The Nyman Questioner Volume 2018 (WE'RE BACK)

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Category: Serious News

SCANDAL: Senator-Elect in financial peril after pet pooch EATS savings

By Isaac Cummings, Senior Political Reporter

Scandal hit the already irrelevant Liberal Democrats yesterday after it emerged that party leader and Senator Elect T.S. Abyss was destitute after the family dog had eaten their family savings.  For some reason only known to Mr abyss; they had elected to keep their money in cash underneath the bed in the master bedroom.

It is believed that the Senator Elect has had to resort to extreme means to make key payments over the last few days; asking other Liberal Democrat members to support the  family in this trying time.  Unfortunately; the other member could only afford to give $20.  Support was also requested from the Labor Party however contact could not be reached after the telephone company disconnected them for non payment.  This new found poverty is likely to continue until the Senator-elect receives his first pay check - paid by all of the heard earned taxpayers reading this - in a months time.

An anonymous source in the Liberal Democrats (also known as 'the other party member') spoke to the Questioner last night and revealed their worries over Mr Abyss's fitness to serve.  "This is a man who decided that leaving all of his life savings under his bed was a sensible thing to do.  Surely we ought to reconsider whether such a person should represent the South in the Senate?"  Our source also mentioned a few other concerns that were now present including the fact that the Senator recently declared his intention to resign a minute after swearing the oath to force a special election for reasons that weren't exactly clear.

The dog, Mr Foo Foo, is in stable condition at a local medical facility after a surgery to remove the blockage.  The vet; Mr Johnson, recently announced his decision to retire in the coming weeks after coming across a significant fortune and plans to move to the Bahamas.

The Questioner's opinion on this is clear: this must be investigated by the Senate.  After all; what reasonable man keeps half a million bucks under his bed?  Perhaps that money came from ill gotten gains: perhaps the good Senator-elect has robbed a few thousand old ladies to get that money?  We will never know until it is investigated, and that should be the first priority of the new Senate.  It also shows the intelligence that you expect from the swamp creatures of Nyman: and the harm that non-competitive elections can cause.  Although one good thing comes from this: at least one major Federal politician will have to face the misery and pain that is the Atlasian welfare system.

Joanna Madigan announces Presidential run in next five elections

Joanna Madigan today announced her intention to run for office in the next five Presidential elections.  Making the announcement online; her reasoning was simply to offer the voters of Atlasia a clear choice in future elections.

"Ms Madigan only wishes to give people a choice in the next election" said our source in the campaign.  "That is also why she is running for the House; the Lincoln Senate race; for Governor of Lincoln, for the Lincoln legislature; for Prime Minister of Fremont; for the Canadian Parliament and for Dogcatcher of Hattiesburg.  We only wish to offer the voters the choice to vote for Ms Madigan who clearly wants to represent them and isn't your normal politician who only wants power".

If Ms Madigan wishes to do this; our advice would be that she seeks the Labor Party nomination.  After all; its better than a no hope candidate represents a no hope party.

We contacted the White House for comment; and they declined to respond.

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Category: Hypocrisy

EXCLUSIVE: Representative shamelessly spends YOUR MONEY on recreational drugs - while opposing drug rights!

By ISAAC CUMMINGS, Senior Political Reporter

The problem that most normal people have with many politicians is their hypocritical outlook on life - the "do as I say, not as I do" approach that resembles a Father who's unable to explain to their son why they shouldn't do something in a way that makes sense.

But rarely has that approach been exemplified more so than in this story, where a politician brazenly spends his wages - that you all pay - on recreational drugs, some illegal, while seeking to deny you, the ordinary Atlasian, the right to do the same.  We at the Questioner do not see any problem with drug use - indeed, we see it as a positive - but we do have a very big problem with hypocracy and seek to call it out whether we see it.

So let me explain the facts of the case.  At a Congressional party in of the 4th January this year - yes, they are as sordid as you'd expect - Representative Walter X Transit was seen consuming a variety of substances blatently; in clear view of everyone in attendance.  Although we can't verify what all substances there actually were - our source attempted to but collapsed mid-investigation and was rushed to hospital - we do know that cannabis, LSD and cocaine were present at the event.  Additionally, the good Representative was boasting about how he'd acquired the cocaine that was at the party, describing it as being from "my own personal stash".  So the Congressman spent his money - the money that we all sort so hard to earn and dutifully pay our fair share in taxes on to create a better world for everyone - on cocaine.

Yet lets look at the public statements of the Representative.  Prior to getting elected, he stated that he was against drug rights; and that he sought more restrictive drug control measures - on even Cannabis, a drug that the vast majority of Atlasians support remaining legal.  Why is it then that he is allowed to partake in the drugs that he wants to ban for others?  Not only that; if he supports prohibition, how then does he square the circle of supporting that while spending tax payers money on cocaine?  This sort of "one rule for us, another for the people" imperialistic rule is typical of the Nyman swamp; and in the current elections it is our duty to evict the most blatent of the swamp creatures and return them to where they came from - Florida, most probably.

When approached for a comment: the representative claimed the his taking of the drugs was a joke; and that jokes are the main policy of his party.  That sort of arrogant attitude is worse than even others in Nyman - at least they tend to come up with more convincing reasons for doing things.  Atlasians ought to think: do we want people who take governing our country so flippantly in major public office?

We asked the White House for comment on this story: and a spokeperson for the President responded that she loved cannabis and regularly partook in it; and that proposals for a "Weed for All" programme would be introduced to the new Congress if she is re-elected.

We at the Questioner are assembling a list of other individuals at this party; and we shall expose other hypocrites in later issues.  Those attendees who aren't hypocrites may sleep easily at night - after all, they'll have other secrets hidden away.

It is stories like this - the truths that others refuse to tell you; exposing the hypocrites of Nyman - which show the value of the Nyman Questioner; and we thank all of you for supporting the primary free news organisation in Atlasia.

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As First Minister I've championed a "hugs-not-drugs" policy. Mr. Transit here has officially fell out of my good graces and will have a lot of explaining to do once he gets out of rehabilitation.

That's all!

-DFL

Mr First Minister; Isaac Cummings from the Nyman Questioner.  If the President's "Weed for All" proposal is to be implemented at the Regional level as with healthcare and education; how would your government seek to implement it?

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Alleged Category: Hypocrisy, allegedly

EXCLUSIVE: Prominent public Moraliser allegedly EMBROILED in Transit drug scandal: also allegedly supports drug illegalisation, allegedly

By ISAAC CUMMINGS, alleged Chief Political Reporter; reporting from Tokyo, Japan

SOURCES close to the Nyman Questioner have revealed that Bernard Wulfric, an alleged anti-drug private citizen allegedly from Lincoln, allegedly consumed cocaine at the 4th January party in the Capitol in Nyman.

The alleged incident was reported to the Questioner by our alleged intrepid reporter, who allegedly left hospital last week.  He provided the Questioner with a list of alleged people at the party; and further alleged investigations by the Questioner revealed that Mr Wulfric was the only other individual there who's alleged public statements heavily contradict with his alleged private life.

Our source allegedly saw Mr Wulfric and Representative Transit engaged in alleged vigorous conversation in the capitol toilets over a white powder, later proven by our alleged reporter to be cocaine.  The alleged Mr Wulfric (if that IS his real name) seemed to be in fine spirits at the party, with the alleged Representative extolling the virtue of fine cocaine.  Our allegedly intrepid reporter then tested the Representative's substance to check its… safety, and then allegedly had an accident and was rushed to an alleged hospital.

Mr Wulfric's alleged drug policies are the alleged legalisation of Cannabis and the alleged banning of other substances with alleged offenders going to an alleged rehab facility.  One has to wonder about this alleged hypocrisy - yet another example of a major figure moralising to you, the allegedly normal people of Atlasia about why something should be banned before allegedly partaking in it himself.  If that happened - and we are not by any means saying that it did - then it'd be a demonstration of hypocrisy which should discourage ordinary Atlasians from listening to the alleged Mr Wulfric.

It also helps answer an alleged question; why did Mr Wulfric allegedly move from Fremont to Lincoln?  An alleged close personal friend of Mr Wulfric allegedly gave the following alleged statement to the Questioner: "He moved from Fremont to Lincoln to be closer to the Nyman and we all wondered why.  He claimed that it was because he could lobby for change for easily, but that's clearly wrong.  I think that we've all figured it out now and it's a shame".  He then allegedly stated that it demonstrated the alleged corrupting influence of Nyman; and complimented the alleged President for staying above it all.

The alleged Mr Wulfric issued a statement to the Question from his alleged lawyers denying all charges and issued plans to allegedly sue the questioner for slander. Mr Wulfric publically opposes the current President; partially because of her pro-freedom drug policies.

We asked the White House for comment: a spokesperson for the alleged President allegedly said that "she's not interested" in Mr Wulfric's alleged affairs.

For more allegedly high quality coverage of alleged stories; please subscribe to the alleged Nyman Questioner.

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Corrections and Clarifications

The Nyman Questioner published on the 27th January this year contained an article entitled "OBITUARIES: THE LABOR PARTY", which detailed the serious problems facing a major political party.  However; this article contained false information, due to incorrect research by a intern formally employed by the paper.  The article should have been titled "OBITUARIES: THE FEDERALIST PARTY".

We at the Nyman Questioner apologise for any confusion caused, and hope that you'll continue to trust us, Atlasia's most trustworthy newspaper.

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Category: Sports; Mixed Martial Arts

ROUND ONE KNOCK-OUT!  On campaign trail, Bernard Wulfric takes on WOMAN MMA FIGHTER - and loses!

By ISAAC CUMMINGS, Senior Political Reporter, reporting from Giovanni's Restaurant

A day after launching his campaign; Bernard Wulfric had to make a detour on the campaign trail - to hospital.

The member of the "We aren't the Federalists, we promise" Party and candidate in the Lincoln Assembly by-election got involved in a scuffle with a prominent Mixed Martial Arts fighter while campaigning in Philadelphia.

After spending a "jolly" day campaigning, Mr Wulfric was reported to be in high spirits prior to entering Giovanni's restaurant for a dinner strategy meeting.  At some point during the meal, it was believed that Mr Wulfric said something to Julia Budd, Bellator Women's Featherweight Champion who was also dining at the time which caused a shouting match which devolved into a scuffle.  Ms Budd is not known to be an angry Canadian women, with friends present at the meal reporting that she was heavily provoked.

Events in the restaurant are naturally vague.  A customer present at the time reported "mass shock and confusion" although stated that he had heard a man loudly saying words towards Ms Budd that we have elected not to publish on the grounds of taste, however the general message was that the man, most likely Mr Wulfric, was loudly declaring their opposition to Women competing in Combat sports, and offering alternative potential positions for predominant Female Fighters.  Following that: "the man attempted to push [Ms Budd], who reacted by striking him across the face several times and putting the man in some kind of arm bar before other customers intervened and restrained both.  The man later attempted to escape, while the women apologised to other customers in the restaurant".

The police arrived and took statements from witnesses at the scene before deciding that neither party had a case to answer.  Our source at the police department reported "We cannot prove who instigated the events inside the restaurant, and so we have elected to stop our investigations".  Mr Giovanni, the restaurants proprietor has banned Mr Wulfric from the premises while describing Ms Budd as "a valued customer".  We approached Bellator for a comment; and they responded that they were doing their own internal investigation that "would seek to discover whether Ms Budd was responsible for the events this evening" and declined to comment further.

Dr Riccardo Antinucci, who was responsible for Mr Wulfric's care, said that he had been released and was suffering from a mild concussion, bruising to the face and a torn right bicep.  Our source in the Wulfric campaign said that he was "tired and emotional" after his trying experience, and was spending the next day off the campaign trail to recover.

We asked the Wulfric campaign for a statement on this matter; we are awaiting a response.  We contacted the White House for a response, they responded by shouting "NOT INTERESTED" very loudly into the telephone and instantly hanging up.

THE QUESTIONERS POSITION: You need to trust your elected representatives to be truthful, honest and sensible.  The recent events that have come up around Mr Wulfric suggest that he is none of those things, lying about his alleged history with drugs and now apparently being on the losing side of restaurant brawls when apparently campaigning.  We think that Lincoln voters should take that into account when they decide who to vote for this weekend.

For more hot scoops like this, along with Atlasia's best coverage of sanctioned mixed martial arts, please subscribe to the Nyman Questioner, the Nations hottest newspaper.

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EXCLUSIVE: BERNARD WULFRIC: Selling METH and HEROIN to your CHILDREN to pay for TERRORIST GANGS

• Revealed: How Wulfric funded Fake News, the Labor Party and TERRORIST GANGS to try to usurp power
• The Terrorist Training Camps funded to RADICALISE young men against Atlasia
• CNNNNNN: the Media Arm of the operation
• Calls for FEDS to intervene to stop indoctrination of children

By ISAAC CUMMINGS; Chief Political Editor: from Shreveport, Louisiana

THE NYMAN QUESTIONER can exclusively reveal a dark, dark secret behind earlier reported drug involvement of failed politician Bernard Wulfric.  He isn't merely a drug addled failed politician who's willing to sell his values down the river for votes: there's a much darker secret hiding behind the facade.

Today we can report that was but a facade; and behind the bumbling exterior is a mass criminal: someone who's behind the biggest drug ring in the South.  More worrying than that is the revelation that the money that he raises goes to fund a serious organisation seeking to overthrow the Atlasian government and organise a fascist state in its place.  Him and his accomplice "Bogan Bogan Murdoch" - the secretive owner of "FAKE News International", the organisation behind failed Tabloid "CNNNNNN", plotted for years in secret on this plan.

Firstly; lets examine the funding behind this plot.  Wulfric is the kingpin behind "AR-15"; a drug smuggling and distribution organisation that is the biggest organisation throughout the South.  Wulfric moved to the South after previous operations were almost captured by the police.  The organisation smuggles drugs from all over the world to America; where it targets CHILDREN, "the younger the better" was the exact orders from Wulfric quote given by a source inside the organisation.  The theory being that by hooking children young; they'll be reliant on their supply and their dealer providing not only significant amounts of money but also a needy, dependent group of recruits.  That money is laundered and funnelled into "Newco 342"; an intentionally obtuse company that holds massive amounts of money but no assets.  However; Drugs isn't the only way that they make their money.

FAKE NEWS has been a scourge in Atlasia and the World recently; with the Rags and mindless television of Fake News International; owned by "Bogan Bogan Murdoch"; a fake Atlasian who's actually Australian.  "CNNNNNN" ran fabricated stories on not totally disrespected politicians seeking to slander them as "murderers" falsely only to get ratings; and the almighty advertising dollar.  Their newspapers used all the tactics in the book to get money; from lewd pictures of women to fake stories of corruption to mindless celebrity gossip; nothing was wrong.  That money was then funnelled through a group of shadowy trusts and organisations to "Newco 342".


Bogan Bogan Murdoch's reaction to seeing a cute puppy

So where does that money go?  Well initially it helped to cover the losses of Murdoch's initially FAILED press organisation until it began to make a small profit.  More recently its gone to support the election campaigns of the Atlasian Labor Party: "its important to destabilise the country" was the reason given by a source.  "If the Federalist Party were the struggling party then we'd back them", said our source; "its about creating at atmosphere where we can provide the stable option".  Our investigation finds that the Atlasia Labor Party were not aware of any of this; and that the remainder of any money found to be from this organisation would be donated to a Nyman Childrens' Hospital.  But the truly worrying aspect of this isn't the attempt to LIE to Atlasians or create chaos in our political system; its the terrorist camps hidden away.

The organisation uses the name "Capitalist-Socialism" to indicate their support for a "third position" between the two (where have we heard THAT before?) and is based out of a network of terrorist camps near Crown Point, Indiana.  Together they plot to overthrow the Atlasian government and replace it with a unitary fascist state based around a cult of personality around only Wulfric.  Religion would be banned; as would any independent organisations; the only forms of organisation would be through the State.  The rhetoric of the organisation is openly Islamophobic and Anti-semitic (although not anti-Christian openly: the need to get support from Christians initially limits that) and they seek radical solutions to the problems of Atlasia; solutions too radical for us to contemplate.  But yet claiming to be "militias" they are protected from Atlasia's lax laws from any real investigation until they actively do anything.  "We've been very careful to not actually break any laws"; said a commander in the Unit: "until the time comes".

Those in this unit aren't all willing volunteers.  Many of them are suckered in my the drugs: told that a way to cover their addictions is to do a little bit of work.  They are then transported miles away from home; have no contact with their loved ones and are trained to fight.  Many in this camp; hidden from view; are many 13-15 year old children who're trained to become killers and brainwashed in Wulfric's evil ideology.  CNNNNNN provides a special news service to these camps designed to aid in the further "political education" of these CHILDREN.  It is the younger ones who are believed to be the ones trained to commit terrorist attacks: the older, fighting age people are seen as more useful.

D.F.W. Liberty-Lover; leader of the "Wulfric is a Socialist" party was appalled to discover the true intentions of Bernard Wulfric's plan.  "We've realised now that he's not a socialist but rather a Corporate Fascist who seeks national domination" said Mr Liberty-Lover.  "We knew that he had connections to the Alliance Airport saga [check Questioners passim] but we didn't realise how involved he was; or exactly what he was using his ill gotten gains for".  The indoctrination of children was a main fear; with the party announcing a policy to fund a national network of children's cult deprogramming centres in response to this incident.  Our questions on whether the party would change its name to "Wulfric is a Terrorist" went unanswered.

Our view: clearly a man wiling to sell Ecstasy and Meth to CHILDREN should be nowhere near any power anyway (and should be locked in a cage like the RABID DOG he is); but to try to murder thousands of people to get power?  Clearly the Federal Government need to research this; and the Southern assembly need to chuck the Failure OUT.

We reached out to Wulfric and Bogan Bogan Murdoch, the owned of Fake News International for responses.  The former admitted that he "might be" in a terrorist organisation; before shouting "NO COMMENT" and assaulting our brave reporter.  The latter made some guttural noises that might have been a language; but he's Australian so we couldn't tell.  Clearly you can't trust a man who cannot speak which is why you can trust the Nyman Questioner; the paper of the people.  A Labor Party spokesperson said that they had "no knowledge" of the source of this secret money and that they planned to spend it all to spread World Socialism.  We asked the Federalist Party for comment; but they were too busy receiving strangely thick brown envelopes to comment.

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EXCLUSIVE: Failed politician Kenobi wants YOUR MONEY to escape ALASKAN MAFIA

Ben Kenobi; last known for an embarrassing election loss in the Southern Chamber of Deputies election; vanished from trace after that loss and a few people were wondering where he'd gone.  Well, his mother was!  Most of us normal people don't really care when one of the elitist slimes vanishes; another one often pops up in their place.  His name reemerged when he shockingly was demanding the use of valuable congressional time; not to pursue better legislation; not to do things for the people of Fremont; but instead to ensure that he could evade the law to instead vote and stand in Southern elections.  This has left many wondering why Mr Kenobi would take these sensational steps

The Nyman Questioner can exclusively reveal that Mr Kenobi had moved to Alaska after leaving office; leaving his ex-constituents high and dry.  We can also reveal that Mr Kenobi wasted his entire Chamber pension on useless junk; and had to rely on loan sharks with links to the dangerous Alaskan mafia to carry on his dangerous addiction.  And now he can also confirm that his plans for a moonlight flicht; leaving massive unpaid tax and utility bills behind and reliant on his egotistical demands that the Congress suspend the law to allow him to escape his obligations.

The investigators who vacated his filthy, dangerous Alaskan property found thousands of boxes of junk; ranging from collections of unsorted common trading card games; fifty-seven broken sodastreams, 100kgs of unwashed old food tins, and hidden in the middle of his mess the bones of what looks like a small dog.  Also laid out were demands for significant sums of money; up to $300,000 from both legitimate banks, the mafia, other small assorted loan sharks, the power company, the State Government and most shockingly the lovely old lady from next door who'd been doing Mr Kenobi's laundry.

Karen Kenobi, Mr Kenobi's now ex-wife spoke to the Questioner and told us a sad story of spending far too much money on old antiques and other useless junk.  "It was a massive strain on the relationship; I could barely move around the house!  I'd have taken him going to prostitutes any day over collecting a hundred boxes of valueless yuh-gi-oh cards!  The fact that he's left massive bills and demands government protection from those isn't surprising; he does have a rather large ego".

Anchorage Mayor Peter Smallbone said that he planned to take civil action against Mr Kenobi for non-payment of property tax on his Alaskan mansion.  We contacted Mr Kenobi's office; but the phone had been taken off the hook due to non payment.  It is our understanding that the Atlasian Association for the Protection of Animals are investigating the case of the dog, and that charges of animal endangerment will be brought against Mr Kenobi in the Fremont court system soon.

OPINION: Mr Kenobi claims to be anti-establishment; to value choice and small government and yet he will seek to use the power of government to get his way when if you asked to do the same thing he'd laugh in your face.  Luckily, the Nyman Questioner, the only truly Independent media in all Atlasia is here to report the true facts that the establishment don't want you to know!