How many kids do you want?

[Bojack Horseman]

None, zip, zero, zilch. Hell no. My parents still haven't figured out why, but it's for a myriad of reasons. One, I hate kids, so for their sake and mine, I would never being one into my life. Two, I have the best and most reliable form of birth control that has never failed even once. Not abstinence, as it's widely believed that abstinence failed in 1 B.C., but the fact that I'm gay.

That's the ultimate family planning right there, as you have to make a very conscious decision to bring a child into your life, especially for us gay men, as lesbians obviously have it easier in terms of having a child. For us men, we have to either find a child that's available to adopt, which isn't easy, or find a woman who's willing to carry your child for 9 months and then hand it over to you and possibly never see the child again, which can be even harder.

As for the main reason I don't want kids, I think it goes back to the 5-year age gap between myself and my brother. I was old enough to remember what it's like to change a dirty diaper, and all the sleepless nights because my brother screamed almost literally nonstop from the moment he was born until he was about 18 months old, as he had some gastrointestinal issues as an infant. But if I'm ever going to run for office, I'm going to have to learn to hold a baby at some point.

My mom figured out that I'm gay and thankfully she knows better than to try to ask me about that, but my dad is 100% clueless. He still thinks that "You and your wife will change your minds someday and have a child."