.

As far as my weight, I had lost 11.2 lbs, but it has come back up just a bit to about 8 lbs lost due to careless eating and the natural fluctuations of weight.  I'm going to get back on it today, though.

Since I have to get my windshield replaced at 11:00 this morning, I had to postpone my dietitian appointment which was scheduled for the same time.  It is now scheduled for Wednesday, July 10, 2013 at 13:00.

[Joe Biden 2020]

I needed to get the windshield replaced before the next rain.  They got it in today for $180, so I had to take advantage of it.

[Joe Biden 2020]

I suspect another "rock" will "hit" the windshield around July 8-9, requiring an urgent visit to the garage on July 10 at 1pm.

Wait, isn't he going to be in Kenya on July 10th?

I'll be back July 2 at 20:44.

Rocks, or whatever it was, don't hit my windshield very often.  I will be going to the dietitian on July 10.  I would go sooner, but I'll be in Kenya most of the time.

[Joe Biden 2020]

I suspect another "rock" will "hit" the windshield around July 8-9, requiring an urgent visit to the garage on July 10 at 1pm.

Wait, isn't he going to be in Kenya on July 10th?

I'll be back July 2 at 20:44.

Rocks, or whatever it was, don't hit my windshield very often.  I will be going to the dietitian on July 10.  I would go sooner, but I'll be in Kenya most of the time.

Np, Bushie, you found a way to buy you a month so she didn't  yell at you.......fine job.

I really did have to the windshield fixed.  That was priority #1.  Her next availability was July 10.

[Joe Biden 2020]

More and more, I find myself chuckling whenever I read the speculation on this thread.  Keep up the comedy routine, folks!

[Joe Biden 2020]

We need elaboration. Did memphis just happen to visit an atypical Turkish hotdog stand?

Why did I read Turkish bath instead of Turkish hotdog stand??

[Joe Biden 2020]

We need elaboration. Did memphis just happen to visit an atypical Turkish hotdog stand?

Why did I read Turkish bath instead of Turkish hotdog stand??

You need to seek help and medical attention. For a long time. Seriously, seek help.

Inks has already played that card and lost.  Try again.

[Joe Biden 2020]

Keep up the comedy routine, folks!

I need to start a thread titled, "Funny Things Phil Reads Station" in honor of the hilarious posts I read while on the train. The above would be one of the greatest entries. People have to be wondering what I'm looking at that causes me to laugh so hard.

Channeling my inner Elvis - "Thank ya, thank ya very much!"

[Joe Biden 2020]

my predictions:

1. bushie will never see the dietician again.
2. he will come back from kenya with the same...enthusiasm...he had last year.
3.  he will not attend cad, or drop out soon after beginning.  he keeps saying it is self paced.  he hasnt shown a great ability to be disciplined.

My predictions:

1.  I will see the dietitian on Wednesday, July 10, 2013 at 13:00.
2.  I will come back with the same enthusiasm for Kenya like I did last year and I do now.
3.  I will plow through the CAD and be setting things up in Fort Worth a year from now.

[Joe Biden 2020]

What did you eat that was so bad for you the past few days? I thought you told us all you had yesterday was like 1 meal and a few snacks?

Also, it's tough to get things by us. I am, of course, a budding mob lawyer to be, and I can see right through illogical explanations.

It was that one meal that did me in and the snacks were a little more than what they should have been.  The snacks were enough to be considered a small meal.  I still stayed right around 2300 calories, so it wasn't an exorbatant amount, but the scale has been teasing me.  The problem stemmed from Sunday.  I had a lot to eat at the birthday party and a cheeseburger at the restaurant, likely flying well past 2,500 calories.  That was the key day.  Monday, it was soft tacos for dinner, but I had 5 soft tacos.  Tuesday, it was bacon and eggs for breakfast and 3 cups of taco salad for dinner.  Today, all I've had was a Subway Sandwich like I had a week or so ago, but with a regular Coke.  I've had about 1,000 calories today.  I'll probably have another Subway sandwich for dinner this time with a Diet Coke.

[Joe Biden 2020]

Bushie, you missed my question. What would you have told the dietician if you had met with her today? Would you have been honest about the lack of change in your diet? What advice that she gave you at the last appointment have you tried to implement?

I have mostly cut down the number of calories I'm eating (the past three days notwithstanding).  That was one of the goals.  Another goal was eat breakfast and I've done that most mornings.  A third goal was to implement water into the diet.  I haven't done that.  So, I have implemented 2 of the 3 dietary goals.  The exercise goal hasn't been started.

[Joe Biden 2020]

I did better on my calorie goal today.  I stayed under 2,000, so that's not bad.  I should see a little progress in the morning.