What's your excuse for not being in a relationship?

[Mr. Smith]

Because I literally just broke up 3 months ago from one, and I'm quite happily enjoying the benefits of being single.

I'll try to "get back in the game" when I feel like it,  and who knows the results of that. But for now, I'm enjoying a fat wallet, and not having another family's politics (internal and in GOP/Dems/ Greens/etc. terms)

[Mr. Smith]

To a degree, but I'm Catholic. The concern is of chastity, sexual integrity, and so forth.

...having an inner bitterness that makes me untrusting...

Ah, this too. People are not reliable (or predictable or consistent), although I try my best to be.

All of this as well, alongside that I just broke-up ...well except Mormon rather than Catholic.

@Sol: Everyone has standards and conduct of some kind, most aren't arbitrary. Can and should they be bent at times, yes. But they are needed to be kept. And religious standards are but another area.


@Varavour: Ya' never know, my last ex was agnostic...and she ended up being very accepting when I explained the standards...and neither of us were social butterflies, a 1970's politics enthusiast/ map reader and a marine scientist are not exactly areas that lend much to interaction or "keeping up with what's cool".  You just have to be forthright about the standards, and look for common ground where you can, because I highly doubt papers on fascism is ALL you talk about. If it all works out, good luck. If not, oh well.

I still don't consider myself very attractive, but obviously she did.


@Deus: Not everyone gives a hoot about sexual conquest just for the act, some people need attachment and trust. Some give a damn about marriage and family as something more. Not all marriages are nothing but stagnation in that regard anyway. So STHU if you aren't going to try and understand the standards,why he has them and respect them.

[Mr. Smith]

Awkwardness, sedentariness and nerdiness are the first things that come to mind. I'm not particularly good looking either.

The first two can be worked on, the third can be attractive, the fourth...meh. Don't be so hard on yourself. That advice goes for me, too.

Adorkability is a factor, and attractiveness is subjective. The rest has already been well put.

Quote from Deus:  "It's not really applicable to my post which had nothing to with arrogant atheism"

Chastising and assuming sex is the normal thing all guys want in pure is a pretty arrogant assumption, and disregarding the religious standards regarding Chastity usually has very atheist angle. Ergo, that was some arrogant atheism against Varavour.

[Mr. Smith]

Or college kids who always have too much time on their hands come weekends, depending on the week on the professor.

[Mr. Smith]

There are a lot of "reasons", and I could probably write a huge collection of short posts on 'em if I wanted to to get 'em all in.

Instead I shall draw out of a hat every now and then a reason as it gets bumped, until I do end up in a relationship....or vanish from Atlas, whichever comes first

~draws out of a hat~

Well this'll be wordy, but all these quick drive by answers aren't all that fun.

WALL OF TEXT REASON #1: COMPATIBILITY ISSUES W/IN THE CHURCH

It is an almost hopeless pursuit to try one with a Mormon girl, because they tend to be (and so much of the Church anyway) right-leaning, idealistic, forthright, and very romantic as opposed to my leftwards leanings, cynical, sarcastic, and quasi-rational train of thought.

Now with all of the above factors, what really are the odds of being able to appear charming to her or me see her charm? What are the odds of anything I say providing positive or necessary intellectual and spiritual stimulation she wants/needs? And what could that woman do for me on that?  What are the odds I would be seen as a whiner or disrespector of the words the teachers and  various authorities said? And I'm sure I'd see her as to saccharine in dark situations and too eager to believe whatever Brother X or Y said. I think the dichotomy of sarcasm vs sincerity as the primary way of thought is self explanatory. What are the odds of both of us being able to maintain humor where necessary? And how far down will she look regarding my recording of missionary work [which is none]? Would I be up for marrying in the temple as quickly as she if things got that far? I know for sure that isn't even covering every corner of the problems, since I haven't even considered if she would be more or less political than me offline.

I have plenty of friends that were all those things, but mere friendship ain't something that could become eternal, ain't something from which the possibility of kids is considered, doesn't find someone who I could be able to do absolutely nothing together and be content (and vice versa).


Even supposing it does all work between us, extended family means a lot in the Church usually: So I'd have to hope she doesn't become a big fanatic regarding my atheist Dad, and she'd have to be okay with my sister and Ma at the minimum. 

And on my end, what if she has like eight other siblings alongside parents that are also some form of right-wing, idealistic, and romantic?


To end it simply: The cultural divides make for a lot more obstacles than I am up to getting past at the moment. Just keeping many Church friends like that is enough.

[Mr. Smith]

Oy Simmy, Tony, she's not a newbie here...she's been here a while, or at least long enough to switch PM scores.

A shame she switched to the dark side though.

@pho: Blondies represent!


And now to draw from that hat for another "Wall of Text" response

~draws from hat~


REASON #3: CROSS-FAITH COMPATIBILITY ISSUES

Because of Reason #1, I have often drifted almost by impulse to those of other faiths...maybe it's a vain hope to escape fanaticism and dogma, I dunno for sure. The point is, even this side has issues that I'm just not willing to risk right now.

In the past, because of my own cynical and left-leanings, it has been atheists and agnostics who have been the easiest to click with. But this lends itself to two huge risks. Very rarely have I encountered any one of those types of people that will actually listen seriously to the doctrines and consider them. Usually the attitudes are that of "well it's all BS anyway, but keep talking", or worse...the HockeyDude-esque dogmatism against all religion in general. Neither are conducive to the spiritual stimulation I need out of a relationship.

As for those of other faiths, I risk either running into all the same problems as Reason #1 except without the familiarity of the little things, or I risk other cultural and doctrinal blocks. While it would probably be easier to get some spiritual stimulation this way, the rest is unpredictable.

And in cases of both, it's just exhausting having to explain over and over again why I don't drink coffee or do weed or get tipsy for shiggles. There's also the mess that is the afterlife to reckon with unless they convert in this life. It is also easier to know where other Mormons are coming from even if the odds of them not being far-right nutters is almost nil.

All these dissonances once again tie into struggles to maintain the humor, decipher the right moments for sincerity and sarcasm at a moment, and keep both me and whoever both satisfied intellectually and spiritually to maintain the intimacy for a good relationship.

Like Reason #1, if something happens, I'm nurturing one, but the risks aren't worth it to me right now.

[Mr. Smith]

First cis woman anyway.

Tbh this is a thread I regret in retrospect. Rather depressing tbh fe something I intendef as light hearted.

Bah, that's only if you're not happy with being single. If you're at peace with it and not remotely crushing on anyone, what's the worry?

Perhaps it is disheartening to read so many who cannot reconcile being single, but there seem to be enough who can (or are happily married) to make it okay in the end.

[Mr. Smith]

~draws out of hat~

Reason #6: KINSEY SCORE AND WHAT IT MEANS

I'll say it again, my score was an X...though I usually answer for heterosexual on all the demographics polls. This translates out to meaning that while I do once in a blue moon find myself attracted, I am functionally more like an asexual. Not too different from Harry S. Truman's single-target attraction to Bess and Bess alone actually. Since my last relationship ended, I could very well go the rest of my life not caring at all for a partner, or it could be ten years, or so on. In the mean time, I'm just gonna chillax.

Ergo, the better question with all due respect is (I know this is a joke poll in intent, but on some level it validates something very insidious anyway) what's your excuse for being in a relationship? What makes this person so great? And what makes her (or him) worth showing things for? Why do all these silly things that you'll come to regret?

And until, if ever again that I find someone that I can answer these questions, virtually no drive of any kind for romance or lust is my default.

Naturally, I find dar's answer baffling. Good luck, anyway.