Is it ever ok to call someone a "self-hating jew"?

[Crumpets]

Probably not. There is a real phenomenon of internalized anti-Semitism, just like women can experience internalized misogyny, gays can experience internalized homophobia, and so on. But I think it's more productive to discuss in those terms rather than just calling someone a "self-hating Jew" whether or not the person saying it is Jewish. At best, it's a conversation-ender and at worst just a product of that person's own anti-Semitism making them want to degrade Jews in a way they think will be more socially acceptable.