Would you allow your 16-year-old to have sex?

[Crumpets]

What are you going to do, spank them? That seems all sorts of wrong.

[Crumpets]

To clarify, here's two situations I had in mind:

1. Your 16-year-old comes home with a box of condoms and their significant other. They want to have a sleepover.

2. You open the door to your 16-year-old's room and see them in the act (having had no idea beforehand).

1. I'd probably raise an eyebrow, and say something like "I'm not sure our house is the best place for your sleepover." Mostly just 1) out of deference to their SO, who would probably find a weekend getaway more romantic, 2) so that everyone involved would find it less awkward, especially if I wasn't able to spend the night somewhere else and 3) I wouldn't trust a 16 year old to clean up properly, and I wouldn't want to have to deal with that.

If their SO wasn't there, I'd probably also have a conversation about "are you sure you're ready for this?" especially if they hadn't been dating very long. I can always pull the "I dated a girl for a year when I was your age, and we never once had a 'sleepover'" card if I really want to guilt them, but I wouldn't push it too hard. Making sex out into some colossal, life-changing thing really just puts a stigma on having real discussions and asking questions.

2.

I can't imagine having no idea before. Um, immediately close the door and walk away. Either pretend that nothing happened or have a very casual conversation if it came up (particularly about safer sex). Maybe buy some condoms for said teen or discuss birth control. I feel there are a lot of ways to approach this without making everyone feel too uncomfortable.

[Crumpets]

I'm with the majority here that questions the word "allow".

To clarify, here's two situations I had in mind:

1. Your 16-year-old comes home with a box of condoms and their significant other. They want to have a sleepover.

2. You open the door to your 16-year-old's room and see them in the act (having had no idea beforehand).

1. Awesome, I'm happy they're using safer sex methods. It's none of my business thereafter and I hope they have a good night.

2. I can't imagine having no idea before. Um, immediately close the door and walk away. Either pretend that nothing happened or have a very casual conversation if it came up (particularly about safer sex). Maybe buy some condoms for said teen or discuss birth control. I feel there are a lot of ways to approach this without making everyone feel too uncomfortable.

It is your business, though, because if your 16-year-old winds up pregnant/impregnating someone else, you're going to be dealing with the consequences of that for the rest of your life.

I get where you're coming from, but this is a poor argument. Any parent will be "dealing with the consequences" of their child becoming a parent for the rest of their life. My grandparents are still "dealing with the consequences" of my parents having me in their 30s 25 years ago. Plus, this really only comes into play if they're having unprotected sex. Parents should try their best to make sure that if their teen has sex that it's safe sex, and that the teen understands the possible consequences of having unprotected sex, but the fact that they're sexually active at all really isn't their parents' business unless they're doing something illegal or actively dangerous.

[Crumpets]

For thousands if not millions of years, most humans became parents in their teenage years.

Now, that doesn't make it right necessarily. But let's not go down the "it's not natural" path.

Is it "natural" for kids to grow up with no rules and become feral kids?

Or is it natural for a parent to attempt to equip a child to make decisions that lead to safety, security, and an existence that makes sense?

Fuzzy, wouldn't the fact that at least two of your children apparently did not live up to this standard imply that it is something that doesn't just happen to kids who "grow up with no rules and become feral"? If you've lived through this twice, you should know how nigh-near impossible it is to prevent it from happening. You said you "weren't proud," but the question was about "allowing" it. Our point is that parents cannot control something like this, and trying to would probably lead to a more unhealthy relationship than just making sure they know about safe sex and letting them live their life.